


of all the stars

by cassiopexa



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Bisexual Female Character, Constellations, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, Fem!Klance, Friends to Lovers, Gay Character, High School, LGBTQ, LGBTQ Character, Lesbian Character, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, Teen Romance, Voltron au, i am running out of ideas for tags, idc enjoy this mess, klance, mlm, space, well not really but..., wlw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-12 18:40:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 52
Words: 120,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29265180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cassiopexa/pseuds/cassiopexa
Summary: Ki Katashi was the quiet girl with the loud mouthed best friend; one tragedy away from completely losing it.Lyra Meclane was the athletic superstar from the east coast just trying to finish out her last few years with a fresh start.Kennedy High School was a cesspool of careless teenagers and your typical cliques vying for attention in an unforgiving world of relationship drama and who-did-what's.Ki sank away into a world that was separate from the rest and hoped that no one saw her.Lyra couldn't avoid being looked at no matter how hard she tried.Neither one of them wanted attention.Both of them got it where they weren't expecting it.
Kudos: 4





	1. Preface

It's your author here, just setting some things out, and saying some useless words before you delve into the story.

This has been about a year and a half coming and I'm honestly so proud of myself for finishing it because these characters have been stuck in my head for soooo long and I've gotten so sidetracked along the way.

That being said, this story was lowkey inspired by Voltron Legendary Defender. It is no way shape or form related to the plot or setting of VLD, but I did draw a source of inspiration from it and in a way, all the characters in this book were modeled in my mind from my interpretation the show. It pans out kinda like an AU inside of an AU.

So, if you know the show? Congrats! You'll probably see the similarities. If you don't know the show? Congrats! You'll still be watching the plot unfold just the same not knowing any different. It literally makes no difference what-so-ever.

Speaking of plot... this takes place in Kennedy—a completely fictional town that exists in my mind somewhere around Ohio. So just for context, it's in the central part of the United States, if you wanna put it somewhere other than Ohio? Go for it. I don't really care, make the town what you want, it isn't real. It's all hypothetical, including most colleges and/or store mentions, besides commercial companies.

As far as content goes, anyone who's read my works before over on Wattpad knows I almost always subconsciously write about mental illnesses and/or trauma so content warnings will be posted as it can sometimes be in-depth/descriptive and possibly upsetting to those of you who have experienced the same. I know I have been terrible about warnings in the past, so I'm trying my best with this book, I know I can lean into a dark writing style. (It's expressive, I'm sorry.) Just as a forewarning the main triggering topics of question will be: panic attacks with PTSD, previous suicide discussion, and some physical abuse (minor topic).

Also they're high schoolers okay, they use a lot of profanities. That might bug some people, but I just tried to be realistic, me and my friends were absolute potty mouths in high school... just saying.

Anyways forget that for now... let's start the story off on a good note, flip to the next page and meet your new main Ki Katashi. It's all told through her point of view in this book.

See you on the other side.

Enjoy :)

-cas


	2. Chapter 2

Ki Katashi did not want to go back to hell.

She stared it in the face, sun beaming down on her forehead, as she stood in front of the thick glass door.

_Kennedy High School._

She wanted to stop at the door and go 'nope, not today,' turn around, get back in her Jeep, and go straight back home.

But unfortunately, her body prompted her to take those few steps forward, and by the time her fingers were pulling at the cold metal handle, she knew it was too late to turn back.

Ki smelt the familiar scent of every high school ever as she took those first few steps on to the ugly tile floor, handing the door off to the person walking behind her.

"Dude, did you see the new girl? She's super hot. And I hear she's trying out for cheer, maybe you can get her to go with you to homecoming this year..." A tall blonde in a varsity letterman jacket was saying into his squad of other football fuckeries.

Ki recognized him immediately as Taron Buchanan. An absolute asshole, grade-A fuckboy, and runnerback on the ever-so-small Kennedy Varsity Football Team.

She rolled her eyes as she passed them knowing that they weren't looking at her. Ki felt bad for who ever this new girl was though; who ever has the attention of the football team on the first day of school is going to turn up as a trophy on one of their arms eventually. The way they treated all these girls as prizes to be won, always disgusted Ki.

_Is that the only thing women are good for? To be objectified by men?_

Ki shook the thought out of her head and moved on to taking out the paper schedule that was folded into a neat little square, out of her back pocket.

Unfolding it, she made her way over to the hallway entrance she knew her first class to be in. It just so happened that her locker was right outside Mr. Aluric's room.

She sighed as she spotted her locker. Right in between two of the quietest girls she had ever met.

When Ki moved here as a freshman, she thought they looked like they needed a friend, so Ki hoped maybe they would form a little group of quiet people and get to know each other, but boy was she wrong.

Junior year and she still doesn't know jack shit about either of them. If she didn't know their names, they would be absolute strangers to her.

"Hey Ki! Wait up!" A familiar voice yelled from a few lockers over.

Ki never understood the term "wait up" either. Not like she was going that fast to begin with.

As she reached her locker, a familiar set of hands squeezed on her shoulders.

"Soooo... let me see your schedule... you can't keep it from me forever..." An excited whisper entered her ear.

Ki began to rotate the lock as a small smile crept on to her face.

There were very few times when Ki could express emotion, one of them was in the presence of her amazingly annoying, yet absolutely adoring best friend Acacia Krolic.

"Acacia, I don't want to be giddy middle schoolers sharing our schedules and screaming because we might get assigned seats across the room from each other in chemistry." Ki sighed, feeling the sass radiating off of the comment she just said.

"You're no fun Katashi." Acacia poked at Ki's right cheek with one of her dark purple nails.

Ki pulled open her locker, and slid the boring black backpack she carried with her off of her left shoulder.

Acacia leaned over on to the locker next to hers and shifted the binders she had in her left arm over to the right.

Ki looked down at the paper in her right hand and sighed.

"Fine, one look." She handed it over to Acacia, who returned a victorious smile.

"Hah." She snatched the paper out of Ki's hands.

While Acacia was busy looking over every detail of the confusing layout of her schedule, Ki emptied her few belongings into her locker.

She picked out the few school supplies she thought she would need until lunch. A black notebook that she had already started drawing in, a black pen, a red pen, the stupid summer reading book, and the only binder she owned for those useless papers that teachers hand out in the beginning of the year and never mention again.

"That's no fair! You got Mrs. Declan for English. I'm stuck with Hidsen!" Acacia whined, throwing her head back against the locker.

"Ew. I almost feel bad for you." Ki said shoving her backpack back as far as it could go into the dumb blue locker.

"Hey, but good news! We have the same lunch period! And we're in PE together, which means uh... ultimate dodgeball champions am I right?"

"Oh hell yeah!" Ki nodded, actually happy about that one small detail in her day.

She piled up all her supplies in her arm and then closed her bland little locker with a small 'click.'

"Too bad I'm not in your chem lab though. Having a boring lab partner sucks ass." Acacia sighed, handing out the schedule towards Ki.

Ki took the paper back, looking at the title of her first class.

_Principles of American Democracy._

_Well that's sounds boring._

"Yeah. Hopefully you'll find someone else to tolerate your bullshit." Ki smiled up at Acacia.

"Why am I even friends with you?" Acacia pursed her lips, making her purple lipstick stick out even more against her pale white skin.

"Because you love me." Ki shrugged sarcastically, starting to walk off.

"Yeah, you're right."

Acacia threw her arm around Ki's shoulders, pulling her down a little bit as they walked down the hallway.

Ki was glad at this point that she decided on pulling her shoulder length black hair into a ponytail this morning. If she hadn't, Acacia's arm would be trapping her hair and making it all staticky against her red leather jacket.

Looking back at today's forecast, and how this school had shit for air conditioning, Ki wasn't exactly sure how wearing a leather jacket on the first day was a wise move.

Feeling like a badass comes before sweating your ass off right?

I guess it does now. Ki internally sighed.

Maybe she should've listened to her brother this morning.

Beside her, Acacia gasped as if she had just remembered something really important.

"What?" Ki raised her eyebrows, glancing over at her best friend.

"I forgot my English notebook." Acacia stopped dead in her tracks, letting her arm fall off of Ki's shoulders. "Shit. Sorry Ki, I'll see you at lunch?"

"Yeah, hurry up you've got three minutes." Ki found herself laughing as she called after Acacia who was already half way down the hall.

Ki blew a strand of hair out of her face, as she conveniently turned to face the door of her first period class.

She could hear Mr. Aluric's voice telling kids where to sit through the open door. Pretty soon her name would be one of the many spoken off of his lips. The thought of how many times her name would get butchered today, made her shiver inside.

And yet again, Ki Katashi took a step inside the door to hell.


	3. Chapter 3

The first three periods of the day went by relatively fast.

They typically do on the first day. Then after that, the time seems to never pass.

Ki sat in fourth period tapping her red pen on the black table top in the Chemistry lab as she waited for the bell to ring to start class.

And almost as if she willed it through her imagination, the three familiar rings went off on the loud speaker.

"Alright so uh, hi fourth period! Hope you all have survived the day thus far, I'm Mr. Cerone, this is Chemistry 1. If you're not in the right class I suggest you probably go find it." He smiled, clapping his hands together in front of the white board.

Ki liked him already. He wasn't too broodingly annoying, and actually seemed like he might take interest in the topic he was teaching. His demeanor seemed like something Ki could get behind.

"So I guess we'll start off with attendance then, yes?"

There were a few hesitant nods across the classroom that Ki witnessed from her table in the back.

"Alright, John Alder?" He said reading the first name off his clipboard.

"Here." A muffled voice sounded from the front.

Ki took this process as an opportunity to write herself notes in the palm of her hand.

He said another name that Ki didn't pay attention to as she uncapped her pen.

She pressed the red pen up to the base of her thumb and started to write her homework for Algebra down, when the door opened very subtlety.

Ki looked up from her hand and was met with the tall figure in the front of the room.

"I'm sorry for interrupting, I have no idea where I'm going, is this Chemistry with Cerone?" Her voice was a little anxious as she directed her attention towards the teacher.

"Yes it is! Have a seat."

"Awesome, first class I've gotten right today." She smiled as she started to walk in to the classroom.

Ki found herself studying this unfamiliar face as it walked across the room.

Her skin was a gentle tan color, leaving a near perfect complexion. She had long brown hair that was curled and tucked behind her ears, but a few shorter hairs strung down besides her eyes.

As she walked down the aisle that Ki was sitting in, Ki could see she walked with her shoulders forward, trying to tone down her hovering dominance as she was already taller than most of the other girls in the class.

She stopped at the empty table next to Ki in the back and threw her shoulder bag down on the floor.

Ki allowed herself to glance over at her for a minute. The first thing she noticed as she watched this girl up close, was the dark blue shade of her eyes. They were huge, or maybe they just looked that way from the mascara she had on. Ki couldn't tell, she rarely found herself using makeup.

"Ki-zah-keera Ko-kay-shie?" Mr. Cerone sounded out very slowly at the front of the class.

Ki heard a snicker from Taron in the middle of the classroom as he butchered her name.

"Here." Ki raised her hand in the back, quietly. "You can just call me Ki."

"Alright then Ki, sorry about that." He adjusted his glasses.

"No problem, happens all the time." Ki looked down at the table top in front of her.

"Aloric Lantea?"

"Here."

_Oh, so he butchers that and then completely finesses Aloric's name?_

_Whatever._

_Aloric's a dumb shit anyways._

"Lyra Meclane?"

The girl that just sat down raised her hand, focusing her divided attention now towards the front.

"That's me." She said, smiling with half of her mouth.

"Alright, hi." He checks another name off his list.

Ki brought her gaze away from Lyra.

_She must be the new girl._

Hopefully Taron and his band of idiots hadn't made her too uncomfortable yet.

Ki began to finish what she was writing on her hand earlier when she got a light tap on the shoulder.

She looked up confused. Then she turned to see the person wishing her attention. It was the always smiling face of the new girl beside her.

"Hey! I'm sorry to bother you, do you maybe have like a pencil I could use? I left mine in the library earlier..." Lyra whispered, almost seeming a bit embarrassed.

Ki looked at her like a deer in the headlights. She was still in shock that someone even talked to her within the first ten minutes of class.

"I'm sorry... what?" Ki quickly realized she was staring, shaking her head away from Lyra in order to avoid awkward eye contact.

"Oh I was just asking you for a... you know what... never mind." Lyra sheepishly shrunk back in her chair.

"Wait! No I didn't hear you..." Ki whispered back, leaning towards Lyra.

"Oh! Sorry." Her head shot back up. "Do you have a pencil I can borrow?"

"I've got an extra pen..." Ki suggested, pulling out the black one she had tucked behind her ear.

"Perfect." Lyra smiled.

Her smile was contagious. Ki found the corners of her own mouth turning upwards as she held the pen out to her.

"Thanks."

"Yeah. Don't worry about it."

Lyra turned back down to the notebook in front of her, and Ki decided it was probably time for her to do the same.

She slid her smaller notebook out of her stack of things and opened up to the first page.

"Okay, so I'm hoping you guys can memorize the first 10 elements by Friday? Does that sound reasonable?" Mr. Cerone was setting down a notebook on top of his own desk as he spoke out to the class.

Ki didn't even realize he had stopped doing attendance.

But she nodded her head mindlessly in compliance as she wrote the assignment down in the margin of her notebook.

So far, homework didn't look like too much of a pain. That's good.

"So first one... does anyone know it?"

Silence.

"Big ol H. Element 1."

More silence.

"Come on guys... someone...."

A brave soldier raised her hand.

"Hydrogen?"

"Yes." Mr. Cerone sounded way more excited than he should've been.

It made Ki laugh a little inside.

Maybe Chemistry would be fun this year.


	4. Chapter 4

"Alright, so today we're just gonna do lockers and that's it since I know none of you guys have your gym clothes with you..." Mr. Hiks said running a hand through his long hair in the middle of the gym.

"So I guess just pick a partner to share with, come get a lock, and head into the locker rooms. Boys is in that back left corner..." He pointed over his shoulder.

"...and girls is in the right."

The crowd of kids standing in the middle of the room immediately started talking amongst themselves the minute that he stopped. Some overly excited boys already started running over towards the corner of the gym.

"Do you wanna be my partnerrrr...?" A fakely sweet sounding voice came nestling up against Ki's left side.

Ki looked over at Acacia and smiled.

"Fuck no." She laughed, starting to walk forward already to where the locks were lying in a cardboard box next to Mr. Hik's feet.

"But I love you!" Acacia followed swiftly, proclaiming her feelings in an ever so loudly dramatic manner.

"Duh, who wouldn't?" Ki smirked, picking up a black lock from the box.

"Asshat." Acacia mumbled hitting Ki on the shoulder with her balled up fist.

"Yeah. Yeah. Heard it before." Ki rolled her eyes, making her way across the gym with Acacia two feet away at all times.

"So what do you think of that new girl?" Acacia whispered catching up to be side by side with Ki.

"Lyra?" Ki rose her eyebrows.

"Is that her name? She's in our class. I hadn't seen her yet, only heard everyone talking about her."

"Yeah. She's nice."

"Hmm. Okay. She doesn't mean shit to me if she's just one of those pretty girls that can't play dodgeball though." Acacia said throwing a piece of her short dyed purple hair behind her ear.

"Acacia..." Ki side glared her.

"What? I'm serious. It gets boring when it's only us against the boys."

"You're not wrong." Ki shrugged her shoulders, pulling on the metal handle to the girls locker room.

As they entered the locker room it radiated the smell of those ugly colorful jerseys they threw at you to designate teams in elementary school. Ki immediately embraced the fact that the boys room probably smelt ten times worse, and tracked in with a tad of sympathy for the other sex.

"Go pick a locker." Ki said, motioning out into the empty room of blue lockers.

"Seriously? I get to pick this time? Hell yeah!" Acacia said biting her lip with a devious smile as she started walking towards the far end of the room.

"I have never ever in the history of my entire gruesome life seen anyone ever as excited as you are about this class." Ki said slowly following in suit.

As Ki made her way across the room, more girls started pouring in the door, taking whatever lockers looked the cleanest.

Acacia, however, pointed at a locker in the corner, next to a mirror.

"This one." She turned back around to look at Ki.

"Alright." Ki waved passively. "What's the combo on the lock?"

Acacia sat down on the wooden bench in front of their new locker and pulled off the sticker on the back of the lock.

On the other side of the room, girls were laughing and gossiping with each other, getting lockers closest to each other so they could spread the word while getting dressed.

Ki always thought locker room talk was a little weird.

_Who wants to have a conversation while getting dressed into the ugliest clothes imaginable?_

"I think it says 4- 12- 35?"

"Well try it before you put it on the door dumbass." Ki sighed.

As Ki slumped down onto the bench next to Acacia, she noticed the number of girls in this class seamed relatively small. Maybe 8 girls total in this whole locker room, including them.

And four of them just so happened to be in the same friend group.

_Looks like we are screwed in dodgeball this year... sorry Acacia._

"Yes! I got it!" Acacia jumped up from the bench. "First try, suck it Ki!"

"Heh heh..." Ki mocked, sticking her tongue out towards her best friend.

Ki was about to close her eyes when she was distracted by the all too familiar excitement of gossip hour.

"Oh my god, did you see Riley's new post? He looks soooo hot..." One of the girls from the other corner squealed.

"No, show me show me!" Another was rushing towards her.

"I left my phone in the gym." The first frowned.

"Let's go back out there then. There's no reason to stick around in here, it smells nasty." A third interrupted.

"Agreed." The last girl left in their group wafted her hand in front of her nose.

And with that all four of the girls were on their toes, rushing out of the room in a blob.

"Oh my god, did you see Riley's new post?!" Acacia mocked in their exciting girly tone as soon as they left the doorway.

"Shut up." Ki said laughing as she pushed on Acacia's hip. "Did you get the lock done?"

"Yeah. Let's go tell him our number." Acacia said closing the locker door.

Ki slowly stood up off the bench and immediately regretted the pain that now filled her head from standing up too quick.

_Probably from a lack of sleep._

When Ki regained her vision she looked around at the mostly empty room. Hence the word, mostly, because there were still two people left. One was a girl reading a book, probably too awkward to want to go read it in the gym, and the other was the tall brunette from earlier.

_Lyra._

She looked to be struggling with her lock as she tried unhooking it from the locker door.

"Hey I'll catch up to you in a sec, I'm gonna help her out real quick..." Ki said, departing from Acacia's side without even waiting to hear her response.

"K, I'll tell Mr. Hiks you fell in the toilet." Acacia called back as she walked out the door.

Ki motioned her middle finger behind her shoulder, not knowing whether or not her shithead friend saw it before the door shut.

Lyra fumbled and pulled on the lock in frustration as Ki approached.

Ki could faintly hear her mumbling to herself, mostly what was probably profanities under her breath.

"Hey, need help with that?" Ki offered out when she was a few feet behind her.

Lyra turned around instantaneously and looked at Ki with wide eyes.

"Uh..." Lyra looked to be in a state of internal confusion as her mouth searched for something to say. "No."

Ki couldn't help but smile at Lyra's persistent look. Lyra must've started realizing how much of a lie she just told when she looked up at Ki and smiled pathetically.

"Okay yes." She flung her hands up and then back down to her sides.

"Sometimes these locks are tricky. They like to catch if you don't hit them on just the right number. What's your combination?" Ki said, moving around Lyra and taking her small silver lock in her hands.

"32- 22- 12"

"Wow you lucked out on that one. That's so easy." Ki laughed starting to twist the first number in to place.

"I know right. Wish my real locker was that easy." Lyra laughed back.

Ki twisted the other way and got the second number into place, and then almost instantly as she turned the other way she landed on the last. As she hit the 12 she pulled down on the lock and, just like magic, it came apart.

Lyra sighed.

"You just made that look so simple. I've been fidgeting with it for like five minutes.

"It's okay. Took me awhile my first time." Ki smiled, turning around to face Lyra who was walking towards her to get back to her locker.

"Thank you." She said, tucking a piece of her long hair behind her ear as she opened up the door.

"No problem. If you ever have any other problems let me know." Ki said, slowly backing away.

"Thank you... Ki?" Lyra said Ki's name in question, as if she was unsure she was right.

"Yep."

"Awesome. I'm Lyra." Lyra awkwardly rushed out.

"I know." Ki laughed. "We've met."

"Yes! Right. Chemistry! I'm just gonna shut up now." Lyra looked down, a small trace of blush creeping on her face from what Ki figured to be embarrassment.

Ki should've walked away, but instead she stood there smiling at the new girl.

Ki Katashi.

Talking to the new kid at school like it was no big deal.

It made her feel weird inside. Maybe she was getting better at this whole "making friends" thing that her brother hounded her about.

"Hey, do you have lunch next period?" Ki found herself asking.

"No, I have some stupid new student orientation in the library." Lyra looked back up at Ki with a sideways frown.

"Oh."

Ki didn't know what else to say. She blindly decided to offer more help.

"Do you know where that is?"

"Yeah, my first period is in the library." Lyra quickly responded.

"Oh."

_Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Get out Ki hurry! Before you say something weird!_

"I'm gonna go catch up with Acacia. I'll uh see you later?"

"Well I would hope so... we're in the same class right now." Lyra laughed, questioning the logic behind what Ki just said.

"Yes... Right." Ki mumbled. "I'll see you in a minute then."

Ki snapped her fingers towards Lyra in a finger gun motion as she finished her sentence. Lyra gave her a small laugh in return as she muttered an "okay Ki."

And with that, Ki turned towards the door as fast as she could and started mentally slapping herself in the face.

"Jesus! Why are you so stupid?"


	5. Chapter 5

The rest of the day went according to plan.

Lunch was a rushed battle for reserving tables.

English was dead.

Study hall was boring.

And astronomy actually turned out pretty cool.

Ki went over all the details of the day in her head, picking out which ones mattered and which ones didn't. She knew her brother was going to ask her all about her day.

She came to a summary in her head as she opened the front door to his house, car keys jingling in her hand.

She wasn't even two feet in the door before she heard a familiar voice coming towards her.

"Ki! Oh thank god, please help me!" It yelled across the room.

In a matter of seconds, Ki realized this noise came from Andi, her brother's fiancé.

"Andi, seriously! Where did you put it?!" Shori's voice came in to the room.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." He said crossing his arms and leaning against the back of the wall.

Shori walked into the room with his resting bitch face on. Ki knew the look well enough to know that Andi was in deep shit.

"Seriously Andrew."

"Oh shit, he pulled out the full name." Ki said laughing a little as she set her keys and backpack down on the floor.

"Oh, hey Ki!" Her brother looked over to her, his attention straying from his target for a second.

"Hey, Shori. What's up?" She nodded over to Andi.

"This little shit won't tell me where he hid my phone charger."

"Why did you steal his phone charger? That's crossing a line dude..." Ki found herself glancing over to Andi.

"He was on his phone all fucking night watching vine compilations while I was trying to sleep." Andi glared over at Shori with an amused eyebrow raise.

"What? You can't tell me you don't do the same?!" Shori retorted.

"No! Not at three in the morning!"

"Yeah come on Shori. If you're gonna do that, do it out here. Some people actually have to get up in the morning." Ki shrugged, kicking off her black converse.

"Yes! Thank you." Andi pointed over to her.

"Seriously?! Traitor." Shori sighed in disbelief as he glared at Ki.

Smiling, Ki started walking through the living room, her red socks sliding against the dark hardwood floor.

Within a few seconds she passed between the two boys, flipping them both off as made her way in to the kitchen doorway.

She smirked as she heard Shori call out an "I hate you!"

"No you don't!" Ki called back as she stepped onto the cold tile floor in the kitchen.

She quickly made her way over to the short white fridge, remembering that yesterday she picked up chocolate pudding on her weekly trip to the store.

When she opened it and saw the unopened package, she closed her eyes and did a silent little cheer in the back of her mind.

In the other room, she could hear the two tapering off their fighting in to something much more cringe worthy.

PDA.

Ki rolled her eyes as she pulled out one of her treats and closed the door.

She reached over to the counter and pulled out a shiny silver spoon from out of the clean dishes that no one had put away yet.

"You guys know I can hear you right?" She mumbled, pulling back the label on her pudding.

"Oh can you? Does it make you mad?" Shori taunted her.

"Yes it's fucking annoying."

She could hear Andi laugh in the other room as Shori muttered a "shut up."

Ki smiled to herself, a reminder of how happy she was that out of all the idiots in the world, Andi was the one that her brother chose to marry one day.

She really liked Andi. He was good for Shori. He put him in his place when he was being an ass, and loved him unconditionally when he was doing those little quirky things that made Shori, well... Shori.

Ki put the first spoonful of her chocolate heaven into her mouth and took a seat at the kitchen table.

The table was short, light colored wood and small. Only four seats sat around it, but it's not like they needed more. The two boys and Ki were usually the only ones who ate around the table. Most of the time when they had over guests, Ki was in her room anyways so it's not like they needed any extra seats even when people did come over.

"So how was school?" Shori's voice softened as he and Andi walked in to the kitchen.

"Um... good I guess. I have a few classes with Acacia. No one was extremely annoying. They had fries for lunch... so uh, decent."

"Do you like your teachers?" He asked, pulling out the chair across from Ki.

"Yeah they're mostly okay. The new librarian is kinda bitchy though."

"Seriously did Mrs. Hagkar finally leave?" Andi laughed, sitting down beside Shori.

"Yeah, she's gone. Oh and Mr. Hiks' wife had another son this summer."

"Who?" Shori squinted his eyes.

"Did you seriously never have PE with Mr. Hiks?" Ki said shocked.

"No. Never had to take it because of baseball and football." Shori shrugged, crossing his arms.

"Yeah well some of us don't get that luxury." Ki mocked him.

Shori smirked, leaning his weight back on the chair.

"So how's Acacia? I haven't seen her since... what was it Shori... Saturday?" Andi sarcastically commented, smiling over at Ki.

"Yep a whole four days." Her brother retorted back to him.

"Fuck you. She's fine." Ki glared at him.

"Hey! The only one who gets to fuck him is me." Shori pointed at himself.

"Oh hell no, please please please scrub my mind of that sentence. Oh my god, please take it back!"

"Nope. Sorry kiddo. Know your place."

"Oh my god. I'm leaving you two dipshits before I get permanently scarred." Ki put her hands out as she pushed her chair back from the table.

"Have fun doing homework!" Andi smiled as Ki put another spoonful of pudding into her mouth.

"I was gonna say fuck you, but forget it." She said mumbling through her partially closed mouth.

"I think we've officially ruined the word fuck for her and I love it." Andi leaned over towards Shori.

"God I hate you both so much!" Ki muttered under her breath as she started walking out of the kitchen.

"Love you too!"


	6. Chapter 6

Day two.

Acacia tripped down the stairs on the way to lunch.

Taron actually made a funny joke about Jay Gatsby in English that made everyone laugh.

Mr. Cerone gave out a form to get signed for Chem lab, and...

Algebra didn't suck ass.

All of these things Ki considered successes in her day to day life.

But little did she know what would come on day three.

Day three.

Mrs. Moon—a name ironic for an Astronomy teacher—announced a field trip for the fall.

They had the first quiz on the elements in Chem that Ki forgot to study for.

Lunch was flavorless mac and cheese.

And Ki lost a game of dodgeball... Acacia nearly cried.

It was Lyra's fault. Lyra and those fucking determined blue eyes.

When Ki first saw Lyra she didn't peg her as a competitive type.

Boy was she wrong.

When they had picked teams, Acacia and Lyra were assigned captains and each one of them picked a member of the gym class until both teams were filled equally.

Lyra chose first and had immediately picked Aloric.

Go figure, he is probably the biggest dude in the school, of course she picked him first.

Acacia's first pick was Ki.

Completely predictable. Mr. Hiks knew it too as he shook his head a little the second after her name left Acacia's mouth.

But Lyra's reaction was what threw Ki off.

She looked disappointed.

She frowned and looked at the floor, having to rethink the next person she was going to pick. Ki smiled a little inside knowing that even their competition knew she was good.

_Lyra had to be disappointed her ass was gonna get handed to her right?!_

And so the teams went on, back and forth, Lyra and Acacia picked off the gym class one by one.

When the teams were set, they moved to their respective sides of the gym and started to get ready in their spots.

Acacia and Ki were front line, in charge of grabbing the balls and running back to the boys set in the back who could throw the balls the farthest. Everyone else stood in their ready positions behind the two in the front.

As they stood nearly on top of the line, hands hovering inches away from the soft colorful balls on the ground, Ki scanned the competition.

Everyone of value on their team was front and center.

_Dangerous move._

Lyra was right in the middle, glaring up at Acacia.

"Good luck." She said with a competitive smile.

"Oh honey, we won't need it." Acacia returned, side eyeing Ki.

"Acacia don't be an ass." Ki rolled her eyes, smiling as she felt the game brewing.

"Okay, just don't be disappointed when I take down half your team in a few minutes." Lyra slyly responded looking behind her to her front line.

"As if." Acacia retorted.

But Lyra wasn't wrong.

The whistle blew, the girls scrambled for the balls, and before Ki could even stop to realize how quickly time had passed, half of their front line was gone.

As Ki looked around shocked, Acacia was growing more and more frustrated as she yelled at the boys to move forward and start taking out Lyra's team.

Ki was darting behind them all, dodging balls as they missed who they were intended for, and picking up all the ones she could, tossing them to the front.

The boys—and Acacia—were picking off Lyra's team rather quickly as they approached the line, leaving Lyra to move back in anticipation.

Ki carefully made sure she didn't get hit as she studied who all was left on the other side.

It was down to Lyra, a freshman boy, and the girl that reads in the locker room.

Ki's team was down to her, Acacia, and two boys from the soccer team.

The odds of Lyra winning seemed pretty slim.

But then locker room girl came out from the back and hit one of the soccer boys right in the waist.

_One down for Acacia. Only three left._

Acacia was infuriated and retaliated back by throwing both of her balls at top speed towards the poor girl.

_One down for Lyra. Only two left._

Ki tossed another ball to Acacia from the back and prepared for another takedown.

Ki expected the soccer boy to take out the freshman, but instead it was the other way around.

_Two down for Acacia. Only two left._

Ki quickly gathered up all the balls she could fit in her arms as she started running towards the front line.

Acacia reached her hand out for a ball and Ki handed her one, darting to the other side of her as the freshman threw his ball at her.

Now he was defenseless, and Acacia made her move.

With one slick throw, she managed to hit him right in the chest. He even saw it coming, and didn't even move.

_Two down for Lyra. Only Lyra left._

Acacia was too busy gloating about that hit to Ki that she didn't notice the ball headed straight towards her leg.

When it touched, Acacia's eyes widened as she stared at Ki.

_Three down for Acacia. Only Ki left._

"Don't fuck it up Katashi." Acacia grumbled as she passed by her angrily.

Ki entered a state of internal panic mode.

_Fuck. Only us left. One v one._

Lyra gave her a shit eating grin and Ki genuinely felt scared... and something else...

_What the hell is this?_

Ki held a red ball in her hand, but she didn't want to throw it.

Lyra paced in front of the line, and Ki stood back pretty far, just watching her as her eyes predicted Ki's movements.

Ki looked into those eyes and couldn't find herself with the nerve to break away from them.

"Not so confident now are you?" Lyra said, picking up another ball from the ground.

Ki didn't want it to seem obvious, but for once, she was ready.

She was ready to lose.

And she didn't know why.

_Why the fuck was Lyra going to win?_

She never broke eye contact with Ki, and Ki felt as if she was holding her right there in the middle of the gym with her gaze.

"Ki you need to move! Don't just stand there!" Acacia was yelling from the sidelines.

_I can't._

Lyra threw the ball and Ki watched as flew straight towards her chest.

_Move! Move! Move!_

No.

It hit her gently. It was as if Lyra didn't mean to throw it hard. It felt like she barely threw it at all.

But that was it.

Ki was out.

The people on the sidelines of the other half of the gym all stood up and started cheering.

"What the fuck Katashi?!" Acacia yelled across the gym. "She just won!"

"Miss Krolic that's enough." Mr. Hiks' booming voice cut down Acacia through the crowd.

Ki didn't move. Lyra didn't either. It was weird.

Ki just stood there with her mouth slightly agape and processed that she just lost a game for the first time ever. And out of all people, it was Lyra Meclane that took her down.

Lyra watched Ki, her smug victorious smile turning more into a glare of confusion. She tilted her head over, her eyebrows seeming to move into thought.

While the rest of her team was high giving each other, Lyra was walking over to the opponents side of the gym. Her face looked focused and sorrowful, as if she instantly regretted her win.

Ki noticed she was coming over here, but she didn't notice she was walking towards _her._

"You okay Ki? Did I hit you too hard?" Lyra started talking as she got within a few feet of the line.

Ki glanced up at her, shrugging her shoulders, and sliding a piece of hair that had fallen out of her ponytail back behind her ear.

"Hey... I'm sorry." 

This caught Ki by surprise.

"Did you just say sorry?" Ki shook her head back.

"Yeah. I'm sorry, you guys should've won." Lyra was profusely apologizing.

Lyra actually felt bad because Ki couldn't fucking pay attention to the stupid game. It wasn't her fault.

Maybe it was.

_Shit._

"No! No, seriously you're the first person to actually win against us so congrats." Ki quickly worked to recover Lyra's competitive smile.

"The first?" Lyra laughed.

"Yep. Acacia and I are kind of like crowned champions so uh, congrats on dethroning us I guess."

"I don't think Acacia is very happy about it."

"Probably not... no." Ki looked down knowing her friend was going to ask her what the hell just happened, and she wouldn't know what to tell her.

"Well, offer her an apology for me?"

Ki laughed.

"Okay, sure."


	7. Chapter 7

Ki heard the ding from her phone and immediately knew who it was going to be.

bitch #1 👿  
KATASHI CAN I COME OVER IM SO FUCKING BORED

bitch #1 👿  
OR MEET ME OUT I DONT CARE

bitch #1 👿  
PLZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Ki unlocked her phone and sighed as she sat up from her bed.

delivered:  
Library in 10?

read.

bitch #1 👿  
nerd.

bitch #1 👿  
I'm in.

Ki slid her phone into the pocket of the red leather jacket she had on as she grabbed her keys from the table beside her bed.

———————

"Okay, so what I don't understand is why you are so obsessed with space..." Acacia leaned her head over onto her hand as she blew a strand of hair away from her face.

"What do you mean? It's awesome." Ki said setting her hand down on the National Geographic magazine she was reading on black holes.

They'd only been here an hour and Acacia had managed to flip through all the manga she had checked out already. Now she was on to annoying Ki.

"Yeah, but like it's all the way up there..." She motioned her hand towards the ceiling.

"Leaves more of a mystery then, right?"

"But how can you learn about these things and like not know for sure what's out there... it would drive me crazy."

"I like it. Seems like an adventure." Ki shrugged as she looked back down into her magazine.

"You like everything dark and mysterious, Katashi." Acacia slumped back in to her chair across the table from Ki.

Ki pretended to ignore her as she flipped the page over, squinting at the tiny print next to a picture of a galaxy.

"So... do you think we'll all get swallowed by a black hole someday?"

Ki rolled her eyes as she exhaled a deep breath.

"No, Acacia."

"What about gravity? Is there a possibility it could just like not work tomorrow?"

Ki slammed her open hand onto her forehead.

"If you could be an astronaut, would you?"

Ki glared at her through the cracks between her fingers.

"What about a space pilot? Like from Star Wars! That'd be sick as shit!" Acacia said fairly loudly for the quiet room they were in.

"Yes I would be a fucking space pilot, Acacia. Now please shut the hell up." Ki smiled sarcastically.

"Do you want a coffee? You seem grumpy today." Acacia pouted her lips out.

Ki looked down at the page she was still on and motioned her left middle finger up towards her best friend.

"Put that down we're in a library..." Acacia reached over the table and grabbed her hand.

"Hasn't stopped you from talking." Ki grumbled.

"You little shit. I'm getting coffee. Do you want one or not?"

"No, I'm good. Already had three today."

"Okay, suit yourself." Acacia said pushing out her chair from the table.

Ki internally sighed a breath of relief as Acacia left, finally meaning she would get a minute of quiet.

She loved Acacia with all of her heart. Sometimes she was more of a sister to her than anyone else could've ever been, but all siblings are annoying as hell, and Acacia definitely had her days.

As she heard Acacia walk away, the front door opened bringing in a gust of air with it.

Ki hesitantly looked up to see which old lady was coming to bring her grandchildren in today, but instead she was met with a tan girl in a blue crop top walking her way in to the library with a look of confusion.

_Lyra._

Ki watched intently as Lyra's wavy brown hair bounced a little with each step she took. She had it pulled back loosely into a low ponytail, but most of it was falling out and into her face.

She walked up to the counter and pulled out a paper from her back pocket. She struggled to unfold it, and as she did she bit her lip, turning the paper over.

"What can I do for you?" The nice old man behind the desk said.

Ki had known him since she moved here.

His name was Marvin. He'd been working at this library since the 80's. Ki didn't know what exactly made him stick around, but she didn't really care. He was one of the good people in this small hell hole town.

"Hi! I'm looking for like the space section I guess? I'm doing a report on the space station for my astronomy class, so where would be the best place to find stuff like that?" Lyra said, showing him her list.

"Ah, space is in the nonfiction, down on this floor." Marvin smiled, glancing over to where Ki was sitting. "See that girl with the red jacket, the aisle on her right will have what you need."

Ki felt her cheeks heating up as she realized Marvin was talking about her.

_No, no, no, no!_

"Oh! Great, thank you." Lyra beamed, picking up her paper from off the counter.

_Fuck._

Lyra started walking towards her, and Ki made a split second decision to pretend like she hadn't seen her.

She buried her face in her magazine and leaned over onto her arm.

Ki could hear her coming closer from the way her bag swished against her jeans.

"Hey Ki. What's up?"

Ki looked up to meet Lyra's smile, and like flipping a switch Ki felt all warm inside.

_What the fuck?_

"Uh... I'm hanging out in the library." She responded, her brain scrambling for something to say.

"Yeah I see that." Lyra laughed. "Mind if I join you?"

Ki sat up in her chair and scooted her magazines closer to her.

"Yeah, no, go ahead..." She motioned to the seat in front of her.

"Whatcha reading?" Lyra asked, setting her bag down on the floor next to the table.

"National Geographic on black holes."

"Do you like space?" Lyra perked up.

"Yeah..."

"Me too! I'm actually here to do research for that paper in Astronomy."

"Oh really? I didn't know you were in that class..." Ki said focusing her attention towards Lyra.

"I'm in first period."

"I'm in last." Ki sighed.

"Did you hear about that DC trip in October?"

"Yeah!" Ki smiled. "Are you going?"

"I'm thinking about it yeah. I just need someone to be my roommate... I don't know anybody in my class that's going."

It didn't take long for Ki to realize she needed one too.

"I'll be your roommate!"

"Really?" Lyra sounded excited.

"Sure." Ki shrugged her shoulders.

"Awesome. Now I won't be stuck with a stranger."

"Yeah, right. That happened to me on the Spain trip."

"You went to Spain?"

"Yeah at my old school I took Spanish, and on the last week of class before Christmas we went to Spain. I was stuck with some girl I barely knew, who come to find out, hated me."

"That sucks, but also cool!"

"Yeah overall it was alright. Really great food."

"Yesssss. I bet."

Ki was so lost in conversation she didn't even recognize that Acacia had come back from the coffee shop next door, with what seemed to be the largest cup possible in her hand.

"Oh hey, Acacia's back!" Ki's eyes darted up to her.

"Oh!" Lyra turned around. "I'm sorry if I'm in your seat, I'll move! I didn't know you were here."

"I uh... left for a minute, but you're cool. Just stay there." Acacia said a little quieter than her normal self.

She pulled a chair from the table behind Ki, and scooted it right next to her side.

"So Acacia, are you going on the astronomy trip?" Lyra asked her.

"Nah. I'm not in that class."

"Ah. Okay."

"So what are you here for?" Acacia said, raising her cup to her lips.

"Researching the international space station."

"Oh... Ki's a space nerd she can help you with that." Acacia said with a playful smile as she took a drink.

"So I can tell..." Lyra raised her eyebrows towards Ki.

"What? I have my hobbies okay?" Ki found herself laughing a little.

"I'm not judging you." Lyra smiled, shaking her head.

Beside her, Ki heard a buzz.

Acacia picked her phone up off the table.

"Shit." She mumbled.

"What?"

"Sorry Ki I gotta go."

"You okay?" Ki turned her head towards Acacia.

"Yeah, my fucking cat got stuck in the tree again. Jack can't get her down." She slid her phone down into her backpack and picked it up off the floor.

Ki laughed remembering the last time this happened and she had to stand below the tree to make sure Acacia didn't fall out and break an arm.

"Have fun."

"Thanks shithead." Acacia rolled her eyes at Ki.

"Call me if you get stuck." Ki stuck out her tongue as she started to walk away.

"Fuck off Katashi."

Ki smiled, knowing she succeeded in her mission to piss Acacia off.

"So uh... do you have an idea for what you're looking for?" Ki turned back to Lyra.

"Hmm? Oh... the research! Duh..."

"Well we need five sources, no encyclopedias and only one can be an internet source, so uh... point me in the right way. I've never been here before."

"Well... end of the aisle right here you'll find stuff on the first space station and there's some pretty cool stuff about the Russians too..." Ki said nodding towards the aisle right beside her.

"How do you know this?" Lyra laughed.

"I worked here last summer." Ki sighed. "Oh and I've skimmed through most of them."

"Wow okay, impressive. When did you find the time to do that?"

"Mostly on the clock honestly." Ki laughed.

Then Ki heard buzzing again. This time it was her phone that was lit up on the table and vibrating.

_Shori the Whori_

Ki picked up her phone and read her brother's name with a sigh.

"Hey, whats up?" She answered the phone.

"Will you take me to the store? Andi's got a class until 5 and I can't get the bike to start." Her brother sighed.

"Why did you think going to the store on the bike would be a good idea anyways?" She retorted, a smile spreading to her face as she so desperately wanted to make fun of him.

"Because it's the only vehicle left in the driveway..."

"Well I'm busy. Wait until Andi gets home."

"You liar, you're just at the library reading anime with Acacia."

"Okay, first of all, its manga. Second of all, I don't read it she does." Ki counted out the points on her fingers.

"But you're still there, so come pick me up."

"Seriously? Right now?"

"Yes, Ki. Unless you want to wipe your ass with your hand."

"You used all the toilet paper again?!" Ki grumbled.

This got a laugh out of Lyra.

"It was Andi I swear."

"Whatever. I'll be there in 15. I hate you."

"Love you." Shori's voice teased as the line crackled.

Ki hung up the phone and closed her eyes.

_Why?!_

"Sorry Lyra, I have to go. My brother's being a dumb shit." She shook her head.

"It's cool, I've had my fair share of dumb shit siblings as well."

"Yeah well unfortunately, mine is older."

Lyra laughed.

"That's unfortunate. Most of mine are younger."

"Must be fun... it's just me and Shori... and Andi, but Andi doesn't count yet." Ki said, throwing her things in to her bag.

"Yet?"

"Yeah they're getting married this winter."

"You're brother's getting married? That's awesome tell him congrats."

"Will do." Ki laughed, slinging her backpack over her shoulder. "Good luck with the rest of your research... sorry I couldn't help anymore."

"It's fine! Have fun with your brother."

"Doubt it." Ki sighed, shifting her weight.

"Wait..." Lyra looked up at Ki.

"What?"

"Can I have your number? You know, in case I have any questions..."

A totally logical thing to do. Trade numbers, of course, they're classmates. But for some reason Ki got anxious at the thought that she just asked her for her number.

"Uh... uh yeah here I'll type it in." She held out her hand.

Lyra handed her her unlocked phone and pressed on the new contact icon.

She typed in Ki, and then followed it with her number.

"There you go."

"Thanks Ki! I'll uh talk to you later?" Lyra said taking her phone back.

"Yeah... uh yeah sure."

"Awesome." Lyra smiled, pushing some of the hair that was in her face back behind her ear.

"Bye." Ki awkwardly waved, as she started to walk forward.

"Bye, Ki."


	8. Chapter 8

It was 11:24 pm when Lyra ended up texting her.

unknown  
hey ki

unknown  
it's lyra

delivered:  
hey. whats up?

read.

lyra 💫  
I wish I wasn't

delivered:  
me too.

read.

lyra 💫  
I'm super bored but I can't sleep bc my sister has all her friends over and they're annoying and loud as shit

delivered:  
rough. sorry about that. anyone I might know?

read.

lyra 💫  
they're all volleyball girls. my sister got a spot on varsity already

delivered:  
woah. impressive.

read.

lyra 💫  
do you play any sports?

delivered:  
used to. not since I moved. you thinking about going for anything?

read.

lyra 💫  
my mom wants me in cheer again but I fucking hate it. thinking about just sticking with soccer

delivered:  
you play soccer?

read.

lyra 💫  
yeah.

delivered:  
wow okay.

read.

lyra 💫  
what?

delivered:  
nothing.

read.

lyra 💫  
seriously ki

delivered:  
hmm what?

read.

lyra 💫  
whatever.

delivered:  
I like soccer

read.

lyra 💫  
yeah? does that mean you're coming to the games this year?

delivered:  
sure why not

read.

lyra 💫  
good :)

That fucking smiley face. Ki's face turned red as she gripped the phone tightly in her hands. She want to squeal, but that was so girly she cringed at the thought of letting the sound escape her mouth.

She threw her head back against her pillow and stared at the shadows of branches that shone in through the window of her moonlit room.

_What is this?_


	9. Chapter 9

**content warning:** panic attack

————————

_Can't breathe._

_Can't breathe._

_Not again._

Ki was gasping for air as her hands were shaking. She was at the doorway of her room, on the way to running out of it, when suddenly she couldn't anymore.

Usually when this happened she could at least make it half way to Shori's room.

The floor hit her harder than she thought it would. Her soft gray carpet wasn't enough to soften the blow of her whole body crashing down on it.

As she leaned back against the wall in her doorway, her eyes started blurring over, a sign the tears were starting to fall.

Ki could make out the red blurry numbers 4:38 AM on her bed stand clock.

She sat on the floor with her heartbeat racing, hyperventilating from the fear inside her dreams.

"Shori..." She gasped, knowing her brother wouldn't hear her from down the hall.

_Stop it!_

Ki brought her shaking hands up to her face and grabbed the hair beside her eyes with a stronghold.

"Stop it!" She yelled at her self, out loud this time.

She closed her eyes, as with the rate the tears were falling at she couldn't see anything when she opened them.

Her breaths were too short, pain entering her chest as she began to panic further.

"Please..." She pleaded with herself, praying that maybe some day she could make her awful imagination go away.

Ki started pulling at her hair, the anger in her mind spreading to her body.

She was thankful her door was open tonight. She could hear Shori's footsteps running down the hallway in an attempt to make it to her quickly.

"Ki?" He whispered, coming around the corner of her door frame.

Ki leaned her head down into her knees and started crying even harder.

"Hey, hey, hey, you're fine. You're safe." Shori rushed out, quickly kneeling to Ki's side.

Ki felt the warmth of her brother's arms as they wrapped around her shaking shoulders. She fell into him, her hands still lingering next to her face.

"Make it stop..." She sobbed, tears streaming into his shirt.

"Are you seeing him again Ki?" Her brother spoke softly as he grabbed one of Ki's hands.

Ki didn't remember how to nod in that moment, so instead she just took a few stifled breaths in as she gripped her fingers around Shori's hand.

"I'm sorry. God, I'm so sorry." He whispered, pulling her hand closer to his chest.

Ki's head followed their hands so that she was leaning up against his chest crying into his soft black tee shirt.

"You're gonna be okay." He hushed her, pulling back the stray hair on her forehead hanging wet from from tears.

Ki tried taking a deep breath, which hitched due to her constant tears. She grabbed on to Shori's shirt and pulled her legs in closer to her body.

She could feel Shori's chin resting against the top of her head. It seemed as if he tried to engulf as much of her as he could.

He was carefully pulling back the hair from her face, wiping a few of the tears from her cheek as he did so. Shori seemed rather kept together, but his voice sounded weak as it spoke to her.

"I am so sorry."


	10. Chapter 10

**content warning:** recount of past trauma, car accident

————————

Monday's were a pain in the ass.

Not to mention Ki had been in non stop panic mode all weekend long.

She didn't even get to hang out with Acacia because Shori told her not to leave the house until she could stop shaking enough to drive.

Unfortunately enough for her, that didn't stop until she went to bed Sunday night.

It wasn't typical of her episodes to last this long. Usually it was only after one really bad trip down memory lane, but this time she couldn't shake the anxiety.

She couldn't shake the vision of her father.

She couldn't shake the feeling of being alone.

She knew truly that she wasn't alone, she had Shori, Andi and Acacia, but sometimes she just wanted someone that was actually... hers.

Ki was her father's only child. Her mother ran away when she was four months old. Ki grew up never knowing who her mother really was, nor ever really caring. She and her father had a dysfunctional relationship, but they kept each other alive.

When Ki was eight, her father married Shori's mom. She was a kind, small woman with an obnoxious son and a love for samurai swords. Ki looked at her as a mother figure, but never really called her mom. She always thought of her more as a crazy aunt. Regardless, Ki grew to love Shori and his intriguing mom quite quickly.

Hell, she may have shaped Ki into the person she was today.

She used to take Ki and Shori to karate, and gave her a switch blade for her thirteenth birthday—which they kept a secret as her father wasn't too keen on the idea. In every way possible, she thought of them as family.

And so it hurt when she died.

The Katashi's went out on a "date night," a blistering cold evening in December where the wind was colder than the Antarctic, but the snow wasn't falling enough to make a scene. They left with a smile as they reminded Ki to be in bed by 10... but they never came home.

————————

Eighteen year old Shori was in charge of babysitting a thirteen year old Ki, even though she persistently told him she didn't need him to watch her.

He ignored her wishes and instead they sat down and watched five hours of Shadowhunters together.

Ki pretended like it pissed her off, but in reality she had wanted to watch the show for a while now and Shori was the only one who would have ever recommended they watch it together.

They bickered all night about whether Jace or Alec was better and in the end, Ki compared Shori to Alec, which resulted in an awkward moment of silence.

Ki didn't know in that ironic moment that Shori was gay.

She also didn't know in that moment, their parents were being rushed to the hospital.

————————

Ki had fallen asleep on the couch in Shori's lap some time around midnight. It's not that she meant to, she just got really tired and couldn't be bothered to walk all the way up the stairs to her bedroom.

She could sense she was on the edge of falling into deep sleep when the sound of a knock on the door, pulled her off of that edge.

Shori shuffled out from underneath her carefully, trying his best not to wake her up, but the sound had already prompted her eyes open.

"Who the fuck is that?" She mumbled, her head falling on to the now empty couch cushion.

"I don't know, but watch your language. If I ever get caught letting you curse they'll kill me." Shori whispered, carrying his gentle footsteps across the living room carpet that led to the hallway.

Ki wanted to drift back to sleep, but the burning question of knowing who was at the door this late kept her awake.

She listened intensely as Shori opened the door.

"Are you Mr. and Mrs. Katashi's son?" A deep voice said from the front of the house.

"Uh, yeah I'm Shori, Karol's son." He mumbled back. "What uh, what can I do for you?"

_What can I do for you?_

This was a stranger.

"Is there anyone else here with you? You're going to want to come to the hospital immediately."

"Yeah, his daughter is here too, why? What's going on?"

Ki immediately sat up at the mention of her presence. She rushed over to the hallway and peeped her head around the corner.

Standing in the doorway she saw the outline of her brother's built figure, along with another one standing in front of it, wearing what looked to be solid black attire.

"Your parents were in a car accident about an hour ago. We've been asked to take you to the hospital. It's likely neither one of them will make it through the night."

It was a cop.

"What? Are you serious? Ki get in here now!"

"I'm very sorry." The police officer said as he held his hat in his arms.

Ki darted forwards at the sound of her name. She took a minute to process what was going on.

"Shori?!" She panicked as she ran to his side.

"Ki, hey! Calm down kiddo. Go get your jacket and some shoes we're going to come with this officer. Okay?"

"What's going on? Is he telling the truth? Are they gonna die?!" Ki felt her heart racing.

"I don't know, Ki. Please just do what I said."

"I'll be waiting in the car. I'll give you two a minute." The officer nodded and turned away.

"Shori what's going on?!"

"We'll find out when we get there, okay?" Shori sounded scared now, it's like he put on a brave front just to talk to the officer and now he was just as panicked as Ki.

For good reason.

————————

Shori and Ki sat in the lobby for an hour before they even got any news of what was going on.

Both of their parents went into surgery immediately.

Neither one of them came out alive.

————————

For the days after that, Ki wouldn't speak to anyone but Shori. And even then, it was just mumbles and pained sobbing.

Ki just lost everything.

Shori did too. He was just better at dealing with it than she was apparently.

He kept a level head, for both of them.

There was so much to do.

There was nobody else left in either of their families, both Heath and Karol were only children with deceased parents.

They had to move.

There was no way to afford to keep living in the house, so they had to sell it. Shori was just barely an adult, and was left with taking care of all of the bills now.

In order to keep her out of foster care, Shori was able to file to become Ki's legal guardian, and so by his unfortunate 19th birthday he now had a child on paper.

Ki was an unstable mess, but Shori couldn't afford therapy, or for that matter the college he was previously attending.

He had to drop out and get a job.

Ki felt awful. She couldn't help. No one would let a thirteen year old work at their shop.

So she spent a lot of time in the library, reading to regain herself. And in the knick of time, she was fifteen and Marvin offered her a job shelving books on the weekends. Ki couldn't have said yes fast enough.

————————

Right after they moved into this new town, Shori met Andi.

Andi was like a character right out of a teen novel. He was warmly tan, with gentle latte colored brown hair and a charismatic smile. He exuded self confidence, and his wit and sarcasm drew a competitive edge between him and Shori. Ki began to like him just as fast as her brother did.

But apparently not in the same way.

Ki quickly realized while her and Andi were becoming good friends, laughing over comic book characters and drinking red slushees... he and Shori were becoming something so much more.

Ki watched them fall in love from afar, and it intrigued her more than anything in space ever had.

Andi saved Shori from losing himself. And in return, Shori was able to save Ki. They had all quickly grown close to each other, and in many ways Andi was already like a brother to Ki.

It was no surprise when Shori proposed to him three years later.

Right at the end of the last school year, they all went to an amusement park. Shori hated roller coasters, but Andi loved them. And Ki was just hanging around for a cool thing to do before heading back to school again.

They were on the peak of the highest roller coaster in the park and Shori said "If I don't survive this, I want you to know I love you..." while grabbing Andi's hand in the seat beside him.

He responded with: "And if you do survive this?"

"Then I want you to marry me." Shori said completely serious, as Ki screamed in the seat behind them next to some guy she didn't even know.

To no surprise, they all survived.

When they got off the coaster, Andi was laughing with Ki about how Shori almost passed out from screaming too much, when her brother actually got down on his knee and proposed with a real fucking ring.

Ki nearly shit her self.

She was pretty sure Andi did too.

"Wait you're serious?!" He grabbed Ki's hand to stabilize himself before he fell over.

"Yeah. I'm dead serious." Shori laughed as he opened the box.

"Holy fuck."

"Andrew Williams..."

Andi reached out and put his index finger on Shori's lips.

"Stop right there. Yes! What the hell?! Yes." He yelled, raising Ki's hand in the air with him.

Ki hadn't smiled so much before in her whole entire life.

The whole time she was nearly squealing, which was so rare for her to show any positive emotion at all.

They walked around for the rest of the afternoon, hand in hand, with Ki not far behind.

———————

Walking into school on this dreary Monday morning had reminded Ki of all these things.

Everything that made her want to disappear, and everything that made her want to live in the moment.

The lists were pretty outweighed at this point.

Ki needed a win so fucking bad.

She needed to balance those lists out before one took over the other.

Ki was waiting for her win.

It came walking down the hallway with Kennedy High School soccer jersey on.


	11. Chapter 11

lyra 💫  
you're coming to the game tonight right?!

delivered:  
oh shit I forgot

read.

lyra 💫  
oh

delivered:  
7?

read.

lyra 💫  
yeah

delivered:  
I'll be there

read.

lyra 💫  
awesome! I'll meet you on the sidelines before the game starts!

delivered:  
sounds good :)

read.

————————

"So... since when do we go to soccer games?" Acacia mumbled as she linked her arm in Ki's.

They navigated the crowd entering near the ticket stand and found where the Kennedy team was stretching on the end of the field.

"Since I told Lyra I would." Ki pulled Acacia along.

"Lyra? You guys like besties now? Should I be worried?" Acacia sounded offended.

"No." Her and Acacia dodged a group of shirtless guys with blue paint all over their torsos. "Trust me, your spot as bitch-number-one will never be replaced."

Ki shot her a grin.

"Fuck you." Acacia smiled back.

As they approached the fence that separated the crowd from the field, Ki started scanning all the girls for her tall tan friend.

"So do you know what position she's in?"

"No idea."

"Awesome. Good job." Acacia rolled her eyes stopping at the fence line.

Ki was looking at the soccer players, and although a few of them had long brown hair like Lyra, none of them looked like her.

_Where is she?_

The lights for the field came on and blinded Ki as it prompted the crowd in the stands to start cheering.

_Come on Lyra._

Then she felt a hand on her shoulder. She looked over to Acacia, but then soon realized it couldn't be her because their arms were linked. She quickly whipped around, breaking their arms apart.

"Hey!" Lyra smiled, dropping her hand from Ki's shoulder.

"Oh... hey. I uh... was just... looking for you." Ki pointed behind her to the field.

"Yeah, sorry... I snuck out real quick to say hi. Coach thinks I'm in the bathroom." She laughed.

"Ah."

"So who are you guys playing tonight?" Acacia burst in from beside them.

"Oh uh some school named like Whitehead?"

"Whitehall." Ki corrected with a smile at her innocent mistake. "They're our rival school. This should be a big game, don't fuck it up."

"I would never." Lyra winked.

_She fucking winked. What the hell?!_

Ki didn't realize she was blushing until her cheeks felt unbearably hot.

She quickly pretended to wipe something off her cheek by ducking her face down and swiping her leather jacket over it.

"So what position do you play?"

"Honestly sort of everything _but_ goal keeper right now. Coach doesn't know where he wants to put me, so I guess I'm just going in whenever they need me."

"Cool. Cool. My brother was a goalie when he played here." Acacia carried on the conversation while Ki was trying to regain herself.

"Really? That's awesome!" Lyra exclaimed.

A whistle blew from the sidelines. All the girls in the cobalt blue jerseys started hustling towards a man in a white shirt standing in front of the crowd.

"I gotta go guys! I'll see you later?" Lyra said motioning her hand towards Ki.

Ki looked up quickly and met her eyes with an accidental glare.

"Uh...yeah... good luck!" She fumbled out.

"Thanks. Go find a good seat!" Lyra shouted behind her as she started to run off in to the grass behind the fence.

Acacia grabbed Ki's arm again and grinned over at her.

"Dude are you okay?" She laughed, pulling her towards the direction of the crowd.

"Hmm?" Ki looked over to her.

"You're face is so red."

"Must be hot. Those stupid stadium lights were beating down on my neck."

"Ah. Okay." Acacia smiled, taking the first step up the metal bleachers for them.

————————

From their seat in the front row, Ki couldn't see shit from all the people standing in front of the bleachers.

What she could see, however was the goal post, and that's all that matters in sports, right?

Ki didn't know much about sports. Maybe she'd actually have to pay attention now.

_Where was number 4?_

Ki scanned the field for Lyra's number.

_Shit! There she is._

Lyra had the ball! She was running so fast, Ki almost couldn't recognize it was her. She was past the center of the field when the other team started rushing towards her. She dodged one on the right, and then one on the left. She kept running towards the goal when finally some other girl slid underneath her and kicked the ball away.

"Hey!" Ki yelled to no one in particular. She was just mad that bitch stole the ball.

"Ki sit the fuck down you loser." Acacia pulled her shoulder back down into the stands.

"She just stole that from her!"

"It's soccer honey, it happens."

"Whatever." Ki grumbled as she blew a strand of hair out of her way.

————————

In the end of the game, Kennedy won by 1 goal.

It was Lyra who made it.

Everyone in the stands stood up yelling when the ball hit the net, and Ki was ecstatic. Lyra thrust her hands up high in the air as all the girls from the team started running to her in the middle of the field. The buzzer on the clock went off and the girls started jumping as Lyra was screaming her face off.

_She probably did make a good cheerleader._

Ki was smiling, and rushing out of the stands, Acacia in tow. The two girls were rushing towards the fence, Ki still yelling as Acacia laughed behind her.

"Did you see that? Did you see that Acacia? Oh my god! That was so close!"

The soccer girls were moving off the center of the field, all of them bustling around Lyra, pushing her shoulder, ruffling her hair, patting her on the back. The coach was holding out his clipboard in his hand as he was repeating "great game girls!" over and over again.

All the girls grabbed their water bottles from the bench and started chugging them down, but not Lyra. Lyra grabbed hers and immediately looked around in the crowd.

Ki studied her face. It looked like she was deliberately looking for someone, her face frowning as she scanned the top row.

"Lyra!" Ki yelled over the fence.

Her gaze shifted over to Ki and immediately her eyes lit up as she sprinted over.

"Hey, how was the game?" She called, making her way to the fence.

"I don't know... you tell me! You just saved our school's reputation." Ki flung her hands into the air.

"It's just a game Ki." Lyra laughed, pouring her water bottle back into her mouth.

"Yeah, but it was a good one! You did amazing!"

"I have never seen you so excited over something..." Acacia grinned at them.

Lyra looked over to Acacia with a slight look of curiosity. Ki watched several expressions pass over her face, each one just as unique as the last.

"Well uh... anyways, you did good for your first game!"

Lyra's gaze shifted back over to Ki.

"Thanks." She gently smiled, looking down at her cleats.

"No problem." Ki said softly.

"Listen guys I'd love to stay and chat but I got be home by 9 and that's in a few minutes so we should get going." Acacia interrupted.

"Oh. You guys better get a head start then. Thanks for coming." Lyra grimly smiled.

"Yeah, no problem. I am totally coming to more of these." Ki nodded.

"Good. I guess I'll see you around then."

"Goodnight Lyra." Ki waved, as Acacia started pulling her away.

"Goodnight Ki."


	12. Chapter 12

"Alright, so if everyone can get these papers filled out and turned in by Friday that would be great. Also... make sure you have a roommate picked out before hand or Mr. Carr and I will be assigning them randomly." Mrs. Moon said handing a packet of information on the trip out to the different tables.

Ki picked up her packet excitingly, looking at all the locations on the list.

Over the course of the weekend they would be seeing all of Smithsonian Museums on Friday, including a full day just at the Air and Space Museum on Saturday. Then they had a break Saturday night to go explore and shop. And on Sunday they were going to NASA, and then heading home.

_They were going to go see fucking NASA!_

Ki smiled as she read through the itinerary, obviously more excited than most of the other students in the class.

She wondered what Lyra was thinking when she got the packet a few hours earlier.

————————

delivered:  
did you get the packet this morning?! I'm so excited

read.

lyra 💫  
yeah me too! I just have to get my mom to sign everything... she's been working the night shift a lot idk when she'll be home :/

delivered:  
well if you don't have anything to do tonight you should stop over. my brother is making lasagna for dinner and we were going to watch civil war

read.

lyra 💫  
civil war like the captain america movie?

delivered:  
yeah my brother hasn't seen it yet. me and Andi have been screaming at him to watch it for like forever now

read.

lyra 💫  
yesssss I am so in

delivered:  
really?

read.

lyra 💫  
yeah! what time should I come over?

delivered:  
uh... well dinner's in the oven, so now if you want

read.

lyra 💫  
okay I have to wait until my sister gets out of the shower but I'll be over in a few what's your address?

delivered:  
124 garrison drive  
it's a small white house with like a maroon jeep and a silver civic out front

read.

lyra 💫  
oh! I think that's the same neighborhood hana lives in! I went over to her house last weekend... you guys are practically neighbors

delivered:  
hana garrett?

read.

lyra 💫  
yeah

delivered:  
she's across the street. we rode the bus together freshman year

lyra 💫  
heyyyy so you guys know each other that's cool we should all hang out sometime

delivered:  
sure

read.

lyra 💫  
alright I'll be there in 20

————————

It was more like 15.

Not that Ki was paying attention.

Or throwing everything in her bedroom into her closet.

Or panicking on whether or not it was okay to wear her pajama pants or if she should keep her jeans on.

She was fumbling with a few things on her desk when the doorbell rang.

"I'll get it!" She practically screamed as she bolted out of her room.

As she ran down the stairs in her twenty one pilots socks, she almost tripped a few times.

"Who the fuck?" Andi mumbled from the couch as he sat up.

"It's a friend."

"You have friends?" He rubbed his face, lifting his glasses off his nose.

"Fuck off Andi." Ki retorted, reaching for the door.

As she pulled the handle to the white door open, a burst of cool air came through the entrance.

"Heeeey." Lyra smiled as she saw Ki.

"Hey, I uh... come in." Ki pulled the door back so that Lyra could step through.

When Lyra entered the room, Ki closed the door behind her and prayed to God Andi wouldn't embarrass her in the first five minutes of her being here.

"I don't think I've met you before..." He stood up from the couch, putting his glasses back on.

"Uh no, I'm new here." She waved. "Lyra Meclane."

"Hi Lyra." He smiled back. "I'm Andi."

Ki walked back over towards where Lyra and Andi were conversing and smiled.

"So uh...? Do you want me to show you around real quick?" She piped in.

"Sure, yeah!"

————————

They started upstairs.

Ki showed her where the bathroom was, whose bedroom was whose, and where Shori liked to do yoga (the latter made Lyra laugh a little as Ki explained it).

Then they ended up in her room.

Lyra smiled softly as they walked in.

Ki picked at every little thing she could've done to make it look better in the back of her mind.

She could've put her books that were on her desk back inside the drawers. She could've put all the pens on her bedside table back in the cup holder. She could've made her bed a little bit nicer.

But Lyra didn't seem to notice.

"This is so... you." Lyra whispered, looking at the pictures and drawings hanging up above her desk.

"What do you mean?" Ki asked hesitantly.

"No that's not a bad thing, I love it. It's just... exactly how I would've imagined your room."

"Thanks... I think?"

"Kiiiiiiiii!" A voice yelled from downstairs.

"Coming." Ki returned, starting to turn out of room, Lyra in tow.

Ki closed the door behind them, and Lyra was already walking down the hallway as Ki caught up with her.

They walked down the stairs in a single file line, Lyra in front and Ki not too far behind.

As they reached the bottom of the carpeted steps, Ki could see Andi walking in to the kitchen.

"Hey love, could you get me the plates on your way in?" She heard her brother's voice from inside the kitchen.

Lyra looked back for Ki, and when she did, Ki gave her a faint smile, nudging her forward across the living room.

"Is this your brother?" She whispered as they listened to an exchange between Andi and Shori.

"Yeah." Ki smiled as they stepped in to the kitchen.

"Who's doing dishes tonight?" Andi was leaning back against the counter with the plates sitting on the surface behind him.

Shori looked over to him with an all-knowing grin.

They both raised their eyebrows at each other and then unanimously answered: "Ki."

"That's not fair I have a shit ton of homework to do." Ki protested as they stood in the entrance of the kitchen.

"I'll help." Lyra shrugged beside her.

"No you won't sweetie." Andi winked, pushing himself away from the counter.

Shori quickly turned around from the sink and noticed the two girls in the doorway.

"Oh hi! Ki didn't tell me she was having someone over..." Shori glared at Ki with a fake smile.

"Oh. Sorry... I uh, I'm Lyra." Lyra smiled, glancing over to Ki a few times.

"Well hi Lyra. I'm Shori, this is Andi, and that's Ki."

"I've met them..." She laughed, looking over to Ki.

Ki smiled back, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear and angling her head towards the floor.

"Well uh make yourself at home. Grab a plate. Drinks are in the fridge. Take whatever you want." Shori directed her towards where Andi was standing.

"Thanks."

Shori turned his attention back towards Andi as the girls started making their own side conversation.

"When you said your brother did yoga, not gonna lie, I thought he was going to look like Kat's brother..."

Ki laughed a little, remembering the twiggy little blonde dude that her classmate Kat's older brother was.

"Sorry to disappoint."

"Just a little shocked that he's actually like a jacked dude." She laughed, hurrying her smile behind her hair.

"I am so telling him you said that." Ki cracked out.

"Doooon't he'll hate me." She shoved her hand into Ki's shoulder.

"Oh trust me Lyra, you are impossible to hate."

————————

Dinner had gone successfully well.

No one asked embarrassing questions or told weird stories, only talked about movies and the best kind of pizza.

When they had settled in to the living room, Shori and Andi had immediately taken the large couch right in front of the tv, and Ki was left sharing her normal spot with Lyra.

She didn't think the loveseat would be big enough for the two of them to comfortably lay down, but somehow they made it work.

Through the first thirty minutes of the movie, Shori was asking questions every time a new face popped on the screen.

"Who is she?"

"Oh that's that metal dude!"

"Wait she can do what?"

"That's totally unrealistic."

"What the fuck?"

"He's hot." Which in return, got a "Shori!"

"Wait a second... he's who now?"

The room was dark and when the sun came down, it became more and more of a struggle to stay awake.

Shori and Andi were bickering their way through the movie and obviously the two had picked different sides.

"Metal guy is going to win."

"Iron man?"

"No the one with the arm."

"Bucky is not a fucking team Shori!"

"I don't care I like him Andi!"

Ki snickered to herself as the boys argued, watching the screen illuminate shadows into the rest of the room.

She was going to mumble something to the girl sitting next to her, but she realized she was half asleep.

Lyra was starting to fade off, her eyes only staying open for a second before they would close again.

Ki shifted her legs out from underneath her, and sat so that her feet were paralleled to the floor.

"You can lay down Lyra." She whispered, scooting herself over to the far side of the couch to give her space.

Lyra barely nodded in compliance and started to lean over towards Ki.

She brought her feet up to the end of the couch she was sitting at, and curled herself in to a small ball, which was ironic because of how tall she was.

Lyra laid her head down on Ki's thigh, her hair spilling out in to the rest of her lap.

Her face was facing the tv, and her eyes were barely watching along with the fight sequence on screen.

Meanwhile, Ki was captivated with watching the shadows on Lyra's face. The light from the tv illuminated her features, and Ki couldn't help but take a moment to study them.

Her jaw was smooth, but defined. Her lips were small, but stuck out a little as she breathed in and out through them. Her cheeks were thinner than Ki's, which made Ki internally curse at herself for still holding a little bit of baby fat in her face. But above her cheekbones, were small little freckles lining the area right below her eyes. Ki had missed them all the other times she had looked at Lyra; they were barely there, but they gave a certain younger glow to her already glowing skin tone.

Lyra was beautiful.

Like, really fucking pretty.

As Lyra's eyelashes fluttered closed, Ki could tell she wasn't wearing any makeup anymore. She had seen what makeup looked like from watching what effect it had on Acacia. But this girls eyelashes were just so long and airy, Ki wanted to reach out and feel how soft they would be against her skin.

"He's not going to kill him is he?" Her brother interrupted her day dream.

"You are actually stupid. A hero can't kill another hero. It's a Marvel movie."

"Well I've only watched like three Andi!"

"Shori shut the fuck up, Lyra's trying to sleep." Andi whispered, pointing over to Ki and Lyra's couch.

"Sorry Lyra." Shori whispered too.

"It's okay." Were the jumbled words that left her mouth sounding more like "ts'kay."

Ki glanced over at her brother with a watchful eye, getting a smile from Andi in return.

Andi loved it when Ki went bitch mode on Shori. It gave him something to laugh at.

Shori ignored her and was intently watching the movie, Andi leaning up against his side.

Ki wanted something like that.

Ki wanted someone to argue with her over stupid shit, and watch superhero movies, and fall asleep leaning on each other's shoulders.

Ki wanted someone like Andi. Someone who knew she was this dark, messed up person, and still loved her unconditionally.

Ki wanted to be able to feel so comfortable around someone that her fears all went away, and the things that once scared her were no longer a worry.

Ki wanted all these things, but she also wanted to give them back to someone.

Ki wanted someone to love.


	13. Chapter 13

lyra 💫  
hey can you give me some advice?

delivered:  
I suck at advice but I can try...

read.

lyra 💫  
how do you turn down someone's homecoming proposal?

delivered:  
someone's asking you to homecoming? that's awesome! I've never been, so I don't really know

read.

lyra 💫  
but I don't think I'm going to go. I've just got way too much going on and it's not really that important I'd rather just do something else that night

delivered:  
who's asking you then? just tell them you're not going

read.

lyra 💫  
it's aloric. honestly I think he's just asking me bc im new and he thinks he'll get something out of it

delivered:  
fuck him he's a dick anyways who cares

delivered:  
I mean don't! not literally! please don't fuck him!

read.

lyra 💫  
wasn't planning on it lmao

lyra 💫  
why are you so concerned?

delivered:  
what

delivered:  
I'm not. just don't want to see you ending up in the wrong crowd

read.

lyra 💫  
ah

lyra 💫  
okay.

————————

bitch #1 👿  
KIIIIIIIII

delivered:  
ACACIAAAAAAA

read.

bitch #1 👿  
do you want to go to steak and shake with me?

delivered:  
hell yes let me take a shower. I'll come get you

read.

bitch #1 👿  
good my mom took the car anyways

————————

delivered to "fuckers at 124 garrison dr" group chat:  
hey I'm going to steak and shake you hoes want something?

shori the whori  
get me a reeses shake

the side bitch  
FRIES

the side bitch  
I WANT FRIES

the side bitch  
PLZ BRING ME FUCKING FRIES

shori the whori  
I'll pay you back on Friday

delivered:  
you better or i ain't buying you and your boyfriend food ever again

shori the whori  
first of all fuck you :)

shori the whori  
second of all HES MY FIANCÉE YOU DIPSHIT USE THE PROPER TERMS I HAVE WORKED HARD TO ACQUIRE THIS ASS

the side bitch  
why are you yelling you stupid shit

delivered:  
if this is true love I think I'd rather be single

the side bitch  
hey now...

delivered:  
jk andi I love you babe but shori can go fuck a tree

the side bitch  
okay :)

shori the whori  
WHAT THE FUCK

shori the whori  
you're leaving me for my sister?!

the side bitch  
shori

the side bitch  
my love

the side bitch  
you know I am the big gay™️

——————————

"Did you know that Aloric is asking Lyra to homecoming?" Ki said stuffing a fry in her mouth.

Acacia slammed her shake cup down on to the table.

"What? No."

"Yeah." She nodded, swallowing her fry.

"That poor girl." Acacia shook her head.

"She's not going."

"She's not going?! She'd literally be nominated for homecoming queen and she's only been here a month."

"I know... but she doesn't want to." Ki shrugged picking up another fry.

"Hm." The noise came out of Acacia's mouth as more of a sound instead of a word. "Why not?"

"She's just staying home I guess, she's probably overwhelmed? Not really sure..."

"Hmmmm..." This time it sounded accusatory. "Okay."

"So are we going to homecoming?" Acacia popped a fry into her mouth.

"Um... I don't really want to, do you?"

"Nah. Let's just watch Star Wars."

"Alright." Ki shrugged.

The two sat on opposite sides of the table for the rest of their very long dinner. The night consisted of throwing fries into each other's mouths and making the grossest sauce combinations.

It was 8:30 by the time they left.

Ki ordered the boys' food in the drive thru, and snacked on the fries in the bottom of the bag the whole ride home.


	14. Chapter 14

Going to soccer games had now become a normal thing for Ki.

Every Thursday night she was waiting for 6:30 to roll around so she could leave the house and go sit at the school and watch—of all things—soccer.

She would go alone sometimes.

Acacia didn't like the cold, and as the weather cooled down with the start of October, she started becoming more and more hesitant to come.

Still, every single time she would sit in the front row and watch the game carefully, trying to understand what had happened so she could talk about the game later with Lyra.

It was always at the fence.

After each game.

Lyra skipped the team bonding at the end and came running towards the fence where Ki would be standing there grinning saying something along the lines of:

"Did you see that?"

"You kicked her ass!"

Or

"That was so close!"

"How did you do that?"

Lyra loved it every single time.

She always stayed modest, but Ki wanted to brag about her. Lyra Meclane was an amazing soccer player.

"So do you think you guys are going to finals or whatever?" Ki found herself beaming one especially cold night.

"I mean it's only been four games, but maybe! I hope so... that means my mom would actually come to that game." Lyra shrugged a little.

"What do you mean? She doesn't come to these?"

"Nah. More important things going on... and it's not cheerleading. It's soccer, it's hands on, people get hurt, and I'm not supposed to be interested in sports. I'm supposed to be interested in cooking and cleaning and meeting men's wishes, but I think it's all bullshit." She waved her hand off a little as she summed up her rant.

"That is bullshit. You are fucking amazing just like this! She should come see you!"

"Like I said before Ki... more important things going on... she's got a lot on her plate. And I don't blame her." She sounded softer this time, as if she was reminding herself of her place. "I uh... I should probably go get changed."

"Oh." Ki now knew she had crossed a line. "Okay."

Lyra gave a faint smile as she turned around to walk back to get her water bottle. Ki was internally beating the sides of her brain as she walked away.

But then she stopped.

And Ki watched her, confused.

She turned around and bit her lip.

"Do you... uh... would you ever... uh... you know what, nevermind."

"What?" Ki mumbled confused.

"I'll text you later." She smiled hesitantly. "Bye Ki."

"Bye... Lyra."

————————

lyra 💫  
do you ever watch the stars?

delivered:  
all the time

read.

lyra 💫  
what's your favorite constellation?

delivered:  
hard one. probably cassiopeia

read.

lyra 💫  
I love how that sounds. cassiopeia...

lyra 💫  
do you know what mine is?

delivered:  
let me guess

delivered:  
...lyra

read.

lyra 💫  
good guess

lyra 💫  
but it's cygnus

delivered:  
hmm. okay

read.

———————

"Hey Ki?" A voice called from across the hall.

"Whaaaaaat..." She groaned, rolling out of her bed.

"Can you come here for a minute?"

Ki's feet hit the floor, and the rest of her body just shrugged off the bed in the laziest fashion ever.

"Ughhhhhhh..." She grumbled as she slowly started to walk across the room.

Ki was very tired. It was already midnight and now she knew she was going to be up for even longer, knowing Shori.

It was probably going to be over something stupid too. Like how she came home too late, or her car was running low on gas, or how she needed to get a job again instead of focusing on school.

But regardless, she made her way to her brother's bedroom.

The door was already open so she stepped inside and leaned her shoulder back against the doorframe.

He and Andi were sitting on the bed next to each other, and Andi was still wearing his glasses, something that Ki found a little odd for how late it was.

"Yeah?" She raised her eyebrows, waiting for Shori to address her.

"I've got a question for ya..."

"What did I do now?" Ki mumbled hitting her head back against the wall.

"No. No it's not that." Shori laughed, sitting up off of his pillow.

"Oh."

"Although while were on the subject, stop parking in front of my car." Andi lowered his glasses.

"Where else am I supposed to park?" Ki retorted, glaring at him.

"Uh... next to my car, so I can still get out without having to maneuver back and forth seven thousand times." He smiled sarcastically.

"Whatever. That's where Shori was parking."

"Yeah well now he parks in the garage."

"Will you two shut up? I was trying to say something." Shori interrupted.

"Sorry babe." Andi said, laying his head back against the headboard.

"So Ki..."

"So Shori..."

"How would you feel about being my best... man? Best woman? I don't fucking know what the term is, and I don't know how it works, but I want you up there kid."

"Really?" Ki leaned forward from the doorframe.

"Yeah."

"I'd love to be your best... woman." Ki responded with the same sense of confusion that Shori originally presented.

"Awesome." Shori smiled, nodding his head.

Beside him, Andi was smiling fondly, watching the exchange happen.

"Wait..." Ki grinned. "Does that mean Andi gets a maid of honor?"

"Fuck you." Andi rolled his eyes laughing.

————————

delivered:  
guess what

read.

bitch #1 👿  
what

delivered:  
no you have to guess first you shithead

read.

bitch #1 👿  
you found another favorite emo band

delivered:  
I don't know if I'm offended or impressed that you know me that well...

delivered:  
but no

read.

bitch #1 👿  
okay well idk man

delivered:  
shori wants me to be his best man

delivered:  
woman

delivered:  
whatever the fuck

read.

bitch #1 👿  
fuck yessssss bro I'm so excited they're my otp

delivered:  
honestly me too

read.


	15. Chapter 15

"Only two weeks left until the trip! Are you excited?" Lyra said, walking side by side with Ki in the hallway as they made their way to chemistry.

"Yeah. It'll be my first time in DC, so hopefully it's fun." Ki said shifting her binders from one arm to the other.

"You've never been to DC? How is that even possible? It's awesome!"

"Just never got the time I guess." Ki responded shyly.

The truth is Ki was supposed to go to DC on another school field trip back in junior high, but she had to stay home. It was three months after the accident, and Shori couldn't afford to send her, nor could she make it through the trip without having a mental breakdown.

Ki was honestly a little surprised Shori was totally cool with her going on this trip. Maybe it was the fact that she was nearly an adult now, and if she could drive a car without any problems, she could go a few hours away without any problems, right?

Ki certainly hoped that was going to be the case. For her sake, and for Lyra's.

But what if Ki had a breakdown on the trip? What the hell would Lyra do? She would have no idea what was going on. Poor Lyra would desperately try to help, but come to no results.

Ki prayed on her last dying wish that that didn't happen.

Just the thought of the possibility alone was making her nervous.

"Did you study for this test?" Lyra changed the subject.

"Hah no." Ki scoffed.

"Me neither. Hopefully the lab from Monday is all it covers, because other than that, I don't know shit."

Ki nodded in agreement as they entered the classroom.

Everyone had their notes pulled out, trying to cram in those last minute definitions, but the truth was... every single person in that class knew they were screwed. Even Miss Perfect Lyra Meclane.

They made their way to the back and sat down. Back in week one, Ki had sat alone, and Lyra had sat at the table next to hers, alone as well.

Beginning of week two, Lyra started sitting next to Ki. Ki found it a bit odd at first, but now she had learned to enjoy the extra company. Especially hers.

As they sat down their shoulders bumped into each other's, something that Ki had almost come to expect everyday instead of being surprised at.

She smiled to herself as Lyra said "oops sorry," just like she did every single day.

"Stop apologizing, you do this everyday." Ki playfully elbowed her.

"Oh shut up I do not..."

Ki raised an eyebrow towards her with suspicion as if implying the "mmhmm."

"Fine whatever." Lyra sighed in defeat.

Ki slid her binders over to the corner of her desk, and took out her red pen from behind her ear. Beside her, Lyra was taking a notebook out of her shoulder bag, while also battling to keep her hair back out of the way. Ki wanted to hold it back for her, but she knew that would be weird, even if it was helpful. As Lyra started sitting back up, Ki directed her attention towards the front of the class.

Ki began aggressively tapping her pen against the table in boredom, when a hand landed on hers, prompting her to stop.

"So... I meant to ask you the other day... do you uh... have any plans on homecoming?" Lyra slowly pulled her hand back.

"Um..." Ki crinkled her nose in thought. "I don't... oh wait. Yeah, um... movie night with Acacia."

"Oh." Lyra nodded, turning her head away.

Ki could sense her disappointment. Poor Lyra was probably going to be bored out of her mind. She was going to turn around and invite her to movie night, but Lyra began to talk first.

"Do you think you and Acacia would want to come over to Hana's house? We were planning like a girls night or whatever. You can bring your movies, and then it's the best of both right?"

_Hmm, guess not as bored as she thought._

"Oh... uh yeah! I'll ask Acacia. That sounds cool. Who all is coming?"

"Well it's me, Hana, Kat, you and Acacia." She smiled.

"That sounds great. I've never met Kat before, only her brother, but I'm sure she's great."

"I'll start a group chat then!"

————————

After school, Ki's phone was blowing up.

She only knew a few of the numbers so it was confusing as hell.

lyra 💫  
hey babes this is the official 'best way to waste homecoming night ever' gc

unknown  
waste of a night my ass. there's no where else I rather be

unknown 2  
you right

bitch #1 👿  
can we rename it 'bad bitches only' plzzzz

delivered:  
really acacia?

bitch #1 👿  
fuck off katashi :)

unknown  
I like her already lmao

unknown 2  
can we say names? I don't have anyone's numbers saved

bitch #1 👿  
acacia krolic

unknown  
kat ganderway ;)

unknown 2  
kat that was gross don't do that

unknown 2  
hana garrett

lyra 💫  
lyra meclane :)

hana garrett  
oh no not you too lyra

delivered:  
ki katashi :,)

hana garrett  
KI NO I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS

hana garrett  
please take that face back

delivered:  
nah.

hana garrett  
you're officially on my shit list

delivered:  
awe how kind of you <3

bitch #1 👿  
hana... I love you

bitch #1 👿  
let's forget ki and be best friends

delivered:  
wait a fucking second

hana garrett  
sorry ki I'm running off with her

delivered:  
what the fuck acacia

delivered:  
I thought you were bae

kat ganderway  
you tell her ki

lyra 💫  
turns out you were just fam

delivered:  
FUCK YES

delivered:  
hana I'm stealing your best friend we're running off together

lyra 💫  
okay :)

hana garrett  
ah fuck.

bitch #1 👿  
wait don't turn back now

hana garrett  
sorry acacia

delivered:  
nope sorry she's mine now :)

hana garrett  
plz give her back

delivered:  
I don't think so :)

hana garrett  
STOP THAT

delivered:  
stop what ;)

hana garrett  
I WONT HESITATE BITCH

bitch #1 👿  
KI I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE... IMMA TELL HER

delivered:  
I will slit your throat Acacia

hana garrett  
I already know where you live

hana garrett  
better sleep with one eye open ki

lyra 💫  
now now hana... murder isn't fair unless the other person is aware they're being murdered...

hana garrett  
I forgot sorry

hana garrett  
BETTER HIDE YO KIDS AND YO WIFE THEN

delivered:  
I'm a single teenage girl???

hana garrett  
murder always finds a way

kat ganderway  
welp i guess I'll see you all in hell


	16. Chapter 16

"KIIIIIIIIIIIII GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE!" Were the first words that Ki woke up to on Thursday morning.

Ki whined as she bolted awake, flipping off the covers violently.

"What the fuck do you want Shori?!" She screamed down the hall, hoping it would travel down to the kitchen.

"Come here! Now!" He yelled back.

Ki grumbled to herself as she slumped across the room.

The cold wood of the hallway floor hit her feet with an unwelcome chill as she left her room. The light from the living room illuminated the stairs as she quickly stomped down them one by one, hoping to make her footsteps as loud as possible.

"Stop being a shithead and get in here." Shori called as he must've heard her from the kitchen.

"What do you want? I still had ten minutes. That's a lot of fucking time." Ki rolled her head back as she walked into the kitchen.

"I just wanted to talk to you before you left for school." Her brother said with a wide smile as he turned around from the stove.

"Ugh... seriously?"

"Sit down grump ass." Shori said waving his spatula down to the seat in front of her. "It's important."

"Okay, what?"

"Next weekend, Me and Andi are going to go see his parents in New Mexico... that means, you'll be here alone, unless you want to go stay with a friend. Are you okay with that?"

"Um... next weekend?" Ki said, actually taking a minute to process her thoughts. "So that means the weekend before the DC trip weekend?"

"Yep. We should be back Monday night, so if you need anything for the trip we can go on Tuesday."

"Um okay. That's sounds fine. I'm a big girl, I don't need a babysitter Shori."

"Just making sure you were gonna be okay if... you know..."

"Relax. I'll be fine. Go enjoy the in-laws." Ki smirked, knowing Shori was going to be doing just the opposite.

"Hah hah so funny." Shori scrunched up his nose at her.

Ki smiled in return, as Shori removed whatever was in his pan from off the stove. He slid it onto a plate and then grabbed a fork from out of the 'clean dishes that haven't been put away but still get used' container.

"You like ham right?" He asked, turning around with the plate.

"Uh sure?" Ki said suspiciously.

"Here." Shori placed the plate in front of her. "Eat some breakfast."

Ki looked at what seemed to be an omelet in front of her and smiled softly. No one had made her breakfast for a school day since Shori's mom died. She used to make them both food every single morning, complaining when they would try to rush out without eating.

"Also... while were on this subject, I'd like to put down some rules."

Ki's smile dropped in to a glare.

"Seriously?"

"Yes. I love you and I trust you, but I just need to make sure you don't do anything reckless so... rule number one: no alcohol while I'm gone. That includes beer, wine, hard liquor, shots, everything."

"Whatever." Ki said, brushing off the first one as fairly simple seeing as how she didn't drink anyways.

"Rule number two: don't go in our room."

"K."

"Three: you can have guests, but no more than four at a time, and if any are of the opposite gender they're not allowed in your bedroom."

"Shori... do you really think I would..."

"I am not taking chances. We do not need another Katashi around this house."

"Agreed." Ki leaned over her plate, stuffing her mouth with the first bite of Shori's omelet.

"Four: if you make a mess, clean it up. Do your dishes, take out the trash, make sure everything is still just as we left it."

"Everything?"

"Just use your brain Ki." He sighed. "Five: don't be reckless. For your own sake, be home by midnight unless you are sleeping over somewhere, and make sure you keep your knife on you."

"My knife? You told me not to carry that..."

"Just this once I'll let you have it."

Ki smiled as she put her fork back down on the plate. It had been awhile since Shori had even talked about their knives. Ki liked to believe she had a pretty impressive collection, but Shori said she shouldn't go bragging about all her sharp objects, or kids at the new school would be concerned, and she wouldn't make any friends.

_Acacia likes the knife collection._ She mentally sighed to herself.

"I'll leave it at five. Anything else pops up you call me. Any questions?"

"How do you feel on people spending the night?"

"That's fine. Don't do anything I _would_ do, and don't do anything Andi _wouldn't._ " Shori rationed with himself.

"Hmm. Okay." Ki shrugged, somehow completely understanding what Shori meant.

"Anything else?"

"Uhhhh... can I use the bike?" Ki smirked at Shori, raising an eyebrow in the process.

"Hell no. You're not getting hurt while I'm not here."

"Not even just to school and back?"

"Absolutely not. No. Don't touch the bike Ki... please, if there's one rule you actually listen to, let it be this one."

"Okay, okay, stay off the bike. Got it." She mumbled.

"Alright, if you have anything else just text me. I'm late for work. Bobby's gonna kill me if I show up to the garage late again."

"Get out of here old man." Ki grinned, taking another bite of her omelet.

"See you later kid." He said patting her shoulder as he started walking away.

"Actually... um..." She cleared her throat. "You probably won't until late. I'm going to the game again."

"What game?" He called back as he continued walking away.

"The soccer game."

"Okay, well have fun. Don't do drugs."

————————

Soccer game number six was a success.

They were on a winning streak and Ki could tell the whole morale of the team was extremely high.

Lyra especially.

Well, Lyra was always a ball of energy, but tonight she was ready to throw down with whoever didn't have on their Kennedy High gear.

"If we win this game, you owe me a pizza." Lyra teased before the game.

"Deal." Ki shrugged. "But I never said you wouldn't win..."

"Doesn't matter. I'm hungry right now."

"Didn't you eat dinner?"

"Didn't have time." Lyra waved it off.

"Okay, well go kick it in the ass, I believe in you!"

Lyra smiled and ran off towards the field.

————————

They won by a landslide.

Looks like Ki was down a pizza.


	17. Chapter 17

"So tomorrow we were thinking meet at Hana's around 6 so we can get something to eat. That sound good to you guys?" Lyra called across the locker room.

Ki thought it a little bit odd to carry on a conversation while they were all changing out of sweaty gym clothes, but Acacia didn't seem to mind.

"Yeah I'm down." She replied, kicking off one of her shoes.

"Awesome. Do you guys want me to bring anything?"

"A shit ton of candy." Acacia pleaded with wide eyes.

"Acacia calm the fuck down." Ki laughed, sitting down on the bench in front of their locker.

"A shit ton of candy it is then." Lyra laughed back.

"Do you want me to pick you up?" Ki looked up at Acacia.

"Nah I'll just hitch a ride with Lyra."

"What?" Ki said a little distraughtly.

"I live just down the road from her, she's on the way." Lyra informed, almost as if sensing Ki's unease.

"Oh... okay."

_What was that?_

Confusion?

Anger?

Jealousy?

_Okay Ki, chill out._

———————

hana garrett  
hope y'all bitches is ready I got four different types of ice cream

bitch #1 👿  
damn we livin lavish

hana garrett  
you bet your ass

kat ganderway  
please tell me you got mint chip

hana garrett  
ofc do you think I'm a monster?

kat ganderway  
no you're a hella good friend

lyra 💫  
everyone quick!

lyra 💫  
favorite candy?

kat ganderway  
kit kats

lyra 💫  
predictable

hana garrett  
skittles

bitch #1 👿  
anything with chocolate

lyra 💫  
me too... me too

lyra 💫  
Ki?

bitch #1 👿  
I know you ain't dead bitch answer this gc

delivered:  
sorry

delivered:  
oreos

bitch #1 👿  
that isn't a candy you fuck

lyra 💫  
oreos it is :)

———————

"Hey Shori?" Ki called from her bed.

"Yeah..." He answered from somewhere down the hall.

"Can I go spend the night at a friends house tomorrow?" She asked, knowing the answer was already yes.

Shori didn't really give a shit what she did, as long as she told him first.

"Who?" His voice got closer.

"Hana Garrett across the street."

"I didn't know you and Hana were hanging out again." Shori appeared in her doorway.

"Well we're not... not like... alone anyways... but she's having some girls over tomorrow that are ditching homecoming."

"Didn't peg you as a sleepover type." He raised an eyebrow with a sly smile.

Ki noticed that she and Shori tended to do that a lot. Must be a family thing.

"I uh... I'm not really."

"So why are you going? I thought you and Acacia were watching Star Trek."

"First of all, its Star Wars. Second of all, I uh... don't really know. I just got invited so I'm going." She shrugged.

"Hm. Okay. Well... be safe. Come home if you need something."

"Yeah, yeah."

———————

Waking up Saturday morning to a stream of texts on her phone, was not something Ki ever found common.

This Saturday happened to be different though. It was homecoming after all.

That typically wouldn't have meant anything to her, but tonight she actually had plans.

Plans with the three annoying girls blowing up her phone, plus Lyra.

kat ganderway  
can I please bring my xbox

hana garrett  
kat this is literally a sleepover... you can survive a couple hours without playing halo

kat ganderway  
I don't play halo dumbass

hana garrett  
whatever

bitch #1 👿  
hey kat you ever played rObLoX???

kat ganderway  
acacia sweetie, honey, dearest child

kat ganderway  
what the fuck

bitch #1 👿  
okay so you think it's stupid too?

kat ganderway  
it's so fucking annoying

bitch #1 👿  
THATS WHAT I THINK

bitch #1 👿  
my brother is on it nonstop

bitch #1 👿  
all I hear is OOF all the damn time

hana garrett  
I love that sound

hana garrett  
It's honestly such a mood

lyra 💫  
oof you right tho

kat ganderway  
oh no acacia we've lost them

bitch #1 👿  
NO FUCK GO BACK

lyra 💫  
too late mwahahaha

lyra 💫  
it's left to ki to decide the fate of the gc

hana garrett  
her light is out

hana garrett  
who even goes to sleep this early?

kat ganderway  
it literally 1:30 hana ??

kat ganderway  
the proper question is who _doesn't_ go to sleep this _late?_

lyra 💫  
yeah I'm about checked out but my mama isn't home yet and liana won't go to sleep

hana garrett  
sing her a song

lyra 💫  
have you heard me sing?

kat ganderway  
speaking from experience... please do not sing to her

kat ganderway  
spare that toddler her life

lyra 💫  
oh shut the fuck up

lyra 💫  
that was ariana grande of course I sounded like shit

bitch #1 👿  
oh kat I am so sorry

bitch #1 👿  
I'm lucky... Ki doesn't sing around me

lyra 💫  
I bet she's good

hana garrett  
if it's anything like her brother's singing it's not

bitch #1 👿  
YOUVE HEARD SHORI SING?!

hana garrett  
yeah one time I was outside reading and he was taking a shower with the window open and he was belting some mcr song and it was so awful I'm forever scarred

bitch #1 👿  
OMFG I love it

kat ganderway  
I've never met Shori

lyra 💫  
sorry kiddo you're the only one

kat ganderway  
what??? traitor... you're new here how tf do you know him already?

lyra 💫  
I've been over there...

hana garrett  
were you over there making out with Shori? *wiggles eyebrows in seductive manner*

kat ganderway  
WHAT?! LYRA'S INTO OLDER GUYS?!

lyra 💫  
NO.

lyra 💫  
no oh my god

lyra 💫  
Ki please don't open your messages tomorrow

lyra 💫  
jeezus. okay first of all, I was hanging out with Ki. second of all, Shori's engaged okay? How did you not know this Hana?

bitch #1 👿  
Yeah come on Hana...

hana garrett  
fuck you both

hana garrett  
It's in my nature to ship things prematurely

lyra 💫  
yeah no. that ship is never happening. ever.

kat ganderway  
well this has been entertaining hoes but I'm going to bed

bitch #1 👿  
you lucky bitch

bitch #1 👿  
goodnight

lyra 💫  
night kat

hana garrett  
fuck you for leaving me.

kat ganderway  
love you too

hana garrett  
if Kat's giving up I am too I don't have enough strength to face you on my own

bitch #1 👿  
bye shithead <3

lyra 💫  
see you tomorrow anus

hana garrett  
what the fuck lyra

hana garrett  
you know what... I changed my mind. you are the worst

lyra 💫  
do I get put on the kill list with Ki? :)

hana garrett  
I'm not giving you that privilege. you die first

lyra 💫  
damn

lyra 💫  
okay

bitch #1 👿  
well lyra it's been an honor texting with you

lyra 💫  
the honor is mine

lyra 💫  
I'll see you on the other side

bitch #1 👿  
farewell my dearest child


	18. Chapter 18

"Ki how the fuck are you so late? It takes like a minute to get here..." Acacia mumbled from the island she was leaning over as she grabbed another pretzel from a yellow bowl.

"Sorry. I uh... got tied up with Andi being a dumbass not knowing how to do the laundry without fucking up my jeans."

"He's a grown ass man, you'd think he'd be better at this." Lyra laughed joining the conversation.

"Right?" Ki pointed over to her as she found a spot for herself to lean onto the island.

"Who's Andi?" Hana said in a weird way as she was in the middle of chewing her food.

"My brother's boyfr... fiancée."

"Oh so another person I haven't met. Great." Kat threw her hands up, rolling her eyes in the process.

"You're not missing out, trust me." Ki laughed, reaching over to the middle of the island to grab a pretzel from the bowl.

"Yes you are. She's lying." Acacia whispered, leaning towards Kat.

Ki threw one of her pretzels at Acacia and glared at her with a concerning look. Acacia turned towards Ki with a pissed expression and hissed back "what" with a mean smile.

Ki flipped her off, all the while smiling and popping a pretzel into her mouth.

"So what do you guys want to do?" Hana piped in.

"Stare into each other's eyes and spill our deepest, darkest secrets." Kat said in a completely monotone voice.

Hana took a step back from the counter, and Lyra looked at her with a sense of amusement and confusion.

"Let's save that for later, yeah?" Lyra half laughed.

Kat laughed seeing the responses her two friends gave. Of course, she wasn't being serious.

"Can we go to Walmart?!" Acacia gasped.

"What the fuck?" Ki sighed.

"Why?" Kat motioned her hand out towards her.

"Um... okay?" Lyra pondered.

"Have you ever played Walmart bingo? It's hilarious... we can split off into teams and the team with the least amount of boxes checked off buys dinner." Acacia explained with a grin.

"Actually that sounds like a good idea. I'm down." Hana shrugged.

"Yeah but there's not going to be even teams..." Kat pointed out.

"That's okay... we can... um..."

"Let's do two and three." Lyra suggested.

"Me and Kat are a packaged deal." Hana draped her arm over Kat's head.

Kat pouted, probably from being used as an armrest.

"Okay so um lets draw then. I'll say I'm one team and Kat and Hana are another. We'll put two and three on pieces of paper to decide who gets the third member, then split from there." Lyra said, already writing down numbers on a post it note pad that was on the counter.

She pulled the yellow note off the pad, and ripped it into halves, crumpling them up into two balls. She placed them on the counter and then Acacia mixed them up, covering her hands so that neither side saw which one was which.

"Okay Hana, pick one." Acacia said, standing back from the counter.

Hana leaned over and picked up the smaller of the two balls, smiling as she showed the unfolded result to Kat.

"We call Acacia." Kat smirked.

"Sorry Lyra, you're stuck with Ki." Acacia grinned as she high-fived her new team mates.

Hana, Acacia and Kat were all nodding their heads and talking in quiet whispers as they laughed about what pranks they would likely play on the other team, and how they were going to win.

Lyra, however, didn't seem to think they were going to beat them. She grinned as she folded her arms over her chest.

"So who's driving?"

————————

They all barreled out of Lyra's moms mini van singing the lyrics to Crazy in Love by Beyoncé.

Lyra swore it was only because her mom had the CD in, but Ki caught her singing every single word without hesitation.

It made her laugh.

Lyra was the kind of girl that shamelessly blared early 2000's music on her way to Walmart, yet blamed it on her mom with an embarrassed blush on her face.

_Yep, that was Lyra._

It was cute how she thought they couldn't even tell.

"So I'm sending the bingo pic in the group chat. If you get a bingo or run out of time, send it in here." Hana said to the group, typing on her phone.

They all walked in a single file line, spreading across the entire parking aisle.

"Got it." Lyra said, saving the image to her phone.

Ki didn't even pull hers out, she knew if Lyra knew what they were doing then everything would be fine.

"Acacia and Ki you'll keep time. Set the clock for thirty minutes, when it goes off everybody meet back at the car and we'll compare results." Kat said pointing over to the two. "Oh... and pictures or it didn't happen." She added a wink.

"Got it." Ki mumbled watching her feet, as to make sure she didn't trip and fall on her face right in front of her new friends.

"Everybody ready?" Hana smirked as they approached the doors.

Lyra glanced over to Ki, and Ki met her face with a mischievous smile.

The group took their last steps towards Walmart as a whole, and then as the doors whooshed open, they split into two.

"Go!"

————————

Ki and Lyra had gotten seven things checked off in the first ten minutes, but now it was becoming harder and harder.

"Do you think we can find someone peeing in the toy section?" Lyra said, her forehead crinkled in thought.

"Do you really want to take that chance?" Ki raised her eyebrows.

"What about a barefoot child? Easy one right?"

"I guess." Ki shrugged.

Lyra had confidence that they were going to win, but Ki quite frankly was noticing that the other team probably had divided and conquered with their extra member, and were currently two boxes ahead of them.

"I feel like a lot of these categories are mean." Lyra frowned as they walked through the baby clothes section.

"Yeah... little bit." Ki agreed.

"I almost feel bad playing it, but if it means free food... I can't turn down a good deal."

This resulted in Ki smiling while Lyra wasn't watching. She was a few steps in front of her, but still looking back every once in a while to make sure Ki was behind her.

Ki followed Lyra's motions, not actually looking at her, but rather just following what she saw out of the corner of her eye. Ki was actually scanning the aisles for anything they could use as bait.

That being said, she didn't really notice when Lyra abruptly stopped in front of her.

Ki ran right into her back, losing her balance and falling straight back onto her ass.

She hit the tile floor with a painful thud, cringing at how much of a dumbass she just made of herself in the middle of a damn Walmart.

"You okay?" Lyra turned around, offering her hand out immediately.

"Yeah... I'm just... I wasn't paying attention..." She mumbled, hiding her face behind the hair that fell out from behind her ears.

"Okay..." Lyra laughed back, a hint of curiosity in her tone.

Ki hesitantly took the hand that was outstretched to her and pulled herself up quickly.

"Thanks." She whispered, letting go of Lyra's hand.

She felt a little strange as she let it go. It's almost as if she wanted to keep ahold of it for just a few seconds longer. Ki wanted to feel her pulse against her fingers, and wondered if maybe hers was beating at the same rate. She wanted to feel her skin again, and the soft ways it lifted her up off the floor.

Ki pushed all these thoughts away as Lyra started walking down a different aisle.

There was no way she was thinking about this as hard as Ki was.

————————

bitch #1 👿  
four minutes left losers

delivered:  
shut ur fuck acacia

lyra 💫  
you get her ki

bitch #1 👿  
wow you guys are really showing that team spirit

kat ganderway  
I know who I'm drawing on tonight

lyra 💫  
you're doing what

kat ganderway  
nothing ;)

delivered:  
don't you touch me

delivered:  
there's a chance you might get hurt

kat ganderway  
haha yeah yeah heard it all before

bitch #1 👿  
okay just this once I would take Ki seriously. she punched me in the face once because I slammed her locker when she wasn't expecting it

bitch #1 👿  
it's okay tho I'm used to it

delivered:  
I'm sorry okay. I just... It's a habit

hana garrett  
a habit to punch people in the face?!

delivered:  
it's hard to explain

delivered:  
just don't touch me

kat ganderway  
noted

———————

"We have ten you guys lost big time!" Kat yelled as she held up her phone in her hand, running across the parking lot.

"Well..." Ki whispered, leaning over towards Lyra who was leaning against the van. "What now?"

"Shit." Lyra sighed in defeat. "We knew they were gonna win."

"To be honest... yeah."

"Are we accepting defeat?"

"I've got ten bucks." Ki frowned.

"Guess were going to McDonalds then." Lyra sighed as the other team ran up to the van with their victorious grins on.

"Did you even get five?" Hana teased.

"Pssh. Yes... we got eight." Lyra gave a mocking grin.

"Eight?" Acacia laughed. "With Katashi on your team? Were you even trying?!"

"Not really, no." Ki responded with a sarcastic smile.

"Come on guys." Kat rolled her eyes. "You didn't even try?"

"Yes we did, Ki was just scared of the pedophiles." Lyra said throwing out a side glare at Ki.

"Oh shut the fuck up, that was only one time."

"Whaaaaat?! Come on Ki, who cares about safety these days?" Acacia mocked her.

"You are all pieces of shit and I hate you." Ki grumbled, starting her walk to the passenger side door.

"So what's for dinner guys?" Hana said branching her arms over her two smaller teammates.

"Hmmm I don't know I kinda feel like..." Kat started, before Ki interrupted.

"You're getting McDonald's."


	19. Chapter 19

The girls stayed up until 2 in the morning talking about conspiracy theories and the black market.

Ki personally didn't give a shit about either of the topics, but Acacia and Kat seemed really invested in the conversation so Ki just listened as she leaned back against Hana's bedroom door.

Lyra was sprawled out across the floor in front of Ki's feet, watching the ceiling fan as the girls kept talking their nonsense.

It didn't take long before one of them fell asleep.

Surprisingly, it was Hana first.

She fell back into her bed and didn't get back up.

The next was Kat, as she curled into a ball in the bean bag on Hana's floor.

Acacia turned off the light and then found a peaceful spot in the trundle she pulled out from underneath Hana's bed.

Ki was sure Lyra had fallen asleep to the light breeze of the fan blowing her face and her humongous fuzzy blanket curled up to her neck.

That left only Ki awake, leaning against the door with no where to go, and no blanket.

She hadn't even thought to bring one when she was packing. She was too busy thinking about what pajamas were socially acceptable to worry about necessities.

Ki awkwardly shifted around in her little corner, scanning the room for another blanket.

She would settle for an empty spot on the floor, if only she could find something to cover herself with.

Apparently, Ki's movement must've woken Lyra.

"Ki? Are you still awake?"

"Yeah. Sorry." Ki whispered, sinking back to her corner.

"No it's okay. I am too." Lyra began to sit up.

"I thought you were asleep."

"Nah my brain won't turn off. All those theories got me thinking." She laughed a little.

"Whatcha thinking about?" Ki leaned her head over on the wall and watched Lyra's silhouette.

"Mostly how the fuck there are so many people that share the same birthday as me. Like I never even thought about it. What if a teacher shares a birthday? What if my neighbor shares a birthday? What if I meet some stranger on the street and we share a birthday? God Ki... what if we share a birthday?!" She whispered.

"October 23rd." Ki replied.

"July 28th."

"Well I guess that settles your theory then."

"There are so many other people to test it on though..." She sighed, looking over to the other sleeping girls.

"Don't think about it too much." Ki softly smiled. "You'll find someone else someday."

Lyra suddenly turned quiet. It was almost as if a switch flipped and she now became a mute, dull being. She looked around the floor as if she was looking for something, but her face carried a look of pain and remorse. Ki didn't understand what had happened. She went from normal Lyra to Shori post-second-season-of-shadowhunters real quick.

"Someone else..." She whispered, not wanting it to be heard.

But Ki did.

She didn't know what it meant, or why Lyra was acting so strange.

"You okay Lyra?" Ki whispered, hoping her question would settle her curiosity.

"Um..." Lyra muttered hesitantly.

She never answered the question, she just left it at that. Ki was thoroughly confused.

"What is it?"

"I... can we talk about something else?"

"Yeah... sure... what do you want to talk about?"

"I don't know... let's just... um..." Lyra fidgeted with the hem of her sweatpants. "You. Let's talk about you."

"Me?" Ki took her response with surprise. "What about me?"

"Anything. Just... tell me about you."

"Well you'll have to narrow it down for me. I'm not really sure how to explain myself in one sentence."

"Okay..." Lyra laughed. "Fair."

"Start with a question." Ki stated fondly.

"What's your favorite color?"

"Red." She replied without second thought.

From her favorite jacket to her jeep, and even her fucking toothbrush, everything she owned that wasn't black and white, was red.

Lyra didn't even have to say hers was blue. Ki could already tell.

They were opposites.

"Favorite holiday?" Lyra folded her legs out in front of her.

"Halloween."

"Favorite thing you've gone as for Halloween?"

Ki actually had to think on that one. She couldn't narrow it down to just one. There were so many times she went as different characters that made her heart soar. She never bought anything from the store, either. Everything she made herself. Ki considered cosplaying at some point, but things had gotten too complicated in her life by then.

"One time me and Shori went as vines for Halloween."

"No you fucking didn't." Lyra laughed a little louder than she expected.

"Yeah. Shori switched between that one girl who said 'not to be racist or anything... but Asian people...' and 'look at all those chickens'"

"Wait, but he's Japanese right?"

"Yeah which made it so fucking funny." Ki laughed a little, remembering the confused faces of older people as they handed out candy that night.

"What were you?"

"Okay funny story... every once in a while I would go inside the door and then when a family would come up to the steps I would run out to Shori and go 'chris is that a weed? I'm calling the police!' while pointing at the candy in his hand and the kids were always confused as fuck it was the greatest thing I've ever done."

Lyra folded herself over on the floor, trying not to laugh and wake up the others.

"I love you guys."

"To be honest, it wasn't much of a dressing up kind of thing. It was more just me and Shori trying to make friends our first year moving into this neighborhood." Ki shrugged.

"When did you move here?" Lyra sat up straighter.

"A few years ago. A month before freshman year started."

"Why'd you move?" She said in the most genuine way, Ki almost couldn't be mad at her.

But she still didn't like it.

She didn't like talking about what happened.

And she definitely didn't like talking about it in front of other people her age that would just wallow her in their pity.

"It's a long story. I don't really want to talk about it. Change topics." She whispered, looking down at the floor.

"Oh. Sorry..." Lyra shrank herself back down again. "Um... do you have any songs stuck in your head right now?"

"...yes."

"Sing me a line."

"No." Ki replied with a straight face.

"Okay well at least tell me what it is grump ass." Lyra smiled, obviously teasing her.

"The beach by The Neighbourhood."

"Good song."

"You know The Neighbourhood?"

"Little bit." She shrugged. "Only a few songs. Haven't really gotten around to listening to the full albums yet."

"We're listening to them on the way to DC." Ki stated, not taking any protest from Lyra.

"Fine with me." Lyra smiled softly.

The headlights of a car driving in front of Hana's window peered in through the blinds. The light illuminated the room for a moment leaving Ki and Lyra to see each other for those few seconds. Ki was actually able to see Lyra's beautiful smile, instead of just sensing that it was there. While Ki was watching Lyra, Lyra was watching Ki. The two hadn't even realized they were staring directly at each other, desperately trying to get a glimpse of the others face. Lyra blinked slowly as the light faded in passing. That was the last vision of Lyra that Ki was able to make out before both of them snapped back to reality.

"Lets go to harder questions." Lyra suggested as they kept staring at each other through the darkness.

"Only if I get to ask one back." Ki whispered raising the corners of her mouth into a crooked smile.

"Alright." Lyra said pondering her first question. "If you had to be the child of one ship who would it be?"

"That's so... good. Wow, actually... let me think on that."

Ki spent the first minute of their silence deep in thought. Was she more of a Destiel or a Malec child? Oh, but what about Winterwidow, she definitely saw a lot of herself in both of them.

Then suddenly the answer came to her, and she thought herself so clever she almost had to hold back her laughter.

"Andori."

"Who?"

"I don't know is it shandi or is it andori? I've never settled on one or the other..."

"Are you talking about Shori and Andi?!" Lyra exclaimed in laughter.

"Maybe..."

"Oh my god Ki... I didn't mean literally." She hit her palm against her forehead with a sigh.

"My turn." Ki smirked. "If you had to kill one person in this group to ensure the safety of the rest, who would it be?"

"That's so dark, what the fuck?"

"Well we're taking the questions up a level, so that means I get to make death jokes now."

"Oh so you're a dark humor type... nice to know." Lyra nodded sarcastically.

"And your answer is..." Ki prompted.

"Me." Lyra replied instantly.

Ki expected her to say Acacia. She expected her to say Hana. She expected her to say Kat, or maybe even a "you." She did not expect this.

"What?" She said softly, the words almost breaking her heart.

"If all of you were in danger and it was down to someone to protect you, I would do it. It's a no brainer... if I die and the rest of you get to live, then it was all worth it."

"Lyra... I would never let you do that." Ki shook her head, her tone still as gentle as before.

"Eh. Nope. Zip it. End of story. I'm being the hero. Don't take my glory, Ki." Lyra said in a more upbeat tone, clearly trying to lift her spirits. "My turn for a question, yeah?"

"Yeah I guess." Ki sighed.

"Have you ever... hmm... no wait... tell me the story of your first kiss."

Ki was taken aback. How was she going to explain to Lyra that she was a seventeen year old that had never been in a relationship, or even kissed on the playground. All the boys that 'crushed' on her in elementary school got chased away by her fists. How do you explain to someone that you were so inherently violent as a child you threatened to cut someone's lips off, instead of wanting to kiss them?

"I... uh... I don't have a story to tell." Ki mumbled.

"You don't?" Lyra got soft, just like Ki did moments before.

"No. I've been single my whole life. I'm kind of a loser." She laughed a little at the end to make it seem not as pathetic.

"No you're not... I don't think you're a loser... maybe you just know that no one is good enough for you."

"What? I'd be lucky if someone actually found an interest in me these days. I'm just the fucking weird girl that Acacia just so happened to befriend on the first day of school."

"You only chalk yourself up to being Acacia's friend?"

"Well I mean... no one would know who I am if they didn't associate me with her..."

"That's not true! You are so much more than that. I didn't even know who Acacia was when I first met you."

Ki shrugged. Maybe Lyra had a point. But who would actually want to date her? Ki could make a list... it would be empty.

"Oh well... it doesn't really matter. It's my turn."

"Yeah." Lyra gazed at the floor quietly.

"Celebrity crush?" Ki said, trying to lift the mood.

"Zendaya."

"Oh." Was Ki's response.

_Why oh?_

Maybe because she expected her to say like Chris Evans or Timotheé Chalamet or something more... _male._

"What?" Lyra tilted her head over.

"No... uh... nothing."

"Mmkay." Lyra suspiciously replied. "What's your middle name?"

Ki never really had been asked this question until now. It had just never come up before. She had never even seen her full name on paper, it was probably stored away on a birth certificate somewhere that her father hid. She didn't know.

"I uh... I'm not sure."

"What, seriously? Just tell me... it can't be that bad..."

"No I... I don't know."

"Do you have one?"

"I don't think so?" Ki squinted. "Maybe. I never really knew."

"How could you not know?"

"My mom named me."

"Okay, so just ask her."

"She left."

Ki could tell Lyra wanted to backpedal quickly. The hesitation breached her silhouette in the weirdest way. She stiffened her shoulders, yet her arms and the rest of her body seemed to slouch.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have assumed." Lyra spoke with a sense of regret.

_I shouldn't have assumed._ That was something Ki had never heard before. It wasn't someone saying 'I didn't know' and being an ass about the fact that no one told them, it was someone saying 'I'm sorry for making an assumption about you that was incorrect. It was my mistake.' Ki held that genuine heartfelt nature that Lyra exuded in the back of her mind.

"It's fine. I don't talk about it. Acacia only knows a little too, don't feel bad."

Lyra stayed silent. Ki wondered for a second if she was getting tired.

"My turn?" Ki asked getting back to their game.

"Yeah." Lyra mumbled.

"Do you speak Spanish?"

"Yeah." Lyra lightly laughed, almost taking it as a rhetorical question. "Of course."

"Really? Say something to me."

"Estoy totalmente enemorado de ti."

"What did you say?"

"Can't tell you." Lyra smirked.

Ki didn't really care, it all sounded beautiful to her. Hearing Lyra speak in her native tongue was like taking her interest in her to the next level. She was so amazed that a person could be fluent in two languages, when Ki could barely get above a C in a class about the only language she'd ever known.

"Do you speak Japanese?" Lyra asked back out of curiosity.

"Uh... no... no I don't. Shori does though. He's actually lived in Japan."

"Really?!" Lyra leaned forward, trying to keep her voice down.

"Yeah. He was born in Japan. His mom was half Japanese, half American, and his dad was half and half too. They were both born in America, but were both living there at the time due to where he was stationed, so Shori was born in Japan."

"That's _so_ cool."

"Yeah, it's pretty neat. Shori's got a lot cooler stories about his childhood than I do." Ki smiled thinking about how fun it must've been to grow up in Japan.

"So where are you from?" Ki wondered out loud.

"Me? Oh I'm just a girl from Cuba."

"Cuba?!"

"Yep. Cuba."

"Sounds cool."

"Not really." Lyra tilted her head back towards the ceiling. "I wasn't actually born in Cuba anyways."

"You weren't?"

"No. I was born in Florida. But then my dad wanted to go home, so we all headed down to Cuba and stuck around with his huge family for ten years before heading back up to Florida so us kids could go to high school and college."

"How huge?"

"I don't know how many cousins I have, and I can't count my aunts and uncles on my hands."

"Oh... shit."

Ki found those statistics to be a bit overwhelming. She couldn't even imagine a family that big. The only people she'd ever known as family were her dad, Shori, and Karol. Now only one of them was left. Lyra would never run out. Must be amazing... but also a pain in the ass.

"So what about you?" Lyra asked, a little hesitant from their earlier conversation on Ki's mom.

"What?"

"Where are you from?"

"Um... Texas."

Lyra smiled. "Texas?"

"Yep. Texas." Ki nodded her head.

"How'd you end up here then?"

"When my mom... left... my dad started working more to be able take care of me, so he ended up seeking out the place where he would get paid the most and we ended up here."

"Is this where you met Shori's mom?" Lyra asked out of curiosity.

"Uh sort of. We actually used to live like an hour away from here. He met her when I was like 7-ish? I think... I don't really remember. Anyways, we used to live in this cute little suburban neighborhood and we had a totally cute little normal civilian life. It was great."

"Was? What happened?" She replied back softly.

Ki froze up.

Did she really want to tell Lyra that she was basically an orphan? Did she want her to know all the shit that had happened? Did she want to take the risk of having a break down in some other girls house?

She had said too much already. _Why did she think that opening up to Lyra would be a good idea?!_

"I... I don't want to talk about it." Ki said as quietly as she could, tucking her knees underneath her arm.

"I'm sorry. I'm so fucking stupid. I need to learn when to stop." Lyra was rubbing her hands on her face in embarrassment.

"You're okay. It's just... _this_... I just don't want to talk about this. Is there something else you want to talk about?" Ki mumbled, leaning her chin forward to rest on her knees.

"I should probably just go to sleep before I make even more of an ass out of myself." She sighed.

"Oh... okay."

Lyra fumbled around with her blanket as she started laying down on the floor. Ki kind of wished she could give her something to make the girl more comfortable. She knew how awful it was to sleep on floors. Hell, she would be doing it too tonight.

Ki was leaning her head against the wall, trying to settle her brain down, as she watched Lyra settle into a restful position.

"Goodnight Ki." She whispered, pulling the blanket up to her face.

Ki closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

"Goodnight Lyra."


	20. Chapter 20

School on Monday was everything Ki expected it to be.

Nonstop talk about who did what at homecoming, and who hooked up with who, and who snuck in a beer, and other useless information Ki really didn't need to know, but always found herself eavesdropping on.

It was always like this for about a week after homecoming and prom. Pointless drama and endless gossiping.

Ki sometimes felt bad for the people that made it into the spotlight. Some were girls she knew. Some were boys she hated. Some were just people who ended up in the wrong place at the wrong time. However they made their way into the gossip chain, and Ki knew they weren't likely to get out.

kat ganderway  
sounds like we missed a pretty big fight at the dance

kat ganderway  
kinda wishing we stopped by now

bitch #1 👿  
aw come on I wanted to watch two petty little princesses throw down

hana garrett  
it wasn't girls acacia lmao

hana garrett  
it was aloric and taron

delivered;  
seriously? I thought they were like best friends

hana garrett  
I guess one of them was being pissy about not having a date and he started flirting with the other dudes girl

lyra 💫  
oops

hana garrett  
explain?

lyra 💫  
aloric asked me. I said no

kat ganderway  
haha that loser asked you... he should've seen it coming

bitch #1 👿  
I don't feel bad for him

delivered:  
neither do I

delivered:  
plus... if he started flirting with tarons girl just because he didn't have you there like wtf?

hana garrett  
okay but we been knew that aloric is a dick

bitch #1 👿  
you're not wrong

lyra 💫  
trust me guys I know I made the right choice

lyra 💫  
hanging out with you was way better anyways

kat ganderway  
you damn right

bitch #1 👿  
I enjoyed my free food

delivered:  
oh shut the fuck up acacia you know you came for more than the food

bitch #1 👿  
fine the bitches I ate the food with were pretty cool too

delivered:  
there you go

————————

When Ki got home from school, she was ready to fall into her bed and just lay there staring at the ceiling for the rest of the night.

When she walked into her bedroom, she slid her backpack down and sat it on the floor next to her desk, and then made a bee line for her soft little corner of sanctuary.

As she was getting ready to take off her shoes, there was a knock from her doorway.

"Ki, can I ask you a question?"

She looked over to the door and didn't see her brother, but instead, Andi, standing there with his 'professor clothes' still on.

It was weird to see Andi in uniform. He always left before Ki got up in the morning and he was usually home and into his pajamas by the time she got out of school.

"Uh sure." She replied, dropping her left shoe she had taken off onto the floor.

"Do you think we should do the wedding in the winter or the spring? I was thinking like January or February, but I also think Shori was hoping for like April or May..."

Ki smiled, glad that it wasn't a serious question like she had expected from his earlier tone. She actually loved it when the two secretly came to her for wedding advice when the other didn't know. It made her feel like an insider. It made her realize that they both cared about her opinion. It made her feel loved.

"Well you know Shori's birthday is in February, so I would cross that month off the list. It's also Valentine's Day month so like there's already too much cheesy crap going on anyways."

"Yeah. You're right, February's out."

"I'd love to see you two have some wedding pictures in the winter though, so personally I would vote for January. But isn't that going to be impossible to book this close to the date?"

"No it's okay, my co-worker owns the venue he only lends it out to people he knows so we're good." Andi smiled, his cheeks almost pushing on the rim of his glasses. "But January is a good idea... Shori does look really cute in the snow."

"And I think the black and white theme would be really nice with the suits and the snow." Ki shrugged her shoulders.

"Right? That's what I was thinking. Shori just didn't understand the logic in freezing our asses off."

"Shori doesn't have much of a knack for design so please make all of the decisions for him." Ki laughed.

"I'll run it by him again... thanks Ki, you're the best."

"I know." She shrugged taking off her other shoe and tossing it down to the floor.

As Andi left her room, Ki felt a sense of happiness.

They were actually getting married. She wanted to scream in joy. It was always something she'd thought of, but never thought she'd get again... a real family.

Pretty soon she'd have two... dads? Brother and brother in law? Who the fuck knows what she was supposed to call them... Ki couldn't have been more excited for the day to come.


	21. Chapter 21

**content warning:** non-descriptive mention of a drug overdose

————————

"Shori where the fuck is my phone charger?" Andi yelled to the kitchen from the top of the open staircase.

Ki sat on the couch and leaned her head back, looking up at him with a devious smile.

"Karma bitch." Shori yelled back from the kitchen.

"Seriously Shori, it's the last thing on my list and then I'm ready."

"Fine... it's in the living room on the table next to the couch."

"Thanks babe." Andi called back to him, almost as if immediately switching between tones.

Ki heard Andi's footsteps patter down the stairs as she looked back down to her phone. She was looking up the weather so she didn't freeze her ass off at the soccer game tonight.

"It's supposed to be cold. Better bring an actual jacket so you don't die. If you do, Shori will never let me hear the end of it." Andi said, leaning over the back of the couch looking down at Ki.

"I'll keep that in mind." Ki smiled, handing the phone charger up to Andi.

"Thanks kid."

"You know I hate it when you call me that." Ki mumbled, rolling her eyes.

"Yeah, but I love it." Shori appeared in the doorway with his arms crossed.

"Well fuck you Shori." Ki put on a sarcastic smile.

Her brother smiled back as a response. Like an actual genuine smile. Maybe she would actually miss him over the weekend.

_Who else was she going to make fun of?_

"You ready to go?" He pointed over to his fiancée.

"Yeah. Are you?"

"Yeah. Just one more thing..." Shori said making his way over to the couch where Andi and Ki were. "What's the rules?"

Ki sighed as she remembered their conversation from last week.

"No beer, no snooping, no boys, clean up, not a lot of guests, home by midnight and carry a knife."

"And..."

"And?" Ki looked at him in question.

"Don't get on the damn bike." Shori sternly glared at her.

"Yeah, yeah, I got it."

"Good." Shori leaned over and rustled his sister's hair. "Love you. Stay safe. Call me if you need anything."

"Whatever, love you too loser."

"I mean it Ki. If you need _anything_ , call."

"Yeah, yeah, go enjoy New Mexico." Ki smiled looking at Andi. "Take care of him will you?"

"I'll try. My mother's wrath might be the end of him though." Andi shrugged.

"She's not that bad." Shori rolled his eyes.

"If you say so."

Ki laughed along with them. She smiled as they started to fight over who was going to drive as they both reached for the keys on the table next to the door.

"Oh hell no, you're an awful driver." Andi pointed, the keys dangling from his finger.

"Yeah but once we get past Kansas I don't know where we're going, so if I drive first then you can nap and drive second."

"Or I could just drive the whole way."

"Andi that's exhausting." Shori sighed.

"I'm driving... go get in the car."

"But..."

"No. It's mine anyways, you'll mess up my mirrors."

"He's got a point. That's why I don't like you driving my car." Ki interrupted from the couch as she listened to them bicker. "You're too tall, you mess all my settings up."

"See Tashigane?"

"I'm not even that much taller than you, Andi!"

"Whatever. I'm driving." Andi stated, turning his back on the both of them and opening the front door.

"Never get a boyfriend Ki. He'll drive you crazy." Shori whispered to his little sister with a smile.

"Will do." Ki lazily saluted back with two fingers.

"Love ya kiddo. See you Monday." He leaned over and kissed the top of her head.

Ki closed her eyes and took a deep breath as she heard him walk towards the door.

"Bye Shori. Have fun." She mumbled back.

And then the door closed behind him.

Ki was officially alone for four days.

————————

delivered:  
do you want to go to the game tonight?

read.

bitch #1 👿  
I've got a shit ton of homework... I want to, but I shouldn't

delivered:  
come with me hoe

read.

bitch #1 👿  
next game I promise

delivered:  
k have fun with ur calc

read.

bitch #1 👿  
stfu

————————

It was an away game.

Luckily it was just the next town over.

Kennedy and Middleton High have been rivals since before time.

Or at least that was the vibe Ki got when she moved here.

The crowd was a little larger than Ki though it would be, considering it was an away game and everyone was most likely going to freeze. Ki herself was shivering in the layers that she put on, and so far that consisted of her favorite jeans and black combat boots, her old karate sweatshirt and a black jeans jacket over that. Her outfit was a little dysfunctional, but she knew her and the cold were not friends.

She felt bad for the girls on the field. She hoped none of them got so cold they tripped over their own feet.

Lyra looked especially freezing.

Coming from a warmer climate and then ending up in this shit hole town must be a real change. Especially with the weather.

As Lyra walked up to the guest side fence, Ki noticed the pink tone of her face.

_She was already cold._

She had her hair french braided back and then a thick adidas head band on top of that. Her face was completely exposed, leaving her looking like she had just face planted into snow.

"Glad I brought my warmup jacket." She sighed, interlocking her fingers into the chain of the fence.

"Yeah... sorry. I guess one thing they don't tell you when you move here is the weather changes pretty fast. We don't really have a fall, we have summer... and winter."

"Guess I should've done my research." Lyra laughed, her pink cheeks turning even darker.

Ki wanted to reach her hands out and hold Lyra's face between her fingerless gloves. It would've been an odd gesture, but nonetheless it would've helped this girl feel her own face.

Maybe one day the day would come where she would find the courage to make cute gestures like that, but it wouldn't be today.

"We're allowed to wear pants though so that's a plus. Glad we're not out here in our shorts."

"Yeah, that would've been a mess." Ki laughed.

Across the field a whistle blew. Lyra's fingers quickly unlocked from the fence.

"I gotta go. See you after?"

"Yeah. Good luck!" She called after Lyra as she ran off towards the feild.

————————

Halfway through the game, Ki's phone started buzzing.

_Now is not the time Shori._

She fumbled with her jacket pocket, trying to quickly grab the phone, but her fingers weren't cooperating.

Frustrated, she pulled out the phone and looked at the screen as it almost slipped out of her hand.

_bitch #1_ 👿

_What?_ Ki questioned as she glared at the screen.

She pressed on the answer button repeated times before it finally registered her action.

"Hey?" She lifted the phone up to her frozen face.

"Hey Ki. I know you're at the game, but I really need you right now..." Acacia said, barely above a whisper. Her voice sounded hoarse and bare, and with the way the words came out of her mouth, Ki knew she was holding back tears.

"You okay Acacia?" Ki said, turning her back to the field trying to hear her better.

"Can you come get me?"

"What's wrong?"

"My mom OD-ed again..."

"No... Acacia..."

"...but the ambulance is here and my brothers are screaming at each other over who's fault it was and... I just... it's too much..."

Ki had already started walking towards the parking lot, which lucky enough was right next to the visitor side.

"Give me a few minutes I'm over in Middleton. Pack some shit you can spend the night."

"Okay." Acacia sniffled.

"Hey... you're gonna be fine. She's going to be okay." Ki said holding the phone up to her ear with her shoulder as she started to find her keys in her pocket.

"I'll be there in 15. Just hang tight and avoid talking to anyone until I get there, okay?"

"Okay." Acacia whispered.

"I'm gonna go now, I gotta drive."

"Bye Ki."

Ki hung up the phone and started running towards her jeep. She was glad it was one of the first cars in the lot—perks of getting here early.

She was fumbling with the keys, struggling to unlock the car from the tiny button on the key fob.

By the time she had reached her door, she ended up just manually unlocking it.

This damn cold weather was going to be a struggle.

————————

"So Adrian thinks it's Jack's fault why?" Ki continued their conversation from the car as they entered into the front door of her house.

"Because he's fucking stupid and had his game up too loud to pay attention." Acacia bitterly spoke about her oldest brother. "It's her own damn fault though. I wish she could just get her shit together and stop making the boys pin her fuckups on each other."

"That's awful I'm sorry." Ki set down her keys on the front table.

"You know sometimes I don't even know why I stay there anymore. I should go live with my damn dad."

"Do you even know where he is?"

"No idea."

"Your plan's a little lacking then, Acacia."

"I know... it's not even worth the struggle. I've only got another year with them anyways." She sighed, plopping down on the couch.

"Well you know Shori's always down with another annoying high school girl crashing in his house, so feel free to come over whenever you want." Ki shrugged.

"Where is Shori anyways?" Acacia looked around the room.

"He and Andi are going to New Mexico for the weekend to see his parents."

"Oh... fun."

"Probably not. Andi's dad is a jackass and his mom's not much better." Ki said untying her boots on the floor.

"You've met them?"

"Once. They came up for Christmas last year."

"That's rough. Are they just naturally mean or is it only because of Shori?"

"No idea. I doubt they like the idea of their son being gay though. They seem like pretty traditional people."

"They'll get over it." Acacia tossed her hair back. "Shori is an angel."

"I hope they do or I'll kick them out of the wedding myself." Ki said tossing off her first shoe.

"Hell yeah. Andori defense squad!"

"Okay, but is it Andori or Shandi? It's honestly been something that has bugged me forever."

"What about Willigane? Or Tashiams?"

"That's last names, what the fuck Acacia? That sounds like shit." Ki laughed throwing her boot at the couch.

Acacia dodged the shoe and then looked back to Ki with a pout.

"I'm trying okay? I think Andori is better."

"I do too, but Shandi flows better."

"Hmm... we'll see about that."

"What do you mean 'we'll see about that'?" Ki said using air quotes to mock her friend.

"We'll ask the couple themselves." Acacia smirked.

"Uh no we won't because one of them is most likely asleep right now, and the other is driving."

"Fine. Another time though, we're not done with this." She pointed over to Ki.

"Whatever loser." Ki mumbled standing up from the floor. "I'm going to bed, you know where everything is, just don't eat my Doritos or I'll cut your face off."

"Hah hah." Acacia stuck out her tongue.

"You think I'm joking, that's the funny part." Ki said seriously as she started walking up the stairs.

"What?!"

"Nothing just... don't go in my brother's room, and turn the tv off before you fall asleep."

"K." Acacia plopped her self back against the couch cushions.

Ki sighed as she reached the top of the stairs.

"Sweet dreams shithead."

"Night bitch."

————————

Ki was on the verge of falling asleep, when a thought crossed her mind.

"I just left the game without Lyra knowing a damn thing." She whispered to herself as she opened her eyes.

"Oh no."

"I was supposed to see her after the game."

"Shiiiiiit."

"Did they even win?"

Ki reached for her phone and looked at the time 11:14.

Lyra was probably still awake.

delivered:  
hey I'm sorry I didn't catch you after the game I had to leave there was an emergency

read.

lyra 💫  
oh okay

lyra 💫  
are you okay?

delivered:  
yeah just something came up. I didn't mean to just leave and not tell you

read.

lyra 💫  
you don't owe me an explanation ki

lyra 💫  
glad you're okay I was a little worried

delivered:  
you were worried?

read.

lyra 💫  
...well

lyra 💫  
yeah a little. I mean... I always see you after the game so I was scared something happened to you

Ki let the phone drop on to her chest. She took a deep breath as she stared up at the ceiling. Her heart was beating faster than usual.

Lyra was scared.

Lyra was scared about her.

Ki closed her eyes.

She probably worries about everyone. She's a caring person Ki, you aren't special.

delivered:  
i'm sorry. i'm fine. didn't mean to scare you. did you guys win at least?

read.

lyra 💫  
you know we did

lyra 💫  
the team is kicking ass

delivered:  
that's good! you guys are definitely in for playoffs then right?

read.

lyra 💫  
I think so yeah... as long as we don't lose the next game

delivered:  
the next game...

delivered:  
but we'll be in DC

read.

lyra 💫  
shit.

lyra 💫  
I hope they can pull it off

delivered:  
me too.


	22. Chapter 22

**content warning:** panic attack

————————

As Acacia and Ki drove to school on Friday, the rain was pouring.

Ki noticed this was probably the first storm she had seen in the morning. It was really odd.

As they pulled into the parking lot, everyone was running out of their cars and into the front doors of the school. No gossiping in people's parking spots on this fine morning.

"Why does the weather always go to shit in October? Like most places at least get until like Halloween, but nope not here! Here it's like... 'oh welcome back to school kids put on your layers and grab an umbrella!'" Acacia grumbled as they pulled into Ki's designated spot towards the back row.

"Yeah well, not much we can do about it." Ki put the jeep into park and unplugged her phone from the aux.

"Still... we should get like mercy days. If it's raining too hard we should get a day off of school."

"Like a snow day?" Ki laughed.

"Yep. A rain day." Acacia affirmed as she grabbed her backpack from the floorboard.

"That's ridiculous Acacia." Ki opened her door.

"No it's not. Kids could get in just as many accidents in the rain as they could in the snow." Acacia got out of the car at the same time.

_Accident._

It stuck out in her head. Ki tried to shake it away.

_Stop it. I just got to school! Not now._

"Yeah I guess." Ki responded quietly, closing the drivers door, and opening the one behind it.

As Ki reached into the back seat to grab her backpack she felt a wave of panic.

_Stop. Please. Not now._

"I mean honestly. It's actual torture to walk all the way through the parking lot while it's pouring." Acacia continued. "Like my shoes are wet and my hair will be wavy again by the time we get inside."

Ki shut the back door, but it seemed more like a slam. She winced and slid a backpack strap over her shoulder. The rain was pouring down, she was certain they would be drenched by the time they reached the front door.

But right now Ki didn't really focus on that. Her mind was going in a million other ways. Telling her a million other things. Making her freak the fuck out.

Ki took a deep stifled breath.

_Come on. Please. Please. Go away._

Acacia was walking in front of her, covering up her head by holding her backpack over it. Ki was just letting the rain fall directly on top of her, letting it dampen her hair, letting it drench her clothes, letting it drip down her face to mask the tears she was forming in the corners of her eyes.

It wasn't helping. Ki was shaking. Whether it was from the cold rain or from her brain screaming at her, Ki couldn't stop.

"Stop. Just stop. Calm down." She whispered out loud, trying to talk herself out of it.

But then she started crying. Ki hated when it got this far. When she started crying, it was almost impossible to stop. She knew it wasn't just the rain anymore as her tears made her face feel warm, when the rain didn't.

"Acacia." She mumbled, reaching out her hand towards her friend.

Acacia kept walking, either not hearing Ki, or waiting for her to speak.

"Acacia." She said again, this time more quickly and with a greater sense of panic.

"Yeah?" She responded, not turning to face Ki but instead still walking forwards.

Ki stopped between two cars they were walking between. She swallowed deeply and tried to speak, but she couldn't form the words. Her breathing was becoming faster and faster. She wanted to just kneel over and cry as the rain poured down on her.

When Acacia realized Ki wasn't behind her anymore, she turned around.

"Ki? You good?" She stopped walking.

"I..." She looked around rapidly, trying to settle her breathing but ultimately failing with every attempt. "I... can't..."

"Can't what Ki?"

"I... I... have to... go... back to... to... the c-car.." Ki fumbled out as her knees felt like they were about to fall out.

"Okay. Okay. Calm down." Acacia said gently, looking around her for other students. "Look just go sit in the jeep. No one's seen you so I'll just tell them you're sick okay? If you want to come in later, come in. If you want to go home, go home. Just wait until it stops raining."

Ki thought she nodded, but maybe the gesture didn't come out.

"You good if I head to class?"

"Yeah..." Ki whispered, pulling out her keys from her jacket pocket.

"Okay. Call Shori. Talk through it. You're gonna be okay." Acacia said, offering a smile before she turned back towards the building.

Ki turned around too. She slowly walked back towards her car. It was hard to see—she couldn't stop crying.

_Why are you always like this?_

_This is why everyone leaves you._

"No." Ki painfully whispered to herself.

It was awful to be at war with your own mind. A never ending battle field. The canon could go off at any time.

She placed her hand against the side of her car as she reached it, half for support, and half to take her mind off of things. It didn't help.

She opened the door and crawled in, laying with her backpack still on in the backseat.

She started sobbing when she closed the door. She pulled out her phone and fumbled with the screen as she looked for Shori's name.

_What time is it there?_

_You're going to wake him up you fuck._

Ki didn't care. She pressed on Shori the Whori and placed the phone up against her ear. The tears slid down the phone screen, creating a wet surface between her skin and the phone.

It was ringing, but to Ki each sound seemed an eternity.

"Come on. Please." She whispered through tears, pleading for him to pick up.

The line crackled.

_No._

"Hey it's Shori... leave a message."

"No." Ki cried softly.

She hung up.

Andi.

Andi, Andi, Andi. She searched though her recent calls list. The side bitch—call.

She put the phone up against her face again, her crying becoming more rapid and breathless.

The rings started, and as they did, so did her anxiety that once again... no one would pick up.

But she was wrong.

Three rings in, she heard a familiar voice.

"Do you know what hour it is?" Andi grumbled in his lower morning voice on the other line.

"I need to... talk to... Shori... please Andi..." She pleaded, her breathing unsteady and her voice quivering.

"Oh fuck. Okay, okay, hang on..." She could hear him shifting and whispering on the other end of the line.

"Shori... Shori... _What Andi?_... get up... it's Ki... _give me the phone..._ "

"Hey kiddo." Shori's sleepy voice came through her phone.

"I'm sorry..." Ki cried. "I didn't... mean to."

"It's okay. Take a deep breath. Breathe Ki."

She tried to take her brother's advice. She stifled in as much air as she could, resulting in her backpack pushing against the back of the seat.

"What's going on?"

"I don't know... I don't know..." She sniffled.

"What happened?"

"Me and Acacia were in the parking lot and I just... we were taking about... rain and..."

"Did someone say something? Did you see something?"

"She said 'accidents' and I just... I don't know why... I'm such a fuckup Shori... I can't keep it together..." She slammed her palm on her forehead, maybe to cause herself pain, or maybe to hinder the pain of an oncoming headache.

"You're fine Ki. You're human okay?"

"Why can't I just... fucking... forget?"

"I don't know Ki. We all handle it differently. Just don't worry about it. Right now you just need to calm yourself. Got it?"

"Okay."

"Okay." Shori said calmly. "Do you want to go to school or go home? I'll call in."

"I... I... I don't know." Ki cried.

"Shhh... okay. Just stop crying. That's priority number one. You can't go inside or drive home if you can't see where you're going."

"Yeah... okay..." Ki took a deep breath in through her nose, closing her eyes.

"Do you have anything important today?"

"There's a test in my gov class, and it's kickball in PE."

"I love how you prioritize kickball. I definitely rubbed off on you." Shori laughed a little trying to lighten the mood.

It worked.

Ki laughed too. It was pathetic and she was still crying, but for a second she smiled.

She sniffled. "I think I should go to school."

"Okay. Good choice. Just give yourself like 30 minutes to calm down and then go in."

"Okay." She sighed, wiping tears from her face with a nod.

"So what's going on this weekend? Anything fun? Tell me what you're doing."

"Um..." Ki took another shaky deep breath. "Not really sure yet. Might go to the football game with Hana, Lyra, Kat and Acacia."

"That sounds cool. Is it home?"

"Yeah." She used her jacket sleeve to wipe the rest of the wetness off of her face.

"Good, good. That means you won't have to drive as far right?"

"Yeah. I guess. As long as I'm actually driving."

"Well maybe see if Lyra will. She's got a car right?"

"I think it's her moms van but yeah..." She mumbled.

"Well that's okay. I almost got you a van."

Ki smiled and closed her eyes. She could just see Andi rolling his eyes at him without even having to be there.

"No you didn't."

"No... I didn't. You got me." Shori laughed.

"Did you know that it's way less humid down here than it is back home?" He added.

"I would imagine." Ki shifted herself so her backpack stopped pressing against her hip. "It's probably a lot warmer, too."

"You'd be correct on that one. Haven't had to wear a jacket since we left."

"Lucky bitch." Ki smirked.

"I see someone's back at their usual humor." Shori teased.

"Yeah... getting there."

Ki still felt shaky. She was still uneasy, and her head was throbbing. But, on the contrary she had stopped crying, and her nose was starting to clear up, even though she felt like she had just washed her eyes with soap.

"Sorry I didn't pick up the phone. I had it on vibrate. I'll have to change that." Shori mumbled to himself.

"No I'm sorry." Ki shook her head. "I'm... just... get back to sleep... I'm sorry for waking you up."

"Hey don't apologize. What are pain in the ass little sisters for if they don't wake you up every once in a while?"

She could see Shori smiling on the other side of the phone.

"A lot of people would not take on that same mindset Shori."

"Yeah well... gotta keep it optimistic." He sighed.

"Glad someone can." Ki mumbled.

"Yeah there's enough pessimism between you and Andi to empty the whole damn glass."

Ki got the joke. She smiled, her cheeks feeling cracked from the drying tears as she moved them.

"Hah hah very funny."

"I was being serious." Shori laughed.

"I know. That's why it's funny. It's completely true."

"Alright Ki, you know what to do from here. I'm going to go. Call me if you need anything. Love you, take care of yourself."

"Okay." Ki sniffled. "Bye Shori."

"Bye kid."

————————

"Hey!" Acacia said as Ki walked into the locker room at the beginning of PE. "Glad you could make it I'm ready to kick some names and take some ass!"

She was already changed into her gym clothes and was bouncing around in her tennis shoes.

"Once again Acacia, you get way too excited over PE games." Ki laughed, setting her notebooks down on the bench in front of their locker.

Acacia stopped bouncing on her toes and instead leaned up against the locker next to theirs.

"How you feeling?" She whispered.

"Been better..." Ki sighed opening the locker. "But I'm okay."

"Good. Can't have my best teammate feeling like _complete_ shit." She smirked.

"So partial shit is okay?" Ki asked.

"Yep. That's acceptable for now."

"Grand." Ki rolled her eyes.

"What's going on tonight?"

"I don't know. I'll text the group chat after school. I think Hana and Lyra were thinking about going to the game."

"Yeah Kat told me about that in English. I think we should go... you know... if you're up for it..."

"Yeah sure."

———————

hana garrett  
y'all hoes going to the game?

delivered:  
I was just going to ask about that

kat ganderway  
I'm not... my brother needs help with a science project apparently

hana garrett  
they do science projects in college?

kat ganderway  
idfk

delivered:  
hmm. k well have fun with that

kat ganderway  
doubt it

bitch #1 👿  
so ki? game and then sleepover at your place?

delivered:  
I mean

delivered:  
I guess that's an option

lyra 💫  
sorry I'm late. soccer practice

lyra 💫  
anyways are we talking about tonight?

bitch #1 👿  
yah you in?

hana garrett  
I am but I'm not spending the night I've gotta babysit tomorrow morning

delivered:  
that's cool you can still ride over with us

lyra 💫  
I'm in for both. what time are you picking us up?

delivered:  
7?

lyra 💫  
yeah

bitch #1 👿  
I'll be ready

hana garrett  
I'll come over at 6:30 then

delivered:  
sounds good


	23. Chapter 23

The morning after the football game, Ki woke up with a pounding headache.

She grumpily rolled on the carpet of the living room and realized it could've been from sleeping on the floor all night.

Her back hurt too. To be expected.

_Why the floor again?_

Ki looked around her as she sat up. Acacia was on the big couch, sprawled out with two blankets draped across her legs, and Lyra was curled up in a ball on the smaller couch with her hair covering the pillow in every way imaginable. They both looked like absolute messes as they slept, Ki hoped she hadn't looked like that as well.

She took a deep breath as she quietly started standing up, she knew the floor was going to creek but she was trying hard not to wake them.

_Coffee._

"Mmmm yes." She whispered to herself, thankful for the idea.

She carefully stepped over the random things sprawled over the floor, including, but not limited to: a hairbrush, a gray sweatshirt, random shoes, a phone charger and a pillow. She didn't exactly know which items were hers, or if any of them belonged to her at all, but she made sure not to step on them anyways.

Once she passed the danger zone, she quickly scurried across the floor towards the kitchen.

When she stepped into the kitchen, the cold tile floor sent a shiver down her spine.

_Why is it always so fucking cold in this house?_

Ki pulled out a Keurig cup from the basket on the counter and popped it into the machine. She didn't even look at what flavor it was because she knew if Shori had bought it, it was going to be good.

She pressed the button and heard as the cycle started, waiting for that first drip into her coffee mug.

Then she yawned, closing her eyes as she leaned against the counter. When she opened them, she noticed her phone was sitting on the counter charging next to an empty pizza box. She must've forgotten to shut it off after their midnight snack run.

_Oh well._ She thought, picking it up.

Her notifications were pretty bare. Only an email from hot topic and a text from Andi.

_A text from Andi?_

She was intrigued. She pressed on the notification and unlocked her phone.

the side bitch  
your brother said the stupidest shit today. he just asked me if ketchup was a vegetable.

Ki weakly laughed and hung her head down and she sent a vague response.

delivered:  
sounds like shori

She closed out her messages and was about to go read that email when a voice came up behind her.

"Good morning."

Ki turned around. Lyra was walking across the kitchen, her footsteps gentle and her socks making them nearly soundless as she rubbed her eyes.

"Oh um... good morning." She said in surprise that someone else was awake.

"Is that coffee?" Lyra mumbled, close to whisper.

"Uh... yes?" Ki set her phone down on the counter behind her.

"I love coffee." She said back sheepishly.

"Well uh here, it's almost done..."

"Awesome."

Lyra yawned and walked over to where Ki was standing.

"You still tired?" Ki glanced over at her.

"Yeah, but it's fine."

"You sure?"

"I'll survive." Lyra leaned up against the sink. "What time is it anyways?"

"10:04." Ki looked over at the numbers on her phone.

"Cool."

Ki didn't respond anything to her statement. She just stood there, watching Lyra try to wake herself up.

Her long wavy hair was falling loosely around her face in every direction possible. She noticed that the more Lyra's hair fell out of her curls, it was probably naturally straight. She didn't wear any makeup on Friday, which Ki didn't notice until now, as she could tell she wouldn't have had time to take it off last night. Under her eyes, she looked tired, but her eyes themselves looked like they had never been more alive. It was such a bold contrast.

"What?" Lyra whispered.

"What?" Ki shook her head.

"Is there something wrong?"

"No... no I was just..." Ki stuttered, realizing she had been caught staring at Lyra. "You look so... I... um... you're really beautiful."

Lyra looked down and smiled so softly it looked as if she was watching a kitten.

"Thanks." She blushed, a color coming to her face that wasn't previously there.

Ki turned back toward the Keurig to hide her own face. She could feel it burning.

_Did she really just say that?_

Ki just told Lyra she was beautiful.

_Why did she do that?_

Not that she wasn't... but that was so... unexpected? Not the right time? Awkward? Ki couldn't really put her finger on what was going on, so instead she put her finger around the handle of the mug and pulled it out from underneath the machine.

She turned around quickly, spilling the top of the hot coffee onto her wrist. She sharply inhaled as she handed the cup to Lyra.

"Here." She gritted through her teeth.

"You okay? Did you burn yourself?" Lyra said immediately taking the mug out of her hands.

"Maybe." She winced, pulling her hand back to inspect it.

Lyra placed the coffee on the counter and quickly reached for a towel. She grabbed one that they had out last night and ran it under some cold water.

"Here, give me your hand." Lyra offered her hand out to Ki.

Hesitantly, Ki placed her hand into the open hand in front of her, and hissed as the cold towel hit the spot of burning skin on her wrist.

"I'm sorry." Lyra whispered, holding down the towel on top of their hands.

"It's okay. I'm just a sissy I guess."

"No you're not."

"It's not even that bad."

"Maybe not, but I'm sure it hurts." Lyra looked down at Ki.

Ki was learning to ignore the pain as she embraced the feeling on the other side of her hand. Her palm was touching Lyra's... _they were basically holding hands!_

_Don't get excited Ki. It doesn't mean anything._

Lyra was using her thumb to rub circles in the back of Ki's hand, bringing a soothing nature to what was once her being a fucking idiot and spilling steaming coffee down her hand.

Lyra lifted the towel off of the top of her hand and looked down at the area it left bare.

Ki looked down with her, spotting the area that was a little redder than the rest of its surroundings and assumed that's where she got burnt.

"Doesn't look too bad. I've done worse." Lyra lazily smiled.

"You've done worse?" Ki looked up at her.

"Yeah. I was curling my sisters hair for a dance once and I laid the iron in my palm. Surprised it didn't leave a scar."

"How do you even do that?" Ki laughed.

"Well when you have younger siblings that beg you to make them 'look pretty' but you also have cheer practice in an hour, you tend to forget simple things." She smirked.

Ki shook her head and looked back down, away from Lyra's eyes. She was still holding Ki's hand. Ki had wondered why she didn't just let go. _Or maybe she was supposed to pull away first._

Ki hesitantly started to lift her hand from the base of Lyra's palm. She didn't like the cold feeling it left behind as she was removed from the heat of her skin.

Lyra's hand lingered open in the air for a second, almost as if she was disappointed that Ki had broke the connection. But just as fast as Ki was curling her hand up and looking over the burn again, Lyra was pulling her hand back towards her side.

She threw the towel on the counter and slowly picked up the mug, making sure not to spill it on herself. Ki watched as she placed the black mug up against her lips. She took a careful sip and then pulled it back down from her face.

Lyra closed her eyes and smelled the aroma from the top of the cup.

"Mmm. That's good. It's been so long..."

"So long?" Ki smiled, waiting for a smartass answer.

"Well yes... Thursday morning." Lyra opened her eyes with a frown.

"Ah." Ki raised her eyebrows, grabbing another mug from off the counter.

"Can I try some?" Ki held out her extra mug towards Lyra.

"What?"

"Shori counts those pod cup thingys so I'm scared to make another one."

Lyra laughed setting down her mug on the counter and taking the one from Ki's hand.

"You mean you don't drink coffee because your brother keeps tabs on the k cups?"

"Uh... yes. On rare occasions I venture in here and grab one." Ki mumbled.

"Oh... oh! This was yours! I'm such an idiot. Here take your coffee... I'm so stupid." Lyra lifted the cup up and held it out for Ki.

"No, no, keep it. I just want a little bit."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah no it's fine, just pour me some."

Lyra didn't hesitate to follow the request. She carefully poured half of her cup's contents in to the one next to it and handed it back to Ki.

"Here I split it."

Ki took the cup with the hand she didn't burn.

"Thanks."

"What's up bitches?" A voice interrupted them from the entrance. "Are you drinking Shori's coffee without me?"

Ki and Lyra both whipped their heads towards Acacia and set their mugs down on the counter.

"Uh... no." Ki answered.

"Bullshit. I want a drink." She motioned out her hand for a cup as she started moving across the kitchen.

Ki held out her mug as Acacia came closer to them. She grabbed it and immediately took a rather dangerously large drink.

"Fuck that's hot." She said pulling down the mug from her face.

"I know." Ki smirked taking her cup back out of Acacias hands.

"So what are we doing today?" Acacia leaned up against the counter next to Ki.

"Well my sister has a volleyball game at four I have to take her to, but other than that I'm good for whatever."

"Ki?"

Ki looked up from her mug and bit her lower lip in thought.

"Oh um... I don't really care I've got nothing going on."

"Awesome. We're going to the mall."

"Acacia I'm broke." Ki groaned as she tilted her head up towards the ceiling.

"Same here." Lyra pointed at herself.

"We're all broke okay? Suck it up and drag yourselves along." Acacia grinned.

"Do I get anything?" Ki mumbled.

"What?"

"Do I get anything for going?" She tilted her head towards her annoying best friend.

"I'll buy you a pretzel."

"I'm in."


	24. Chapter 24

lyra 💫  
hey ki?

delivered:  
yeah?

read.

lyra 💫  
will you come to my sisters game with me? I hate sitting alone and waiting until she's done

delivered:  
sure not like I have anything else to do lol

read.

lyra 💫  
:)

delivered:  
you know I'm right next to you right?

read.

"Shut up." Lyra laughed setting her phone down on the fake marble table in front of them.

Ki smiled, biting her lip and looking down at Lyra's phone.

"Did I miss something? It was like dead ass silent a minute ago..." Acacia said through bites of her pretzel.

"Nah." Ki shook her head still smiling.

"I just say shut up out of the blue sometimes." Lyra said, completely serious in tone.

"Oh do you now?" Ki laughed, resting her head on her hand so she could watch Lyra.

"Yep. All the time." Lyra smugly replied.

Ki couldn't stop smiling at her. She was so damn sarcastic. Ki loved it. It reminded her too much of herself.

On the other hand, Lyra couldn't stop staring at Ki. Ki didn't know what she was thinking about, but something was making her face tint with a light blush. It was probably just embarrassment.

"You guys ready to go?" Acacia said, taking a noisy sip of the last of her lemonade.

"Uh..." Lyra was taken off guard, her eyes still fixed on Ki. "Yeah sure."

Ki quickly looked away, grabbing her SpaceX lanyard from the table. She started to get out of the booth so neither one of them could tell she was actually flustered over the fact that her and Lyra had like a solid twenty seconds of eye contact.

_That's a long time right?_

_Calm yourself, Ki._

————————

After they dropped off Acacia, Ki and Lyra headed over to Lyra's house.

Ki was a nervous wreck. Well, maybe not on the outside, but on the inside she was hard core panicking.

Lyra must've sensed it as they walked up to the garage. As she was pressing the code in, she gently smiled over to Ki.

"It's okay. Gabby's the only one here. The others are at the store."

"Oh." Ki muttered, feeling stupid for being anxious to meet Lyra's family.

She was sure that they were mostly like Lyra. Kind, funny, and outgoing... but maybe she had a hidden fear that Lyra was the only one like that. Maybe she feared that they would see right through her. That they would pick her apart for the mess of a human being that she was.

As the garage door opened, Ki pushed all those thoughts away.

"See? The van's gone." Lyra motioned to the empty concrete pad that they walked through.

Ki looked around the garage as they walked through it. There were volleyballs, softballs, bats, various cleats, and a few different colored soccer balls up against the walls. Ki could tell they were an athletic family, it's no wonder Lyra felt guilty for giving up cheer.

"Ignore the mess. It's always like this." Lyra laughed as they walked up the base wooden steps leading to the door.

The door swung open and there was a chime that went off next to the entry.

They entered the kitchen and Lyra stuck a hand out to lean against the wall as she kicked off her blue vans.

"Gabrielle!" Lyra called, her spanish accent coming out in the way she pronounced her sisters name.

"¿Sí?" A voice answered from another room.

"Estoy en casa. ¿A que hora tienes que estar ahi?"

Ki had no idea what Lyra was saying. It must've shown on Ki's face as she closed the garage door behind her with a wide eyed expression.

Lyra laughed as she walked into the kitchen, stepping over the other girls' shoes scattered on the floor.

"I asked her what time we need to leave."

"Ah..." Ki affirmed, kicking off her slides and walking into the kitchen with Lyra as well.

Then she heard a pair of feet stomping down the stairs.

"¿Qué?" The girl yelled as she reached the bottom.

"What time do we need to leave to get to your game?" Lyra repeated, this time in English.

"Tengo que estar en la escuela en treinta minutos." Her sister came walking into the kitchen, looking down at her phone.

She was already dressed in her uniform which consisted of navy blue spandex shorts and a white long sleeve shirt that was just as tight. Ki noticed she was significantly shorter than Lyra, and also a bit thicker. She was actually relatively small compared to Ki as well. She contrasted Lyra's straight hair with her abundance of thick brown hair held in tight spiraled curls. Her skin was a shade darker than Lyra's, and her eyes were brown instead of Lyra's bold blue. It was clear to see the resemblance in their features otherwise, but they weren't spitting images of each other.

"English, Gabrielle." Lyra leaned against the kitchen island which was covered in papers.

This caused her sister to look up rather quickly. Apparently she wasn't accustomed to being told to speak English in her own home.

Her eyes met Ki with an immediate sense of surprise and confusion.

"Oh. Hello." She smiled, waving over to Ki.

"Hi." Ki shyly waved back.

"Gabby this is Ki." Lyra pointed over to Ki.

"Ah, so you're Ki?" Gabrielle mischievously grinned, dropping the phone in her hands down to the island.

"Uh... yep."

"Lyra was right you are really..."

"Gabrielle detente!" Lyra's eyes shot up at her sister.

"¿Por qué hermana? ¿Ella no sabe?" Gabrielle teased looking from Ki to Lyra.

"Cállate!"

Gabrielle put her hands up in surrender as she rolled her eyes at Lyra.

"Fine. Fine. So Ki... you coming to the game?"

"I guess I am?" She said out of sheer confusion.

Ki had no idea what the fuck just went down, but she desperately wanted to know what Gabby was about to say before Lyra stopped her.

"Ah good. We're gonna beat Fisher's ass."

"Is that who you're playing today?" Lyra said tapping her fingers on the counter.

"Yeah. We played Middleton last week. They destroyed us."

"Hah. We _beat_ Middleton." Lyra stuck her tongue out.

"I don't really care." Gabby mocked her.

"So what position do you play?" Ki quietly asked. "I don't really know if that's the right way to say that but..."

"I'm a setter." Gabrielle smiled. "But I also play a little bit of everything else."

"Oh so like Lyra?"

"Sorta like that. Except our ball is in the air and there's only one net."

"She's not a dumbass she knows what volleyball is." Lyra rolled her eyes at her sister. "Don't you?"

"Uh yeah, I watched the Olympics once." Ki awkwardly avoided contact with both of them.

"I like her. She's cute." Gabby laughed, picking her phone back up from the counter.

"Go get your stuff." Lyra straightened herself up from the counter.

Gabrielle paced over to the far side of the kitchen and grabbed a black backpack and a pair of white shoes. She plopped herself down in the middle of the floor and started slipping on her shoes.

Lyra was walking over back towards the garage door, opening a closet that was directly behind where Ki was standing. She turned on the light inside, illuminating the mess of jackets, sweatshirts and snow boots that were inside.

"Hey Gabby what's Fisher's colors?" Lyra yelled, turning her head out of the closet for a minute.

"Red and gold." She yelled back.

"Thought so." Lyra turned completely around. "Take that off." She pointed to Ki.

"W-What?" Ki stuttered.

"Your jacket. It's red, you look like a Fisher kid."

"It's cold out there! I'm not just walking out in my tee shirt."

"Relax..." Lyra laughed turning back into the closet.

She pulled out a navy blue sweatshirt that had the school's soccer logo on the front. After holding it up, she threw it over to Ki, who reluctantly caught it.

"You can wear that."

"Is this... yours?" Ki fumbled with words as she was reading the print on the back of the sweatshirt.

_Meclane 04._

"Uh yeah. It should fit you. Actually it might be a little big, but hey that's okay..." Lyra leaned back into the closet and pulled out another sweatshirt.

The other one she pulled out was a volleyball sweatshirt, it must've been her 'showing sisterly support' sweatshirt, as just like the last one it had Meclane on the back along with her sisters number 16.

Ki watched as Lyra slipped it over her head, the hood sticking on top of her hair as she pulled it down around her waist. When she put the hood down, her hair was falling out of her ponytail, but Lyra couldn't have given two shits.

Ki slipped off her red leather jacket and immediately felt naked. She wore that jacket all the time, without it she felt... out of place. But before she could even register the cold air against her forearms, she slipped on Lyra's sweatshirt.

It was soft, but not quite yet worn in. It was long on the sleeves, but gave Ki a sense of comfort as they draped over her fingertips.

Gabrielle had a smirk on her face as she walked towards the two.

"Solo querías una excusa para que ella use tu sudadera..." She sighed as she slipped her backpack over her shoulder.

Ki looked to Lyra for a translation, but instead Lyra was staring at her sister with an angry blush on her face.

"Cállate tu cara." She grumbled back.

"You know I'm right hermana." Gabby teased as she met them at the garage door. "Ready?"

"Yeah." Ki responded quietly.

"Lets go."

———————

Volleyball required less attention than soccer.

Ki realized quickly that she didn't have to nervously watch for the ball between feet, as it was always up in the air.

Ki was actually invested in the game. Lyra, however, seemed a little distracted.

Whenever Ki would look over to her to see if she just saw whatever pass just happened, Lyra was just smiling, her eyes in a captivation of amusement.

"How many ends or quarters or whatever?" Ki whispered leaning over towards Lyra.

"This is the last." Lyra whispered back.

"Oh okay."

The final moment of the game came quicker than she thought. It was down to ten seconds when Fisher missed a pass.

The Kennedy kids all cheered as the buzzer went off, knowing that the tie would've meant another loss in their books. Ki threw her hands up with the rest of the crowd, the sleeves of her sweatshirt falling down past her wrists.

"We won!" She exclaimed, looking over to Lyra.

"Yes. Yes we did." Lyra laughed. "You know for someone who knows nothing about sports, the littlest things get you so excited."

"I think it's _because_ I know nothing about sports that everything becomes more exciting." Ki sank back down into the bleachers.

The players all moved to their respective sides of the court and were high fiving each other and pouring their water bottles into their mouths.

The Fisher team didn't look too disappointed however. An almost tie is probably the closest thing they got to a win. They were all patting each other on the back and handing out gatorades.

The crowd was starting to file out of the bleachers, the top rows filled with students seeming to rush out first, nearly trampling anyone from the bottom rows that tried to get out.

"Come on." Lyra nudged Ki, following the row of students they were with.

Ki stood up and quickly followed Lyra's lead through the mass of kids leaving the bleachers.

Lyra was a few people in front of her by the time she reached the stairs, the sound of all the other students making the bleachers creak as they all stomped down them. Ki tried to shuffle past another girl to get in front, but it failed and Ki didn't want to seem rude and dodge ahead of her.

Lyra seemed to notice Ki wasn't behind her when she stopped and slid into another row for a second. When Ki met the row she was standing in, Lyra smiled.

"Hey." Ki bumped into her.

"Thought I lost you there." Lyra shuffled back into the line beside her.

The two walked down the rest of the stairs side by side, but by the time they reached the hardwood gym floor, the crowd threatened to separate them again.

Lyra was peering above everyone to find her sister, as the collection of students were high fiving them on the way out.

Ki was confused as to where exactly she was looking to go, but she watched Lyra move around anyways.

"Ooh! Found her." She said, dodging out of the crowd.

Ki dove to chase her, but Lyra noticed her falling behind and held out her hand. Ki took it and let Lyra pull her along, their fingers interlocking as they separated from the crowd. Even when Ki felt as if she wasn't going along with the flow anymore, she didn't let go of Lyra's hand.

Lyra slowed the pace as they walked towards her sister. Ki was finally able to catch up, her arm brushing along Lyra's as their hands moved in sync.

"Gabby!" Lyra called with a wide smile.

Her sister turned to look at them as they approached her. Gabrielle's eyes turned to an amused confusion as she looked between the two with a smile.

It was then that Ki realized what was going on.

_Holy fuck._

_Holding hands._

_What the shit._

"Hey..." Gabrielle looked at Ki with her eyes squinted.

Ki must've been wearing the confused and utterly shocked look that she felt inside, because Gabby started to laugh.

"You okay Ki?"

Ki looked down to the floor and then awkwardly shifted her gaze away from the Meclane sisters.

"Um yeah. I'm fine." She blushed.

"You kicked ass today sis. Didn't expect to see you serving..." Lyra said, obviously oblivious to what was going on between the other two.

"Yeah... uh me neither. I guess we were both surprised." Gabby popped the top off of her water bottle and took a sip. "I think I'm gonna go hang out at Alex's house after we change, they're getting pizza."

"As long as you're getting your own ride. I'm not having Ki haul your ass around town."

"Oh... I don't mind." Ki shyly looked back up at them.

"Not it's okay Ki. I'm catching a ride with the seniors. Thanks though." She shrugged.

Ki glanced over at Lyra.

"So..." Lyra raised her eyebrows. "Shall we?"

"Shall... we w-what?" Ki stuttered.

"Leave?"

"Oh... uh... yeah. Yeah."

"Have fun." Gabrielle smirked. "Thanks for keeping my sister occupied."

"What? Oh... yeah... anytime." Ki responded, knowing that Gabby was on to way more than she thought she was.

The two were still holding hands as Lyra started walking towards the crowd. Ki followed behind, waving back at Gabby as the left.

Gabrielle could tell.

The look on her face, the accusatory tone, the secretive banter.

Lyra's sister was onto her the entire time.

Ki was scared.


	25. Chapter 25

Shori and Andi came home late on Monday night.

Ki was laying in her bed, staring at the ceiling as the two were unpacking in their room.

She hadn't heard the stories about the trip yet, but she knew over the course of the week she'd know everything about what went down in New Mexico. Even things she didn't care to know like what his mom made for dinner, or what color pajama pants Andi wore.

Ki wasn't thinking about the stories to come right now.

Right now, she was having a completely intellectual conversation with Lyra.

lyra 💫  
but in all actuality I'm pretty sure they could've both fit

delivered:  
yeah but then dicaprio would've lived

read.

lyra 💫  
that's the point! he died for nothing! he was my favorite character!

delivered:  
I hated them all

read.

lyra 💫  
well most of them drowned so I guess you weren't too upset

delivered:  
no not really

delivered:  
kinda surprised rose made it tho

read.

lyra 💫  
see jack could've lived too

delivered:  
but then rose would've turned out way differently

read.

lyra 💫  
who the fuck cares then my ship wouldn't have... gone down with the ship

lyra 💫  
lmao I hate myself

delivered:  
me too

delivered:  
wait no I don't hate you

delivered:  
I also hate myself

read.

lyra 💫  
I get it

lyra 💫  
plz don't hate yourself there's not enough self hate for the two of us and I'm greedy

delivered:  
what? no. the self hate is mine get your own.

read.

lyra 💫  
that's not fair!

delivered:  
oh well :)

read.

lyra 💫  
plz share

delivered:  
you can have one

read.

lyra 💫  
YES THANK YOU SO MUCH

Ki leaned her head back against the headboard and smiled.

_Wow._

Ki felt like she was always smiling. But it wasn't that it was all the time... it was when she was with Lyra. Or around Lyra. Or hell, even texting Lyra.

Maybe it was just... Lyra.

Just the thought of Lyra made her heart ache to be with her. To see her smile. To count her freckles. To feel her hand in hers again.

_To feel her hand in hers._

That was something that probably wouldn't happen again.

Ki frowned. _Why did she always think about her?_

_Why did she always get flustered around her?_

_Why did she want to hold her hand?_

_Why was she constantly smiling at the thought of her?_

"Is this what a crush feels like?" Ki whispered to herself.

She never had a crush.

Or not that she'd remembered.

Her dad used to take her out on play dates with the boys from karate where they would go swimming or to the park, or whatever, but Ki never saw them as anything more than a sparring buddy.

In middle school, she never went to dances. Firstly because she thought all the boys were gross, and secondly because she didn't want to wear a pink dress like all the other girls.

When she moved to Kennedy, she took a sliver of curiosity in the power couple of the year. The fastest boy on the track team and his runner up girlfriend. Maybe it wasn't the boy she was actually interested in... maybe this whole time she was actually looking at the girl.

_She was actually looking at the girl._

It all became so much clearer.

Why she never had a boyfriend, why she never went on dates, why she never even looked at any guys while that's all Hana would talk about on the bus... she never wanted a boyfriend. She wanted a girlfriend.

And now... she wanted Lyra.

Ki sat up in panic.

"Oh my god..." She mumbled.

"No..."

"What am I going to do?"

_How could she not have seen it?_

It was staring her right in the face.

Ki wanted to cry.

It was all so clear.

"What am I going to do?" She whispered.

Ki felt anxious, but not like her normal state. She didn't feel like she was going to have a panic attack... she felt clueless and lost, a feeling that was scary and overwhelming, but manageable.

She couldn't help it.

She cried.

It wasn't chaotic and unpreventable like usual. It was calm and collected. She was having genuine feelings that weren't the result of a moments panic.

Ki let the tears fall softly down her face. She wasn't sad. She was scared.

Now that she had put it all together, it was hard not to think about it.

She would spend all of her moments with Lyra pining for her. Lyra would never even know. She couldn't ever know. It would change everything.

_What if Lyra rejected her?_

Lyra came from a culture where everyone was close. The closeness she was sharing with Ki was probably the same as she did with everyone else. Ki wasn't special. She was a fool to think anything more.

There was a gentle knock on the wall next to her doorframe.

"Hey Ki did you want... are you... are you okay?" Shori's voice came into her room.

"Yeah." Ki sniffled. "I'm fine."

Shori hesitantly sat down in front of her. The bed shifted under his weight.

Ki looked down into her lap and played with one of the bracelets on her left hand. The same left hand that was holding Lyra's at the volleyball game.

_Stop it._

"What's up?"

"I'm... I'm fine..." Ki mumbled wiping her nose with her shirt sleeve.

"Then why are you crying?" He said softly, pushing up the sleeves of his sweatshirt.

"I'm just... overwhelmed..." She sighed.

"Too much homework?"

"No."

"Okay. Well can I help?" Shori shrugged, watching his little sister in curiosity.

"Actually... can you tell me a story?"

"Um... yeah I guess." He sat back confused.

"Tell me the story of when you and Andi first met." She said quietly, looking up at him with her tired eyes.

Shori blinked in surprise and then focused on Ki's original prompt.

"Okay... um well... when we first moved here I was working at that IT place with Kat's brother, remember?"

"Yeah."

"Well one day I was all alone. Mathias was at lunch and our manager was on a phone call in the back... and I was sitting at the counter fiddling with some computer a lady had brought in earlier, when the door opens."

"So I look up and there's this tan guy, with like these black rimmed glasses and this really nice looking hair, and he's wearing a sweatshirt from the college down the street. I'm not even kidding I had a gay panic attack... he was so beautiful. I mean he still is, but like I had to stop myself from staring at him as he walked towards the desk."

Ki smiled, wiping a tear off of her cheek as her brother continued.

"So he sets down the MacBook in his hands and he says something like 'hey I'm having problems getting this to turn on... can you help me?' and I agreed of course. I ended up having to keep his computer at the shop until the next day so I could work on it, but it was just a minor problem. But then the next day he comes in and I write up his paper work and everything and when he gets it all back he goes 'Shori Tashigane?' because I had written my name under the place where you put who serviced it or whatever, but he was the first person I've ever heard not mess up my name! God, and the way he said it... I wanted to fall out of my chair."

Shori gave a small little laugh as he nudged Ki's shoulder.

"But then he realized I was staring at him in awe, and he winked. He fucking winked... and so I was immediately like 'here let me write down my number in case you have any other questions or anything' and like I fully thought he would walk out and I'd never see or hear from him again."

"But then I came home that night and you were asleep on the couch, and House Hunters was playing on the tv, and your homework was all over the floor... and my phone buzzed. I was really confused because you were usually the only one to text me, but here was this mysterious number and it goes 'hey I have a few questions. is this Shori?' So of course I was like 'yeah. what's up?' knowing it was him... and then he asked me 'one: how do I get into my iCloud after you reset it? two: I can't figure out how to sync up my iMessage and three: would you like to help me figure it out over dinner?' I dropped my phone on the floor and cracked it. Of course I ended up telling him that over dinner... and then here we are."

Ki didn't know when, but during the process of the story she started crying again.

That's how she felt.

She thought Lyra was gorgeous. The little things she did set her off. She had dropped her phone on her face a few times after getting too excited that she texted her back.

"Shori..." She mumbled.

"Yeah?"

"I think... I think I feel like that too."

Ki held her hands in her lap and watched as Shori shifted on the bed so he was angled more towards her.

"That's okay." He smiled. "Why are you crying? That's a good thing."

"I'm really... I don't think... Shori I don't know..." Ki looked down, avoiding her brother's curious eyes.

"What's wrong?"

"I think I'm... I like girls."

"Okay..." Shori took a deep breath. "Glad you figured that out."

"You act like you knew already?"

"Sweetie... I'm gay. I can tell." Shori laughed, causing Ki to smile for a second.

"Okay, but I just don't know if she is..." Her smile then dropped again.

"Oh. Is that what you're upset about?"

"Well I just... I don't want to mess it up. I don't want to make her uncomfortable."

"So she's a friend?"

"It's Lyra." Ki sniffled.

"Oh. Ohhhhh. Um..." Shori rubbed the back of his neck. "Shit."

"Yeah." She sighed. "And like the trip is this weekend and I don't want to just sit there and fucking pine after her the whole time, but that's what I'm going to do because I'm certainly not doing anything while we're in a different state and stuck with each other."

"Yeah that kind of sucks kid. I'm sorry."

"I don't know what to do."

"Just don't think about it."

"How?! It's all I'm thinking about!" She leaned her head back into her pillow.

"I know, I know... this is rough." Shori sighed, placing his hands down into his lap. "I wish I could tell you what to do."

"What was your first crush like?"

"Well... it was a bit chaotic, it's probably not going to help you out to hear about it."

"Now you have to tell me so I can laugh at you." Ki smugly replied.

"Agh... fine. But I swear to god if you tell Andi, I will slit your throat with your own knife." Shori said in a deep whisper.

"Please do."

"Damn okay." Shori sat back.

"Just tell me." Ki rolled her eyes.

"Fine, fine... his name was Connor. He was on the football team with me."

"Okay Shori that's where you should've known... how many other gay dudes do you know that play football?"

"We're a rare breed okay? But I'm sure some exist..." Shori mumbled.

Ki laughed. "Okay."

"Whatever. So anyways it was back when we lived in Rockchester... and I was a sophomore, he was a freshman. And I was just starting to figure out I wasn't straight. At first I thought maybe I was just bi because I had a girlfriend once in middle school..."

"Oh yeah... Ali?"

"Fuck you for remembering that, but yes. So I was kind of just trying to figure it out and he was the one who made me actually think about it. I wondered if maybe I was just jealous of him for being a better player than me, or if I was admiring him because I liked watching him play. It ended up being the later, but I didn't figure it out until one day he was walking around shirtless in the locker room, like most dudes do, but he came up behind me and he asked me if I was going to join them all at a party that night, but he had his hand on my bare shoulder and I just had this really weird feeling, like it felt so out of place. I didn't know what was going on, but my face was just a burning red and his hand was still on my shoulder and I was panicking so I just had to say no so I didn't look back up at him."

Ki felt bad. She knew exactly how he felt. She had those weird feelings too. The ones that she couldn't identify because she'd never felt them before. She knew what it felt like to hide them. To make sure Lyra didn't notice.

"When I started putting together what I was feeling, I made sure I stayed away from him. I didn't want to risk it. But the night of playoffs, we won and there was this huge party at his house. I was really drunk and accidentally got a little too jealous of his girlfriend, who was actually a really nice pretty girl, and we ended up getting in a fight because I was being rude to her. But then it got really heated and I ended up leaving... and I never really talked to him after that."

"That's really shitty." Ki said quietly, pondering how she would fall apart if her and Lyra ever did that.

"Yeah... I felt really awful and I got really angry at myself and that was the day before I got into that super big argument with mom."

"I remember that. I had never heard her raise her voice at you like that before. And you were really scary."

"You were scared of me?" Shori got really quiet.

"Well yeah, I mean I was only 11, it was a little scary. You just snapped and I remember running to my room because I didn't want to see you yelling at her."

"I'm sorry." Shori put his face in his hands. "God, I'm sorry. I didn't know you were there."

"Moral of the story: don't get heartbroken or you'll become a dick like 16 year old Shori Tashigane." Ki kicked his leg to lighten the mood.

"Yeah... basically." Shori weakly smiled.

"So what do I do Shori?"

"Just... test the waters I guess. You don't know how she's feeling. I don't know if she's into you, but it seems like she's certainly comfortable around you."

"Yeah, but she's just like that... I think. She's got a lot of family... I'm sure they're all really close, and getting personal with people is just what she does."

"Maybe." Shori frowned. "You never know."

"Do I ask?" Ki cringed.

"No!" Shori laughed. "Not directly. Just wait it out Ki. Don't jump to conclusions."

"Okay. I can do that, I guess."

"I know your patience sucks... but maybe this will give you some practice."

"Great." Ki mumbled sinking into her bed.

"I wish I could help." Shori sighed.

"I wish you could too. Come on I thought you knew everything?!"

"Unfortunately no. Plus Andi knows more than me. But I don't recommend telling him this right now."

"What why not?"

"He went through some shit this weekend... I don't think we should add to it."

"Is he okay?" Ki whispered.

"Yeah. He'll be fine. We're getting through it."

"We're his parents assholes?"

"Actually, surprisingly they were better than the last time I saw them. But his grandparents are really... bad."

_His grandparents are still alive?_ Ki thought.

"That sucks."

"Yeah it did. He's really disappointed. I don't think they're coming to the wedding."

"Wait? Did you just now tell them?"

"Yeah. He wanted to say it in person. His sister was really happy, and his mom was respectful. His dad was a little muted, but to be expected. But his grandparents didn't understand it. They told him he just needed to find the right girl."

"Ouch."

"Yeah... I was standing right there."

"Ooooh." Ki cringed.

"But, I mean, sometimes old people just don't get it. I bet if my grandparents were still alive they would've been extremely confused." He shrugged.

"Probably."

That got Ki thinking.

Shori came out to Ki when they moved to Kennedy. It wasn't big, it was just a casual thing that he mentioned as they were unloading boxes. Almost as if it didn't mean anything to him, as if it wasn't this huge thing. It was just another facet of Shori, and when he told Ki, she loved her brother even more for being honest with her, even when he couldn't have been with their parents.

"Do you think our parents are disappointed?" Ki quietly mumbled.

"I don't know." Shori whispered. "I think they're probably okay with how we turned out given the circumstances."

"But do you think they would've been mad at us for being gay?"

"There's no way of really knowing. My mom was pretty free spirit, I think she would've been okay."

"But my dad..." Ki looked down. "He..."

"Don't think about it Ki. I'm sure they both would've loved you just the way you are. I do. Okay?"

"Yeah... okay."

"I love you and I'm proud of you. That's what matters." Shori glared over at her.

Ki have a weak smile back in return. She took a deep breath and found herself leaning forward over her crumpled up bed sheets. Shori held out his arms to her and it's like she fell right in, letting her brother catch her as she curled up in the sleeve of his sweatshirt.

"Whatever you do... whoever you want to be... I'll still be here." He wrapped his arms around her back.

She felt her anxiety release. It was nice to know that Shori could feel her frustration. It was nice to know that if everything went wrong, she still had someone to come back to. Someone to tell her everything was going to be okay. Someone to be rational with. Someone to love her when she couldn't find it in herself to do so. She whispered out the first words of much of what she wanted to say.

"Love you Shori."


	26. Chapter 26

lyra 💫  
are you ready?

lyra 💫  
are you ready?!

lyra 💫  
get up Ki!

lyra 💫  
you're killing me

lyra 💫  
wake up... I'm lonely no one else is up at 5 in the morning...

delivered:  
jesus lyra I'm getting ready to leave relax

read.

lyra 💫  
pick me up?

delivered:  
sure. be ready in 10

read.

————————

As they loaded the charter bus, all the kids standing on the sidewalk were shivering. Most of them complained about it 'being too early for this shit' and that they needed coffee. Lyra was running on pure pent up excitement, and Ki was entertained watching her.

"Alright guys! Listen up!" Mrs. Moon shouted from the steps of the bus. "You don't have to sit with your roommate, but I'm doing roll call when we get on so pay attention and don't get too loud."

There were silent murmurs among the crowd as they followed her up the stairs of the bus.

"We're sitting together right?" Lyra mumbled as they followed in line.

"Unless you have more important friends on this trip." Ki retorted.

_No Ki. It's too early for sarcasm. People will think you're a bitch._

"Nope. Guess it's us then."

————————

It was still dark out as they were an hour into the trip and it seemed as if everyone was sleeping, but Ki.

She found it hard to go back to sleep after she'd already woken up. So here it was 6:30 and she was just sitting on the bus listening to The Neighbourhood.

Lyra had fallen asleep. She was curled up against the window in her sweatshirt and leggings and Ki actually pitied how hard it must've been for her head to hit the window every time the bus hit a bump.

She must've been so uncomfortable. She looked like a turtle.

Then almost on cue, the bus hit a pothole. It shook all the windows. Lyra immediately sat up, grabbing the side of her face.

"Fuck you bus." She grumbled pulling her hood over her head.

She pouted her lips and forced her head directly back into the headrest with a sigh.

Ki bit her lip from the inside, hoping it would keep her from laughing at Lyra's little outburst, but Ki found herself smiling anyways.

"I can see you Ki." Lyra mumbled from beside her. "Don't laugh at me."

"What? No. I'm not." She pulled out one of her earbuds.

"Yes you are." Lyra sighed, shuffling her position in her seat.

She turned her head towards Ki, glancing over to her phone.

"Whatcha listening to?"

"Neighbourhood." Ki mumbled, handing her the earbud she just took out.

"Which album?" Lyra yawned, taking it.

"It's all on shuffle."

"Ah." She put it in her ear.

Then Lyra did something Ki didn't expect. She leaned her head over on her shoulder and closed her eyes.

Ki's heart started racing, as the other girl started to fall back asleep on her arm. She prayed Lyra couldn't tell how fast her heart was beating. She prayed no one looked over to them and saw how red her face was.

Relax Ki.

She wanted to text Shori, but that would require her to move her arm, and that was not something she was going to do.

So instead, she just sat there with one earbud in her ear and one in the beautiful girl leaning on her shoulder.

—————————

"Alright quick break get what you want to eat but we're back on the bus by 9:20."

They had stopped at a McDonalds. Ki wasn't too thrilled to have to stand up after she had just fallen asleep.

It took her a long time to calm her nerves down, but by the time she did she was exhausted and so she fell asleep, her head falling on top of Lyra's.

As she woke up, she realized what she had done, and quickly sat up. Lyra stirred awake as well, her hood falling down to the back of her neck.

"What time is it?" She mumbled.

"Uh nine, I think. We're stopping to get food." Ki wrapped up her headphones around her phone as she slipped it into her sweatpants pocket.

"Oh... fun."

The majority of the students filed off the bus in a somewhat lazy fashion, while those who were still asleep, or just too lazy to move, stayed behind.

Lyra followed closely behind Ki, almost stepping on her shoes a few times. As Ki got off the bus, the pavement hit her feet with an unwanted solidarity, making her instantly want to sit back down again.

"Are you hungry?" Lyra yawned walking up beside her.

"I don't really eat breakfast." Ki mumbled walking forward.

"What?!"

"I don't eat breakfast."

"Are you insane?!" Lyra grabbed her shoulder, clearly in shock.

"I just... don't have time to make anything."

"Oh."

"Does your mom make breakfast?" Ki found herself asking.

"Yep. Every morning. And if we don't eat we don't get to leave." Lyra laughed.

"Hm."

_Must be nice._

"Sorry." Lyra quickly apologized.

"No. No. It's fine. I asked, remember?" Ki nudged her.

"Yeah." Lyra looked down shyly. "Yeah. Okay."

"What are you going to get?" Ki distracted her.

"Um... I don't know. Whatever you want."

"What? No, I asked you."

"Yeah, but I'm making you eat so get something and we'll split it." She suggested as they approached the building.

"Lyra, no..."

"Lyra, yes." She beamed catching the door from the boy in front of them.

Ki smiled as she turned her head down.

"I'm not getting out of this am I?"

"Nope."

—————————

They got back on the bus at 9:30. Mrs. Moon wasn't too happy that everyone ran over the time frame, but there wasn't much she could do when thirty kids weren't done eating.

Ki and Lyra split some pancakes.

Personally Ki thought it was too much sugar in the morning, but Lyra was perfectly content with their choice and so Ki just sat there and ate her pancake in peace.

"Alright looks like 4 more hours then we should get to the hotel. Do you think we'll need to stop before then?" Mrs. Moon called from the front of the bus.

There was collective mumbling, most of which Ki was making out to be 'no.'

"Alright great. No stop it is." She sat back down in the front seat.

"4 more hours?" Lyra asked, looking at Ki.

"Yeah."

They both collectively sighed as they leaned back in their seats.

"Great."

—————————

The hotel was relatively fancy for everything Ki had ever been in before.

She was used to motels as a child, back when her father couldn't afford to buy them a house. When they moved to Rockchester they had stayed in a motel outside of town for two weeks, and then one inside of town that was a little bit nicer for a month after that.

So needless to say, looking at this place was a step up.

"Alright guys lets head to the lobby. We'll give out cards and then you guys can have an hour to get situated before we leave again. Clear?"

Nobody really said anything, they all just collectively nodded and followed the Mrs. Moon through the hallway.

"Please stand with your roommate. If you didn't sign up with one I'll be saying your room assignments last. That way if any of you want to switch around you can do so."

Lyra slid up next to Ki.

"Hey roommate." She smirked.

"Hello Lyra." Ki nodded.

"Alright Taron and Aloric room 213." She held out the first swipe card set.

"Jenny and Abigail room 202."

The two roommate pairs went up and claimed their cards, already heading off towards the elevator as she started calling more names.

"209... let's see... Jess and Danielle." She called.

"James and Lincoln 203."

The crowd started getting smaller as the pairings were leaving the lobby.

Ki was anxiously waiting for their names to be called, curious as to who would be next to them.

"Kayla and Lila room 212."

"Ezra and Jack 207."

"We've gotta be next right?" Lyra whispered watching the crowd at the elevator grow larger.

"Logan and Emory 209. Oh wait, no that's 206 my bad."

"Guess not." She sighed.

"204... Lyra and Ki."

"There you go." Ki smirked, walking up towards the front of the lobby.

Ki grabbed the two key cards and waved them towards Lyra who grinned and grabbed her suitcase. Ki already had her black duffel bag thrown around her shoulder. Shori told her she looked like a murderer when she left his morning, but Ki had zero fucks to give.

"I think we're next to James and Lincoln right?" Lyra asked as they approached Logan and Emory at the elevator.

"Um... I guess. I don't know who else is next to us."

"Doesn't really matter." Lyra shrugged.

The elevator dinged and the group stepped inside.

"Did you know there's a pool?" Logan said, presumably to Emory as the elevator started closing.

"I saw that on the website!" Lyra interrupted.

"Yeah me too. Hope everyone else didn't see that." Logan laughed, looking over at Emory.

"Or maybe no one else cares." Emory smirked from behind Lyra.

"Well I do damnit. I'm going swimming."

"You have fun with that buddy." His roommate patted him on the shoulder.

"I didn't see that on the website." Ki whispered to Lyra.

"Oh." Lyra frowned. "Um. Just go swimming in your underwear."

"Hmm in that case I might join." Logan leaned on his suitcase.

"Uh how about no!" Ki explicitly stared at him as the words left her mouth.

The elevator doors opened again as they reached the second floor.

"Your loss princess." Logan waved his hand out to signal them to get out first.

Lyra gave a quick glare over to him and then stepped out. Ki followed closely behind, not wanting to be left alone with them for more than a second.

"Why do guys sexualize everything?" Lyra growled as Ki counted the numbers on the doors.

"I don't know." Ki sighed seeing their room on her right.

She pulled out a card and slid it into the scanner. The light lit up green and unlocked the door.

_Fancy._

"Sometimes I just want to live in a world without them you know?"

"That'd be nice." Ki shrugged as she opened the door and walked in turning on the light switch by the door.

The first thing she saw was the bed.

"Oh my god."

"What?" Lyra came in behind her.

"Look at all the pillows." Ki said dropping her bag on the floor next to the tv stand.

Lyra laughed. "Those will come in handy later."

"What? Why?"

"Uh... for sleeping of course. What else could I possibly use a pillow for?" She mischievously smiled.

"If you're implying a pillow fight I'll have you know... I'll kick your fucking ass." Ki grinned, sitting down on the bed, feeling the way it bounced back underneath her.

"Will you though?" Lyra teased, rolling her suitcase up next to the other side of the bed.

"Yes." Ki nodded. "I will."

Ki knew Lyra was competitive, it was part of her nature... she was an athlete. If Ki was being honest with herself, she was a little scared Lyra might go too far and accidentally knock her out.

Ki hoped she didn't have to find out.


	27. Chapter 27

shori the whori  
how's it going?

delivered:  
fine we just got here a couple hours ago. we're all having this dinner thing

read.

shori the whori  
is the hotel cool?

delivered:  
I guess... Lyra's excited about the pool but I didn't bring anything

read.

shori the whori  
oh...

shori the whori  
well you could go and just hang out

delivered:  
that's a little weird don't you think?

read.

shori the whori  
yeah but so are you

delivered:  
fuck you

read.

—————————

Ki ended up doing exactly what she told Shori she wasn't going to do.

She sat next to the pool and laughed as Lyra splashed her, and the boys in the pool tackled each other.

On the table beside her, Lyra's phone was going off like crazy. Ki had forgotten her phone in the room, a stupid move because now she had nothing to do but sit and watch Lyra.

She glanced down at the notifications. All of them had the title 'bad bitches only.'

It was the group chat.

"What?" Lyra looked up from the side of the pool.

"Oh... um... sorry the chat is blowing you up." Ki glanced back towards her, realizing it was weird to look at other people's phones.

"Really? Read it to me."

"I don't know your password." Ki mumbled picking up her phone and the galaxy blue case it was in.

"0728" She answered almost instantaneously.

"Isn't that your birthday?"

"Yeah I know, I'm super basic."

Ki made a mental note.

_July 28th._

The screen unlocked and led to the chat screen. The names were different on Lyra's screen, it took Ki a minute to register who was talking.

acacia  
yo you guys alive?

hana 👩🍳  
yeah where were you? school is totally dead

kitty kat  
I didn't miss you

acacia  
kat we're allowed to think these things but don't say them out loud

"Tell Kat I miss her the most." Lyra laughed, splashing a bit of water onto Ki's shoe.

"Okay." Ki smiled typing in the response.

delivered:  
awe kat but I miss you the most :(

kitty kat  
stop being a fake ass

delivered:  
on lyra's behalf...

delivered:  
fuck you :)

delivered:  
-ki

acacia  
Ki wtf happened to your phone I've been texting you

delivered:  
left it in the room. we're at the pool -ki

hana 👩🍳  
why do you have lyra's phone in the pool? that's dangerous. that girl has a skimpy ass case

delivered:  
I'm not in the pool I'm sitting out. she's in the pool telling me what to say to you bitches -ki

kitty kat  
tell her she missed a good reading of Shakespeare today in english

"Apparently you missed a good reading of Shakespeare." Ki relayed the message.

"No... not the Shakespeare..." Lyra faked laughed.

kitty kat  
and alex played romeo

"What?! I missed Alex's acting! Come on..." Lyra laid back in the pool, her hair flowing out around her.

delivered:  
what?! not alex! I feel left out

hana 👩🍳  
oooooh who's alex?? does lyra have a crush on romeo??

kitty kat  
perhaps...

acacia  
lyra/ki explain?!

Ki's face was obviously flustered.

_Of course she had a crush on some guy in her English class._

_It was probably Alex Lauren too._

_He was hot and had the flippy hair™️_

Ki didn't know what to tell Lyra. She hadn't read the texts to her yet. Maybe she was just trying to figure out how to say them without showing her disappointment.

One of the boys behind Lyra went down with huge splash, she winced as the water hit her.

"They want to know if you're crushing on Alex." She mumbled, not looking up at Lyra as she hovered her fingers above the keyboard.

"What?" Lyra scrunched up her nose. "Come up here and sit, I can't hear you."

Ki was hesitant. She knew full well if she went and sat along the edge her shorts would get wet. But maybe that was partially the reason she came down here in her running shorts and sweatshirt instead of her jeans and leather jacket. At least she thought that far ahead.

She got up from the white plastic chair she was sitting in and slipped off her slides, tossing them under the table where Lyra's stuff was.

She carefully carried Lyra's phone with her as she stepped across the tile floor, failing to avoid the puddles beneath her bare feet.

Lyra was standing near the edge of the pool. Ki carefully sat down right across from her and then cautiously dipped her feet into the water.

"Oh that's actually kinda nice." Ki smiled feeling the warm water against her skin.

"It's even better in here." Lyra ducked her body down into the water, so that only her head was above the surface. "Now what did you say?"

"Oh right. Um... they want to know if you're crushing on Alex."

Ki looked down at her legs in the water. She moved them around slowly, watching the small waves move that she left behind.

"Oh... no. No, he just uses a really funny accent when he reads... it's entertaining." Lyra shrugged.

"Okay." Ki mumbled, starting to type away.

delivered:  
no he just reads in a funny accent

delivered:  
it's entertaining

kitty kat  
you right

hana 👩🍳  
I feel like I should switch English classes you guys have way more fun

acacia  
no thanks I'll take my monotone romeo over being stuck in a class with you two any day :)

delivered:  
fuck you acacia -ki

acacia  
that wasn't even directed at you ??

hana 👩🍳  
hm...

hana 👩🍳  
okay...

————————

Lyra and Ki stayed at the pool for about an hour.

After Hana's last text, Ki decided to put the phone back. She didn't need to dig herself a deeper hole.

She didn't read them to Lyra. If she actually cared that much she could read them later.

But now it was ten o'clock and most of the other kids were leaving the pool. There were a few girls that were talking about how early they had to get up tomorrow, but Ki wasn't leaving without Lyra... even if it meant sacrificing sleep. So instead, she sat at the edge of the pool and kicked her feet around in the water while Lyra talked about the beaches in Cuba.

"Have you ever been to the beach?" She asked swimming over to where Ki was sitting.

"No. Not that I am remember."

"We'll have to go sometime. I'll take you to Cuba with me." She smiled up at Ki.

"I don't know any spanish." Ki fumbled, not knowing how to respond.

"I can change that." Lyra smirked, coming close enough to Ki that she could feel her hand right beside her leg.

Ki stopped moving her feet in fear that if she did, she'd end up hitting Lyra. The water between them suddenly became very still and Lyra just stood there looking up at Ki.

It made Ki want to die a little inside. But in a good way.

She felt like she was going to pass out. Her heart was racing, but she had to be still in order not to disturb the peace around them.

"Do you like swimming?" Lyra asked, her hands resting on the wall on both sides of Ki.

"Um... I mean, I guess. I used to go to the pool sometimes with Shori, but it was mostly splashing him in the shallow end... I haven't really gotten to in a while." Ki shyly looked down into the water.

"Hmm..."

"What?" Ki looked up meeting Lyra's eyes with her own.

"I can change that." She smiled, reaching her hands up towards Ki's.

"What... I... uh... what are you doing?" Ki mumbled glaring into Lyra's eyes as they held a mischievous sort of grin about them.

Lyra grabbed on to both of her arms and started to pull her in. Ki's mind fell short to the touch and ended up letting her pull her right off the edge of the tile.

"Wait! Lyra no! I can't..." She started saying, but it was too late as she hit the water.

It was a cool rush to her skin. Although it was also pulling her down like a weight. Probably because her sweatshirt was now soaked and clinging to her body. She quickly lifted her head back above the surface and stared at Lyra.

"You are going to pay for that." She gasped.

"Am I now?" Lyra raised her eyebrow, almost as if taunting Ki to take another step closer.

Ki fell into the trap. She rushed towards the girl with a brimming smile on her face. She laughed as Lyra splashed her, trying to avoid her inevitable fate.

The wet clothes were slowing her down though. Lyra must've seen it because she stopped swimming away and instead just stood there and stuck her tongue out at her. Ki hated it. Ki loved it. Ki was extremely confused whether or not she was being competitive or flirtatious.

"Ugh." She grumbled in her own self thought.

Lyra was floating herself father to the ramp between the shallow and the deep end. Ki estimated that she was standing right about where five feet was because she could still stand with her head above the water, but Ki knew if she went that far she would start slipping.

Ki Katashi, however, was not one to give up easily. She followed Lyra right to the edge and when she was close enough to her, she took her shoulders and pushed her into the water. Lyra didn't even struggle, it's almost as if she accepted it. Ki was a little suspicious of how little she fought back.

Maybe because while Lyra was under, the force kicked Ki farther into the deep end. It was then that Ki realized she didn't actually know how to swim.

She couldn't touch the bottom.

She went under.

_Oh fuck._

She had slipped right off the ramp, and now she was in an endless struggle to keep herself above water without drinking half of it.

As Lyra came up, she must've seen Ki struggling to touch. She reached her arm towards her, and before Ki realized she was pulling her back, she ended up a few inches away from Lyra.

"I guess I never asked if you could swim." Lyra whispered, her voice so close Ki swore she could feel her breath.

"Most people can... I'm just super fucking behind I guess." Ki blushed looking down into the small void of water between them.

"That's okay. We'll stay right here."

Lyra didn't release her hold on Ki's arm, but it became less of a pull and more of a steady reassurance. Lyra's other hand ended up close to her waist. It never touched, but Ki could tell that the second she started to drift away again, it would.

Ki couldn't touch, but Lyra's hold on her kept her steady as her toes barely brimmed the top of her feet every once in a while.

"You know... this was the only sweatshirt I brought. Now I'm gonna be fucking cold tonight and it's all your fault." Ki mumbled, not wanting to argue with Lyra, but also realizing that she indeed was going to freeze tonight.

Lyra laughed as a response. It was really fucking cute. It was gentle and genuine. It made Ki want to smile at her instead of pout, but she held her ground. Or well... she didn't really have any ground, but she held her floating spot in the pool.

"You can have mine. I brought two." Lyra smiled, looking down to Ki, waiting for her to face her again.

Ki grinned.

_Of course she did._

"Well look at you being prepared." She taunted back.

"One of us had to be." Lyra sighed.

"Oh hah hah hah fuck you." Ki looked back up at her, waiting to see her response.

She didn't have one. Lyra just stood there, looking at her. It was like she was studying her. Her mouth was slightly open, as if she was going to say something, but then forgot what to say.

"What?" Ki whispered, softening her tone.

"I'm... uh... do you want to head back?" She shook her head in confusion.

"Um... sure." Ki mumbled back.

Maybe she didn't actually want to leave. Maybe she wanted to just stay in the water a little longer. Maybe she loved the opportunity it gave her, the feeling that was left in the place where Lyra was holding on to her, the sense that maybe Ki had been dragged into that pool for a reason.

Those had all been fleeting thoughts when Ki was floating around in the water with her, but now she realized that was all just a concept she created in her mind.

If Lyra was going through the same process, she would've stayed. She would've held on to her for another minute longer. She would've taunted Ki a little more and pushed her to the edge of her comfort zone. But none of that happened.

Because Ki came to the conclusion that Lyra didn't feel the same.


	28. Chapter 28

**content warning:** panic attack, non-descriptive mentions of suicide

————————

Ki woke up to the sound of Shakira's Hips Don't Lie.

As her eyes started to come into focus she realized why.

_Ah yes. Lyra set the alarm on her phone last night._

"Lyra." Ki laughed weakly, starting to sit up as she rubbed her hands on her face.

"What..." The tired blob next to her mumbled into her pillow.

"Your alarm." Ki smiled, sitting up on the edge of the bed. "It's hilarious."

"Shut up. It's not a good morning if you don't wake up dancing." Lyra turned over slowly.

"I woke up laughing does that count?"

"I don't need your judgement Ki."

"Me? I would never." Ki grinned as she stood up and yawned.

"Shut up." Lyra threw Ki's pillow at her weakly.

Ki caught it and threw it back, hitting Lyra in the face.

"You know for someone who is always so full of energy you're not really a morning person..."

"Well sorry it's not like I normally wake up at this hour anyways."

"Lyra it's seven, school starts at eight... you'd be waking up at home the same time, so get your ass up."

Lyra grumbled into the pillow on her face, before throwing it to the end of the bed.

"Fine."

————————

Halfway through the day, Lyra was back to being her usual self. It didn't take very long... one cup of coffee and she was practically pulling Ki along everywhere they went.

Not that Ki minded. At all.

If Ki was going to be honest with herself, she was a little tired. She may have thought that she was fine this morning, but all this walking was actually wearing her out. She desperately wanted to sit down, but that was not an option so she kept walking and didn't complain.

"Do you think they'll let us chose where we eat for dinner?" Lyra bumped into Ki with her shoulder.

"Probably not. I bet money we're just eating at McDonald's again." Ki sighed, pulling down the sleeves of her jacket with her thumbs.

"Ah. Maybe if we're lucky we'll get Wendy's."

"I love how that's your 'if we're lucky' response. Like its any better." She laughed, completely ignoring whatever conversation was actually being held about the exhibit they were at.

"Eh... at least it's something different." Lyra shrugged, the sleeves of her baggy sweater falling off her shoulder as she did.

Sometimes Ki envied Lyra's ability to pull off any article of clothing. Like... anything. Sweatpants and a random tee shirt? Yep, all the time. A dress and a jeans jacket? Every once in a while. Sweaters and holy jeans? That was practically her look by now. Ki loved how she didn't care what she looked like, or maybe it was because she was confident she always looked good. Lyra always exuded confidence. Sometimes Ki wished she would share a little bit of that with her.

Ki picked at the littlest things. Like, when was it okay to start wearing scarves again? Or are slides in the fall still acceptable? Does wearing a leather jacket everyday make you look like a hardass? Does wearing your hair up too often make you look lazy, or organized? Are black jeans okay? Can you wear converse with leggings?

Ki was a literal train wreck when it came to knowing what to wear. Maybe that's why she just had a few standby looks that she went with all the time. Too much variety and she might make a fool of herself.

Even Shori was the same way. Maybe that's why Ki was a hopeless cause. Shori didn't really fit the gay stereotype. Ki hated herself for even labeling it a stereotype, but almost everything that a gay man did in a fashion sense... Shori did not. His entire wardrobe was shades of gray and black, most of them just plain tee shirts and sweatshirts. He had a few pairs of jeans, but other than that he usually just lounged around in workout pants. At least Ki wasn't _that_ bad.

"Whatcha thinking about?" Lyra said, glancing over to Ki.

"Oh..." Ki looked up at her for a second, and then back down to her feet. "Nothing."

"You're really bad at lying."

"No I'm... not." Ki stuttered.

_Good one Ki._

"See even that sucked." Lyra smirked, looking forward into the crowd of classmates in front of them.

"Whatever."

—————————

Later on in the tour, Ki and Lyra placed an actual bet on where they were going to eat dinner.

Ki bet on McDonalds.

Lyra bet on Wendy's.

They were both pretty sure they were going to win. Whoever did was going to get to take a shower first. Ki was pretty excited over the thought of getting to use all the warm water before Lyra even got a chance. Last night when Ki got into the shower after Lyra it was only luke warm... and she didn't have her sweatshirt for afterwards. That was _not_ going to be the case tonight.

Ki was pretty confident in her decision.

But when 6:30 rolled around and they ended up at Burger King.

Both of the girls ate in silence.

Ki knew Lyra was taking the first shower.

—————————

Ki went to sleep in the comforts of Lyra's sweatshirt.

It only took her complaining once about how cold she was for Lyra to practically throw it over her head and wrap her in a blanket.

There was a faint smell of Lyra that lingered in Ki's nose as she drifted into sleep. She dazed off smiling as she curled the sleeves up under her face...

She woke up to a bloody scene.

The same one that woke her up every time.

Ki quickly sat up, her arms feeling weak as she lifted herself up.

The green numbers on the clock said 12:47. It hadn't even been two hours.

Ki was shaking, her forehead brimming with a cold sweat.

_No._

She was gasping for air, her breathing quick and unsteady.

_Stop._

The tears were coming. Ki could feel then brimming behind her eyes as she struggled to breathe.

Usually at this point she would call out for Shori. He would come and calm her down, talk her through it, help her breathe... but Shori wasn't here.

Ki was alone.

That thought scared her further.

_What are you going to do?_

"Stop..." She sobbed, the words coming out barely a whisper.

Ki grabbed her head, shaking. She tried to breathe. It was hard. It seemed like every breath was just sending her more and more into panic.

She was crying. She couldn't stop it. It was uncontrollable and not helping her breathing at all.

_Call Shori._

She wanted to, but then she'd wake up Lyra. They weren't allowed in the halls at night. The doors were taped to make sure they didn't leave their rooms. She couldn't even leave to panic in the hallway.

_Fuck._

Ki didn't know what to do. She just sat in the bed, shaking and hopelessly grasping at anything to calm her down. She wiped the tears off her face with the sweatshirt sleeve, but it didn't help anything as more were there to replace them in a matter of seconds.

"What do I do? Help me." She whispered to no one in particular.

She knew she wouldn't get a response, she just didn't like the feeling of being alone.

The sheets beside her started stirring.

_Shit!_

Ki began to panic even further than she even knew she could.

_Be quiet you're waking up Lyra!_

She took a deep breath and held her hand over her mouth to try to stop herself from making any noise. Her sniffling didn't help that.

"Ki..." Her voice mumbled quietly.

As the tears fell down her face, she became incapable of any motion.

_Now Lyra was awake._

Ki's mind was screaming at her, and she wanted to scream now too. Out of all the times to do this, why now? Why when Lyra was right there? And now awake even!

"Are you... are you okay?" Lyra began sitting up, suddenly aware that Ki was struggling.

"I'm sorry." Ki had intended to whisper, but instead it came out like a pained sob.

"What? What's wrong? Why are you sorry?" She leaned forwards confused.

Lyra had pulled herself up on top of the comforter, matching where Ki was sitting. She put her hand out onto Ki's shoulder and Ki reluctantly didn't push her away.

She was still struggling to breathe. She needed to calm down, she was going to scare Lyra.

"Ki? Are you okay?"

"No." Ki muttered, putting her sleeves back up to her face, covering her face from Lyra.

"Tell me what's going on..." Lyra sounded worried.

That's exactly what Ki didn't want to happen. She didn't want her to worry about her.

"I can't... stop... seeing him."

"Seeing who, Ki?" Her voice responded gentle and calm.

"My... dad." She cried, pressing her palms harder against her forehead.

"Oh."

Ki felt her hand slide across her back and then just as if Lyra was reading her mind, both of her arms were holding on to her.

Ki didn't want to be desperate. But she couldn't stop herself from pulling Lyra closer to her. She curled herself into a ball and leaned into her chest as Lyra moved to make her more comfortable.

"It's okay." She whispered, her voice smooth and kind. "Just breathe."

Ki wanted to 'just breathe,' but it seemed impossible. Every breath was stifled, even as she brought herself closer to stopping her shaking.

Lyra's arms held on to her tightly, her heartbeat steady as Ki's was uncontrollable. Ki listened to her breathing as she was curled up in Lyra's lap. It helped in a sense.

_Breathe in, breathe out._

She tried to match Lyra. She focus on calming herself down.

Lyra brushed Ki's hair out from in front of her face. As she ran it behind her ear, Ki followed the calm pattern her touch left, leaning closer into her warmth. Lyra held her hand underneath Ki's face, pulling her closer to her shoulder as she continued to hold on to her.

"Take a deep breath. We'll do it together ready... in..." Lyra breathed in, Ki following her motion. "...out."

Ki collapsed back into Lyra. She continued to cry as she focused on her breathing now. She was able to stop shaking, now she was just worried about calming herself down.

Lyra didn't know how much she was helping. It seemed as if she had done it before. She knew exactly what to do to help Ki, and Ki couldn't have been more apologetic and grateful that Lyra was there.

"Don't cry." Lyra whispered, wiping away the tears on Ki's cheeks with her thumb.

"I'm trying." Ki whispered back, able to say the words in their entirety instead of in broken segments.

"That's okay. You're doing fine."

"I'm sorry."

Ki felt bad she had woken her up to this. It was not her responsibility to take care of a broken girl. She should've never seen this part of her. Or at least Ki never wanted her to.

But Lyra didn't seem to mind. Comforting her seemed to come naturally, as if it was a built in instinct to rush to her side.

But this is not how she expected their trip to go.

"It's not your fault... I understand." Lyra mumbled, leaning her head down against Ki's.

"You do?"

"Yeah..." Lyra paused. She took a deep breath and then continued her sentence. "My brother had really bad anxiety. I was there for most of it. I know it's not your fault, there's nothing you can do about it."

She sounded broken. She sounded sad. She sounded like Ki. It broke her heart.

"You have a brother...?" Ki whispered, taking Lyra's hand off her face and instead placing it down in her lap.

She traced shapes in Lyra's palm to calm down. It helped her to have the feel of someone else's skin against her own... even if it was just her fingertips.

"Well... I had... a brother." Lyra said softly.

"What?" Ki could practically feel those words breaking Lyra beside her.

"He was my twin..." She whispered. "He um, committed suicide last year."

_Twin._

They say the feeling of losing your twin is unlike any other pain. Lyra must have felt it too. Ki didn't want to cry for herself anymore, she wanted to cry for Lyra. No one deserved that feeling, especially not the most vibrant, caring and selfless person she had ever met.

"I am so sorry." Her heart dropped.

She immediately wanted to give this girl everything she ever wanted in the world. The loss she faced was worse than what Ki was going through. She was selfish for thinking she was the only one in pain.

"It's okay." Lyra sounded on the verge of tears. "I'm okay. It's harder sometimes than others... but I'm doing better with it."

"What was his name?" Ki looked up at her, hoping she wasn't going to cry.

"Cygnus." She tried to smile. It looked pained.

"Both of you... were constellations."

"Yeah." She whispered. "I think my mom did it on purpose. Her mom was a twin, they were named Vega and Altair, two stars in..."

"The Summer Triangle." Ki filled in her sentence.

"Yeah. And Cygnus and Lyra are..."

"In the summer triangle too."

"Yep. Needless to say my moms side has a thing for astronomy." She sighed.

"Must be where you got it from." Ki traced a star into Lyra's hand.

"I guess. It was mostly my brother's thing. He would drag me outside to watch meteor showers and tell me the star names. He made it his duty to make sure I saw our constellations every night they were out."

"Tell me about him." Ki whispered, glancing up at the girl above her. "Well... if you want to. If not, I understand."

"No it's fine." Lyra whispered back, a faint reassuring smile coming to her face as she looked down at Ki.

Ki knew the smile. She had worn it herself so many times. It was the 'I'm pretending I'm okay because I don't need to worry you with my problems' smile. She didn't like it on Lyra.

"His name was Cygnus, I called him Cy. He was technically four minutes younger than me, but he liked to act like he was my big brother. We weren't technically identical, but we _were_ identical in every sense of the word. We had the same eyes, the same smile, even the same style honesty... but we weren't really the same at school."

Lyra sighed, furrowing her eyebrows in disappointment as she closed her eyes.

"At my old school, I was what'd you'd call 'socially elite.' I was in cheer obviously, but I was also captain of the soccer team, and friends with some of the most popular people in school. Cy was really smart, and he loved to draw, but he also loved soccer just as much as I did. He was really good at it, but for some reason he didn't make the team freshman year. It really upset him. We'd both played soccer since we were kids, and honestly... he was always better than me. I think he knew that the only reason he didn't get on was because he wasn't friends with anybody on the team."

"He was alone. I tried to include him in everything I did... but he just never wanted to hang out with us. He was really quiet at school, but when he got home he would tell me everything. We would talk for hours and kick a ball around in the backyard, or play on his xbox... at home it was like we were inseparable, but at school it was like I was never able to reach him."

Ki wiped the dried tears off her cheek and then shifted herself down so that her head was in Lyra's lap. She held Lyra's hand still in her own, rubbing circles into her palm as she continued to listen.

"One day over a game of halo he told me he didn't want to go to school anymore. When I asked him why, he told me he didn't feel like he belonged. I told him he was too smart to drop out, and that he could hang out with me and my friends anytime he wanted. He just gave me a fake smile and went back to playing our game... I should've seen it then."

A single tear fell down Lyra's cheek. Ki reached up and wiped it away with her sweatshirt sleeve.

"It's not your fault Lyra."

"Sometimes it feels like it is. We told each other everything... On our first day of school in eighth grade, I came home, and we sat and talked about our days, and I told him about this girl in my class... and I was so confused and conflicted and... we sat there and figured it out together. Cy was there when I realized I was bi. Everyday he helped me figure out how I was going to tell our parents. He held my hand under the dinner table when I told them at Thanksgiving. And then afterwards I went upstairs and cried, and held me in his arms until I fell asleep."

Lyra's voice remained calm and smooth even though she was crying. Ki found it nearly impossible to remain this collected. She closed her fingers around Lyra's hand and then Lyra did the same. They both gave each other the comfort they both needed in the moment.

"He was there for me every step of the way... but when he was in crisis... I didn't know what to do. He started texting me in the middle of school, begging to help him. He would break down when we were doing homework at home, just sitting there crying and it never stopped. All I could do was help calm him down, but I never knew what to do to make it easier for him. I told my mom that he was struggling, she ignored me, told me he was just stressed out..."

Lyra took a deep breath.

"I guess we learned she was wrong pretty quick. I celebrated my 16th birthday alone, crying and screaming into my pillow for the majority of the day."

Ki didn't know what to say. She was never good at comforting people. She didn't look at Lyra, but she did squeeze her hand, hopefully giving her the support she needed.

"After that we moved to Kennedy. My mom couldn't take being in the same house that... that he died in. And school was becoming more and more of a struggle for me without him. Moving was the best thing we could've done with our circumstances. Now my mom works all the time to take her mind off of it, Cassie went to college, Gabrielle has friends and a social life now, and I was able to start over. No more fake people offering me condolences, no more social hierarchy, no more cheer... only real friends, easy classes, and soccer."

"So you didn't want anyone to know?" Ki whispered looking up at Lyra.

"Yeah... you're the only one." Lyra wiped her cheek. "Please don't tell the others."

"I won't. I promise."

"Thank you. Thank you... I'm... god I'm sorry. I was supposed to be helping you. I'm just a mess. I'm sorry."

Ki sat up out of Lyra's lap. She was completely calm on her own now, but sitting up still left her with an empty feeling.

She positioned herself so she was sitting directly in front of Lyra. Ki bent her knees under her and reached her hand out towards Lyra's face. She leaned her head over into her hand as she closed her eyes.

"Don't apologize. You helped me more than I could ever have asked. You could've just called Shori and went back to sleep, you didn't have to care if I was okay, but you did. So... thank you." Ki wiped away one of the tears on Lyra's cheeks.

It seemed like only minutes ago it was the other way around.

Lyra softly reached her hand up to Ki's wrist and held on to it. Ki tried not to think about the sensation her touch left behind as it wrapped around her arm.

"I'm sorry. Thank you." She sniffled.

"Stop apologizing." Ki gave her a gentle smile. "I'm sorry for waking you."

"It's not a problem." Lyra shook her head with a faint smile. "It didn't bother me at all."

"Okay..."

"Do you think you'll be able to fall back asleep? I'll stay up with you if you can't."

There was Lyra. Always offering to go above and beyond for everyone else. Ki was always in awe over that aspect of her.

"No. I mean yes. Just... I'll be fine. Get some sleep Lyra." Ki yawned.

"Okay. Goodnight Ki." Lyra whispered softly, dropping her hand off of Ki's.

"Goodnight Lyra."


	29. Chapter 29

Ki was in the bathroom brushing her teeth the next morning when the memories of the night before came flooding in.

"Holy shit." She mumbled, dropping her toothbrush down on the counter.

"That was real?" She looked into the mirror.

Ki quickly rinsed out her brush, and came to a panic. She no longer wanted to leave the bathroom without coming to terms with everything that had happened.

"Okay so obviously you had a panic attack... and then... Lyra woke up and fucking cradled you..."

Ki held on to the counter as she spoke to herself in the mirror.

"But then... oh my god... then the story of her brother... shit... and you held her hand again and... wait..."

Ki stopped in her tracks.

"Fuck."

She stared into her reflection.

"Lyra is bi?!"

"Is that... is that real?"

"No that had to be your imagination coping with things right?"

"Right?!"

Ki closed her eyes and bit her lip in contemplation.

"That was real."

She opened her eyes again.

"Holy shit."

——————————

delivered:  
shori

delivered:  
shori

delivered:  
I'm in gay panic mode

read.

shori the whori  
oh no. what did you do?

delivered:  
nothing.

delivered:  
well I mean... I had a panic attack last night and it woke up lyra and I'm trying to make sense of what happened

read.

shori the whori  
you did what? why didn't you call me? are you okay?

delivered:  
yeah. yeah... that's not the the point...

delivered:  
point is lyra told me a story and I think she's bi

read.

shori the whori  
did she say that or are you implying it?

delivered:  
no she fucking said it shori

delivered:  
I'm freaking the fuck out

delivered:  
what now?!

shori the whori  
you can't tell but I'm smiling really big rn

shori the whori  
that's good kiddo

shori the whori  
that doesn't mean she likes you but it means at least now there's a chance she might at some point

delivered:  
so I'm not completely screwed?

read.

shori the whori  
didn't say that...

shori the whori  
but it's better than crushing on a straight girl

delivered:  
I guess so

read.

shori the whori  
still don't push anything

shori the whori  
play it safe

delivered:  
yeah. agreed. and we were both in a pretty vulnerable state last night so it might've been an accident to tell me... I don't think hana or kat know

read.

shori the whori  
then don't mention it

delivered:  
yeah.

delivered:  
okay.

delivered:  
play it safe. got it.

read.

shori the whori  
go have fun. don't worry about it. remember why you're on this trip. stop thinking about lyra

—————————

The whole day Ki couldn't take her mind off of it. She needed to forget, but she couldn't.

_What if she had actually heard Lyra right?_

_Was she the only one that knew that part of the story?_

She spent her whole time at the air and space museum contemplating what to do. Shori said nothing. Shori was right most of the time. Ki needed to let it go.

But it was Saturday.

That meant her and Lyra had a break after they got back from the museum. They could go anywhere, do anything, or talk about whatever they wanted for the remainder of the night.

Ki didn't have the courage to bring it up. Maybe Lyra thought she would forget about it. Maybe Lyra herself forgot about it.

_So why couldn't she just forget about it?_

—————————

"Have you honestly never had Chicago style pizza?!" Lyra exclaimed as they walked down the street in front of their hotel.

They were stopping in front of this pizza place that was notorious for this type of pizza. Or at least that's what Ki put together from the situation.

"No... Shori doesn't really like pizza. If I did it would've been years ago." Ki shrugged, stuffing her hands into her jacket pocket.

"Oh my god! That's what we're having for dinner." Lyra said, immediately turning towards the restaurant door.

"Um... okay. Sounds good, I guess?"

"Great!" Lyra smiled as she held open the door.

"Yeah." Ki whispered, hiding her smile as she stepped into the room.

It immediately smelt of a warm pizza aroma as they walked in the door. It made Ki hungry.

"Hi guys welcome in! Just two?" A girl behind a small counter said.

Ki was caught off guard. "I... uh... yes."

"Okay follow me." She smiled grabbing two black menus and carrying them around the counter to where Ki and Lyra were standing.

Ki looked back to make sure Lyra was behind her, issuing a smile from the taller girl.

They walked through the room in a single file line. Ki couldn't help but look around them at all the other tables. Most of them were families or couples, none of them were other people from their school. Ki found this especially odd, but it also made her mind deceive her again.

_Is this a date?_

_No, this is not a date. Get your shit together, Ki._

No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't stop thinking about how cute it would've been if it were. She couldn't stop thinking about prancing though the room with Lyra's hand in hers, having the luxury of saying 'that's my beautiful girlfriend' whenever someone asked. Something in Ki's mind couldn't be shaken from these hopeless dreams that she'd thought up as they were sitting down at their table.

Something inside her was not letting go.

—————————

Later that night, after her shower, Ki was staring off into the mirror out in the bedroom in front of their bed, contemplating whether or not she should ask Lyra about last night. She was brushing her wet hair down in front of her, frowning as she realized how awful of an idea it would be.

"Do you think Daisy actually deserved Gatsby? Personally I think he's too good for her." Lyra interrupted from her cross legged position on their bed.

Ki looked back at the mirror to see her.

"Are you doing homework?" She laughed.

Lyra looked up from the book in her lap and glanced into the mirror.

"Uh... maybe?" Lyra gave a cheesy smile. "Okay yes, but it's only because this book isn't actually complete shit."

"I beg to differ. All books given by the school are inherently the worse books I have ever read." Ki waved her brush around.

"Do you actually read them?"

"Occasionally, when I have nothing better to do." She shrugged, turning around to actually look at Lyra.

"Have you read this one?" Lyra held up the book.

"Been too busy."

"Oh yeah uh huh, doing what?" She put her bookmark in and closed the book loudly on her lap.

"You know... stuff. Like going to _your_ soccer games..."

"Ki!" Lyra raised her eyebrows with wide eyes and grabbed a pillow from behind her.

She threw it at Ki and it hit her with a unexpected floof to the face.

"What?" Ki grabbed the pillow and held it down at her waist.

"Don't just _not_ do your homework because of my games."

"Well..." Ki looked down.

Lyra threw another pillow. Ki didn't see this one coming. It hit her on the top of her head and then fell down to the floor.

"Did you just...?" She glared up at Lyra.

A grin grew on Lyra's face as she placed her book on the table next to her side of the bed. She grabbed the last pillow from the bed and forcefully threw it across the room.

"Ohhhh... you're in for it now..." Ki grabbed all the pillows from off the floor in to her arms and threw one at Lyra.

Lyra squealed and stood up on top of the bed. She grabbed the pillow Ki threw at her and swung it towards the girl running towards her. It hit Ki on the shoulder, causing her to throw another pillow as she climbed on top of the bed.

"Lyra Meclane, you have started a war."

When Ki gained a footing on the mattress, she grabbed the end of the last pillow in her arms and quickly swung it towards Lyra. She deflected it with the pillow in her hands and then smacked Ki across the face with her own pillow.

"Oh yeah?" She taunted, stepping into Ki as she lost her balance from the last blow.

Ki looked up at her as she brought her head back into focus. The way the words left Lyra's mouth, they held a sort of flirtatious effect. It was confusing the hell out of Ki. They were inches apart, and although Ki was reluctant to throw another pillow... she was also not one to back away from a fight.

So with full force she swung the pillow that she held in her right hand, right into the side of Lyra's face.

Lyra took a step back, grabbing the pillow she had dropped on the bed and then tossing it at Ki.

Ki pushed it down, back on to the bed and then toppled over it in an attempt to swing at Lyra again.

Lyra moved in time and just as Ki was turning to swing again, Lyra hit her.

But Ki came back twice as hard.

It knocked Lyra down into the bed. She stared at the ceiling as Ki grinned from above her.

"I see how it is." Lyra mumbled, pushing herself up with her arms.

As she was still sitting, she grabbed the pillow next to her and hit Ki's waist. She regrouped her footing, and as she did, Lyra hit her again but this time in the back of her knees.

Ki went down in front of Lyra, trying her best not to completely topple over her.

It failed.

Ki ended up landing right on top of Lyra, knocking them both down into the bed. Lyra laughed as Ki fumbled with her hands to lift herself back up.

As Ki placed her hands in the sheets on both sides of Lyra's shoulders, Lyra was still smiling below her, her hair spread out in a messy array against the white sheets.

Lyra's smile made her forget that a few minutes ago they were in a calling for blood. Ki found herself staring down into the eyes of the opponent, carefully watching her gentle gaze, instead of wanting to smashing another pillow into her face.

Her heart was beating exceptionally faster than it should have been. Given the circumstances that they were just literally mauling each other with pillows, Ki didn't think too hard about that fact. But she couldn't ignore the sinking feeling in her heart that if they were under different circumstances this would've been a perfectly acceptable time to kiss her.

Maybe it was just the feeling that she knew she probably never would.

She wanted to so badly.

Lyra must've sensed the utter confusion and frustration that Ki faced, as her smile suddenly turned into a more curious glare.

"What?" The words left her lips softly.

Ki watched as they formed the letters. It was hypnotic.

"I..." Ki breathed wistfully. "Um..."

Lyra stared at her. She was waiting for her to finish the sentence. She was looking to Ki to give her more words, but Ki couldn't.

She didn't know what to say.

She looked away. Ki could feel the blush on her face. It must've looked so excruciatingly red. Her heart was racing, and her mind wasn't catching up. Lyra must've been so confused.

"Ki..." She whispered so softly, so gently, but with such an urgency it pulled Ki's gaze back towards her.

Ki looked into her eyes and didn't say anything.

But it may have been because she didn't get the chance.

Lyra reached her hand up to Ki's neck and then before Ki had a second to catch up with what was happening, she could feel Lyra's breath, now a mere inch away from her face. She closed her eyes.

She let Lyra pull their faces together, their lips touching ever so slightly as she moved her hand to Ki's jaw. Ki leaned into the feeling that Lyra's lips left, following her mouth as Lyra's head fell back into the pillow.

_So this is what it feels like._

There was so much coursing through her veins. The way Lyra's hand gently held her face sent shivers down her spine, the touch of her lips against Ki's made her heart feel light, the sensation she felt as Lyra kissed her back. It was an unbelievable feeling, unmatched to anything she'd ever felt before.

Then Lyra pulled away. As their lips parted, Ki slowly opened her eyes in disappointment. She didn't like the empty feeling that was in place of where Lyra used to be.

Ki didn't know what to do. This had never happened to her before. She was in shock. Apparently she was showing that as well.

_Why are you so bad at hiding your emotions?_

Lyra's expression quickly changed as a wave of worry washed over her face.

"I'm sorry." She quickly mumbled, her eyes wide. "I read that wrong didn't I?"

Ki was shocked, but it wasn't a bad kind of shock, it was good. Of course Lyra couldn't tell the difference though.

Ki tried to form words. It wasn't working.

"Ki?" Lyra whispered, her face showing obvious panic.

Ki blinked herself back into reality and then rolled herself over so that she was sitting on the bed instead of hovering above Lyra.

"I..." She started. "Um..."

"Fuck." Lyra sighed, smacking the pillow from beside her down on to her face.

"No. Lyra... you..."

_Please words. Any day now!_

"I'm sorry Ki."

_No don't be sorry!_

"I..." Ki stared at the floor.

Her brain was in hyperactive mode. She was trying to make sense of too many things at once.

Lyra thought she had made a mistake, when in reality she had just made one of the best moments on Ki's life...

Ki just couldn't figure out how to say that.

_Fuck!_

—————————

She was sitting in the lobby with her phone in her lap, staring out the window into the vast darkness of the parking lot.

It was 10:45. That meant she had 15 minutes until they checked rooms for the night.

She had called Shori a few minutes ago, but he didn't answer. Ki went into internal panic mode as she thought that she might just have to suck it up and figure it out herself, without any help from a rational human being.

She didn't know what to feel.

Was she happy? Angry? Sad? Or all of the above?

It felt like they were all swirling around in her head. She was happy it happened. That meant Lyra _did_ feel the same. She was angry she left her without any clue. Now she probably thinks the worst. She was sad that Lyra was now probably fighting with herself as well, beating herself up over how she was going to lose Ki.

But she wasn't. She just didn't know it, because Ki didn't have the mental capacity to tell her.

"You fucked up Katashi." She could practically hear Acacia's words in the back of her mind.

Not that she told Acacia any of it. Or that she was going to. She would never put Lyra out there like that.

Then the phone started buzzing.

_shori the whori_

She couldn't have picked it up fast enough.

"Shori..."

"Ki...?" He answered curiously. "You okay?"

"No." She leaned her head over on to the cushion of the chair she was sitting on.

"Are you..."

"No... no it's not that..." Ki sighed. "I fucked up Shori."

"What did you do?" He asked cautiously.

"More like what _didn't_ I do."

"Okay..."

"Lyra kissed me." She whispered low enough so that if someone else were in the hallway they wouldn't have heard her.

"What?! Oh my god! What?!" Shori yelled into the phone.

"Yeah, but I kind of like didn't know what to say afterwards and so she thinks it was a mistake and I hate her now..."

"Noooooo... Ki you had one fucking job. How the hell did you... you know what never mind... tell me exactly what was said."

"Well like she was like 'I'm sorry. I read that wrong didn't I?' and I just kind of like sat on the bed and didn't say anything comprehensive."

"You didn't say _anything_?"

"No."

"Well fuck, Ki. There's was a number of things you could've done, but that... that wasn't one of them."

"I know, I know, I just... help me. I don't know what to do."

"Well maybe say something to her like 'hey sorry it took me so long to say it but that was actually exactly what I was hoping you'd do!' or like 'hi my name is Ki and I'm a complete assfuck who can't english worth a shit, but you did not read that wrong! Surprise I like you too!'"

Ki laughed. "Shut up you dick."

"Alright you ask me for my advice? Here it is. Just talk to her... explain that you were overwhelmed, tell her she wasn't wrong, admit you're both gay as fuck and move along in your happy little gay way."

"You make it sound so easy." Ki frowned.

"Well, it's not. Trust me, it's not easy to talk to someone, but you need to. You can't let her think that she fucked over your relationship."

"You're right." She whispered.

"What was that?" Shori said in disbelief.

"You're right Shori. I'm a fucking idiot."

"Yes you are. But I love you, you can do this."

"No I can't."

"Yes... you can." Shori sighed. "There's nothing to lose, you already know she likes you or she wouldn't have kissed you."

"Yeah I guess... but..."

"Room checks!" Mrs. Moon's voice called down the hallway.

"Shit. Shori I gotta go. We have to be in our rooms at 11."

"Okay, okay, just don't freak out and remember what I said."

"Got it. Bye." Ki quickly hung up before she even heard her brother's next words.

"Boyfriend?" Mrs. Moon said as she approached the chair she was sitting in with a gossipy grin.

"Brother."

"Ah." She sighed. "Those aren't as fun."

Ki awkwardly smiled, turning her phone off.

"Going upstairs?"

"Uh yes, yeah." Ki quickly stood up, shoving her phone in her sweatpants pocket.

"Perfect. Just in time." Mrs. Moon smiled, heading over in the direction of the elevator.

"Guess so."


	30. Chapter 30

Ki woke up to a semi-normal sounding alarm.

_What, no mainstream pop this morning?_

As Ki turned to tell Lyra to shut her phone off, she realized the bed beside her was empty.

"Lyra?" She whispered, surprised the other girl would be up this early.

"Oh sorry." Lyra called from the bathroom. "You can shut it off, my phone's on the table."

"Oh." Ki said, noting the dull mannerism of her roommates voice.

_What's got her in a sad mood?_

Then the wave of realization hit her. Everything from last night was still unresolved.

When Ki came in last night after talking with Shori, Lyra was already asleep... or at least pretending to be asleep. Honestly, that's would Ki would've done too.

But that meant now Lyra was being awkward and cautious, and Ki didn't like that.

As Ki was picking up Lyra's phone to shut the alarm off, she came out of the bathroom.

She gave a really weak, fake ass smile as she looked at Ki.

Ki stuck out her phone towards her, maybe thinking that Lyra wanted it. Lyra hesitated and then grabbed it, nodding with a "thanks."

She slid the phone into the back pocket of her jeans and then knelt down to get something out of her bag.

She was being way too quiet.

Ki hated it with a burning passion.

"Lyra?"

She looked up.

"Are you okay?" Ki whispered, knowing very well that _she_ was the reason she wasn't.

Lyra looked at her with a blank expression, almost as if saying 'you rejected me' through just her look alone.

She didn't respond. It's almost as if she thought it was a rhetorical question.

"Lyra... look I think we should talk..." Ki sat up on the bed.

"I don't think we should. Let's just forget about it okay? I don't want to freaking lose the closest friend I have over an accident." Lyra mumbled, standing up.

"Was it an accident?"

Lyra stopped in her tracks. She stared at Ki with a pained confusion. It's as if she was contemplating whether to admit it wasn't, or for the sake of their friendship lie and say that it was. It was an impossible decision. Lyra couldn't make it... so they ended up in silence.

"Lyra, I'm so sorry I reacted the way I did." She frowned. "I just... sometimes I get caught up in a situation and I get overwhelmed. You should know my brain doesn't exactly work to my advantage sometimes."

Lyra gave a soft smile and then looked back down at the bed, turning her face back into a frown.

"Doesn't change the fact that I overstepped... I'm sorry for making you uncomfortable." She mumbled.

"No, see that's the thing Lyra, you didn't make me uncomfortable." Ki sighed, staring into her lap.

"Oh... good? I guess we're cool then?" Lyra said, extremely confused as she brushed off the situation.

"Um..."

This wasn't where Ki wanted this conversation to end, but she didn't know what to say next. She didn't want things to be just friends between them, but she didn't know how to introduce the fact that she actually like Lyra. It had taken a lot for her to admit it to herself, and now she had to admit it right to Lyra's face! Ki struggled to find the words she needed. She didn't know how to say what she wanted.

She couldn't put it together fast enough so her instinct acted first.

"Yeah." She nodded.

"Cool." Lyra smiled softly. "Are you going to breakfast?"

Ki paused. She really just let that opportunity slip away. Her the back of mind she was smacking herself violently, angry that she had just ruined her chance to flawlessly come clean.

"Um. Yeah, yeah, I'll get ready."

Lyra sat down on the bed and looked down at her phone.

"Okay I'll wait."

————————

bitch #1 👿  
are you guys coming back tonight? bc I swear ki if you aren't back on monday lunch is going to be hella lonely

delivered:  
yeah we should be back around midnight

read.

bitch #1 👿  
bless up

bitch #1 👿  
sometimes I actually miss you not being around

delivered:  
only sometimes?

read.

bitch #1 👿  
yep. only sometimes

bitch #1 👿  
but how's the trip?

delivered:  
it's... fine

read.

bitch #1 👿  
what's that supposed to mean?!

delivered:  
it's fine.

read.

bitch #1 👿  
that didn't sound too convincing

delivered:  
it's complicated

read.

bitch #1 👿  
you have to tell me when you get back then

delivered:  
no

read.

bitch #1 👿  
yes

delivered:  
idk maybe but probably not

bitch #1 👿  
bitch I am your best friend

bitch #1 👿  
what the fuck happened that you won't even tell me

delivered:  
nothing happened don't worry about it

read.

bitch #1 👿  
I hate you

bitch #1 👿  
ki wtf

delivered:  
don't worry about it it's nothing

read.

————————

"Today is NASA day are you ready?" Lyra sat down across from her with a plate of pancakes.

"Yeah." Ki nodded, taking a drink. "Should be cool."

"Cool? Uh yeah, of course it's going to be cool!"

Ki glanced up to Lyra and smiled at her enthusiasm. Didn't take long for her to go back to normal.

Too bad Ki couldn't do the same.

All she could do was think about it.

Every time she looked at Lyra she wanted nothing more than to tell her how she felt, but something held her back every single time.

This was their last day.

If she didn't tell her today, it would go back to normal tomorrow. Just another day at school, back to being just friends, nobody would know a thing.

Maybe that's how Lyra wanted it.

_But then why would she have kissed me first?_

Ki was so confused. Her head hurt, her heart hurt, she just hurt all over and she couldn't identify a cause to the pain.

She had a chance to say something and she fucked it up.

Back to square one.

————————

After a long day walking around the NASA facility, and not nearly enough coffee, Ki and Lyra piled on the bus with the rest of the group to go back home.

The sun was going down by the time they left the city. It was cold outside, reaching temperatures lower than what she had felt all weekend long.

Ki wished she had brought another jacket. Leather wasn't exactly the warmest, and sweatshirts didn't cut it.

She shoved her complaints to the back of her head and crossed her arms in front of her chest as she slumped back in her seat.

Ki was sitting next to the window this time. They had switched places for the ride back. Ki didn't necessarily mind, but that also meant she was colder.

Lyra had her headphones in and was quietly looking down the aisle. She looked at peace, and not at all as tired as Ki.

Ki didn't want to distract her from listening to her music, but she also felt really weird ignoring Lyra. She wanted to talk to her... even if it wasn't about her feelings. The silence wasn't on purpose, but it was still killing her ever so slowly.

So she pulled out her phone.

delivered:  
hey

Lyra's phone screen lit up. Ki glanced over to it. Underneath the time was the song girls/girls/boys from panic! at the disco.

_Of course Lyra listens to panic!_

_Do all gays do that?_ Ki thought to herself knowing she and Shori loved the sound of Brendon Urie's voice just as much.

And then underneath the song title was the text she just sent.

ki :)  
hey

_Her name had a smiley face._

Ki smiled and looked away as Lyra picked up her phone.

lyra 💫  
hello ki

delivered:  
hi :)

read.

lyra 💫  
is there a reason why we're texting?

lyra 💫  
I mean instead of talking! not like because I don't want to talk to you...

lyra 💫  
you know what just lets backpedal

lyra 💫  
what's up?

Ki laughed as she looked down at her screen.

delivered:  
sorry I didn't want to interrupt your jam session so I thought texting would do just fine

delivered:  
I was just bored

read.

lyra 💫  
ah yes the boredom™️

lyra 💫  
is there something you wanted to talk about?

Ki thought for a minute. It would be cowardly of her to text Lyra her feelings while she was sitting right next her. That wouldn't be such a wise idea. What if it ended in disaster and they spent the remainder of the ride home in dead silence and awkward glances?

_No. Not the time._

delivered:  
not really.

delivered:  
but uh how's your song? :)

read.

Lyra laughed, glancing over to Ki, who in return smiled as she stared out the window.

lyra 💫  
it's good.

lyra 💫  
how's your uh... tree watching?

delivered:  
good. good. lots of uh... pines?

read.

lyra 💫  
ah yes the pines™️

Ki looked at her screen and gave a confused grin.

delivered:  
why did you do that lmao

read.

lyra 💫  
idk I...

lyra 💫  
you know what?

delivered:  
what?

read.

lyra 💫  
idk I'm out of things to say

lyra 💫  
can I ask you a question?

delivered:  
ask all the questions you want

read.

lyra 💫  
ooh okay

lyra 💫  
what's your zodiac sign?

delivered:  
...scorpio

read.

lyra 💫  
that's honestly...

lyra 💫  
exactly what I expected

delivered:  
what?

read.

lyra 💫  
I've just figured you were a fall baby you have the personality for it

lyra 💫  
wait...

lyra 💫  
YOUR BIRTHDAY! I forget... when is it?!

delivered:  
um

read.

lyra 💫  
Ki tell me! Oh my god it's coming up isn't it?

delivered:  
yes

read.

lyra 💫  
if you tell me I'll answer a question in return

delivered:  
you would do that even if I didn't tell you...

read.

lyra 💫  
it can be a really good question

delivered:  
oct 23rd

read.

lyra 💫  
THATS FRIDAY!!!

delivered:  
yeah

read.

lyra 💫  
alright alright awesome :)

Ki couldn't help but smile at that stupid smiley face. She didn't know why she could actually stand the thought of someone else knowing her birthday. It was Lyra, that's why. Aside from Shori and Andi, the only person who knew her birthday was Acacia. She liked it that way. No one embarrassed her, no one got her things, no one gave her attention... it was great, she stayed in the shadows even on her birthday.

lyra 💫  
now you get a question remember?

delivered:  
right yeah let me think

read.

Ki set her phone down in her lap and looked at the seat in front of her. She had one question that she could ask literally anything and get an answer. There were too many options, too many things she needed the answer to. And she couldn't do anything related to last night because that would be awkward.

_Fuck._

She settled her brain on a mediocre option and typed it out on her screen.

delivered:  
what do you miss the most about florida/cuba?

read.

lyra 💫  
well...

lyra 💫  
it never got super cold like whatever the hell this weather is...

lyra 💫  
and weekend trips to the beach

delivered:  
you lived near the beach?

read.

lyra 💫  
in both cuba and florida we lived really close to the shore line, but in florida my mom would only let us go to the beach on the weekends to make sure we were focused on school

delivered:  
oh

delivered:  
that sounds so... nice

read.

lyra 💫  
yeah except when you got burnt and couldn't sleep for a week

lyra 💫  
gabby once got so burnt we had to put ice packs on her back so it would numb the pain

lyra 💫  
the sun gets really hot that close to the equator

delivered:  
I know I used to live down that way too

read.

lyra 💫  
oh yes right!

lyra 💫  
what do you miss the most about texas?

delivered:  
my dad used to take me to work with him. it was a lot of fun honestly. I'd go with him to the station every other day and play with their shoelaces and eat their snacks from the vending machines. then afterwards we would stop at mcdonalds and get ice cream right before bed

read.

lyra 💫  
aweeee

lyra 💫  
that's a lot cuter than mine

delivered:  
sorry to out-cute you

read.

lyra 💫  
I'll let it slide... just this once

lyra 💫  
:)

_Fuck. There she went again._

Ki's face burned as she couldn't keep the corners of her mouth down. No one smiles this much while just having a stupid text conversation. She wanted to get it together, but maybe she would let it go... maybe if Lyra saw how she was acting she'd get the hint that she liked her too.

delivered:  
so...

read.

lyra 💫  
so...

delivered:  
how's soccer?

read.

lyra 💫  
well I heard even though I wasn't there they won the game on thursday so that means we should be going to finals because we've only lost once 

delivered:  
really? that's good!

read.

lyra 💫  
yeah :)

lyra 💫  
it's in two weeks you better be there katashi

Lyra didn't call her Katashi... that was Acacia's thing. Ki didn't know why she found that a bit unsettling... maybe because she didn't want to put her on that same friend level. Maybe she wanted Lyra to have her own nickname to call her. It stuck out in her mind, but it was also completely irrelevant to the conversation.

delivered:  
you bet your ass. I wouldn't miss it for the world

read.

lyra 💫  
good :)

delivered:  
good :)

read.

—————————

When Ki got home, all the lights were out.

She sighed kicking off her shoes after she closed the door quietly, trying not to wake up her sleeping brother.

She wasn't worried about waking Andi though, that boy could sleep through anything. Literally.

One time Ki threw remotes at him to get him to wake up and he didn't even budge until she hit him across the face with an xbox controller. Shori wasn't too happy about that. Apparently abusing the boyfriend was "off limits."

_Whatever._ Ki laughed in the back of her head as she carried herself up the stairs.

As she reached the hallway, she could see her brother's door cracked, the light from the tv still shining through.

_Okay, so maybe they were awake._

Ki pulled out her phone from her jacket pocket and quickly glanced at the time.

_12:58 am._

_Well... maybe not._

She pushed her bag back up onto her shoulder and lightly walked down the hallway, passing her room and heading straight to her brother's.

There was so much she needed to talk about. Hopefully he was still awake to the flickering of whatever the hell Andi was making him watch before bed.

Probably some documentary on World War 2... those always put them right to sleep.

Ki crept up to the slightly ajar door and peaked in. On the tv there was a documentary about electric cars. _So close._ And on the bed, her brother and his fiancée were sound asleep, drooling into the pile of pillows behind them.

_Damn._

It'll have to wait.


	31. Chapter 31

The faint sound of Andi humming along to Jaymes Young was what Ki found Monday morning as she walked down the stairs.

He was standing in the kitchen with gray flannel pants and an oversized black sweater as he stirred a tea bag around in his favorite orange mug.

"Hey Andi." Ki broke his bliss as she walked into the kitchen.

"Hey kid." He looked up, pushing his glasses up on his nose.

"Aren't you supposed to be at work?"

"Typically yes, but my class got moved to a later slot so they could renovate the building, so now... not exactly." He shrugged his shoulders.

"When did this happen?" Ki pushed his shoulder as she walked past him.

"Friday. Figured I'd just tell you once you got back."

"Well I'm back."

"I can see that." Andi tried to take the first sip of his tea.

He visibly burnt himself as he pulled back the mug in surprise, glaring at it as he set it down on the counter.

"So how was the trip?" He gathered himself back together.

"Uh..." Ki wondered how much Shori had told him.

_Had he told Andi anything at all?_

She just settled on the generic answer.

"Fine."

"Just fine?" He tilted his head over as he looked at her.

"Um... yeah it was cool." She looked down into her empty hands.

"Did something... happen?"

"Uh... you know what I've gotta get to school... to catch up with all my teachers and stuff... I'll tell you later." Ki awkwardly shifted away from the counter.

"Hmm... okay well have a good day at school. Tell Acacia I said hi." Andi pulled the mug back up to his face, mumbling his words a little.

"Will do." She shot him a peace sign as she walked back across the kitchen.

She didn't even get the protein bar she went in for.

Too late to turn back now.

No breakfast it is.

————————

"Sooooo... how was the trip?" Acacia leaned over on Ki as they were stretching their legs in the gym.

"If I had a dollar for every time I've heard that today..." Ki mumbled pulling her heel up towards her back.

"Psh right?" Lyra smiled doing the same.

Ki smiled and looked down at the ground, staring at the uneven floor planks. Acacia wobbled a little on her leg beside Ki and struggled to keep her balance.

"Whatever." She grumbled, bring her leg back down to stabilize herself. "I hate you both."

Lyra stuck her tongue out at Acacia and switched to stretch her other leg.

"Were there any hot DC boys?" Acacia smirked.

Ki's head bolted up, her gaze settling on Lyra's blushing red face. Lyra glanced at her, as if searching her face for the right answers, but almost as if she didn't find what she was looking for, she turned back towards Acacia.

"Nah..." She sighed. "They're all 'eh' like the ones here."

"Well that's shit." Acacia blew up a piece of hair that fell down on to her eyelid.

_"There was this cute girl though..."_ is what Ki thought about slipping in. Instead, she settled on keeping her mouth shut and let Lyra do all the talking.

It was a little frustrating keeping it all in though. So badly Ki wanted to blab about Lyra to Acacia, but since she was a mutual friend between the both of them, it was due to cost her. Acacia wasn't known for her amazing secret keeping skills.

Across the gym, a whistle blew.

Mr. Hik's started clapping his hands in an obnoxiously loud pattern, as the class slowly started migrating their way towards him.

"Alright, I want teams of three." He called as everyone filed in behind each other. "You guys will be doing relay races. One person on the half court line and the other two on the ends. Got it?"

A solitary nod was met by all of the class along with a pained sigh from Acacia as she slumped over onto Ki.

"I fucking hate running." She grumbled into Ki's shoulder.

"Does anyone actually _like_ running?" Lyra leaned over onto Ki's other shoulder.

Ki didn't even realize Lyra was standing beside her until half her weight was leaning against her arm. She was even on both sides now as both girls pushed against her.

"It's not that bad." Ki rolled her eyes.

"Okay well you also think pineapple on pizza is 'not that bad,'" Acacia used her fingers for air quotes. "...so I don't even wanna talk."

"Fuck off. It was one time." Ki grumbled pulling herself out from underneath both of them.

"And it was disgusting!" Acacia exclaimed as she threw her hands up in the air.

"I have no comment." Lyra sighed.

"It was an experiment." Ki explained with the fakest expression she could muster.

"It was an epic fail."

"Acacia shut your face." Ki grumbled starting the walk towards the far end of the gym.

"Just saying that was one of your biggest mistakes."

"Oh no... my biggest mistake was being your dumbass friend." Ki smiled, jabbing her finger into Acacia's shoulder.

"Ouch." Lyra laughed, heading off in the other direction.

"Bitch." Acacia grumbled, taking the middle court line as Ki passed by it.

Ki kept walking towards the end of the gym, her hand up by her shoulder, flipping off Acacia from behind.

"Miss Katashi let's keep our hands for tagging our partners, not for pissing off fellow students." Mr. Hik's voice called across the gym.

"Sorry." Ki called back, lowering her arm back down towards her side.

"Do it again I'll have to give you detention." He pointed a finger at her as she turned around in her spot.

Ki smirked.

_It would've been worth it._

————————

When Ki pulled into her short blacktop driveway, she noticed Andi's car was gone.

It was weird for him not to be here after she got out of school, but she figured that new class or whatever meant he was staying later on campus.

Shori, however, was sitting in the open garage on the floor next to his bike, working on top of a piece of cardboard.

Ki parked her car next to the trash can on the right side of the driveway. Andi got all pissy when she parked on the left. It was always 'his spot.' Shori never got in the middle of their driveway parking spot debates; he knew Ki didn't give a fuck and Andi gave too many fucks to count.

But regardless, Ki turned off her car and hopped out of the drivers seat, the keys on her lanyard jingling from her drop. She slammed the door closed behind her and slung her backpack over her shoulder as she walked up into the garage.

"What is it this time?" She called to her brother who was intensely looking into the front end of the bike.

"Brake line." He mumbled twisting something out of place.

It dropped into his hand, which caused him to bring it up to his face and inspect it more closely.

"Ah." Ki nodded, pretending she even remotely knew what Shori was working on.

"So how was school?" He looked up at her.

Ki grinned as she saw a line of grease across his cheek and another black smudge above his eyebrow. Shori was a mess.

"Tiring." She sighed lowering her backpack down onto the concrete floor.

"I bet." He furrowed his eyebrows as he looked back down into the part in his hand. "What time did you get home last night?"

"Around 1."

"Oooh... rough."

"Yeah." Ki sat down on the second stair of the mini stair case that led into their kitchen door.

"So how was the trip? Tell me about it."

"Well uh..." Ki glanced off into the front yard through the garage opening. "There was some pretty cool stuff... we toured the NASA facility and saw some of the drafts for some super old prototypes so that was really neat."

"Like old shuttles?" Shori's eyes shot up.

"No just like devices and stuff from inside."

"Oh... That's still cool."

"Yeah, and the Smithsonians were pretty cool too. They had all the historical stuff and it was all suspended in the air and it kinda made me nervous to walk under, but you know it's whatever..."

Shori laughed, grabbing a wrench from the concrete beside him.

"You'd never know that you were a black belt from your scaredy cat instincts." He smiled up at her.

"Oh shut up, I'm a total badass... it's just... you never know when those things could fall and crush you." Ki kicked a loose rock into the crack along the concrete.

"Yeah, okay."

There was a pause between the two of them where Ki wasn't sure if Shori ran out of things to say, or didn't know how to say what was on his mind. He fiddled with a few things at the front of his bike, setting more parts down into a silver bowl, causing a light clanking sound that Ki began to count as the pieces dropped into it. She was up to four when his voice broke through the silence.

"So how's um... how's Lyra?" He kept his gaze focused on the bike.

"Um... well... it's complicated. I never really got around to telling her... it's just kinda... up in the air..."

"Are you serious?" Shori dropped his wrench on the ground with a louder clank. "Kizokira oh my god... I understand you most of the time, but what the fuck?!"

"I know..." Ki laid her face down into her hands, producing mumbled sighs. "I know."

"You had one job. All you had to do was tell her you felt the same way. It should've been easy!" He rolled his head back to stare at the ceiling.

"But it just... it wasn't! The time came and I didn't know what to say. The opportunity passed and I just... let it go. I didn't want to make the trip a hassle for her." Ki mumbled.

"That poor girl. You're confusing the hell out of her. God, Ki. Just... how?!"

"I know! I'm sorry! I just couldn't..."

"You need to tell her or you're going to lose her. Pretty soon she's just going to move on and you guys will just be in this 'friends but kinda more but not really' state forever."

"Wow thanks Shori, way to make me feel better about completely fucking up!" Ki raised her head out of her hands and glared at him.

"Don't give me that look." He pointed at her with his grease covered finger. "I'm being completely serious. Tell her or you'll have to settle for just friends, and quite frankly I don't wanna hear you pining after her once she's found somebody else."

"Fuck you, Shori." Ki raised her voice. She didn't mean to get angry at her brother, but he was pissing her off.

Shori didn't respond. Maybe he could tell that he'd pushed her too far. Or maybe he wanted to say more, but he knew he couldn't. Regardless, Ki took this as an opportunity to pick up her backpack from the floor and stand up from the step she was sitting on.

"Ki... I'm just trying to help you out..." Shori sighed, hunching his shoulders over.

"It's not like you have experience." Ki bitterly mumbled as she slung the bag over her shoulder.

"What's that supposed to mean?" He straightened his pose, obviously taken aback.

"Your dream guy just fucking walked into your life and asked you out over text. You went on a perfect date and that was the start of your relationship...."

Ki shook her head with her eyes closed, feeling the rage boiling inside her.

"You never knew him before that. You never spent countless nights thinking about if he felt the same. You never had to go to school everyday and see him, and think of all the things you wanted to say to him but couldn't. You never had this crippling fear of rejection, because you're not a total fuck up like me who can't even get a full night's sleep and constantly thinks about everything that can go wrong by admitting to everything. You never went through this Shori! Don't pretend like you know what the fuck I'm dealing with because you're not me! You can't even begin to understand what it's like."

"No..." He shook his head. "I can't. But you're out of line Ki... don't talk about Andi."

Shori's voice was firm and harsh towards the end. It wasn't very often that he ever took up this time with Ki, and she could feel the bitter frustration in his words hiding behind that thin layer of calm and composed. Ki didn't even remember saying anything offensive about his fiancée. Maybe just the tone she took set him on edge. Did Ki want to push that? She was angry. But did she want Shori to be too?

_No._

"Whatever. I've got homework to do." Ki grumbled turning her back to her brother.

"Ki..." His voice warned as she walked up the stairs.

She opened the door to the kitchen and muttered the last few words angrily as she stepped off the last creaking wood step.

"I'm done."


	32. Chapter 32

lyra 💫  
hey what are you doing tomorrow after school?

delivered:  
uhhhhh nothing why?

read.

lyra 💫  
great!

lyra 💫  
I was wondering if maybe you'd want to pick me up from practice and hang out???

delivered:  
hang out?

read.

lyra 💫  
too much?

delivered:  
no. yeah I'm down...

read.

lyra 💫  
awesome :)

————————

Today was Thursday.

Usually at this point in the night, Ki would be getting ready to go to the soccer game, nagging someone to come along with her so she wouldn't stand alone in the cold.

But tonight, they didn't have a game. Apparently there was a week gap in their schedule between their last game and the championship so they got a night to rest.

Instead she was stuck watching tv with Andi, an endless marathon of recorded shows from the past two weeks.

She pulled her plaid fleece blanket up to her face and leaned over onto the side of the couch. She curled her legs up as tight as she could, but her feet were still pushing on Andi's leg. On any other night, Andi would've complained about her taking up too much space or to get her 'stinky ass feet' away from him, but presently he sat quietly and didn't complain. Tonight was a rare occasion.

Shori was gone.

It was just the two of them. The two of them binging dorky shows and kicking each other on the couch.

When Shori was gone, Andi and Ki acted a lot like siblings. He really put the _brother_ in brother in law. They would fight over stupid shit and share conspiracy theories, and yet Ki never minded actually being stuck home alone with Andi. Sometimes she could even get him to spill some dirt on Shori, and vice versa.

But tonight, Ki didn't feel like annoying the shit out of him. She actually felt content with her decision to hold back on digging her heel into the side of his thigh to get more foot room.

So instead, she just leaned her head against the armrest of the couch and watched the flickering lights up against the wall as neither of them budged to turn the light on in the ever present darkness.

Ki was pretty sure she had missed half of the episode as she wandered off in her thoughts, but Andi seemed to be pretty intently caught up in the drama unfolding onscreen. His facial expression was determined and focused, as his forehead wrinkled down towards the bridge of his nose.

Ki sighed and tossed a remote at Andi's shoulder.

He was quickly shaken out of his trance and turned to Ki with one eyebrow raised in a 'what the fuck' glare.

"What?" He squinted, trying to analyze what had prompted Ki to throw the remote.

"Can I ask you something?" She sighed, turning her head towards him.

He took the remote Ki had just thrown at him and then paused the screen, catching one of the characters mid-speech.

"I suppose."

"When you met Shori... how did you know he was gonna be into you?"

"Oh... um... I didn't, really." He almost seemed confused at the serious manner of the question. "I was kind of just hoping that his dumbfounded smile and puppy dog eyes meant maybe I had a shot."

"Did you ever mess up?"

"Mess up... what?" Andi frowned.

"Like... did you ever misstep? Or like really piss him off? Or do something... you know?"

"I've definitely pissed him off a few times... why? Ki what is this about?"

"Nothing." Ki sighed, trying to work through her own thoughts.

His face glared at her with an 'I don't believe you' frown.

"Do you think you've pissed somebody off? Maybe... a crush?" Andi asked, his voice rising towards the end.

"No not exactly." Ki said seriously... and then she quickly came back with her middle school taunting voice. "And I'm not telling you."

"What seriously?! Did you tell Shori?!"

"Maybe..."

"Ki! Let me in on this I can't be the only one that doesn't know it'll kill me." He pleaded.

"Sorry Andi. No can do." Ki shook her head.

"Can you at least tell me his name?"

_His_ name. Why does everyone always assume it's a he? Well... Shori never did, but Shori was always good at figuring Ki out.

"Bold of you to assume it would be a guy." Ki snapped back, throwing a taunting smile on her face.

Andi had daunting moment of realization as it hit him. He let his mouth hang open a little as he looked around the room, still processing.

"How the fuck did I miss that?" He shook his head, his face a blank slate.

"That's your response?" Ki raised an eyebrow, unimpressed.

"Sorry, I uh... I shouldn't have assumed. I'm just really surprised I didn't figure that out." Andi took his tone back down to a soft mumble.

"Alright well, I'm still not telling you her name."

"Okay well do I know her?!"

"Know who?" Another voice muttered from the doorway.

Ki visibly jumped up in her seat as the new voice in the room set her heart racing.

"Jesus, Shori. Don't be so fucking quiet next time." She mumbled regaining her posture on the couch.

"Hey." Andi smiled over at him, seemingly unaffected by the new presence in the room

"Hey love, how was work?" Shori's tone softened as he walked across the carpet.

"They gave me a smart board in my new room, but I have no idea how the fuck to set it up."

"Hmm... need some help with that?" Her brother seductively smiled at him.

"As a matter of fact I do... Mr. IT guy." Andi responded in the most sickeningly flirtatious way.

"Can you two not? For like one second." Ki grumbled shoving a pillow in her face.

"Nah." Shori grinned leaning over to kiss Andi as he got over to the edge of the couch.

Ki rolled her eyes underneath the pillow as she heard them being a disgusting cute couple, per usual.

"So what are you two talking about?"

"Nothing." Ki quickly responded, throwing the pillow down on to the floor.

"Ki's relationship drama." Andi answered immediately afterwards.

"Oh now you've got him tied up in this." Shori pointed from Andi to Ki.

"He doesn't know anything." Ki rolled her eyes, looking away from her brother.

"Yeah I was getting ready to get a name out of her, but then you had to walk in..."

"Oh. A name? Is that right?" Her brother teased her.

"Don't. Shori. I don't need to hear shit from both of you."

"So it _is_ someone I know!" Andi sat up.

"I'm going to bed." Ki grumbled, rolling off the couch in the laziest fashion ever.

"Oh come on."

"Ki..."

"Nope."

—————————

Ki took a much needed therapy shower before settling into her bed for the night.

Her wet hair was dripping on to the shoulders of her Captain America shirt, and little black strands were falling in front of her face in an unorganized fashion.

She was about to pick up her phone and take some stupid internet quizzes before falling asleep when there was a knock on her door.

"Yeah?" She called out to address whichever dumbass was on the other side.

"I know you're getting ready for bed, but I need to talk to you real quick." Shori opened the door.

She shuffled around in her bed, sitting up and crossing her legs out in front of her.

"I don't want a lecture."

"It's not about that." Shori waved his hand off as if dismissing the topic all together. "It's about tomorrow."

"I kind of have plans tomorrow." Ki mumbled, tucking some of her wet hair behind her ear.

"Well I'm going to need the Jeep."

"What?! Why?"

"I need to do something, and we both know I'm not getting that bike out on the road anytime soon."

"Shori come on! It's my birthday! I was going to hang out with Lyra..."

"Well you guys can hang out here until I get back then." Shori sighed.

Ki growled and threw her head back against her wall.

"Seriously? Why can't you use Andi's car?!"

"Because I need yours."

"Well sorry, I'm picking Lyra up from practice so I won't even be home until 4:30." She grimaced at him.

"That's fine. I'll wait until you get back."

"Shoriiiiii..."

"Ki. Just do it please." Shori stated as less of a plea than a demand.

"But it's my birthday tomorrow." Ki frowned, trying to win him over.

"Okay, and?"

"And? And it's my birthday so don't be a dick?!"

"Ki..." He sighed.

"Shori..."

"I'm serious. Come back right after you pick her up, got it?"

Ki sighed and sank into her pillow.

"Whatever." She angrily groaned as she stared at him.

"Goodnight." Shori attempted to leave in a peaceful mood.

"No." Ki instantly fired back.

"Alright then. Bad night, sweet dreams."

Ki's frown lifted as she giggled a little at her brother's stupidity.

"I hate you."

"I know."


	33. Chapter 33

bitch #1 👿  
happy

bitch #1 👿  
birthday

bitch #1 👿  
bitch

bitch #1 👿  
love you

bitch #1 👿  
wake the fuck up

delivered:  
acacia

delivered:  
sometimes I don't even know how to respond to you

read.

bitch #1 👿  
you could start with 'awe thanks best friend I love you so much'

delivered:  
hmm

delivered:  
nah.

read.

—————————

When Ki walked downstairs— per her usual morning routine, the house was empty.

"Andi?" She called hoping that maybe he was just hiding away in the kitchen.

No response.

"Shori?"

No response.

She frowned. It was unusual for neither of them to be there. It was always one or the other, sometimes even both.

"Hmm." She hummed to herself as she trotted into the empty kitchen.

Ki noticed a plate of pancakes on top of the stove, along with a small white note beside them.

As she walked over, she could see the chocolate chips peering out from the bottom, resulting in a wide smile at this rare delicacy.

She picked up the note and opened it between her fingers, taking in her brother's messy handwriting in bright red ink.

_Hey kiddo. Had to leave with Andi this morning, but happy birthday! Made some pancakes before I left, they might be cold by the time you get up, but I couldn't leave you empty handed right? Have a good day.  
Shori_

Ki couldn't help but smile as she picked up the plate from on top of the stove. She waved her hand over the top to feel the heat, and decided that luke warm was good enough.

She giddily picked up a fork from the silverware beside the sink and walked over to the lonesome kitchen table.

Ki smiled as she sat down at the head of the table and looked out the window beside her.

Maybe today was going to be a good day.

————————

lyra 💫  
merry date of birth fellow human of this planet

delivered:  
you really went all out there didn't you lmao

delivered:  
thanks lyra

read.

lyra 💫  
no problem :)

————————

kat ganderway  
yoooo

hana garrett  
yah?

lyra 💫  
heyo

kat ganderway  
it's the anniversary of black parade today

bitch #1 👿  
oh my god a girl after my own heart

hana garrett  
you of all people would know that kat

delivered:  
honestly I'm not surprised

kat ganderway  
shut up it was an iconic album

bitch #1 👿  
was?

bitch #1 👿  
I think you mean still is

lyra 💫  
I've never heard it

kat ganderway  
WHAT THE FUCK

bitch #1 👿  
you can't be serious

bitch #1 👿  
not even like one song

delivered:  
even i find that hard to believe

lyra 💫  
sorry just not a big mcr fan

hana garrett  
yeah you don't really strike me as the type

kat ganderway  
the type?

kat ganderway  
what's that supposed to mean?

hana garrett  
hmm? what? oh nothing

bitch #1 👿  
kat I think she's stereotyping us

hana garrett  
psh no I am not

delivered:  
okay but don't lie to yourself acacia you're an emo middle schooler at heart and we all know it

bitch #1 👿  
okay we don't need to play on my insecurities here

kat ganderway  
way to throw us under the bus

delivered:  
sorry but it's true

lyra 💫  
kat you're still in your emo middle schooler phase don't even

kat ganderway  
fuck you meclane

lyra 💫  
:)

————————

Ki awkwardly sat in the library doing homework after school, waiting for the clock to strike 4 so she could grab Lyra and go home.

It wasn't that she was looking forward to being stuck at home while Shori left, but it was better than sitting here on edge worrying about if the papers she shuffled in her binder made too much noise.

At 3:58 she grabbed her keys and sprinted outside, climbing into the front seat of her car with a sudden fleet of excitement.

She pulled out of her parking spot and whipped down the aisle, eager to reach the practice fields down by the west side of the school.

It only took her a few seconds to get there. She parked next to the fence, where countless bags and random water bottles laid thrown up against the chain fence.

Her phone connected to the aux on the dash as she anxiously searched for a song to play.

_What was Lyra's taste in music like?_

Definitely not mcr. But panic! was alright. That seemed almost a little contradicting.

_How could you like one and not the other?_

Ki scrolled through her library, waiting for an album cover to scream 'pick me!'

She contemplated over blurryface by twenty one pilots, death of a bachelor by panic! at the disco, or I love you by the neighbourhood.

"Aghhhh which one?" She growled to herself as she saw the blob of girls grabbing their things along the fence.

She scrolled along her albums, and closed her eyes. Ki pressed her finger down at a random spot on the screen and then opened her eyes.

_Pray for the Wicked._

"Alright then Brendon. You win."

She put the album on shuffle.

Ki unlocked the doors as she started to see the girls piling out of the field.

Most of them split off into pairs or groups that walked in separate directions towards their cars.

Through the sound of The Overpass, she could hear the jangle of keys and the laughing of teammates throwing gossip at each other as they stampeded through the parking lot.

Ki was almost too focused on the rush of girls heading out towards the school that she didn't notice Lyra opening the passenger door.

"Hey!" She beamed as she set her bag down in the floor board.

Ki whipped her head over towards her and gave a small smile.

"Hey."

Lyra's hair was sweaty and falling out of her ponytail in the messiest way imaginable. She looked exhausted, but her demeanor remained bright and cheerful as her face wore an excited smile. The sleeves of her warmup jacket were pushed up to creases of her elbows, showing off the tan line on her wrist from her hair ties, or lack there of.

"I love this song." Lyra grinned while putting her seatbelt on.

"Good." Ki smiled as she pulled away from the field. "I had a hard time choosing an album."

"Oh panic! is default for a good jam sesh."

"I'll have to remember that."

Lyra nodded along to the rhythm of the song, using her fingers as fake drum sticks against her legs.

Ki found it mildly entertaining to see Lyra dancing along in her seat out of the corner of her eye.

"Meet me! Meet me, at the overpass..." She quietly sang along as Ki had to hold in her laughter when Lyra looked over to her.

"Sketchy girls and lipstick boys..." She leaned over to Ki, pretending to hold out a microphone for Ki to sing along.

"I am not singing." Ki laughed, pulling out of the school driveway and onto the main road.

"I know you want to..." Lyra continued singing, the lyrics fitting exactly what she wanted to say to Ki.

"Let me hear you say something!" She pointed over to Ki as she whipped her head over towards her dramatically.

Ki couldn't help but smile. She kept her eyes on the road although she so badly wanted to watch every second of Lyra's outbreak for herself.

Using the buttons on the side of the steering wheel, Ki turned up the volume, resulting in a wide spread smile from Lyra.

The song continued playing and she continued singing, as Ki started breaking out in laughter.

"Don't laugh at me this is a good song." Lyra shoved her shoulder.

"Yeah... it is."

"So sing with me birthday girl!"

"No." Ki smiled.

"Pleaseeeeeeee..."

"No."

Lyra accepted defeat, but didn't drop her enthusiastic tone as she joined back in with the lyrics.

"See the thing is I'm so sorry to say..." She looked over to her dramatically.

_You need me don't you?_ Ki sang the back up in the back of her mind.

"Someone still loves you..."

"Someone still looooves youuuu..." Lyra hit the high notes perfectly as she traced along the melody with her finger.

A break came in the chorus. Ki knew what part was coming next... it was her favorite part. Also one of the only parts within her vocal range.

The instrumental began. Ki couldn't help herself.

"Tiny bottles of shit wine..." She sang quietly, her face turned away from Lyra.

"Hey!" The other girl nearly yelled.

"In a tin can that climbs..." Ki could feel the blush on her face as Lyra listened to her singing.

"But I remember every time." They sang together, a smile creeping on to Ki's face as she listened to Lyra's voice right along with her own.

"Everything about you is perfect..." Lyra dropped out and instead watched Ki as she sang along.

"Down to your blood type..."

"But I remember ever time." She pointedly sang at Lyra this time, causing the tan girl beside her to raise an eyebrow in curiosity.

The flirtatious glance was soon lost in the return of the chorus in which Ki actually started this time.

"Meet me!" She sang loudly with a smile.

"Meet me!" Lyra returned.

"At the overpass..." Ki started the next line.

"The overpass!"

Ki lowered her glance towards Lyra.

"Sketchy girls and lipstick boys..."

"Troubled love and high speed noise..." Lyra matched her glare as she sang back.

"I know you want to!" They both belted together.

They finished the rest of the song at the top of their lungs, the melody pulling them both in to their own terrible version of scream-singing.

Ki knew she was never a good singer. She sounded like a screeching cat when she tried to hit anything in a soprano range. So yelling the last part of the song instead of singing it, made logical sense.

It helped that Lyra just joined in on the screaming. From what Ki could tell, Lyra actually had a decent voice, but when both of them were trying to go as loud as they could, it resulted in mostly yelling at the top of their lungs.

Ki was actually excited for the next song to come on. Maybe she would embarrass herself in front of Lyra a little bit more. Usually she didn't get loud around people, but partying around Lyra didn't feel so intimidating. It's like Lyra encouraged the obnoxious behavior.

Lyra encouraged her to be herself.

That was something very few people had ever done. Ki was actually a little uneasy about how to approach this openness.

But regardless, the song changed and so Lyra sat back in her seat and began dancing her shoulders along to the jazzy instrumental at the beginning.

This was one of Ki's favorite songs on the album. When she would be driving home late at night and needed something to keep her awake, blaring Old Fashioned and rolling the windows down always seemed to work.

"Once upon a thrill from a kiss to a swill, we were swallowing the night like we had nine lives..." Ki started, tapping her fingers along the steering wheel.

"Dead and gone so long... seventeen so gone..." Lyra joined in, matching Ki's voice. "Dead and gone so long... seventeen so gone."

Ki smiled as Lyra joined in, backing down for Lyra to take the next line.

"We were borderline kids with a book of disorders..." She danced along as Ki listened from beside her.

"Medicating every day to keep the straightness in order..." Lyra rolled her eyes to Ki with a smile both of them understood.

"Dead and gone so long... seventeen so gone." Ki started.

"But wait? We can't say that yet, we're still seventeen." Lyra mumbled, catching Ki's attention.

"Still? For me that's a new thing as of today." Ki laughed turning on to the road that leads to her neighborhood.

She was always thankful for the close proximity of her house to the school. It meant on those especially groggy days when she didn't want to get out of bed she could still make it if she left the house at 7:55.

The song continued on in the background, but they both stopped singing as they pulled into the neighborhood.

"Sorry I forgot to tell you earlier, but we're gonna have to hang out of my place. Shori needs my car for whatever the fuck reason." Ki mumbled, glancing over to Lyra.

Lyra looked out the window in front of her, watching the road intensely as if she was looking for something.

"That's fine."

Lyra scanned her head around, glancing at Hana's house and then back to Ki's.

"You okay?" Ki asked a little suspiciously as she pulled up into her parking spot.

"Yeah. Yeah. I was just seeing something." Lyra mumbled really vaguely.

Ki didn't realize when she first pulled in, but now it hit her that there was another car in the driveway.

"Why is Andi home? He should just take Shori..." She whispered to herself as she turned off her car.

"Maybe he got out of class early." Lyra shrugged opening her door eagerly.

She grabbed her bag and hopped out of the car, slinging the strap over her shoulder as it bounced against her back.

"Yeah... maybe..." Ki whispered to herself as she grabbed her keys from the ignition, leaving her own backpack in the back of the car for later.

Lyra waited for her at the front of the driveway, as if not knowing whether or not to go to the front door or the garage.

Ki motioned with her head to the front door as she flipped through the keys on her lanyard.

Lyra walked up the stone pathway to the front door and stopped at the little cement pad out in front.

Ki looked down at the lock as she fumbled with the keys in her hand. She reached for the door knob and stuck the shiniest silver one into the handle and twisted it open.

As she opened the door, the house seemed relatively quiet.

At this point, Ki wasn't sure what she expected. Of course it was going to be quiet.

Lyra followed her inside, her face instantly bearing a look of confusion as she stepped inside the door.

"What?" Ki whispered closing the door behind them.

"No... uh, nothing." Lyra shook her head as she dropped her bag down on the floor.

The two walked across the living room, kicking off their shoes next to the couch as they passed it.

"Andi?" Ki called, knowing he was either asleep or in the kitchen.

He didn't respond. It must've been the prior.

As they approached the kitchen, Lyra grew a faint smile on her lips as she walked beside her.

"What?" Ki asked again, curious to her odd behavior.

She didn't respond. Instead she started laughing as they entered the kitchen.

"Happy birthday Ki!" "Surprise!" "Hey!" "Happy birthday." "Surprise bitch!"

Ki was taken aback by the flood of jumbled up yelling that she screeched a little as she jumped back into Lyra.

Lyra, who was still profusely laughing, held Ki up from falling down as the group in the kitchen started laughing as well.

"Oh my god your face..." Acacia cackled as she doubled over in laughter.

"Fuck off." Ki stood up, regaining her posture with a wide smile she couldn't stop.

"Happy birthday kiddo!" Shori beamed from next to the fridge, his arm thrown around Andi's shoulder with a smile.

Ki turned her attention towards them and smiled fondly as she looked at everyone who was looking at her.

Her brother and his fiancée were in the back of the crowd, standing a whole foot taller than the girl in front of them. Kat stood with her arms crossed, smirking as a sucker hung out of the corner of her mouth. Hana stood beside her, a warm smile on her face as she held her hands around Kat and Acacia's shoulders. Acacia was recovering from her laughing fit as she leaned against the counter for support.

This is everyone.

Everyone that matters. All in one room.

"Who even...?" Ki started to say, but before she got a chance, Shori interrupted her.

"Lyra."

Ki turned around to see Lyra leaning up against the doorway with a large grin on her face.

Ki wanted to melt right there in the middle of the kitchen. Of course it was Lyra. She has to go above and beyond for everything. Ki was wrong if she ever had the notion that Lyra would let her birthday pass as just another day.

"What?" She smiled, her eyes watching Ki with a fascination.

"I just..."

_...am so in love with you?_

Ki shied away from her and instead turned back to her friends before she had time to mumbled out the answer.

"So I don't know what you guys normally do at parties, but uh... I've got plenty of games and three xbox controllers, so do what you will..." Shori waved his hand to the rest of the group.

"Oh hell yes." Kat mumbled through her candy.

Hana laughed. "How about we stick to twister hmm?"

"Oh I will wipe the floor with your asses if we play twister." Lyra stood up straight, already ready to jump into the living room.

"Oh will you now?" Ki raised her eyebrow with a competitive glare.

"Is that a challenge I hear?" Acacia interrupted. "If so, you know I'm in."

"Me too." Kat piped in.

"Well I mean I did suggest it so..." Hana shrugged her shoulders.

"Shori..." Ki turned to her brother with a menacing smile. "Where'd you put the games?"

————————

When it got dark, Andi ordered a pizza. They probably should've gotten two as it was all gone by the first ten minutes of it coming through the door.

Up until the dinner break, the girls made a twister bracket. First round Hana got knocked out quick when she slipped off the mat, Ki figured Hana would be an easy win, but she didn't expect it to be within the first five minutes. Second round, Acacia and Kat practically pretzel knotted with each other as they both fought to stay in the middle. Acacia ended up sitting on Kat, squishing the poor girl as she struggled to support the weight. Now they were up to the semi finals which was Lyra against Acacia, and the winner would face Ki.

It was entertaining watching the two as Ki took a swig out of her Pepsi bottle. Kat and Hana were sitting on the edges of the couch, crunching on some chips and placing bets on a winner. Kat placed immediate bets on Acacia, claiming she could "crush Lyra too if she wanted to."

"Nah way. Lyra's too strong for that shit." Hana retaliated popping another chip in her mouth.

"Oh are you now?" Acacia mumbled under her breath as she forcefully slammed herself into Lyra's hip.

Lyra stumbled, but regained her balance, her hair falling down on to the mat as she pushed her arms back up.

"Really?" She sighed, blowing some hair out of her face.

"I just want to knock over Ki honestly. It's unfortunate you'll be a casualty." Acacia clicked her tongue.

"Alright you two..." Ki mumbled flicking the spinner on the floor. "Right hand blue."

"Ughhhh..." Lyra grumbled as she reaches under Acacia's leg.

"You know I could totally just..." Acacia started to lower herself towards the floor.

"Don't you fucking sit on my arm or I will drop kick you." Lyra glared at her.

Acacia quickly popped back into place as she furrowed her nose at Lyra.

"This is honestly really entertaining." Hana mumbled as she reached into her cup of chips.

"Alright let's step this up a little, shall we?" Kat shared a devious smile with the room.

"No huh uh. I don't want any part of whatever the hell you're planning." Acacia grumbled, looking over at her with a bitch face glare.

"Let's take the left hand out of play."

"Nooo...." Acacia whined, picking up her hand from a green circle.

"Yep." Kat grinned, making sure to pop the 'p' as she leaned back into the couch.

"Alright, I see..." Ki smiled, spinning the board another time. "Left foot red."

"You know Acacia, I think you actually have a fair chance now..." Lyra mumbled.

"Oh yeah? Why's that?"

"Because I'm pretty sure I sprained my right wrist in practice today."

"Lyra..." Ki objected, ready to change the rules again.

"I'm fine, Ki." Lyra glanced over to Ki for a second, sharing a soft look in her eye that made Ki sink into the floor.

"Okay, well just... take it easy." Ki mumbled, spinning again.

"Right hand red."

"Fuck you. You did that just for Lyra didn't you?" Acacia grumbled as she ended up stretching all the way across the mat.

"It was an honest spin I swear." Ki put her hands up to surrender.

"I think you're being bias." Acacia huffed.

"Honestly I don't care who I face... you're both on an equal level of skill to me."

It wasn't a lie either. Ki really didn't care. Acacia's competitive edge would've meant a long game, but Lyra's athleticism would've meant a challenging game. Either one sounded equally entertaining.

"Left foot blue."

Lyra shifted over with ease, but Acacia struggled to find the space or length that fit the request. She reached out with her fingertips to a spot under Lyra's elbow, but as she leaned forward, her knee touched down on the mat.

"Acacia's done!" Hana called.

"What?!" Acacia squeaked. "It just barely grazed!"

"Nope you touched the floor my dude."

"No I fucking didn't!"

"Yes you did." Ki laughed, admitting that her best friend had been defeated by a fairly uncomplicated move.

"Ah fuck it." She dropped to the mat, spreading her whole body out as Lyra stood up over her.

"No! Come on! I had an extra piece of cake riding on that bet." Kat flopped over the side of the couch.

"Well now you're spinning... so congrats." Ki tossed her the spinner as she stood up from her spot on the floor.

"Why can't Hana do it?" Kat whined, slamming it against her forehead.

"Because we..." Acacia smirked between Kat and herself. "...can make it more entertaining."

"Oooh... I'm intrigued..." Kat smiled, straightening herself up as Acacia sat down in the middle of the couch.

"I'm scared." Ki mumbled reaching the closest side of the mat.

"You should be." Lyra laughed, pulling her hair back up into a ponytail, out of her face.

"Ready?" Acacia called.

"Yeah."

"I guess."

"Alright then... right hand yellow." Kat said in the most suspicious deep voice she could muster.

Ki put her hand down directly in front of her.

"Left foot red."

She heard the board spin again.

"Left hand green."

"Easy." She sighed.

"Don't get cocky Ki." Lyra grinned as they both leaned forward towards the center of the board.

"I would never..."

"I will have you both doing backbends and the splits at the same time if you don't shut up." Kat sighed, flicking the spinner again.

"Is that a threat or a challenge?" Ki squinted.

"Both." Acacia responded, leaning her head over with a bitchy smile.

"Right foot green."

Both girls crossed over something to get their right foot to a green dot, leaving them both a little unstable.

"Right hand yellow."

Ki reached under Lyra, and Lyra just placed her hand out to steady herself in her nice little spot. The two were undeniably going to be tangled in the middle within a couple moves though, as the requests got more difficult.

"Give them a curveball Kat." Hana yawned.

"Like what...?" Kat squinted her eyes in thought. "It has to make it difficult...."

The three girls on the couch looked at them in contemplation before Acacia bolted upright with a gasp.

"You can't use any circles from the first row."

"What?" Lyra's nose crinkled up in confusion.

"That first row of red, green, yellow and blue? Yeah, no. Can't use it." Acacia sat back as Kat started grinning besides her

"Just me?"

"Nope! Both of you. Now you're confined to the middle."

"Ah shit." Ki grumbled under her breath as she pulled her right hand into a middle blue circle.

Lyra did the same, and as they both realigned themselves to the middle of the mat, Lyra's left foot ended up stuck between Ki's hands, and her arm was reaching over her. Ki was decently comfortable in her newfound crouched position, but Lyra appeared to be struggling as she practically folded herself in half around Ki.

"Hana, got any suggestions?" Kat piped up after the girls secured their spots.

"Hmm... right foot yellow."

"What?! There's not even enough spots for that!" Lyra shifted herself so she could look down at the yellow row.

"I guess you'll have to share." Hana smirked, giving Lyra a suspicious look that almost made Ki do a double take.

_What did that mean?_

Ki and Lyra wound up in an interesting situation after that last request. There wasn't enough spots for both of them to share, which resulted in half a circle being used for both of their feet.

Their legs were right up against each other, each of them using the weight to balance themselves out.

But now they were closer than they had been for the rest of the game. Ki could feel Lyra's breath on the back of her shoulder, sending a weird sensation through her veins as she struggled to pay attention to her footing instead of Lyra's proximity.

"Left hand yellow!" Acacia yelled, breaking Ki's chain of thoughts.

"What the fuck?!" Ki responded, looking down at their feet. "That's not even possible!"

"Come on Acacia." Lyra sighed, not moving a single muscle in protest of Acacia's request.

"You both lose if you don't..." Kat taunted, smirking over to Acacia.

Ki didn't say anything as she moved her hand back to the spot that was currently empty. Lyra looked down and quickly realized there was no where else to go as she set her hand down on the same circle.

It shouldn't have meant as much as it did when Lyra's fingers brushed over her wrist as she placed her hand down on the mat, but the fact that their fingers were just barely touching made all the difference in the world. This went from a competitive game of twister, to Ki wanting to reach out and hold her hand and slip up just so Lyra would win.

But she could never let that just subtly happen. She had to go out with a fatal move. Or at least make it look that way. She could never just give up right there in front of Acacia without being teased about it for the rest of her godforsaken years in high school.

"Left foot... blue." Kat decided the next turn of events.

Lyra shifted her weight on to her back leg as she moved over to the blue circle.

This one proved to be a struggle for Ki. She had to slip her leg underneath Lyra's in order to reach the last open spot on the other side of her.

_You really didn't think this one through, did you Lyra Meclane?_

Ki was stuck reaching her leg out, but her body was so incredibly packed together that she thought she was going to fall over. She was unbalanced, but still upright as she was squatting down close to the mat.

This would've been her time to drop.

But she didn't.

She kept the competitive grin on her face as she struggled to keep her weight from leaning over on to Lyra.

"Right hand blue." Acacia sighed.

"You guys are so mean." Ki mumbled, reaching her hand underneath her leg in the most unorganized fashion.

Lyra didn't seem to struggle. She quickly moved her arm and then shifted her other hand so the mat stopped wrinkling.

She seemed to be perfectly balanced. But Ki on the other hand was struggling as she bent her waist over in a way she didn't think was imaginable at this point.

She hissed at the new found pain in her shoulder as she bent her arm over. "Now would be a great time to say a new color."

Lyra softly laughed as she looked at Ki upside down.

"Yeah no shit."

"You're not even struggling Meclane, I don't want to hear it."

A piece of hair fell out of Ki's extremely messy bun and down into her face. She was honestly surprised it had made it that long.

"Hmm...? What's next girls?" Acacia teased as she drew both of them in towards her.

"I'm thinking a right foot red."

Ki looked down at the board and then outwardly cringed.

"Heh." She sighed. "I'm fucked."

Ki slid her foot underneath Lyra's arm to a red circle in the middle. Lyra ended up landing hers in the spot right next to Ki, getting them a little bit twisted up as they leaned against each other.

Then Ki felt a pressing weight on her back, as a small "shit" left Lyra's mouth. Her hand slipped out from underneath her as Lyra came crashing down on top of her. Ki didn't expect them to both go out at once, but it was better than the outcome of Ki either having to surrender to Lyra, or kick her ass.

"Oh come on!" Kat yelled as she leaned forward on the couch. "Now who wins?"

"Obviously Ki." Acacia waved her off.

Ki wanted to listen to their banter and laugh, but she was to occupied listening to the sound of her heart beat, praying it wasn't loud enough for Lyra to hear as her face leaned against her back.

"Sorry Ki." She sighed as they both just laid there basking in the failure.

"You're good." Ki mumbled as she shifted her face so that her cheek was leaning up against the mat.

"Tiebreaker?" Hana suggested.

Lyra took a deep breath. Ki didn't have to wait for her response to know she was exhausted.

"No." She muttered.

"Whaaaaaat?" Kat flailed herself over the side of the couch.

"I'm tired." Ki whispered.

"Me too." Lyra yawned, almost as if on cue.

Ki could feel the inhale of her lungs as they rose against her back. Lyra didn't make any effort to move as the two dogpiled on the twister mat. Ki just laid there comfortably with her face smushed on the floor and Lyra's face leaned into the spot between her shoulder blades.

"So what now?" Acacia sighed.

"Can we eat that cake Hana made?" Kat popped up from her seat.

"Yes!" Acacia returned.

"It's in the kitchen." Hana began to stand up.

"Yeah no shit." Kat nearly bounced along behind her, following on her heels as they walked to the kitchen.

Acacia got up last and quickly pattered along the carpet to catch up with them.

Ki sighed.

"Do you want any cake?"

Lyra took a deep breath and then pushed her arms out to her sides.

"I guess we should probably get in there." Lyra lifted her weight off of Ki.

"Yeah."

As Lyra began to sit, and then eventually stand, Ki watched her movements from the floor. Lyra stretched her arms above her head and yawned again as she closed her eyes.

"Long day?" Ki mumbled from the mat.

"Little bit." Lyra whispered.

Lyra stood and waited for Ki to get up from the floor. Ki could tell she was waiting, but even though she may not have shown it, Ki was just as exhausted as Lyra. She rolled over to her back so now she was staring up at the ceiling as Lyra stood over her, smiling softly as they both didn't say a word.

She offered a hand down and Ki took it wholeheartedly, pulling herself up with help from Lyra pulling on her as well.

Both of them, now on their feet, started walking towards the kitchen where the sound of Kat's excitement radiated through the room.

"Hey, Lyra?" Ki asked softly, slowing down before they got to the open doorway.

"Hmm?" Lyra turned to face her with a light expression.

"Can I talk to you later?"

"Oh...um..." Lyra was a little taken aback. "Yeah... yeah, I was going to spend the night with Hana, we're both going to this meeting together tomorrow morning, but we can talk before I head over there."

"Oh cool." Ki nodded. "What's your meeting on?"

"Believe it or not... cooking." Lyra said, hiding her face almost as if she was ashamed.

"Lyra Meclane cooking? Never thought I'd see the day." Ki laughed stepping into the kitchen.

"Yeah well it wasn't my idea." Lyra smiled, following her into the room of giddy teenage girls all craving a certain type of sugar that lay directly in front of them.

Hana turned around with a huge smile and held out a chocolate cake with red icing and black figures that Ki couldn't necessarily make out.

"What is that?" Ki laughed pointing to the blob of icing falling off the side.

"We all decorated it." Acacia smiled proudly. "That's you, an art piece by yours truly."

"No offense, but it looks like dog shit." Kat giggled studying the icing.

"Not like yours is much better Kat." Hana rolled her eyes pointing to the smiley face in the middle of the cake.

"You can clearly tell what that is." She stared back at Hana.

"Which part is yours Hana?" Lyra asked, looking over the cake.

"I did the baking. No decorating for me, only those two." She nudged her head towards the wound up duo beside her.

"Well you all did great." Ki smiled fondly at the stick person and failed flower next to the smiley face. "Thank you guys."

"Should we sing happy birthday?" Another voice popped in from the doorway, hovering directly behind Ki.

Lyra jumped forward a little, obviously shaken by the new presence.

"Shori, jesus." She held her hand over her chest.

"What?" He smiled pitting his hands out as if he did nothing wrong.

"No... no singing." Ki insisted, shoving her brother's shoulder.

"What?!" Acacia exclaimed. "Uh... yes singing."

"Yep. Ready?"

"Nooooo..." Ki stuck her arms out to motion them all to stop, but it didn't do anything to deter their next actions.

"Happy birthday to you..." A collective mess of off tune voices sang out together.

All Ki could do was shake her head as she tried to hide the smile on her face.

"I hate you all."


	34. Chapter 34

Kat left first, and since she was Acacia's ride home, that took two of them away from the party.

It was about 10 when they left, and now as the clock dawned the numbers 10:58, Hana was yawning as they played cards with Shori and Andi.

Lyra looked tired, but she would never admit that she didn't want to stay up as late as possible to celebrate Ki's birthday with her.

"Another round?" Shori gathered up all the cards to the middle of the table.

"Sorry guys I'm going home." Hana whispered, standing up slowly from the wooden chair.

"Get some sleep girl, you look tired." Andi laughed as he sat back in his chair.

Ki could tell that his feet were resting on Shori's lap from underneath the table... how comfortable he must've been.

A few times she considered doing the same with Lyra, but not knowing how Hana would respond immediately stopped her train of thoughts.

"You coming Lyra?" Hana placed her hand down on Lyra's shoulder, causing Lyra to glance up to her.

"Oh... um..." She quickly looked over to Ki, almost as if trying to read her face to give her the answer. "No, not yet. I'm gonna stick around a little longer, I'll be over by 11:30."

"Alright. No guarantee I'll still be awake, but you know the garage code." She shrugged.

"That's okay." Lyra laughed. "Go to bed."

"Well goodnight everybody. Happy birthday Ki." Hana gave a slight smile as she waved out to the table.

"Thanks." Ki smiled back.

"Night Hana, nice meeting you." Andi waved.

Hana backed out of the room slowly as the four that were left around the table all shared an awkward silence.

Shori looked at Ki, and then to Andi, and then to Lyra, before coming back to Ki. They shared an awkward glare as the two siblings knew what the other two at the table didn't.

"So..." Andi looked over to Shori conspicuously. "We still doing another round?"

Shori's glare remained on Ki as he answered his fiancée.

"Actually... no I'm getting tired too."

"Really?" Andi said, almost as if surprised.

"Yeah."

"That's okay. Me and Lyra will just find something else to do." Ki shrugged, leaning back in her chair.

Lyra looked at her in question, and then back to Shori, as if sensing the tension between the siblings.

"Do you want to... uh... go outside?" Lyra awkwardly suggested.

"Sure... yeah." Ki responded quickly, thanking Lyra in the back of her mind for taking the initiative.

"It's dark." Andi stated pretty suspiciously.

"So?" Ki turned towards him, sending him the most 'shut the fuck up' glare she could manage.

"Um... nothing. Have fun."

————————

It was unusually warm for late October... warm being 40 degrees.

That was still considerably colder than Ki would've liked it to be.

But Ki would've jumped for just about anything that Lyra said, so here she was out in the cold, hoping she didn't shiver too much in her characteristic leather jacket.

Lyra must've been colder though. All she had on was her warm up jacket from earlier. Ki had never worn one, but it didn't look like a snuggly thick coat to her.

"So... why outside?" Ki said, attempting a weak laugh at the end.

"Because you wanted to talk... aaaand the sky is clear tonight." Lyra looked over to her, wearing a curious smile on her face.

"Oh... um yeah. Good call." Ki nodded, her face staring down into the grass as the sat along the hillside of the house.

"Soooo...?" Lyra's shoulders bounced as she relaxed back into the grass.

Ki remained sitting up as Lyra laid back to look at the sky.

Then, as if promoting the conversation, she cleared her throat.

"So... I need to tell you something."

"Okay..."

"But I don't really know if I want other people to know, so can we just keep it between us for now?"

"Yeah, of course." Lyra's tone became more serious, but still generally lighthearted.

It was all so easy when Ki talked to Shori about it, but now, actually telling Lyra was a different story. She could feel her heart racing as she thought of exactly how she wanted to word it. There's only one direct way to put it, but she still suffered with how to let the words come out of her mouth.

"I have to be really honest with you..." She continued looking down into the grass below her.

"About what?"

"About what happened at DC."

"Oh." Lyra's curiosity dropped into something much more scary. She sounded afraid, and apprehensive now, something Ki didn't want to put her through again.

"Look, I didn't get to say what I really wanted to." Ki sighed. "I'm a coward and I couldn't tell you what I actually felt, but it's come to my realization that I'm an absolute fucking dumbass that needs to fix this."

"You're not a dumbass Ki, it's okay, I get it..."

"No it's not okay." Ki turned to Lyra this time, looking her dead in the face with a look of pure regret. "It's not okay, because I let you think you overstepped when really I wanted to kiss you back. I wanted to tell you how much I loved your smile and your bright eyes. And how cute I thought it was when you danced to your alarm in the morning. And how undeniably proud I am to watch you on that damn soccer field. And how amazing you are, because there's not words to describe it. I couldn't describe it... and so I didn't say a fucking thing. And that's my fault, and I'm sure I'm confusing the shit out of you..."

"Oh..." Ki watched the expression on Lyra's face shift over from anxious to relieved in 0.2 seconds.

"I'm sorry that I didn't tell you." Ki shook her head.

"So... you _do_ like me?" Lyra asked her, her face deep in thought.

"Yes, Lyra." Ki sighed, nervous laughter escaping her lips as she felt the fear of it all being out in the open now.

Lyra lips parted as if she was going to respond again, but within a few seconds, she closed them. She glanced up at the stars as if searching the depths of space for a way to fill the silence, but instead she registered nothing, and in return Ki was left struggling to find more of an explanation.

"I'm sorry." Ki turned away from Lyra, her mind telling her to flee the situation before it turned south.

_But what if it didn't turn south?_

_What if it goes okay?_

Ki needed to stay. She couldn't just back out of this one. It wasn't an option. No running away this time.

"I should've... I don't know, told you? Or maybe just... I really don't know what I was thinking and I don't know how you're feeling right now so I'm sorry if I just like fucked with your head and..."

"It's okay." Lyra whispered, pushing herself up from the hill so now she was sitting parallel with Ki. "Really Ki, stop stressing... listen I... I wasn't really moving on per se, I would've been happy with being just friends if that's what you wanted, but..."

"But what?" Ki interrupted, her head slowly turning back towards the girl beside her.

"But somewhere inside of me I knew you actually liked me too. I figured I'd just give it some time."

"You... knew?"

"Sort of, yeah." Lyra ducked her head away shyly. "It's just... the little things you know? I could tell, but after what happened I didn't want to push it incase I was wrong."

"Well you weren't wrong." Ki laughed, shaking her head as she glanced up at the stars. "I'm just... really new to um... crushes? Relationships? What ever the fuck is going on?"

This got a laugh out of Lyra. She had a wide smile as she picked at a piece of grass between her feet.

"What the fuck _is_ going on?" Lyra returned with that same wide smile, only this time with a hint of flirtatious curiosity.

"I'm... not sure... do you uh... do you want to go on a date sometime...? Is that how you do that?" Ki smiled as she glanced over at Lyra with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes." Lyra nodded, smiling at the ground.

"Yes to that's how you do that, or to the date thing?"

"Both you dork." She laughed, bumping her shoulder right into Ki's.

As Ki nudged her elbow back at Lyra with a small laugh, she looked up at the stars.

They all shone so brightly in the sky. Lyra was absolutely right when she said the night was going to be clear.

The twinkling lights filled her with an out of this world feeling... or maybe that was the immense weight that was just successfully taken off of her chest... she just told Lyra _everything._

And holy shit did it feel _good._

Lyra took a deep breath, her breath coming out in a light fog as she exhaled into the night. Ki watched the cloud dissipate as her own breath did the same.

"Holy shit, I didn't actually realize how cold it was." Ki crossed her arms over her chest.

"How could you not?"

"Well sorry, I wasn't really paying attention."

"Alright, fair." Lyra shrugged, smiling as she began to stand up from the cold hard ground.

Ki followed her actions, taking a second to wipe off her pants as she got up off the grassy spot she was sitting in. Her legs were numb and frozen from sitting on them during the duration of their time outside, but Ki figured it was a reasonable price to pay for the unbelievable high she was on right now.

As Ki finished standing up, Lyra yawned, her eyes falling heavy against her cold tainted pink cheeks.

"Lyra Meclane, do you ever get actual sleep?"

"Occasionally..." She shrugged. "It's kind of hard when Gabby stays up until like 2 in the freaking morning on the phone with god knows who."

"See this is why I never had a sister." Ki pointed out as she started walking back to the door.

"You act like it's a choice." Lyra laughed.

"Yeah not really, I guess I was just fortunate enough to be stuck with Shori."

"I'd take being 'stuck with Shori' over 2am phone calls any day."

"Yeah he's not that bad." Ki faintly smiled.

_He pushed me to do this. He's listened to me for hours on end sometimes about stupid shit. He's taken care of me for 4 years. He's given me a better life than he get had. He always watches out for me. He always has my back._ Shori Tashigane is a damn hero.

_Yeah, he's not that bad._

Ki paused for a second. Normally she wouldn't have felt the need to say anything else, but this time, she needed to clarify. Her brother wasn't just any run of the mill guy. She never really appreciated him as much as she should.

"Actually he's pretty fucking cool."

—————————

"I'm going to head back over to Hana's. Sleep is probably a good idea before tomorrow..." Lyra yawned as she picked up her soccer bag from next to the stairs.

"Oh yeah, get some sleep. Please... watching you exhaust yourself is exhausting me." Ki laughed as she leaned up against the railing of the stairs.

"That's what you get for watching me all the time." Lyra smirked, throwing her bag over her shoulder in one swift move.

Ki felt her face heat up from the comment and quickly glanced down at her feet to hide the obvious blush rising on her cheeks.

"I'm kidding, Ki." Lyra said softly, glancing over at the disassembled girl that stood in front of her. "And you know, you don't really have to hide that from me anymore..."

"Hide what?" Ki bolted up, tilting her head in question, being oblivious to the fact that her face was still bright red.

Lyra bit her bottom lip and laughed—a genuine soft little escape.

"Never mind. It's actually kinda cute."

"What's cute?"

"Nothing... Goodnight, Ki." Lyra shifted her weight slowly towards the door, her movements alone illustrating the tired strain carrying the bag was putting on her body.

Ki watched as she opened the door, the porch light creating shadows along the outline of her face.

For a minute, Ki was just allowing herself to lazily watch Lyra leave, just watching the girl's quiet moves as she slipped out of the house and into the night.

Then the gears in Ki's brain clicked into place and she realized she was missing an opportunity.

"Wait..." Ki quickly scuffled along the floor to the door before Lyra was about to pull it behind her.

She placed her hand out against the cold door and pulled it back open.

Lyra turned to face her with a semi-smile, semi-confused glance, and it wasn't until Ki reached her hand up alongside her jaw that Lyra realized what she was doing.

Ki stood on the tops of her toes as she pulled Lyra's face closer to hers and sealed their lips together with a gentle, but completely essential kiss.

It wasn't awkward, but contrary to her expectations, neither was the last one. It seemed like kissing Lyra was something that would come natural to Ki, especially as she did it more and more.

When she pulled her lips away, she looked down at the cement of the front porch, noticing now that she wasn't wearing any shoes, therefore giving Lyra even _more_ of a height advantage.

She wanted to make some smug comment, but instead she settled for what words she knew would fit.

"Goodnight, Lyra." She whispered, slowly pulling her hand away from her face, stroking her fingers against Lyra's jaw as they left her skin.

Lyra opened her eyes as Ki's touch left her, almost as if yearning for something more, but ultimately settling for what she had.

She smiled. It was uncharacteristically shy for Lyra, but still downright beautiful and charming.

"Bye." She quietly bit her lip, backing away from the door and farther onto the sidewalk.

Ki watched as she turned down the driveway, pulling the bag farther up onto her shoulder as she walked along the edge of the grass.

As Lyra approached the end of the driveway, Ki slowly closed the door wearing a large smile in disbelief.

The handle clicked as Ki leaned back against the door, pressing her weight against the door handle.

"Shoriiiiiiii!" She squealed as soon as she heard the door close. "Shori, oh my god!"

"Whaaaaaaaaat?" Shori's voice lazily called out from his bedroom.

"Oh my god!" Ki jumped up and down in front of the door, holding her hands up to her face like a toddler.

"Kizokira, what the fuck is going on?" Her brother yelled a little louder, his voice sharing curiosity and concern.

"Shori, Shori, Shori, Shori, ahhhhhh!" She screeched, running up the stairs at top speed.

Her feet pounded against the stairs as her heart was racing from a combination of the exercise and the feelings flooding through her veins. She didn't know how to formulate her thoughts, they were all flooding her mind at the same time, but nonetheless she wasn't thinking anymore.

She wasn't thinking about denial, or rejection, or her stupid ass secret. She was just thinking about Lyra, and how amazing it had all turned out.

"Shori, okay... wow..." Ki stopped in her brother's doorway, catching her breath before she began talking again.

"What the hell is going on?" Shori turned his head towards his sister, setting his phone down on the bed next to him.

"Where's Andi?" Ki asked reflexively noticing the emptiness on the bed next to him.

"Shower." Shori nodded towards their bathroom.

"Without you?" Ki smirked.

"Didn't you have something to say?" He raised his glare to her instead of answering her question.

"Oh yeah!"

"So..."

"I told Lyra! And it was great! It didn't get all fucked up like I thought it would!" Ki threw her hands up in the air in a celebratory manner.

Shori's glare turned into an immediate wide smile. His face lit up as he studied Ki's face in utter pride.

"Did you seriously?!"

"Yeah! I really did!" She grinned, her smile as wide as that one time she kicked another girls ass at a karate match.

"That's good." Shori nodded, his smile becoming more delicate and subdued as they both heard the shower turn off.

"We're going on a date." Ki crossed her arms over her chest and looked at her brother in satisfaction.

"Oh woooow..." He laughed, shaking his head. "Usually that's what happens when you're dating, but whatever... not like I know anything."

"We're not... I mean... I don't actually know if we're 'dating' yet, but uh... it's a start right?"

"Trust me, you will be soon enough. She's head over heels for you." Shori tilted his glance over towards her.

"What?! I thought you said you didn't know! When were you going to tell me this?!" Ki threw her hands out.

"Never." He shrugged, giving her an innocent frown.

"What! You are such a shit! How do you know?!"

"She planned the whole party herself. Even after you rejected her. I knew if she was still sticking around after that, that she was good for you to have in your life. Honestly, she's pretty amazing Ki, it's not hard to tell that you're especially special to her though..."

"Apparently I'm just a blind fuck then." Ki sighed, bringing her hands back down to her sides quietly.

"Pretty much." Shori smiled again. "But I knew it would all fall into place. You did good kid."

"Yeah?" Ki looked up.

"Yeah."


	35. Chapter 35

delivered:  
lyra meclane?

read.

lyra 💫  
that's me

delivered:  
yes it is

delivered:  
how would you like to go skating with me on sunday?

read.

lyra 💫  
ice skating?

delivered:  
yeah.

delivered:  
I mean unless you don't want to... we can do something else I just... idk I thought it sounded cool

read.

lyra 💫  
no no it's fine!

lyra 💫  
I can't skate worth a shit but I suppose we all have to start somewhere right?

delivered:  
exactly :)

read.

lyra 💫  
it's a date then :)

delivered:  
you have no idea how much that just made me smile

delivered:  
we're going on a date

delivered:  
holy shit

read.

lyra 💫  
lmao it's just now hitting you?

delivered:  
okay first of all

delivered:  
I don't need your sass

delivered:  
second of all

delivered:  
yes...

read.

lyra 💫  
sorry I'll take my sass down to a solid 6

delivered:  
that is completely acceptable

read.

lyra 💫  
stop making me laugh I'm at my sisters practice people are looking at me weird

delivered:  
oh my god I love it

delivered:  
please laugh some more

read.

lyra 💫  
fuck off

delivered:  
k. bye

read.

lyra 💫  
fuck! no come back!

lyra 💫  
ki?

lyra 💫  
wait I didn't mean it

lyra 💫  
plz love me

lyra 💫  
KIIIIIIIIIII

lyra 💫  
I'm sorry I'm bored please come back to me

delivered:  
hmm...

read.

lyra 💫  
yes?

delivered:  
no.

read.

lyra 💫  
DONT DO THIS TO ME

delivered:  
okay

delivered:  
on one condition

read.

lyra 💫  
what?

delivered:  
you're my lab partner in chem tuesday :)

read.

lyra 💫  
absolutely

lyra 💫  
that was easy

delivered:  
what is your favorite candy?

read.

lyra 💫  
why?

delivered:  
you know all of our favorites but idk yours and there's a shit ton of candy on sale at target rn for halloween

read.

lyra 💫  
I'll feel super guilty if you get me anything

lyra 💫  
...but snickers

delivered:  
okay then I totally won't get you anything ;)

read.

lyra 💫  
somehow I'm not convinced lol

delivered:  
yeah I'm not very convincing

delivered:  
oh well

read.

lyra 💫  
guess I'm about to sugar load before the game

delivered:  
eh it's fine

delivered:  
kat does that everyday and she's still alive surprisingly

read.

lyra 💫  
are we sure kat is the best person to take health advice from?

delivered:  
no-yes

read.

lyra 💫  
alright sounds great to me

delivered:  
solid

delivered:  
you'll be fine. I'll only get the 2 pound bag instead of 5

read.

lyra 💫  
ki...

lyra 💫  
you know what

lyra 💫  
okay. just okay.

delivered:  
:)

————————

Ki paced around her room, gripping at her hair while desperately trying not to trip on the Target bags she left on the floor.

Shori had sent her out to get candy for the upcoming trick or treat their neighborhood was doing that Thursday.

He had gotten all pissy because Ki was skipping handing out candy with him and Andi for the championship game.

Honestly though, Ki thought it was a pretty fair excuse.

_Sorry Shori! My soon-to-be-girlfriend has a soccer game that I have to be overly supportive at!_

He wasn't very good at hiding his cheesy grin when she told him it was because of Lyra. Shori was her number one supporter, and this was just making him a giddy teenage shipper all over again.

Her foot caught on one of the bags, making loud sounds with the plastic as she shook the handle away from her.

"Aghhhhhhh..." She groaned, throwing her head up towards the ceiling in frustration.

The sun was going down, making it harder and harder to see where things were on her floor as she paced around in front of her closet door.

"Okay so it's inside... you only need one layer, right?" She spoke to herself as she slid over a few different sweatshirts.

"But what if Lyra gets cold?" She contemplated as she pulled out a dark red sweatshirt.

"Fuck." She threw it over towards her bed.

"Wait... just bring a jacket on top of that!" Ki smacked herself on the forehead as she pulled out her black jeans jacket from the back of her closet.

She looked over the jacket as she slid it off the hanger, pondering taking off the 'give me some space' pin.

"Nah it adds character." She shrugged as she threw the jacket to the end of her bed as well.

"Is it too much to wear a black jacket on black jeans?" She asked herself, pulling her ripped black jeans from off the floor.

She held them up and inspected the two colors of jean material, making sure the jacket matched the jeans so they weren't two different shades of black.

"I mean if they match it's fine, right?" She tilted her head over, inspecting the two.

Ki laid out the jeans on the bed right underneath the combo she had already put together.

It looked comfortable. And warm-ish.

But was it too casual?

What if Lyra was wearing something totally adorable and Ki just looked like normal Ki?

Skating was something that would come naturally to her. The ice had never been her problem, she'd been skating since her dad put her in figure skating lessons when she was 4.

Her problem was the _date_ portion.

_What the fuck do you do on a date?_

_What the fuck do you wear on a date?_

She nervously bit her lip as she studied the outfit she had laid out on the bed.

At least it matched.

It would have to do.

She'd figure out the rest as she'd go.


	36. Chapter 36

"Gonna be honest Ki, you didn't really peg me for a figure skating type." Lyra mumbled as they stepped onto the ice for the first time.

Well... more like Ki gracefully stepped on, and Lyra stumbled face first, grabbing on to Ki's jacket sleeve before she fell.

"Yeah well, I'm full of surprises." Ki laughed, placing her hand underneath Lyra's to help stabilize her back to a standing position.

"See I could see you doing hockey, but not this." She gestured out to the ice as another figure skater passed by them.

"I wanted to do hockey actually." Ki shrugged, waiting until Lyra was completely upright before pushing off on her right foot. "But my dad put me in this first."

"How old were you?"

"4." Ki smiled. "I was 4, hopping around the rink in pretty pink dresses and making every other girl on the ice my worst enemy."

"I find that really hard to imagine." Lyra pushed herself forwards unsteadily, holding out her arms besides her for balance.

"Yeah well... my dad loved it, so I kept doing it. I did it up until about eight grade, when I realized I fucking hated competitions."

"That wasn't too long ago."

"Yeah. That's why my skates still fit. Haven't really grown much from then, as you can tell." Ki waved down her face to the rest of her body. "I'm 5'2 on a _really_ good day."

"Yeah well at least you're not a fucking tree." Lyra laughed, getting a little too excited and almost tripping over her other foot. She balanced herself out as she continued talking. "I haven't stopped growing and I'm already taller than my sister Cassie. And she's 5'6! That's really tall for my family."

"I bet. Gabby's like what, barely 5 foot?"

"Yeah pretty much. My mom is 4'11 and she's just on a steady decline from there." Lyra laughed a little.

"Is your dad tall?"

"Yeah. He and my mom have over a foot height difference. Could you even imagine?!"

"That sounds... rough." Ki laughed thinking about if Lyra were to ever get that tall.

Kissing would be a difficulty for sure... even standing on the tops of her toes!

"Oh well." Lyra sighed. "...so tell me more about skating!"

"You know enough already, you've become a dangerous asset now." Ki raised her eyebrow at Lyra with a devious smile.

"Oh shut up." Lyra shoved Ki with her shoulder.

Lyra had probably expected that to have actually knocked Ki out of balance, but instead it just sent her wobbling right into Ki.

Ki reached out and wrapped her arm around Lyra's waist, pulling her back up to stability.

"You good there Meclane?" She gripped her fingers around the soft fabric of her fleece jacket.

Lyra reached out for Ki, her hand landing on the base of her other wrist as Ki offered her arm out for support.

"Yeah, yeah, I'll get it." Lyra sighed pulling herself together.

"You sure? We can sit down if you need to..." Ki pushed them along the side of the ice.

"No. No! You should know me by now." Lyra smirked, looking over to Ki with a side glare. "I'm no quitter."

"I know. Just making sure." Ki grinned back, loving Lyra's always present competitive edge.

The two skated along the curve of the rink with Ki's arm still snaked around her waist. It was too close for Ki to skate comfortably with Lyra's weight on her, but she wasn't going to complain.

Then Lyra popped up, separating herself from Ki a little bit as she turned to face her.

"Can you skate backwards?!" She beamed.

Ki smiled a little in amusement as she nodded in compliance.

"Yeah, Lyra, of course I can."

"I wanna see!" Lyra pleaded like a child.

Ki closed her eyes and then took a deep breath as she unwrapped herself from Lyra's side, her hand missing the warmth of Lyra's jacket around her fingertips.

She shifted her weight off of her right foot and crossed over right in front of Lyra, now seeing her face to face as she skated back while Lyra kept going forward. Lyra held a wide eyed smile as she watched Ki keep up a faster pace now in front of her. Ki held out her hands to Lyra, partially because she looked like she would fall over without her there, and also because she wanted to feel her warmth again.

The half gloves that Ki wore over her palms prevented her from feeling anything but Lyra's fingertips as they met hers. She held on to them and pulled Lyra along as she kept a fairly slow pace for what she was used to.

It was honestly kind of uncomfortable for her to be skating backwards so slow. Whenever she was taking this corner backwards it was always to prepare for a jump. Maybe that was just old competition routine kicking in. Ki shook the thoughts away. There was no way she could successfully pull off a jump now without hurting herself and potentially Lyra. Not a chance. No way she would even try.

She looked behind her frequently, making sure she wasn't going to bump into a struggling kid or a hockey player—one of the asshats that frequently weave in and out of skaters and cut people off as they chase one another around the rink. And although through her years on the ice with figure skaters she was conditioned to pretty much hate them, Ki wanted to be one of them so badly. She wanted to be impressively fast and incredibly agile, taking the ice with a cutting edge instead of a delicate stroke.

Maybe if she would've realized earlier that she wasn't just like all the other pretty girls on the ice, she could've actually been playing hockey with them as well. But, she didn't really get an understanding of how much she hated the femininity in the sport until she actually wanted to throw up when she saw herself in her last competition dress. It didn't fit anymore. Not necessarily the dress itself, but the gentle fabrication of the thing it represented. The thing that Ki so desperately hated. An image that no longer suited her.

Quitting was easy. Her father didn't even blink an eye. He never really cared what she did, as long as what she did made her happy. So, he took her back to the rink, but this time with a pair of rental hockey skates and an ambition to try a new thing. She got on the ice and fell within seconds. It wasn't the same as what she was used to. The blades didn't curve in the way she had been reliant on in figure skating. Her balance was off, her posture was weird, she couldn't even make it a few yards without grabbing onto the wall again. She was 13, trying to learn how to skate again. It was too late to re-program all the things she had already been taught. Contrary to everything her father told her, Ki gave up. That was one of the last crystal clear memories she had with him. After his death, she thought she was leaving the ice behind her for good.

And then she wound up dragging Lyra Meclane behind her with a smile, as she flowed backwards around the rink.

It wasn't her first time back onto the ice since she quit. In fact, she had become very acquainted with this particular rink when she and Shori moved here. She would come to open skates frequently during that first year, trying to rekindle her own routines, but without the glimmer and glare of being in competition. It offered her a place to reflect and clear her head when she would skip school because her panic attacks got the best of her. Shori upgraded her skates last Christmas, hoping that maybe Ki would get back into it. And although she loved the skates, and uses them still to this day, there was no way she could go back to the one thing that defied everything she felt she was inside.

She never really told anyone she used to skate. It was sort of a secret that Ki held on to.

A secret that Lyra had no idea she was being let in on. Lyra just smiled and laughed as they carefully continued along the edge of the ice, not even knowing how much it actually meant to Ki to be here with someone else.

Lyra smiled, looking up at Ki's eyes from the semi-hunched over stance she was in. Ki was taken aback by her beautiful nervous smile as she clung on to Ki's hands a little less aggressively than she had been before.

"You know... I've never been skating before." She looked down at her feet on the ice.

"Really?"

"There were never any skating rinks where I'm from. We never even really thought about cold sports. Skiing, snowboarding, skating... never even tried them."

"Huh. See even in Texas we had a rink... regardless it was 40 minutes away from our house, but we still had something." Ki shrugged.

"Maybe we had them, I just never paid attention." Lyra sighed.

"Well you're doing great for your first time." Ki smiled, looking behind her to check their path.

Her feet were getting tired from the backward flow they were on, but she didn't want to upset Lyra by switching back over.

"Well thanks." Lyra held her head up smiling. "I'm trying my best not to fall as you do all the work."

"Oh hush, you're doing fine."

"I wonder if any of our friends can skate... we should take them sometime!"

"Sure." Ki agreed, personally hating the idea of all of them leaning on her as they fell over their feet, but also not wanting to seem like a selfish prick.

"So speaking of our friends..." Lyra drew out.

"What about them?"

"Do you think they'd want to like meet out at Steak 'n Shake on Thursday before the game?"

"Oh, right! The final game?" Ki raised her eyebrow in question.

"The final game." Lyra nodded. "See usually we have to stay at the school until start time... but since it's on home field and it doesn't start until 8, she's letting us leave after practice."

"Oh cool... I'm uh... sure they'll be down for that."

"I'll have to put it in the chat later. I mean they were all planning on coming anyways." Lyra laughed before she continued. "Hana even insisted you guys all have matching face paint too."

"Oh hell no, I am not doing that." Ki laughed, shaking her head.

"Oh come on Ki! No team spirit?"

"I'm not putting that on my face." Ki deadpanned.

"Fineeeee, fine. But you still have to come to dinner!" Lyra pulled their hands down.

"No arguments on that."

"Good."

"While we're on this topic... I uh... I'm not really sure... well I mean, what should we do about our friends?" Ki tried not to make it too blunt, but also she really wanted to know where Lyra's head was about this.

_Did they want their friends to know? Was it going to be a big deal? How would they tell them? What would happen if someone didn't like it?_

"What do you mean?" Lyra looked confused.

"I mean like... are we going to tell them about us? Or just like not..."

"Um... I mean... what do you feel? Personally I'd be okay with them knowing, but if that bothers you, then by all means we can just keep it on the down low."

"I mean... I haven't even told Acacia anything. I feel like... I don't know... maybe not yet?"

"So are you saying you need time?"

"Yeah, maybe."

"Okay." Lyra nodded slowly. "We can work with that."

"Thank you. I'm sorry, this is all just so... new to me." Ki looked down at the ice in frustration.

"It's not something you're used to... I get it. It's fine."

"What did I ever do to deserve you?" She sighed.

"You lent me a pen on the first day chemistry."

"What?"

"That's when I knew I at least wanted to be your friend." Lyra looked away shyly, a blush rising on her cheeks. "Falling for you, however, only took a few soccer games and endless nights of texting."

Ki had nearly forgotten that first time they met. It hadn't really meant anything to her then, but now she remembered it with such a gentle attention. _That_ was the moment for Lyra? Ki was nearly taken aback that she had answered her question with such a serious recall of memory.

"I can't believe you remember that." She said softly.

"Of course I do! It's the first time I saw you."

"Wow..." Ki began her stuttering response. "I uh..."

It didn't take long before something saved her from the mess of words assembling in her mind. Unfortunately, it was Lyra tripping on a knick in the ice, falling straight into Ki.

Ki's reaction was instantaneous; immediately grabbing onto Lyra's waist to stabilize her against her own form. Lyra clung on to the sweatshirt Ki was wearing as she desperately tried not to to fall. Ki pulled her back up to a normal standing position, slowing her skates to an eventual stop as she leaned back against the board behind her.

"You okay?" She looked to Lyra.

Lyra started to regain her balance as Ki still held her close. Her breathing was right against the base of Ki's ear as she leaned over onto her shoulder.

"Yeah... yeah I'm good." She sighed, engulfing Ki in a sort of hug as the two stood there secure and balanced.

"Do you want to take a break?" Ki softly rubbed Lyra's back with her thumb.

"That might be a good idea now." Lyra mumbled into the shoulder of her sweatshirt.

"Alright, let's get you off the ice."

————————

Hot chocolate was always something she got after practices with her father.

Now Ki sat at a table in the Starbucks next door with one of the most amazing people she had ever met across from her, and a cup of peppermint hot chocolate in her hands.

Lyra got a caramel latte and honestly Ki thought it smelled heavenly, but knew that having caffeine would prove to be a nightmare.

One time Shori made the mistake of getting her coffee before school and she threw up in first period because she started laughing too hard at the teachers mispronunciation of Acacia's name.

Well, that was only last year. Still... coffee was a no when she was excited enough as it was.

"One thing I'll never get tired of is fall." Lyra said, taking a deep inhale of her latte.

"What do you mean?" Ki lowered her cup to the table.

"Leaves, scarves, warm colors... it just screams perfection. It leaves me in awe. We never had falls like this on the coast."

"Ah." Ki nodded. "Yeah, the seasons changing is pretty cool."

Lyra pulled her cup up to her lips and took a small sip, closing her eyes as she breathed in the aroma seeping out of the lid.

Ki watched in peace as Lyra enjoyed the little things like warm coffee, and fall weather. She often wished she could have the ability to enjoy the little things in life, but for some reason she was never able to get past her pessimistic viewpoint. Maybe she just needed someone optimistic in her life, like Lyra, to change that. Or maybe it was just something unchangeable.

Lyra gently placed her cup back on to the clear glass table in front of them, brushing a piece of hair behind her ear as she looked up at Ki.

She looked as if she was about to say something, as the corners of her mouth edged up into a smile, but her thought was quickly forgotten as her phone started buzzing on the table.

Ki glanced down at her screen to see a picture of Lyra and Gabrielle in their cheer uniforms, presumably from their old school, smiling and hugging each other for the camera.

"It's just Gabby, I'll text her later." Lyra waved off as she pressed decline.

Ki nodded silently, taking in a deep inhale of her drink, letting the heat roll up her cheeks. She embraced the warmth against her still briskly cold face.

She looked down at her phone down on the table next to Lyra's. Her screen hadn't lit up the entire day. It was a little concerning that her brother didn't make the effort to even annoy her once on her date. She half expected him to want an update every fifteen minutes.

As she was about to look back up to Lyra, the phone went off again.

The buzzing was loud against the table, causing Lyra to glare at her phone with a sense of annoyance as she reached down towards it again.

"Gabby I swear..."

"Just answer it." Ki shrugged.

Lyra looked to Ki hesitantly as she picked up her phone, wearing an expression in her eyes that mimicked an 'are you sure?'

Ki picked up her drink, watching Lyra as she brought the phone up to her face.

"Gabrielle you know I'm out right now, this better be important..."

Ki couldn't hear the other side of the line, so she watched Lyra's facial expressions for context of the conversation.

"What?" Lyra looked annoyed.

"No, no, no, Gab that's not..." She started.

Lyra furrowed her eyebrows as she listened to her sister on the other side. Ki watched her focus in on a spot on the floor as her face softened a bit.

"Look, just respond something chill, like you're hanging out with your sister or something. Seriously, you don't want to hang out with him."

"Yes I know, but you just..."

Lyra sighed, leaning her face over onto her free hand, while looking at Ki with an unamused expression.

Ki bit her lip so she didn't laugh at Lyra's unfortunate situation.

"Gabrielle, this wouldn't have been a problem if you stayed away from that party like I told you to, but do you ever listen to me? No."

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

"Yes I know..."

"Gabby seriously, can we figure it out tonight? I'm busy right now, I'll be home later."

Lyra rolled her eyes as she opened them.

"Yes I promise I'll get you dinner."

"Bye."

Lyra set her phone down her lap and rubbed her hand over her forehead. She sighed, looking back over at Ki.

"I'm sorry, just... sisters, you know?"

"Fortunately, no I do not." Ki laughed lightly watching Lyra gain her smile back.

"She's got boy drama again." Lyra waved her hand around as if it was just another Sunday for her.

"Ah, that sounds tragic."

"Not exactly, but close enough." Lyra laughed.

"Do you want to grab something for her on the way back?" Ki started digging her lanyard out of her pocket.

"Oh no, you don't have to do that, I'll just take her out once I get back."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, yeah! Just drop me off, we'll be good I promise." Lyra smiled, starting to stand up from her cushy red chair.

"If you insist..." Ki looked at her with a light pout.

"Come on you dork." Lyra laughed, pulling Ki's hand up from her own cushy seat.

She couldn't help but smile as she held her hot chocolate in one hand and Lyra's in the other. Her keys dangled from her finger, making faint noise as they rattled against her cup in the same hand.

Ki couldn't help but notice the light blush on Lyra's face as neither one of them pulled their hands away. Maybe Lyra felt weird holding hands in public too. _But then why would she have reached out?_ Maybe Ki was just being self conscious again, worried that someone might judge them from afar.

There was no denying that people saw them; the attention made Ki uncomfortable. She knew the woman sitting on her laptop by the door saw them on their way out, and although she didn't look disgusted or even remotely uncomfortable, Ki could tell she was watching them. They were different. They stood out.

Ki wasn't used to standing out. She wasn't sure she wanted to either.

She wanted to love Lyra. But she didn't know if she wanted to do it for everyone else to see. Ki never really was an affectionate person, and this really made her think about what she wanted the rest of the world to know. Being judged, being rejected, being the center of attention, they were all things that had Ki feared. With Lyra, she had the possibility to endure them all at once. It was dangerous. It was risky. It was pushing her way out of her comfort zone.

And yet, she didn't let go. She held on to Lyra's hand in her own as they walked across the parking lot with their arms brushing up against each other.

Maybe she needed this. Maybe this would help her open up.

Maybe this was what would let her move on.


	37. Chapter 37

bitch #1 👿  
heyo my bro is being a dick do you wanna hang after school?

bitch #1 👿  
plz I really don't want to see him

bitch #1 👿  
I'm begging you

bitch #1 👿  
I'll even do your homework

delivered:  
damn, playing the homework card? what did he do this time?

read.

bitch #1 👿  
he's fighting with jack again and moms gone all the fucking time so I'm not going home until he goes to work tonight

delivered:  
that's fair, I think andi said we're getting chinese tonight so you're in luck

read.

bitch #1 👿  
fuck yes

————————

Andi came home with carryout bags in hand. A blessing straight from the heavens.

Ki and Acacia nearly flipped the couch over as they climbed over the top to run into the kitchen at top speed.

"Woah okay, slow down. You know I get first pick." Andi swung the bags away from the two hungry girls.

"What did you get?" Ki peered into the bag curiously.

"Uh chow mien obviously." He set the bag on the counter, opening it up for them to see the boxes. "And sweet and sour chicken for our lovely second child." He held out a white box to Acacia.

"You remembered!" Acacia beamed as she took the box graciously out of his hands.

"Did you get chicken fried rice?" Ki looked over his shoulder.

"You know your brother would murder me if I didn't." Andi smirked, pulling out two other boxes and handing one to Ki.

"This is why you are my favorite brother in law." Ki smiled picking up a black plastic fork from the bag on the counter.

"Bitch, I am your only brother in law."

"SHORI THERES FOOD DOWN HERE!" Acacia yelled out of nowhere, making both Ki and Andi jump.

"Jesus, Acacia." Ki clenched onto her box.

"You guys ready to spill some tea?" Acacia whispered, bringing her voice down from her absolute loudest.

"Tea? Oooh who is it about?" Andi whispered back, taking out his box of chow mien and another fork.

"You'll find out."

"What kind of tea?" Shori mumbled as he walked into the kitchen yawning.

"The boy drama kind." Acacia tried to intrigue him by using her 'im making this seem interesting' voice.

"Damn, I was hoping for some peppermint."

"Okay first that's gross, that stuff is so strong. Second... Shori I love you." Andi smiled at his fiancée across the kitchen.

"Did you just wake up?" Acacia asked as Shori slowly walked across the kitchen in his sweatpants and worn out karate t-shirt from his and Ki's days in the dojo.

"Um yeah." He rubbed over his face. "I've had a headache since I got back from work."

"Oh, sorry babe. You can go back to sleep right after you eat this lovely chicken fried rice I got you." Andi held out a white styrofoam box identical to Ki's.

"Ooh." Shori's gaze lifted.

"So anyways... y'all wanna hear something I found out today?" Acacia sat down at the table in Andi's normal spot.

Ki shifted her spot over one so that Shori could still sit next to Andi if he sat in his normal spot. As she sat down, she opened her box and embraced the aroma of her food with a hungry growl from her stomach.

"What?" Andi said, remaining at the counter while Shori gathered his box and fork.

Ki quickly shoved a bite of her food into her mouth, subject to her stomachs plea for help. She was quickly met with a combination of her favorite flavors; however basic the meal may have been it was always one of her favorites.

"Aloric Lantea may be dating Lyra's sister."

Ki didn't get time to swallow before she was choking on a piece of rice. She covered her mouth up with her arm as she continued coughing.

Acacia started laughing as she mumbled something along the lines of "you good?"

Ki gave her a thumbs up and took a swig from the water bottle she left on the table from earlier in the morning.

"That much of a shock, huh?" Andi laughed along, the two of them a despicable enemy against Ki.

"I just didn't know _that_ is who Gabby was having trouble with." Ki mumbled, getting ahold of her herself.

"Who is Alec whatever his face?" Shori quietly butted in as he approached the table with his food and fiancée.

"Aloric Lantea tried to take Lyra to homecoming, and then fought with some other guy over his girl while they were there." Acacia was her fork over at Shori.

"Oh."

"I mean he's not even like a mean guy or anything, it's just like... he went from Lyra to her sister? That's kinda gross." Acacia shoveled in a bite of her food.

"He's a huge fuckboy." Ki mumbled, trying to clear up the situation to her less socially intelligent brother.

"Oh, one of those." He said shifting around in his seat.

"Why does he want to date Gabrielle? He should know there's no way Lyra would let that happen..." Ki looked down into her carryout.

"Uh, have you seen the girl?!" Acacia covered her mouth as she chewed.

"Yeah..."

"She's fucking hot. She's like mini Lyra, but like with curly hair and a crystal clear complexion. If she were a guy, I'd marry her, no question."

"What's wrong with Lyra?" Ki instantly responded, almost snapping at her best friend with a borderline angry tone.

"Nothing, I'm just saying... for a _freshman_ , that girl has some looks." Acacia curiously glanced over to Ki as if assessing what had made her snap.

Shori and Andi exchanged a glance with each other, as if nervously laughing at an inside joke.

"Are you crushing on Lyra's sister, Acacia?" Shori teased to try to lighten the mood.

"Hell no. I don't crush on anybody. Dating is overrated."

"Ah." Andi sighed, tapping his fork against the side of his box. "I agree."

Shori looked over to the man beside him with an eyebrow raise, as if saying 'really?'

"Oh do you now?" He sounded curious, yet slightly annoyed.

"Yeah, no need to date when I'm about to get married." Andi plastered a cheesy grin on his face as he leaned over towards Shori.

"You saved yourself on that one." Shori smiled as he shook his head.

"You know? This is gross. Being single is so much better! Right Ki?" Acacia elbowed her from the seat next to her.

Ki got immediately flustered. Her face started burning so she looked into her box and took another bite, nodding so that Acacia wouldn't ask any suspicious questions.

She was glad she wore her hair down today; most of it was covering up Acacia's side view of her. Shori however could see her straight on, causing an issue as she caught her brother's attention.

He looked at her with a questioning glare, his mouth contorting into a sort of frown as he tilted his head over.

'You didn't tell her?' He mouthed across the table.

'No.' She shook her head back at him, hoping that Acacia wasn't watching the conversation between the two of them.

"What?" Andi interrupted, wearing his confusion on his face.

"Nothing." Ki whispered looking down once again into her delicious pile of fried rice that she suddenly lost the appetite to consume.

The four of them went silent after that.

They all ate their food out of their respective boxes, and for the most part ignored eye contact with each other. It was awkward to say the least, but Ki enjoyed the fact that she didn't have to speak anymore on the topic of dating, or anyone in the Meclane family.

————————

After dinner, Ki and Acacia sat in Ki's room and did homework.

Well, more like Ki sat on her bed and stared at the pictures on her wall, and Acacia sat on the floor with a chemistry textbook laid out in front of her and a pencil tapping against her temple.

Ki was deep in thought; coming up with hypothetical situations in which she could imagine herself telling Acacia and the rest of the group about her and Lyra. She was drawing multiple blanks.

Her phone saved her from boredom as the two buzzes on her bed grabbed her attention.

lyra 💫  
I accidentally just said fuck in front of my mom

lyra 💫  
send help

Ki bit her lip to stop herself from laughing as she picked up her phone.

delivered:  
rip

delivered:  
you will be mourned :,(

read.

lyra 💫  
also I want to jump off a cliff

lyra 💫  
cassie is coming home over thanksgiving break

delivered:  
what's wrong with that?

read.

lyra 💫  
she's kind of bitchy and thinks she has some authority over me

lyra 💫  
I thought we were going down to Florida but nooooo everyone's coming up here now

delivered:  
oh

delivered:  
sorry that sucks

read.

"How do you balance this one, Ki?" Acacia looked up from the floor.

Ki squinted her eyes to see the problem she held up on her paper. It was a jumbled mess, but Ki quickly located the solution on the right side.

"Do 4 hydrogen and 2 oxygen." She mumbled, turning her gaze back towards her phone.

"Who you texting?" Acacia asked in an accusatory tone.

"Uh..."

Ki would've usually responded Shori, but since he was curled up in his room no doubt asleep, there was a hole in her plan.

"No... one?" Ki placed her phone down on the bed in a manner that probably reflected as highly suspicious.

"That is complete bullshit. Aaaaand you just lied to me." Acacia slammed her notebook down on the floor. "I'm offended."

Ki didn't know how to respond. Acacia had locked her into a situation she had no idea how to get out of. One: she wasn't a good liar, and two: she had never had to cover up a relationship before.

"Do you have a boyfrieeeeend?" Acacia taunted her, moving from her spot on the floor to the side of Ki's bed.

As Acacia leaned up against the rail of her bed frame, Ki pulled her phone closer so that her friend wouldn't grab it right off the mattress.

"No." She whispered, hiding her face in the unruly hair falling down beside her cheeks.

"You sureeeeee?" Acacia scooted over closer to Ki's legs.

Ki felt momentarily uncomfortable. It was such an odd thing to feel in front of Acacia. This was her best friend, the one person who had stuck by her last year when she was new and had no friends. It sucked that she was in such an awkward position now... she just wasn't ready to tell her everything.

"Yes I'm sure. Drop it."

"Oh come on, nothing?!"

Ki paused and thought for a second. Maybe she could tell Acacia _something._ Just as long as she didn't make it obvious, and didn't tell her it was Lyra.

That would prove to be risky. Ki didn't know where to start. Maybe playing it safe was a smarter option.

"Um..."

"Katashi are you really hiding something from me?!"

"Sorry." Ki shrugged, her words quiet and hesitant.

"Jerk." Acacia growled, turning back around to sit in front of the chemistry book. "I'm not talking to you for the rest of the week by the way."

"You think that's a bad thing?" Ki looked up, feeling confident enough to throw out a sarcastic comment.

Acacia glared at her with her eyes wide, indicating that she wasn't going to open her mouth. Ki frowned at her which subsequently got a grin from the purple haired girl on the floor.

"Fine. You can know two things. You choose."

"Only two?!"

Ki gave her a grimace indicating her contemplation of adding a third. _That's too much. Leave it vague as possible._

"Yeah, only two." She reinstated her first deal.

"Fine. Who are you texting?" Acacia tilted her head over with a shit eating smile.

"Too specific. No."

"Ughhhhhh..." Acacia rolled her eyes back as she flopped her head up towards the ceiling. "What grade?"

"Ours." Ki answered simply.

The first question wasn't as hard as she thought. It wasn't character revealing and it didn't give Acacia much of a narrow range. There were a hundred kids she could pick from in their grade.

"First name?" Acacia smiled hopefully, almost edging Ki to slip up and say 'Lyra.'

"No."

"Oh my goooooddddd... fine give me the letter at least."

"L."

"Logan!" Acacia squealed.

Ki pulled her face back in confusion. She gave the most 'ew no' face she could muster and shook her head.

"Fuck no."

"Luke?" Her friend went down a list of names apparently complied in her mind.

"What? No."

"Oh it's Landon right?!" Acacia bounced in her spot, as if suddenly believing she had it all pieces together. "I mean it would make sense! You guys were in that weird art class together last year, and he sits right next to us at lunch, and... it's Landon isn't it?!"

"No. No, it's not... it's not fucking Landon. You're done with questions, go back to your homework." Ki buried her face in her hands, her words coming out as mumbles as she grew increasingly embarrassed.

Acacia started smiling and screaming as she thought she had it all figured out. She was excited, and Ki almost felt bad for leading her to believe that, one: she was straight, and two: she was dating a boy she never had a trace of interest in... ever.

"Oooooh I'm gonna tell Shori you have a boyfriend." She taunted, pointing at Ki with the pencil she picked up off the floor.

"Please don't." Ki sighed, growing exhausted from Acacia's energy.

"He doesn't know does he?!"

"Yes, okay, yes he does! Now please calm the fuck down. I'm not dating Landon, Jesus Christ."

"I don't believe you." Acacia pouted, crossing her arms over her chest with a huff.

"Just..." Ki looked at her for a second, and then back into her hands. She didn't really know what to do. What if she just made her situation worse? "Just forget about it, alright?"

"Not even a chance Katashi..."

"Not even a chance."


	38. Chapter 38

delivered:  
good morning beautiful

delivered:  
you're going to kick today in the ass

delivered:  
I'm so proud of you

delivered:  
I can't wait to see you destroy them <3

read.

lyra 💫  
omg ki stop

lyra 💫  
jk I love it

lyra 💫  
you're freaking adorable

delivered:  
heh

delivered:  
my life is complete I can now die in peace

read.

lyra 💫  
why?

delivered:  
the most amazing girl I know just called me adorable

delivered:  
I might pull a muscle if I keep smiling this much

read.

lyra 💫  
aweeeeeee

lyra 💫  
what's got you all flirty today?

delivered:  
nothing. I'm just feeling really good about today. it's gonna be an awesome night.

read.

lyra 💫  
well you're not wrong :)

lyra 💫  
do you still have my soccer sweatshirt from the dc trip?

delivered:  
yeah of course. sorry I meant to give it back once I did the laundry. I can bring it with me to school.

read.

lyra 💫  
no no that's not what I meant... I want you to wear it.

delivered:  
really

delivered:  
:)

read.

lyra 💫  
yes ki lol you dork

delivered:  
okay

delivered:  
will do

————————

Right after school Kat, Hana, Acacia, and of course, Lyra, piled into Ki's jeep and drove to the nearby Steak 'n Shake.

Although Ki had never had that many people in the car with her, the blasting of countless twenty one pilots songs from Acacia's phone and the pushing and screeching in the backseat, didn't bother her as much as she thought it would.

Squeezing into a booth with three people, however, was where it got a little tricky. Kat being Kat insisted that it wouldn't be a proper Steak 'n Shake outing if they didn't all squeeze into a booth, so here they were— Kat, Ki and Lyra on one side, with Hana and Acacia on the other.

The pairings made sense as Kat was the size of a child and Lyra couldn't be anything but a twig if she wanted to, but being stuck between the two of them made Ki want to squirm.

She barely had any room to move, but if anything, she did appreciate how close she got to be next to Lyra. The best part was, it didn't even look suspicious either.

"Man I am so ready to scream as loud as I can and embarrass all of you." Kat smirked from her corner of the booth.

The stripes of her face paint curved up towards her eyes as her cheeks filled her devious smile. Ki was honestly kind of scared at Kat's enormous amount of enthusiasm about a game she'd never been to before. The other girls didn't seem to mind. It's almost as if they thought Kat was just taunting them. Ki knew she wasn't.

"That's the spirit." Acacia said with a great amount of sarcasm in her voice.

"Shut up." Kat grimaced at her, crossing her arms over her white Kennedy Robotics sweatshirt.

"Do you guys think you have a chance tonight?" Hana tilted her head over at Lyra directly across from her.

Lyra straightened up a bit in her seat as she realized the attention was now on her.

"Umm..." She slid a piece of hair that had fallen out of her ponytail behind her ear. "Maybe. I mean we're pretty good, but this team is definitely one to beat."

"What's their win streak?" Acacia put her elbows up on the table, her bland purple jacket illustrating her lack of Kennedy spirit gear like the rest of them.

"I think they're undefeated." Lyra played around with the hem of her soccer sweatpants underneath the table.

Ki wondered if she was nervous. She was acting uncharacteristically calm and reserved; most of the time she would boast about how they were going to slaughter their opponent, or how she was excited to try a new play. This time, she almost seemed disappointed about their loss before hand, even though it was impossible for her to perceive the result of the game.

"But you guys are undefeated too, right?" Ki turned her head a little bit to look up at Lyra, hoping that maybe hearing her voice would give her a little faith in her skills.

"We lost one back in September."

"That's only one game, dude! That's still awesome for a team in our league." Hana boasted, spooking Acacia next to her from the sudden outburst.

"Yeah, it is." Lyra shyly smiled as she looked down at the table.

"Are we getting shakes?!" Kat leaned over Ki, derailing whatever path the conversation was currently on.

"Uh..." Ki mumbled awkwardly, not wanting to lead an answer the rest of the group didn't decide.

"If you want one, get one." Acacia shrugged.

"I mean, I'm not because I don't want to throw up on the field, but you all can go ahead." Lyra leaned back in the booth nonchalantly.

Kat gave a quiet little triumphant 'yes' and settled back into her spot as she flipped open her menu.

Ki already knew what she wanted from her repeated late night runs with Acacia. She always got the same thing, it never changed. Frisco melt with fries.

Lyra seemed to either be getting nothing, or had it already picked out too because she just sat there quietly, staring at the closed menu in front of her on the table.

She was still fidgeting with the zipper on the side of her sweatpants, that Ki could barely feel brushing against the outside of her own leg.

Hana and Acacia had started a conversation about a new makeup line that came out yesterday, but Ki had no interest what so ever in joining that conversation, or even pretending to follow along.

Kat, however, was listening intently; trying to analyze the conversation as always. She was leaning forward in her seat with her elbow on the table, getting the best optimal range to be connected with Hana and Acacia across from her.

Ki saw that no one was paying attention to her or Lyra, which was something that she didn't mind at all. Being removed from the spotlight was actually quite comfortable in her own opinion.

Ki took this as an opportunity to stop Lyra's fidgeting in the only way she could think of.

She moved the hand she was holding underneath her leg to the slight gap between her and Lyra.

Lyra didn't notice Ki's hand, until Ki reached out and loosely took ahold of a few of Lyra's fingers with her own.

As soon as Ki's presence was on her skin, she stopped moving. Ki was pretty sure she stopped breathing for a second too.

Without looking at each other, the two linked their hands together, Lyra's gentle touch leaving Ki with a fluttering sensation in her chest.

She knew she was bound to start blushing so she made sure she didn't look over to where their hands were, let alone to see the look on Lyra's face.

Unsurprisingly... she could already feel the warmth on her face.

_Why was this a good idea again?_

To get Lyra to stop being nervous.

And it was working so far. The girl beside her was calm and collected, almost looking remotely unaffected by the internal struggle Ki was having to keep her cool.

"Hey Ki?" Acacia turned her head towards their side of the table.

Ki felt like she was on fire. They all looked at her when Acacia turned the attention in her direction.

"What?" She whispered, hoping that none of them would notice her clearly flustered state.

"Dude you okay?" Kat laughed, obviously noticing.

_Fuck._

"Huh?" Ki panicked. "Yeah... I'm fine."

Kat leaned back in their booth, clearly not buying it, but also not caring enough to ask more questions. Or perhaps she already knew what was going on. Kat was a very intuitive person. She could probably hunt down their relationship from a mile away.

That made Ki nervous.

Kat was the kind of person who knew dirt on anybody and everybody. She figured things out before people had a chance to figure things out themselves. For that reason, Kat scared her. She either knew and was keeping it quiet, or was completely oblivious and would make a big deal out of it once she found out.

For the sake of her sanity, Ki prayed it wasn't the latter.

———————

Three goals in and Kennedy was taking the lead. Lyra was on the bench, and a few girls Ki had seen from the parking lot the other day were heading up the play.

The stadium lights shone down on the field from behind the crowded bleachers filled with enthusiastic high school kids that only came out for the final game. Up against the fence beside the bleachers, in her normal spot, Ki stood with Acacia, Kat and Hana. The four of them made enough noise that Lyra could hear them, and occasionally smile and laugh at them from the bench mid field.

The wind blew Ki's hair into her face every once in awhile, reminding her of the harsh fall weather that blew straight through her sweatshirt. Or rather... Lyra's sweatshirt.

"Ooh ooh ooh look Lyra's out!" Acacia bumped into Ki with an unparalleled excitement.

Ki raised her gaze to the field and sure enough, Lyra was running straight towards their end of the field.

The ball was going from one team to the other in the blink of an eye. It was a struggle for the girls to follow along. This team could definitely beat Kennedy if they really tried. The two were neck and neck the entire time.

Lyra was really close to stealing the ball from underneath number 53 when the whistle blew calling them all away from the action.

"What's going on?" Hana asked squinting her eyes downfield.

"Uh..." Ki honed in on the referee. "I think Kennedy has a penalty."

"That's stupid!" Kat yelled, leaning into the fence.

"Is it Lyra's fault?" Acacia glanced over to Ki.

"No, I don't think so."

It was only a matter of time before the game resumed, sucking back in all of the girl's attentions.

Kat was hanging on the fence like a crazed child, nearly screaming every time the ball ended up in the vicinity of a Kennedy player. Hana was trying her best to follow along, quietly watching with an intense look worn over her forehead. Acacia was leaning over the fence calling at every play, almost as if competing with Kat for who could make the biggest scene... and then there was Ki.

Ki stood there with a content smile on her face, with her hands burrowed into the front pocket of Lyra's sweatshirt, and watched as her girlfriend maneuvered her way around two of the other players.

Lyra slid past another girl as the pace sped up down the field. She got in front of another girl from Kennedy and soon enough, the ball was hers.

Ki swore she had never seen Lyra run so fast. Her feet were moving as fast as she could as she kept the ball out in front of her. She periodically looked over her shoulder at the incoming girls on her right side, but never once checked her left.

When she turned to go into the left direction she ran right into two of the opposing side who were ready to steal the ball right out from underneath her.

Ki had taken her hands out of the pocket and was now anxiously clinging on to the fence chain as Lyra was faced with a split second decision.

She turned straight around, flipping the ball underneath her feet, and slid past their defense.

Ki wanted to yell out her name, cheering her on like Kat and Acacia, but she was so excited she didn't think it would come out as anything but incomprehensible blabber.

Lyra was running towards their end of the field with her eyes set on the goal. Ki could feel her heart pounding, as she was sure Lyra's was too.

Lyra's speed was unmatchable to the girl behind her, but just out of her eyesight a girl intercepted her from the right. Ki watched as Lyra was taken off guard, clearly not expecting the girl to get so close and try to steal the ball.

In anticipation of the hit, Lyra quickly used all the force she had to kick the ball forwards into the net. She slowed down as the other girl kept running, obviously not watching the ball as it crashed into the white mesh behind the goalie's trying arms.

The crowd broke out in a cheer as the whistle blew from across the field, signaling a success for Kennedy.

Ki smiled with wide eyes as all four of the girls jumped giddily along the fence line, screaming various cheers and hoping to grab the new star's attention.

Lyra turned to them and laughed as a few of the other players were knocking into her, rustling her hair and jumping up and down beside her.

Her gaze on the group got pulled away as a whistle called them all back to center field. Lyra was following in the rear as the rest of the girls were settling back into their positions.

"Meclane!" A booming voice yelled from the bench, calling Lyra's attention away from the field.

Lyra hesitantly ran off towards her coach as the last play of the game was being set.

He seemed to be explaining something to her in detail as she approached him, often tapping things out on his clipboard as she nodded in compliance. She watched him intently as he motioned out to certain girls on the field.

Then he clapped her on the shoulder with his board, and she ran off towards the center.

There was one minute left on the clock. Lyra's goal had made it in just in time. Everything else would just be trying to make sure the other team didn't tie them.

They were all in positions as the timer started again.

Ki watched the scoreboard intensely as it counted down the seconds left of the game to a precise detail.

It was nerve wracking watching all the girls from the other team scramble to make a play.

The coach must've put Lyra on defense as she was heading up a line of girls chasing the ball towards the Kennedy net.

_There was no way Lyra could let them slip through._

However, green jersey number 2 was a fast runner. She proved to be difficult for Lyra as the two of them fumbled at each other's feet as they ran down the field.

One of Lyra's teammates intercepted the two and kicked the ball out from underneath number 2, but not long before she was able to steal it back again.

Ki watched with anticipation from the fence line, her fingers curling around the cold metal that lined the fence.

_Come on, Lyra._

They were down to 12 seconds, each one passing by faster and faster as the girls all ran towards the Kennedy net in an incredible last minute adrenaline rush to stop the other team.

Kat started excitedly counting down the seconds as they appeared on the board.

"5!"

"4!"

That number 2 was still headed straight towards their net.

_Come on, Lyra!_

"3!"

"2!"

In a last minute push, Lyra kicked the ball out from underneath the other girl, slipping in the grass at the same time.

"1!"

She landed hard on her shoulder. Ki watched the immediate pain course through her face as she clenched her teeth together in response.

"We won!" Kat screamed as the buzzer went off loudly through the crowd.

Lyra was laying on the field, grabbing her arm, yet bringing herself to laugh as her teammates all crowded in around her.

The crowd behind them cheered ecstatically as many of the Kennedy students yelled at each other from the front row of the student section.

"That's my sister!" A very enthusiastic Gabrielle Meclane boasted as she leaned over the rail.

Ki laughed as the excitement rushed over her like a wave.

"They won." She said out loud, smiling as she watched Acacia and Kat hugging each other screaming. "Oh my god, they did it!"

"Yeah they fucking did! Our reputation is going to be legendary now!" Acacia called out through broken breaths from jumping around too hard with Kat.

Ki directed her attention back towards the field. Lyra was up and standing, letting the crowd of girls around her push her around as they all shared the same smiles and excitement as the crowd.

"So Kennedy finally won something?" Hana asked, curiously calm compared to the rest of the group.

"Yeah! We're not total losers now!" Kat squealed through Acacia's arms.

Lyra looked happy, yet restless as the girls were all walking towards the bench shoving their shoulders into one another. It looked like it may have even hurt her as she visibly cringed a few times as she was slammed between the girls.

As everyone else started grabbing water bottles and throwing them at each other, Lyra ditched the mass and immediately started running off towards the fence.

"Lyra!" Kat called as she started picking up the pace towards the girls.

Lyra's smile widened as her eyes settled on Ki, taking in the rest of the group's excitement, yet still only focusing on the only one she needed there.

It didn't take her long to make it to their end of the fence, but as she approached, she scanned the long metal chain for the opening to the the crowd. When she found it she took a slight detour from her original path, making the other girls question why she wasn't coming to them, but Ki had it figured out.

"Wait where is she going? I wanted to say hi." Kat said, the disappointment wearing thin in her voice.

"She's coming." Hana reassured her as the girls started turning away from the fence.

Ki saw her little blue blur dodging a few people as she ran across the sidewalk, nearly taking out a few running children at the same time. She couldn't help but laugh as Lyra approached them with a huge smile on her face, the stadium lights reflecting down on her excited eyes.

"You did it." Ki beamed as Lyra ran straight towards her.

Before she knew what hit her, Lyra was wrapping her arms around her shoulders and holding onto her tightly. Ki was a little taken aback by the force of the hug, but embraced it with a wide smile as she wrapped her own arms around Lyra's waist and laid her head into the shoulder that didn't get crushed earlier.

"So how's it feel to be a state champion Lyra Meclane?" She whispered into her ear.

Lyra pulled back away from Ki, and for a moment it was as if Lyra was going to lean in and kiss her. Ki was actually quite certain she was going to, with all the pent up energy that flickered out as sparks when their eyes met. There was an undeniable tension between the two as Ki struggled to stop staring at Lyra, and Lyra couldn't stop looking so desperate for her attention.

"It feels good." Lyra mumbled, just barely above a whisper as the words left her mouth.

Ki felt giddy, yet confused and on top of the world all at the same time. Lyra had her tied up in knots, and she didn't know how to respond, or what to do, or how to function with her eyes locked onto her so carefully. Even breathing came hard, the air becoming thick with yearning and uncertainty.

"Dude that goal you made was badass!" Kat was hitting Lyra in the arm.

In the lost moment between them, Ki had forgotten of the other girls' presence around them.

Lyra's lips turn into an upwards smile and then mumbled a small 'thanks.'

"That was a really close game." Hana nodded as an awkward suggestion of a comment.

Both Ki and Lyra knew Hana knew nothing about sports at all, and for her to even come was something special all in itself. Lyra nodded along, knowing that the small comment was all she was going to get.

"Yeah it really was. I honestly thought we were going to tie."

"We all thought you were going to tie!" Acacia threw her hands up, landing them back down next to her sides with a dramatic smack.

"We should celebrate!" Kat jumped back in, wedging herself in between Acacia and Hana.

"How Kat? We have school tomorrow." Hana glanced over to her.

"Fuck school. No one needs that shit."

"Uh, Acacia Krolic needs that shit so she can get into college and get out of this hell hole town." Acacia glared at the shorter girl.

"Amen." Hana grumbled.

"Lyra!" Another Meclane's voice sounded from through the crowd.

Lyra turned around as Ki spotted Gabby walking towards them with another woman in tow. The other woman was older, significantly shorter and held a proud complexion. She was small and skinny, yet still youthful and dignified. She looked extremely tired like Lyra, yet maintained a happy face for the crowd, her eyes wore the thin lines of a constant smile. Gabrielle ran off in front of her, wrapping her sister in a hug.

"Hey Gabby." Lyra smiled, greeting her with open arms as her sister stood up on her tippy toes to reach Lyra's neck.

"You guys looked so good out there. You'll have scouters on you in no time!" Gabrielle said as she swayed with Lyra in their embrace.

"Yeah. A senior on our team had two last year, its only a matter of time before they catch on to me." The elder Meclane sister said shyly.

"I'm proud of you mija. That was a great game." The elder woman spoke up with a gentle smile as she reached out for her daughter's hand.

Lyra willingly accepted it and then turned back to face the group.

"Mamà, these are my friends Hana..."

"Hello." Hana nodded shyly.

"Acacia..."

"Hey." Acacia smiled with a small wave.

"Kat..."

"Hola." Kat smirked.

"...and Ki." Lyra finished off her list with a tight lipped smile.

"Hi." Ki quietly greeted her with a fleeting sense of panic.

"I've heard of all of you before, but it's nice to put a face to the names now." Lyra's mother nodded to them, her Hispanic accent thick in her voice.

"Yeah mamà, these are the ones Lyra spends all her time with." Gabby draped her arm across her mother shoulder. "Especially that one." She smirked as she pointed her hand to Ki.

"Uh..." Ki barely whispered, her face flushing an immediate red reaction.

"Oooh." Mrs. Meclane paused as if coming to a major realization. "Are you the girl I've heard so much about?"

"I... uh... what..."

"Okay, that's enough!" Lyra quickly chimed in, stepping in closer to her mother's side to shut her up.

"What's wrong mija, scared I'll embarrass you?"

"Yeah, Lyraaaaaa..." Gabby taunted from the other side of their mother.

"No, I'm... I'm not!" Lyra piped up again, this time a gentle blush rising on her face as well, threatening to show that they had already proved their point.

"Awe look guys you've got her all red." Hana joined in the fun.

"Yeah Lyra last time I saw you that flustered was when I asked about the DC trip." Acacia laughed, hitting the side of Ki's arm as she tried to take a dig at her girlfriend.

Lyra nervously glanced to Ki with wide eyes and a 'please send help' grimace on her face. Ki returned with a cringeworthy expression and an 'im so sorry' frown.

"Oh, so you told them about the DC trip?" Lyra's mother chimed in with a grin.

"Uh no, no they, I'm... just mom please stop." Lyra slid her hand over her forehead, hiding her embarrassment behind her fingers.

"Wait, what happened at DC?!" Kat pushed her way past Acacia into the center of the group.

"Nothing." Lyra brought her hand back down to her side, dramatically slapping it against the side of her leg. "Don't worry about it."

"You told your mom?" Ki whispered across the sidewalk to Lyra.

"Not exactly, it's just... god it's hard to have a private life in this family, okay?!" Lyra snapped back a little on edge as the rest of the girls peaked curiosity.

"Does Gabby know?"

"Of course Gabby knows, she's my damn sister... I made the mistake of thinking she wouldn't blab to my mother." Lyra pointedly glared at the smaller Meclane.

"Lo siento, you know nothing is off limits for gossip hour Lyra, how long have you been in this family?" Gabrielle smiled in a sickeningly endearing way over to her sister.

"Okay I'm still confused. What happened at DC?!" Kat interrupted, waving her hands around in the air frantically.

"Nothing!" Lyra and Ki turned to snap at her at the same moment.

"Oh boy." Mamá Meclane looked down at the sidewalk.

"Seriously, you two aren't going to tell us?!" Acacia burst in. "That's not fair, Ki! You didn't tell me anything from that trip, what the hell happened?"

"Yeah, even I'm a bit curious." Hana shrugged.

"It's... it's complicated." Lyra shook her head immediately regretting her existence.

"It sorta is." Ki backed her up.

"That's what you said before." Acacia pouted.

"Just not right now!"

"Lyra, ¿tus amigos no saben?" Lyra's mother turned to her daughter with a look of concern.

"No, mamà. Ki no estaba lista."

"Ahhhh. I see. My apologies."

"I'm in Spanish three, and I don't know what she said." Hana leaned over to whispered to Kat.

"Me neither." The redhead replied.

"She said 'tell your friends they're annoying'" Lyra rolled her eyes.

"Lyra!" Her mother whacked her on the shoulder.

"You know we still have to talk about this, right?" Acacia brought the conversation back.

"Yeah, what are you guys talking about?" Hana backed her up.

"I sense there's something we don't know." Kat crossed her arms over her chest.

"Yeah, no shit Kat." Acacia rolled her eyes over to their smaller friend.

"Acacia, language!" Kat hit her back on the shoulder. "That's Lyra's mom."

"Relax chicas, I've heard much worse. I'm a mother of five."

"Five?" Hana muttered just barely above a whisper.

Her comment got lost in the rest of the bickering, but for a minute Ki tensed up on Lyra's behalf. No one else knew about her brother, did her mother not know that she was trying not to tell everyone everything about her?

"Look, I've got to get back to the team. We can figure this out later." Lyra said, obviously frustrated as she looked over her shoulder at the field.

"But we are going to find out what happened right?" Kat asked as Lyra started untangling herself from the group.

"Maybe."

"Lyra!"

"I'll text you later. I gotta go." She waved them off bluntly as she began to turn away.

Ki watched her leave in silence, knowing the pressure Lyra was under. Ki cracks in a moment of heat, but Lyra didn't seem anxious at all, she seemed irritated and annoyed. She almost felt remorseful for Lyra and the brunt of the conversation that she had to handle head on. Ki should've shut it down for her, but instead Lyra was forced to be embarrassed and look like a bitch to everyone.

As Lyra was soon out of sight, lost in the crowd, Gabby and Mrs. Meclane said their farewells to the rest of the group.

"It was nice meeting all of you. I'm sure I'll see you again sometime." Lyra's mother smiled at the girls as Gabrielle began to pull her forwards.

"You too Mrs. Meclane." Hana responded for the rest of them.

"Have a good night!" Kat called awkwardly as the two started walking away.

"You too, girls."

Ki felt exhausted and emotionally drained from the nights events, even though she hadn't personally been out through anything at all.

Going from sheer happiness and extreme excitement to being shut down and unnecessarily anxious really took all of her energy.

"I'm going home." Ki mumbled quietly under her breath as she sorted her car keys out of her pocket.

"Can I ride with you?" Acacia buddied up next to her.

"Only if you don't talk about DC."

"Fine." She grumbled, tilting her head back towards the sky.

"Can you take me home too?" Kat jumped in.

"And me?" Hana peeked around the other two girls.

Ki took a deep breath, then sighed. She did drive them all here, she didn't know what else she would expect.

"Yeah."

"Awesome! Jam session 2.0!" Kat pumped her fist up in the air.

"God no, please don't." Ki groaned, starting the walk back to the car.

"Who is it this time Kat?" Acacia came up beside Kat.

"Are we feeling Fall Out Boy?"

"I'm going to launch myself out the window." The driver mumbled to herself.

"Hell yeah!" Her best friend shared a high five with Kat.

"Dear lord, give me the strength."


	39. Chapter 39

lyra 💫  
come to my house after school?

delivered:  
sure

read.

lyra 💫  
good... we need to sort this out

delivered:  
sort what out?

read.

lyra 💫  
we've dug ourselves a hole ki

delivered:  
oh...

delivered:  
yeah a little bit.

read.

————————

"This is a mess." Lyra flopped down into her fluffy white comforter.

Ki sat down on the fuzzy black rug on the floor and looked around Lyra's room observantly.

The first time she had come to her house, she hadn't been upstairs. Now she saw a room that was uniquely filled with all of Lyra's things.

She had an antique white desk with organized groups of makeup. There was a cubicle with a variety of trophies, books and old binders. Across the room, next to her bed on a white nightstand was a blue bath and body works candle, small succulent, and a framed picture of what she assumed to be Lyra, Cassie and Cygnus eating ice cream cones on a park bench in what Ki could only guess as Florida.

Her bed itself looked quite small with the abundance of blankets and decorative pillows skewed about behind Lyra. She was flopped into them like a distraught teenage girl... which, given the circumstances, she was.

Ki placed her hand down on the rug and rubbed her fingers over the soft material, the texture mimicking the old golden retriever her dad used to have.

"I know you were all for not telling them Ki, but we should really figure it out."

"Yeah... you're right." Ki sighed, knowing her and Lyra wouldn't be able to just go about this in quiet anymore.

"But first..." Lyra sat up on her bed. "Get off the floor." She chuckled.

"What?" Ki looked up at her a little confused.

"You don't have sit on the floor." Lyra laughed.

She patted the spot on the bed next to her, and moved her back to lean against the back of the wall to make space for her girlfriend to sit.

"Come sit with me."

Ki took the offer with a blushing smile as she pushed herself off the carpet and stumbled the short distance over to Lyra's bed.

When she put her knee down to climb over next to Lyra, the bed gave way underneath her. It almost created a crater where the weight was, and if Ki was honest, it felt like she was being swallowed whole.

_Must be memory foam._

She scooted herself in close to Lyra and leaned her back up against the wall, the pillows creating a buffer between her lower back and the hard surface behind her.

Lyra leaned forward off the wall and took the hair that was gathered on top of her head out of its loose ponytail. The brown waves flowed down around the base of her neck and flooded over her shoulders until it reached her stomach as she slipped the brown elastic over her wrist.

During school, Lyra usually wore her hair up unless she had something special that day. It was probably functional and comfortable for her given how much of it she had. But lying here with Ki, it's almost as if she didn't care anymore. She didn't care how tangled up it could get, or how much of it would fall into her face. Ki never saw her much with her hair down, but it didn't really make a difference to her. She looked just as beautiful either way.

Lyra sighed and leaned over towards Ki, curling up into a ball at the same time. She placed her head in Ki's lap, her hair falling down over her legs in multiple different directions. Ki put her hand down onto Lyra's forehead, pushing what was left of her hair mess behind her ear and out of her face.

"What if we just threw a coming out party?" Lyra mumbled into Ki's black jeans.

"No." Ki laughed. "You're joking right? Oh my god..."

"Okay, so maybe that's a little dramatic."

Ki took a strand of Lyra's hair up in her fingers and started dividing it up in her hand. She made three separate strands and loosely starting weaving them together the way Shori's mother taught her to when she was little.

"But doing like a get together and then like causally throwing it in there would work, right?" Lyra brought her hand up to Ki's leg, starting to calm her nerves by tracing alongside the hem of her pants.

"Um, yeah." Ki stopped her braid to think for a minute. "That could work. We could have a sleepover tomorrow at my place, Shori won't care, he and Andi have been busy getting some things done for the wedding."

"Right! There we go, we're getting somewhere."

Ki could feel Lyra's fingers brushing along her leg and it gave her a small twitch of butterflies in her stomach. She never thought she would fully get used to Lyra actually being comfortable around her, to touch her, to kiss her, to love her in all the ways that Ki dreamt she would. Even when they were just sitting, discussing a master plan that was honestly giving Ki anxiety, she still could only focus on the feeling of Lyra's touch. It was calming and confusing all at the same time. Ki loved it.

"Here I've got my phone on me, do you want me to text them?" She mumbled, staring at an uneven strand in the braid she was halfway through making in Lyra's hair.

"Yeah." Lyra sighed, relaxing into Ki's lap.

delivered:  
hey you guys doing anything saturday

The responds came in a matter of minutes. It's as if they were all sitting on their phones waiting for a distraction from the inevitable piles of weekend homework.

bitch #1 👿  
I had plans but please give me something better to do I really don't want to go see a movie with jack

hana garrett  
I've got a cooking class in the morning *cough cough lyra no skipping* but other than that nothing else

kat ganderway  
ooh what are we doing?

delivered:  
I'm gonna be bored tomorrow night shori and andi are going cake shopping or whatever... so sleepover?

kat ganderway  
yehes

hana garrett  
sure why not

bitch #1 👿  
what time?

delivered:  
make it 8

bitch #1 👿  
k

kat ganderway  
lyra come pick me up?

bitch #1 👿  
ooh me too plz

"Kat and Acacia want a ride." Ki smiled as she looked down at Lyra, still lying contently in her lap.

"Um... I don't think I'll have the car. Pretty sure my mom is working night shift again." Lyra sighed.

"I guess I'm on chauffeur duty again."

delivered:  
she can't but I guess I'll come get you hoes

kat ganderway  
why are you making decisions for her?

bitch #1 👿  
okurrrr

delivered:  
bc she doesn't have her phone rn

kat ganderway  
...are y'all hanging out or something?

delivered:  
yeah why?

kat ganderway  
nothing.

hana garrett  
can someone bring liquor it's been a long week

bitch #1 👿  
you fucking right

bitch #1 👿  
I gotchu I'll have adrian go get something

delivered:  
just don't let shori see it or he'll kick our asses

bitch #1 👿  
relax I'll put it in water bottles duh

kat ganderway  
yeah duh ki

delivered:  
oh fuck all of you I just don't want to get caught

bitch #1 👿  
ive been sneaking vodka into that house for a long time trust me ive got it down to an art by now

"Sounds like we're having a party." Ki cleared her throat.

"Ooh... what kind of party?" Lyra yawned.

"Acacia's bringing vodka."

"Oh that kind of party." Lyra affirmed. "Just as long as I'm sober when I get home, I don't care what the hell we do."

Ki turned her phone off and threw it down into the blanket next to her. She took a deep breath and picked up the unfinished braid that still remained partially in tact in Lyra's hair.

"Can I be honest?" Ki sighed.

"Sure."

"I've never been drunk before."

"Well you don't have to drink if it makes you uncomfortable." Lyra immediately responded. It's like she always knew what to say to make Ki feel better about herself.

"I just don't want to be the odd one out. I'm always the weird one." Ki let out a little darker than she would've liked.

"Hey..." Lyra sat up quickly, turning her face to see Ki. "That's not true. You are not weird."

She placed her hand underneath Ki's cheek and cupped her jaw with her soft touch. She shifted herself into a more comfortable sitting position where she was sitting on top of her legs, with her knees bent towards Ki, angling herself as close to her as possible.

"What if they think _this_ is weird?" Ki whispered letting her fear get the best of her.

Lyra swallowed thickly, looking away from Ki for a moment before returning her eyes back to her gaze.

"I don't know..." Lyra mumbled weakly, her voice alone mimicking Ki's own thoughts. "I really don't know. It shouldn't change anything, but if it does... we'll figure it out."

"What if it makes things awkward? What if _I_ make things awkward?"

"Hey... it's not all on you. If something happens we'll deal with it." Lyra smoothed her thumb over Ki's cheekbone.

"Are you sure?" Ki searched Lyra for a sense of security. She could usually find it there when she needed it the most.

"Positive." Lyra whispered so faint, in a manner it was seductive.

Ki looked down at the white comforter beneath her, shying away from Lyra's loving gaze on her. She faintly smiled as she felt her getting closer, a blush heating quickly on her cheeks as she could feel Lyra's breath on her face.

Lyra moved her leg over top of Ki's lap so now instead of sitting beside her, she was straddling the smaller girl between her.

Ki allowed herself to look back at Lyra as she felt her heart racing in her chest. Her head felt light as she took a small breath in through her parted lips that were calling for Lyra's attention, so desperately pleading for just one kiss... or maybe two.

Lyra traced down the side of her jaw slowly and smoothly, as if studying a careful balance between her touch and the feeling it left behind.

As she leaned in, their noses touched, brushing to the side as their lips fit together like puzzle pieces in the space left behind. The warm sensation of Lyra's mouth on hers made her yearn for more, as a delicate moment soon turned into a hungry desperation. Lyra really knew how to do that to her... to make her want more than she could reasonably have.

Ki started tracing her hand along the back of Lyra's neck, slowly but with such a light touch, the girl visibly was on a high as her kiss deepened, mimicking the desperation Ki felt so strongly only moments before.

It was such a strong feeling. A strong, unparalleled feeling to be so deeply fallen for someone that the little things they do take your breath away.

The way Lyra was tracing her finger down her arm on the bare skin that taking off her leather jacket had left behind, was giving her that feeling.

That feeling immediately turned to extreme fear as the bedroom door quickly opened, Gabrielle's voice calling from behind it.

"Lyra I need your laptop."

Lyra jumped back from Ki as if she had seen a ghost. She grabbed her face in her hands, trying to use her fingers to cover up the dark red shade forming underneath them.

"Jesus, _fuck,_ Gabby!" She yelled.

Ki curled up her knees close to her chest to avoid looking awkward per usual. She couldn't hide the obvious embarrassment on her own face either with Lyra's spontaneous reaction.

"What?" Her sister looked at her as if she hadn't witnessed anything.

"You're supposed to knock when the door is closed!" Lyra pulled her hands away from her face, using them instead to motion at her sister.

"You know you aren't supposed to have the door closed when your special guests are over anyways."

"What am I going to do, get fucking pregnant?!"

"I don't know how that shit works." Gabrielle motioned between Ki and Lyra.

"Oh my god." Lyra groaned as she picked up a pillow and stuffed it in her face. "Leave me alone."

"Mom said I could use your laptop." Gabby repeated her initial prompt, throwing in the parental permission to make a statement.

"Why can't you use your own?" Lyra dropped the pillow into her lap.

"I left it at school."

"Well that's your fault." Lyra grumbled getting up off the bed with a disgruntled sigh.

"I'm serious! I have an essay due first period."

"It's in my backpack downstairs. Maybe you should've checked there first." Lyra rolled her eyes walking across her small bedroom.

"K bye." Gabby waved as she turned around on her heels, clearly getting the hell out of dodge before her sister came chasing after her.

Lyra closed the door as her sister walked away, banging her head against the doorframe as it clicked into place.

Ki couldn't help but laugh as she watched Lyra exit internal panic mode. She uncurled herself from the ball she was sitting in and crossed her legs out in front of her, plopping herself back into place on Lyra's bed.

"I am... so sorry." Lyra sighed turning back around to face Ki.

"No worries." Ki smiled. "I live with two of them, remember."

Lyra gave a small stifled laugh.

"Right."


	40. Chapter 40

Saturday's never held excitement for Ki until she met Lyra.

A normal Saturday would've been watching Netflix all day, or reading in the library with Acacia, or even some days just staring at the ceiling and contemplating life.

On an especially awful Saturday, she would spend the day crying and curled up into her pillow as Shori tried desperately to get her out of bed by using a promise to go get food.

But now she looks forwards to Saturdays.

This current Saturday is no exception.

Today she looks forwards to the sleepover with the four girls she's grown to call her friends this year. Even if she knows by the end they have to tell them everything, it's still nice to have people to hang out with. People who don't judge you for the stupid shit you do or say, because they do and say it too.

Ki never really credited herself with having too many friends as a kid. There was one through elementary school that she used to love hanging out with at figure skating. Her name was Abi, she was almost exactly one year older than her. They used to race each other around the rink drinking apple juice and throwing goldfish at each other, and when Ki moved, they never spoke again. When Ki started karate, she loved sparring with this one boy named Oliver who always used to brag about the fact that he was a whole four inches taller than she was. She always kicked his ass and it made Shori laugh when he would use the 'I was taking it easy on you' excuse. Thinking back on it now, Oliver may have been crushing on her throughout middle school, but Ki just missed all the signs.

Coming to Kennedy wasn't different from what she was used to. Other than Shori, there was no one she really deeply trusted or held a strong relationship with. She had no real 'best friends' in Texas.

However slight, things were different now.

Maybe she was opening up. Maybe she was letting more people in. Maybe she was getting better.

It scared her sometimes. What if everything was fake and everyone would turn around and leave her? What if she got too close only to be pushed away? What if no one actually liked her but they just befriended her out of pitty? Is that what Acacia did?

Ki liked to think it wasn't. She liked to think that maybe she was just becoming someone that was acceptable to be around people now. Maybe she was worthy of friends... of people that cared.

But what if she lost them all in the blink of an eye?

That seemed to have been the case of how quickly they came into her life. One day it was just her and Acacia, and the next she was hanging out with girls she hadn't really ever been close with. Lyra brought them into her life just as quickly as _she_ showed up in her life.

But what if she lost them all because of Lyra?

It was a price Ki didn't want to pay.

————————

Halfway through the night, and half a bottle in, Acacia was a giggling drunk on the floor. It didn't take her very long to start drinking, and once she did, she had no intentions of stopping.

She was sprawled out Ki's bedroom floor, staring at the ceiling and laughing as Kat was telling a story about her brother. Hana wasn't drunk, but she was definitely buzzed due to the tired smirk she held on her face as she sat leaned up against the wall, completely exhausted. Next to her, Kat took a swig out of the bottle as she continued to make fun of whatever her brother did at work today.

"He's definitely bored out of his mind without Shori there anymore." She sighed, leaning her head back against the dresser. "I mean, he's pretty much begging to be fired."

"He's going to be soon enough." Hana grumbled taking back the bottle from Kat.

"Doesn't he go to school around here too?" Lyra piped in, bringing Ki's attention to the girl across from her, laying on the floor in a half asleep tipsy mess with a fuzzy blanket wrapped around her shoulders.

"Yeah, he actually goes to that university that Andi teaches at." Kat lifted her head up.

"Okay, no offense but how the hell is Andi a professor? He looks barely old enough to be _in_ college, let alone teach it." Hana mumbled looking over to Ki for an explanation.

She cleared her throat and sat up from the desk she was leaning on. It was clear that she wasn't anticipating to be spoken to as she fumbled for a response.

"It's his first year actually, so he's the lowest level professor there. He just sorta worked his way in because he graduated from there, so I don't know, I guess he got offered a spot or something..."

"What does he teach?" Lyra yawned.

Ki turned her attention from Hana to Lyra briefly, and then back to the floor. She knew if she locked eyes with Lyra for just a second too long it would throw her into a blushing frenzy.

"He uh... he does like old English and History I think. He has one class about like romanticism or something and like one over American time periods and some other one I can't remember..."

"Do you think he would write that Shakespeare paper for me?" Acacia sighed.

"I think if you asked he would sit down and lecture you on how _amazing_ Shakespeare was, and then you'd still be writing it on your own, just now with less time." Ki smirked as her best friend leaned back against her closet door exhaustedly.

"He's such a bitch."

"Heeeey, I love Andi! He's so nice." Lyra sat up, frowning as she scrunched up her nose from sitting up too fast.

"It's okay Lyra." Acacia laughed. "In this house, bitch is a term of endearment."

"Pretty much." Ki nodded.

"For example if I say to Ki, 'I love you, biiiitch...'" Acacia started quoting her and Ki's favorite vine. "Then she joins in...

"I ain't ever gon stop loving you, biiiiitch." They both said at the same time, laughing as they finished their example.

"God I hate you both." Hana rolled her eyes.

Ki noticed she was exceptionally done with everyone's shit tonight. She was definitely in a dull state; whether it be from a bad day, being tired, or the amount of alcohol she had consumed. Hana didn't seem like the type to be an angry drunk, she was so positively cuddly all the time Ki had known her, but maybe she had just had enough today. Or maybe she just needed sleep. Ki got the same way on occasion. This was probably rare; Ki shoved it aside.

"We should do something more exciting before I fall asleep." Lyra smiled weakly as she tipped her head back against the bedrail. "No offense, Andi."

"He isn't even here Lyra." Acacia scoffed, rolling her eyes.

"Well there might be a ghost that could tell him we were shit talking him, and I don't want to run that risk."

"What the actual fuck?" Kat whispered.

"Lyra you straight, girl? I think you might be leaning on the drunk side..." Hana laughed as she glanced over to her friend.

"What?" Lyra shook her head a little, confused. "No... I'm bi. What does that have to do with being drunk?"

There was a shared silence across the room, as everyone but Lyra exchanged glances with each other in surprise. Ki felt her heart speed up a little knowing one thing was out there on the table. Seeing how the others would react would be like testing the waters. Hana started breaking out in a wide eyed unbelieving smile.

"Lyra, you dumb shit." Kat broke out in laughter. "Oh my god... that's iconic!"

"What?" Lyra looked extremely confused now.

"Okay... so I guess this isn't probably said a lot from where you're from..." Hana shook her head smiling. "But usually when someone asks you if you're straight in that context, it means are you good? Like are you sober enough? You get it?"

"Oh." Lyra looked down at the carpet. "So you didn't mean like..."

"No, Lyra!" Kat giggled, throwing her hands forward in exaggeration.

"Oh... oops." Lyra smiled, starting to understand her confusion as she blushed in embarrassment.

"Can I say I honestly didn't expect that though?" Acacia leaned into the circle to join the conversation.

"What?" Lyra glanced over to her.

"You're bi?"

"Oh..." Lyra looked up to Ki for a moment, as if asking permission to speak. There was a small conversation held between their eyes in a matter of seconds that gave Lyra all the answers she needed. "Yeah... I am. Sorry, I thought you guys would have just figured that out at some point. I guess it's probably not that obvious though."

This was Ki's chance to join in. Just get everything off her chest early on.

_Oh yeah, while we're at it... I like girls too!_

Ki didn't have the courage enough to say it. Maybe that vodka was looking like a good choice now.

"It's cool." Hana shrugged.

"Have you ever had a girlfriend?" Kat chimed in, being her usual nosy self.

"Um, yes." Lyra answered, curling her legs up to make it more comfortable to sit up.

"So is it like 50/50?"

"Um, not necessarily. I don't know, it's different for everyone... I'd say I'm like 70/30. Some people can't really like scale it though, you know?"

"70 guys, or girls?" Acacia pondered.

"Guys, I'm usually into guys... there are certain unique girls that catch my attention though."

_Unique._ Ki didn't really picture herself as unique. There wasn't really anything special about her. She was an orphaned teen with a undiagnosed panic disorder and an interest in floating off into the stars and never coming back. Lyra actually saw something in her?

It made her face heat up. She kept staring at the floor to avoid looking up, knowing Lyra was flirting with her even though none of the others caught on.

"Have you seen any _unique_ ones here yet?" Hana raised her eyebrows in question.

"Yeah..."

"And?" Kat scrounged for the details.

"Don't you guys think that's enough? It's Lyra's personal life, let her be." Ki mumbled.

"We're a squad Ki. It's our duty to gossip and talk about hot _people_." Kat retorted, placing an emphasis on the gender neutral descriptor.

"Yeah, Ki. We haven't heard much about your personal life either, so just be glad we haven't started picking on you yet." Hana smiled slyly, sharing a glance between her and Kat.

Hana was starting to act more and more like Acacia as the night rolled on. She didn't need two of those assholes in her life.

Asshole in an endearing way, of course.

"Guess it's time you hand me the bottle then. It's gonna be a long night with you bitches." Ki sighed, reaching out towards Kat.

"You sure?" Lyra looked up at her, a little endearingly, almost as if waiting to step in to protect her from peer pressure.

Except it wasn't peer pressure. It was Ki making a decision for the sake of her not sitting there awkwardly with a stick up her ass as the rest of them laughed at random shit and rolled around on the floor intoxicated.

"Yeah, I'm not any fun sober."

"That's not trueeeee." Acacia slumped her arm over Ki's shoulder and pulled her in with a smile.

"Acacia, you know it is." Ki swiped her arm away, sitting back up and reaching her hand back out to Kat. "You want some dirt or not?"

Kat smirked.

"You know I do." She put the cap on the bottle and its contents swished from side to side as she twisted it in her hand.

"You start talking about other life forms, I'm taking it back." Kat placed the bottle in Ki's hand with a grin.

"Deal."

"Fuck yeah."

—————————

"Truth or dare Acacia?" Kat yelled from inside Ki's closed closet, a result of her dare from last round.

"Dare!" Acacia thew her arms up in the air, almost lazily knocking herself over at the same time.

"Come join me, it's dark as fuck."

"Aw, are you _scared_?" Acacia mocked her in a voice as if talking to a baby.

"No, but I'm lonely... and thirsty, bring the alcohol."

"Kay, kay."

Acacia picked up the bottle from where it was sitting out in front of Lyra and stumbled the few feet to the closet door.

"Ah, let there be light." Kat welcomed the brightness in as Acacia slid down into a pile of laundry that probably wasn't dirty, but Ki had instinctually thrown down there anyways because she had no motivation to hang it back up.

"You still have to keep the door closed." Hana called out to her.

"Ugh, fine." Kat slammed the door closed as Acacia got settled.

"Ki, why you got so many pairs of black jeans man? That's unhealthy."

"No it's not, they go with everything." Ki pouted, rolling her eyes towards two girls that couldn't even see her.

"Only if you're an early 2000's emo kid." Kat mumbled shuffling around in the shoes.

"Stop making emo jokes, I feel personally attacked." Acacia gasped.

"Whatever, it's your turn princess."

"Ki, truth or dare?" Acacia mumbled.

"You're so predictable." Kat whispered.

"Fuck off, kitten."

"Dare." Ki laughed at Kat's new (no pun intended) pet name.

Ki could hear her shuffle around in the closet as she bumped her head against the door with an 'ow.'

"Uh... I dare you to tell us an embarrassing childhood story."

"Can't say I have too many of those." Ki smiled, rolling her head up towards the ceiling lazily.

"Yeah huh, tell the story about Shori and the scar." Acacia pouted from behind the door.

"God, I hate you for remembering that."

"Who has the scar, you or Shori?" Kat called from the closet.

"Unfortunately, me." Ki sighed, feeling the embarrassment flooding her face already.

"Well now you have to tell us." Hana smirked, folding her feet up into her lap.

"Yeah, I want to hear this one." Lyra mumbled, leaning her head over on to one shoulder as she smiled over at Ki.

"Fine, fine. But none of you bring it up to Shori, he still feels super guilty about it." Ki chuckled as she scratched the side of her face.

"So basically, when I was in karate as a kid, Shori would kind of like teach me stuff on the side, like outside of class... our parents didn't really care because it's not like we were going to like take our anger out on each other, or anything like that."

Something dropped from off the shelf inside the closet, making Kat start giggling hysterically as Acacia grumbled. Ki ignored them with a small laugh as she continued to talk to the audience that was paying attention.

"So anyways, the day before my match to show off my green belt skills, we were sparring out in the backyard when he threw a kick at me that I didn't see coming. I totally got sidetracked and his leg rammed right into my arm, so I stumbled back a little bit to regain my balance, but instead I fell over the fire pit and rolled into a piece of glass and I ended up getting it stuck in my face."

"Stuck in your face?!" Hana sat up, a little more excited.

"Well okay, maybe not my face. It was more like my jaw." Ki tilted her head up and over and traced over the spot with her index finger. "See? Right here underneath my cheek."

"Damn, that's actually a pretty big cut. Can't believe I didn't even notice that before." Hana inspected it from the side.

"Yeah, it really freaked Shori out. There was like half an old coke bottle stuck in my skin. He like carried me inside and everything, and his mom got really mad and then she started panicking, but my dad being the voice of reason just like drove me to the hospital to get stitches, and that was that."

"That is iconic." Kat laughed.

"Yeah, well welcome to the Katashi-Tashigane household. Shit like that's become pretty normal by now."

"I guess." Lyra shook her head, holding back concerned laughter.

"Just as long as that doesn't happen tonight we're fine." Ki pointed her finger around the circle, lingering an extra few seconds on the two in the closet.

"I can feel you staring at me through the door." Acacia mumbled.

"Good. So Kat, truth or dare?"

"Does this mean we get out of solitary confinement?" She mumbled through the door crack.

"Sure." Hana sighed from across the room.

"Great." Kat threw the door open, making them all tense up a little as she stumbled out in front of them. "I'll take a dare. Give me a good one."

"Uh... I mean I don't play this very often so I don't know what a good dare is, but... I dare you to mock one person in the group and we have to guess who it is."

"Ohohoh that's easy." Kat sat down less than elegantly in front of Hana.

"I'm so done with everyone's shit." Her voice was a lot slower than her natural pace. She sat with her arms crossed and an unamused smirk. "Why can't I just skip this stupid hangout and go make cookies? Food wouldn't treat me like this. I'm only here because Lyra said she wouldn't come to class with me next week if I didn't..."

"Fuck off." Hana giggled as she slammed the pillow from beside her into Kat's face. "Why did you pick me?!"

"Because you're easy Han." Kat smirked, sending a devious smile over to her taller friend.

"Whatever."

"So Ki, truth or dare?"

"But...! I just went!" Ki threw her hands up as she looked over to Acacia sitting in front of the closet.

"I don't make the rules." Her best friend shrugged, looking almost as mischievous as Kat.

"What's it gonna be?" Kat raised an eyebrow awaiting a response.

"Dare." She sighed in surrender.

"Acacia, help a girl out?" Kat whispered across the room, making it obvious as all the other girls could hear her as well.

"You want _me_ to give her one?" Acacia leaned back against the doorframe.

"Yeah, I want some tea. I don't know anything about her, but you do. So... let's have some fun." Kat smirked, making Ki feel extremely unlucky as she shriveled away in fear.

"Fuck." She hung her head down.

"Let's see... what's tea worthy...?" Acacia tapped on the side of her chin. "Oh! How about that one L named kid you totally 'don't' have a crush on? I want you to call him, and put it on speaker."

Ki immediately felt her heart stop. The panic set in as she quickly glanced to Lyra. Lyra, being Lyra just shrugged it off and gave Ki a reassuring smile as if saying 'this is it, this is your chance.'

"You have a crush?! Why didn't you say something?!" Hana sat up, excited for another gossip session.

"I... I uh... no... let's not do that. Let's ignore this." Ki fumbled her words.

"Oh look at you getting all worked up. That's so cute. You're _totally_ doing it now." Kat maniacally chuckled from her little spot in the corner.

"Yep. Can't go back on a dare Katashi. Rules of the game." Acacia clicked her tongue as she smiled, a wide sinister grin.

"Thought you didn't make the rules." Ki taunted Acacia.

"I do, starting now."

"Fuck all of you." Ki reached up above her head and pulled her phone down off of the charger. "Seriously, guys. It's like 11:30, most people are asleep right now."

"That is so not true. Are you even familiar with high school culture?" Hana rolled her eyes.

"Apparently not." Ki whispered, hesitantly unlocking her phone, hiding her screen from the rest of them as she pulled up her call log.

"Remember, it goes on speaker." Acacia smirked, obviously excited to figure out the mysterious identity.

"Yes I remember, shit head." Ki grumbled, her finger hovering over Lyra's name.

There was no way she could let them see her screen. The contact name would be highly suspicious if any of them leaned over and caught a glimpse. Not that she was actually going to call Lyra anyways... was she?

Ki paused to think. Maybe Lyra's phone was downstairs on vibrate and it would just ring and go to her voicemail that wasn't even set up yet. If that happened no one would even blink an eye, they'd just think that 'he' didn't answer. That's all Ki was banking on right now. She didn't have much else to save her at this point.

But what was she putting this off for? The whole point of the sleepover was to tell them the truth. This was her chance to come clean, but she still was trying to finding every possible way to prolong the inevitable.

Hesitantly, she lifted her finger off the screen and watched as the dial screen came up with Lyra's name. She pressed on the speaker button and listened as the dull ringing began.

"Oooooh! It's starting!" Acacia was practically jumping up and down in her spot.

Ki rolled her eyes, trying to assert a little bit of sarcasm into the situation to cover up the fact that she was actually about to shit her pants. Out of all the nerve wracking things she had done in her life, she was putting this one on top of her 'gives me anxiety, don't recommend!' list.

The second set of ringing began as she was starting to believe that maybe she was right about Lyra's phone being downstairs.

_Thank you._

Then, the stereotypical iPhone ringtone went off from somewhere across the room.

Panic set in as Ki immediately bolted her attention up towards Lyra, whose lips curled in in contemplation. Ki's face was undoubtedly red at this point as Lyra moved her leg so she could grab her phone out from within her back pocket.

"Dude, that's so ironic." Hana mumbled as Lyra held her phone her hands quietly. "Out of all the times for someone to call you."

Lyra let the phone ring as she held it in her hands, the ringtone from her phone negating the ringing on Ki's phone.

Ki looked to Lyra's phone nervously, watching to see if she was going to pick it up or send it to voicemail. Ki prayed that she was going to decline it. That would make for a fairly uneventful call, leaving the girls off of her back, and back to their game.

Lyra looked up to Ki with a neutral face, neither panicked nor excited... just passively waiting for what was next to come. Ki couldn't bring herself eye to eye with her, she just stared at the phone with an anxious glare.

The circle of girls just sat in silence as the two phones rang against each other. Either all of them were sill clueless, or all of them had figured it out.

Ki took a deep breath as the fourth ring came through her speaker, usually a tell tale sign that whoever was being called, wasn't going to pick up.

"Asleep... like I said."

Lyra brought her phone closer to her face and pressed a button on the screen. Ki watched her closely as she moved, hoping that whatever option she pressed, it would be the right one. She brought the phone up to her face as she was eye to eye with Ki for the first time that night.

"Hey." She mumbled shyly into her phone, only to hear her voice reciprocated back out of Ki's phone speaker seconds later.

"Dude... you can't just call Lyra, that's not fair." Acacia sighed, thumping her head back against the wall.

Hana and Kat, however, were silently staring at Lyra with the same curious look on their faces. Ki looked around at everyone, not saying a word to defend herself, only taking in the glances everyone was giving her. Her face was burning as she clutched her phone in her hand and quickly hung up.

"Oh..." Kat said intriguingly, as if putting together pieces to a much larger puzzle. "Ohhhhh..."

"Acacia... I think she did that on purpose." Hana whispered, never removing her glare from Lyra.

"What?" Acacia suddenly sat up from the wall.

"Well shit... can't believe I didn't see that one coming." Kat sighed, looking a little defeated as she sank back in her spot.

"Woah woah woah, wait what?!" Acacia practically yelled in shock. "You're kidding right? Oh my god, Lyra... is that... are you okay with that? Ki, you have a crush on _her_?!"

Ki looked down at her phone anxiously, feeling the overwhelming weight on her shoulders crashing down into her soul. Lyra came out like an hour ago and everything was fine. They asked questions and kept it light and funny, but now Ki felt as if she was being attacked. As if one could like girls, but not the other. Especially not when it was each other.

"Um yeah, I'm totally fine with it...." Lyra sighed, almost as if feeling just as exhausted as Ki. "We're kind of already dating." She whispered.

Ki was clutching on to her phone nervously in her hands, picking at the edges of the phone case with what was left of her bitten off fingernails. Everything felt so stifling... like all the air she could breathe was being taken by the rest of the group and they held on to it as she suffocated in silence. It felt like the last few seconds of peace before her mind broke into a panic attack. _Is this what normal anxiety feels like?_

"Holy fuck... okay then." Kat leaned forward, obvious surprise wearing in her peaked expression.

"It's seriously not a joke?" Acacia whispered apprehensively.

_What the hell Acacia?!_ Ki wanted to scream. She was so deeply frustrated in how it was all going down. It wasn't supposed to be this awkward shameful mess, it was supposed to be a great celebration with a 'oh cool! I'm happy for you guys!' and maybe even a fucking rainbow cake. Ki didn't even care... it just... wasn't supposed to go like this. This was her coming out, too. Maybe she wasn't ready for the backlash that entailed sometimes.

"It's... not a joke." Lyra mumbled seriously, her tone gentle and cautious as she tried to fill in for her girlfriend.

"So the L was for Lyra, huh?" Acacia pointedly was asking Ki, but Ki couldn't bring herself to look up at her. At any of them.

"Yeah." Her voice broke.

She was going to cry. _Stop it! Not in front of everybody._ She was trying so hard to calm herself down, but she was on the verge of a collapse. _Why can't you handle confrontation like a normal person?_ She closed her eyes to stop the tears from welling up, but it was too late to go back.

"Shit." She whispered, sniffling as she rubbed her finger across her eyelid. "Fuck."

"You okay, Ki?" Lyra's soft voice whispered out in front of her, the sense of concern laced in her words.

"I'm sorry."

At this point she was actually crying out of sheer panic. She couldn't stop it, so she just tried to cover it up as best she could by wiping them away as soon as they reached her cheek.

"Hey... Ki, dude, don't apologize... what Acacia is trying to say was, we're glad you guys are happy." Hana sounded genuinely caring as she tried to revert the conversation back to a stable state.

"Yeah, it's totally cool... except now we're all a collective third wheel." Kat laughed weakly.

"Kat... no." Hana hissed.

"It's fine, I get it. I just made you all super uncomfortable." Ki mumbled with her hoarse voice making her sound even more unstable than she already was.

"That's so not true. Seriously, Ki. We're all fine. For real."

"Yeah and if you're gonna blame someone, blame me." Lyra chuckled. "I practically wooed you over."

Ki broke her frown for a minute to give a short, weak laugh that made her chest hurt. She sniffled as her lips curled up in an awkward grin.

"Shut up." Ki mumbled, smiling as she wiped more tears off her face. "You know you couldn't resist my half assed personality and terrible flirting."

"Okay, I just have like one question though..." Acacia interrupted with a serious tone.

Ki glanced over at her best friend for a second to read her face and then back to staring at the floor.

"Yeah?"

"Does this have anything to do with what happened in D.C.?"

"Oh my gooooood! Acacia, yes! That's it." Kat practically screamed as all the gears clicked into place. "That's what I was missing, that's why I couldn't figure it out... we never knew what happened! I bet there was some Nicholas Sparks shit going down!"

"Or maybe fifty shades of grey..." Acacia added in with an eyebrow raise.

"No! No, Acacia. Fuck, um... no. That... I... I don't even know..." Lyra fumbled as Ki briefly watched her struggle through the shades of red her face was becoming. "None of _that_ happened in D.C."

"I'm not convinced." Acacia shrugged her shoulders.

"Acacia!" Ki snapped her head up, laughing.

For a moment, she forgot just seconds ago she was in the midst of what was likely to become an anxiety attack. Now it was as if things had returned to a spread of normal-ness. Everyone was back to cracking jokes and calling each other out. Good, this is how it should be.

"None of us can ever confirm whether that did or didn't happen, so..." Acacia smiled as she leaned her weight over on to her hand.

"Okay, well I'm confirming right now, it didn't... Jesus, you guys need Jesus." Lyra mumbled as she pulled her blanket up around her neck.

"So are you going to explain now? Or what?" Kat waved her hands about in an unorganized fashion to draw attention.

"I mean... do you want to?" Lyra looked across to Ki.

"I guess we probably should." Ki slipped her hair up behind her ear before she faced the rest of the crowd.

"Wait? Are we finally going to hear the story?!" Hana sat up quickly and placed her hands out in front of her.

"If you want..."

"Yes, hell yes we do." Kat was eagerly nodding as she scooted forward into the circle.

"Alright... well, I'm gonna kind of simplify it for you, because there's just some details you don't need."

"Bullshit! We're a squad, we need every detail." Acacia practically screamed into Ki's ear.

"Yeah, no... sorry. I'm with Ki." Lyra sighed as she leaned into the circle as well.

"Alright. Great, I'll start then." Ki wrung her hands together in her lap. She had no idea why she had volunteered to tell them what was going on, that wasn't something she thought through.

"Leading up to DC, Lyra and I were just friends, and everything that you saw in our interactions was everything that it was supposed to be... we were just friends."

Ki took a deep breath as she collected her storyline to see where she wanted to take this. What did she want to leave out? What did she want to include? Did she need to include every story, every feeling, every encounter? No.

"Um... I guess DC was where our friendship took an interesting turn. About half way through the trip we had a pretty 'this isn't platonic' moment, and it really messed with me, and I think her too."

"What kind of non-platonic moment?" Kat chimed in.

"Yeah, come on Ki, details." Acacia sighed. "You can't be vague when you're spilling tea."

"I can be as vague as I want to be." Ki rolled her eyes over at Acacia. "But um... we kissed."

"Okay duh, but how?" Kat nearly laughed.

"We we're having a pillow fight." Lyra responded, blushing and smiling from embarrassment.

"Oooooooh, is that what we call it these days?" Hana raised an eyebrow playfully.

"No, she's being serious." Ki laughed a little looking up at her girlfriend's red face smiling back at her. "It was a fight-to-the-death pillow fight. And I was totally winning..."

"You were not..." Lyra rolled her eyes as she grinned at Ki.

"Okay _whatever_ , I totally was... but then we were just kind of laying on the bed, recovering after we got knocked down... and... she kissed me." Ki smiled fondly remembering the exact moment her heart started racing.

"Oh my god Ki, your smile is so cute right now." Acacia shoved into her shoulder, practically squealing. "Dude you look so in love, it's so fucking cute."

"Shut up." Ki blushed angrily. "I'm not cute."

"Yes you are." Lyra poked Ki's knee with her foot.

Ki looked down at her blue adidas socks as she mumbled a smiling "stop it."

"This is borderline PDA, get back to the story." Kat flailed herself down on to the carpet.

"Okay, first of all, that wasn't even close to PDA. Second, this is my house Kat, I'll flirt with my girlfriend if I want."

"Mmmmm, Ki's gonna kick your ass." Hana chuckled as she leaned down on Kat.

"Whatever." Kat kicked her feet up towards the ceiling.

"Anyways, I'll get back to it, I guess." Ki sighed, bringing the circle's attention back to her. "So yeah, there was an awkward period where I kinda didn't say anything about the kiss, so we were stuck in limbo and kinda went back to being friends because it was all complicated... and then the night of my party I ended up telling her how I felt and here we are."

"Huh, okay then." Hana said slowly trying to grasp everything.

"Does Shori know?" Acacia asked with an actual contemplative tone for once.

"Yeah, he does. He um, helped me out with a lot. I wouldn't have told Lyra if it wasn't for Shori."

"I guess I owe him a thank you then." Lyra smiled, her head tilted over towards Ki.

Ki let out a small laugh. "I guess so."

"So... what now?" Kat stared at the ceiling in contemplation.

"We all stay friends and act like this doesn't change anything?" Lyra suggested.

"Well obviously... I meant what are we doing next?"

"Twister round two?" Acacia piped in.

"That ought to be funny." Kat chortled. "We're all borderline drunk."

"I'm down." Hana yawned.

"Ah hell, me too." Lyra slid her blanket off her shoulders.

Ki looked around and smiled, before looking over to Lyra and laughing at her girlfriend's tired eyes and subtle intoxicated blush. If Lyra was going to challenge herself to a battle of 'who's breaking something first,' then so was Ki.

"Count me in."


	41. Chapter 41

In the aftermath of the sleepover, Ki laid quietly on her bedroom floor staring at the ceiling as the soft glow of her desk light illuminated the shadows of assorted items scattered on her table.

At the end of the day, Ki would say that overall the coming out plan was a success, but she still couldn't tell how everyone felt.

Kat obviously was fine and just being a sarcastic little shit like always.

Hana was trying to make them feel as welcomed as possible, providing them with support even though Ki sensed a bit of apprehension from her.

Acacia, however, was where Ki really didn't know how she felt.

Acacia had always been the easiest person in the world to read, she had never hidden anything from Ki, and Ki never anything from her. Perhaps that's why she appeared to take it harder than everyone else. Ki didn't tell her. She wasn't honest with her. She left her in the dark, and on something so important that it was no wonder why Acacia would be confused, or even mad.

Acacia tried so hard to backtrack on her comments once she realized it was all real, but Ki could tell... she was definitely conflicted. No amount of her usual sarcasm and playful comments could cover up the fact that there was something unsettling to Acacia.

Ki spread out her arms on the ground as she flailed herself over the carpet to cover as much floor as possible. She let it all go with a sigh.

_But, what if Acacia really was mad?_

It was a question she had never had to ask herself. Something she never even contemplated. The 'what if?' was perhaps the scariest part.

_What if she really pissed her off?_

_What if Acacia couldn't let it go?_

_What if I really fucked up by not telling her?_

_What if Acacia leaves?_

"What if Acacia leaves?!" Ki whispered out loud, frantically reaching for her phone in the pile of clothes beside her.

She brought the device up in front of her face and for once in her life, wasn't sure what to say to her friend. Her _best_ friend.

She couldn't just... not talk about it. There was something unspoken that Ki couldn't sleep if she didn't figure out. If Acacia was mad, so be it. It would be better than not knowing anything at all.

delivered:  
hey...

Ki anxiously awaited as she watched the label underneath her blue text box stay on delivered. Who was she to think Acacia would respond immediately anyways? She never does.

"Ughhhh..." She sighed, throwing her arms back down into the carpet.

From her spot on the floor she could hear Shori's horrible singing from his shower echoing down the hallway. That's one thing Ki didn't know how Andi dealt with. Just one of those quirky Shori things that Ki found normal, but also utterly annoying. Maybe he just did it to piss them all off... just because he could.

She turned her head away from the doorway and looked underneath her desk instead, spying a pen from the crack underneath the drawers.

_So, that's where that went._

She reached her fingers underneath the desk and pulled out the pen with her two fingers, only being able to reach it by sheer luck.

She gave it a few test clicks as she held it in her hand, the black encasing casting a shadow in her palm.

She lazily tossed it up towards the desk, resulting in it falling back down towards the floor again, this time landing on her phone.

As if summoned by the pen gods, her phone buzzed as the pen rolled off towards the side, bringing Ki her new message.

bitch #1 👿  
yah

delivered:  
what's up

read.

bitch #1 👿  
watching top chef

delivered:  
ah yes the cooking shows™️

read.

bitch #1 👿  
why tf did you just trademark a cooking show

delivered:  
...

delivered:  
because I can

read.

bitch #1 👿  
mmkay

delivered:  
can we talk?

read.

bitch #1 👿  
what do you think we're doing

bitch #1 👿  
but okay

delivered:  
are you mad?

read.

bitch #1 👿  
about lyra?

delivered:  
yeah

delivered:  
you just seemed a little... idk

bitch #1 👿  
I'm fine

delivered:  
okay... lies

read.

bitch #1 👿  
no I'm good. just idk...

delivered:  
wdym idk?

read.

bitch #1 👿  
maybe it's just weird to me

bitch #1 👿  
not like the dating part

bitch #1 👿  
just the fact that like... I never even knew. like you didn't tell me shit

delivered:  
yeah

read.

bitch #1 👿  
like there were so many times when you could've just filled me in and you didn't ??

delivered:  
idk why I did that. I honestly don't. I shouldn't have been scared to tell you but for some reason I still was

read.

bitch #1 👿  
dude do you fucking know me? why would you be scared? I would've helped you

delivered:  
gah I know

delivered:  
idk what I'm doing

delivered:  
I should've told you that's my bad

read.

bitch #1 👿  
I get the whole come out when you're ready thing but like...

bitch #1 👿  
you just did... to everyone

bitch #1 👿  
and you didn't trust me to know first?

delivered:  
acacia it's not that I didn't trust you it's just

delivered:  
you know I'm a mess

delivered:  
I didn't know how

read.

bitch #1 👿  
fine

bitch #1 👿  
I'm giving you a do over then

bitch #1 👿  
make it good

delivered:  
wdym where do I even start?

read.

bitch #1 👿  
you tell me

delivered:  
alright here goes nothing then

delivered:  
hey acacia

delivered:  
I'm hella gay™️

delivered:  
surprise

read.

bitch #1 👿  
see that's how that shit was supposed to go

bitch #1 👿  
and I love you you're redeemed

delivered:  
thanks bitch :)

read.

bitch #1 👿  
don't push it asshat


	42. Chapter 42

Today was Sunday.

Exactly two months before the wedding.

Ki realized how fast October flew by when she saw the plans for today sketched underneath November 8th on the family calendar in messy black pen.

"Shit." Ki mumbled, turning her attention towards the rest of the kitchen.

"Mmm, I think she knows what day it is." Andi whispered into his cup of tea as he leaned into Shori's shoulder.

"Do we _have_ to do this today?" Ki groaned plopping herself down in the seat farthest away from the two boys.

"Um, yeah... we kinda do. There's not much time left, and a lot to get done, so suck it up kiddo." Shori grinned from the counter as he grabbed his coffee mug from underneath the machine.

"Do you even know what color you want me to wear?" Ki leaned her head over onto the table and stared out into the living room through the doorway.

"Yeah you'll be in black since me and Andi are in white."

"Alright, at least it's not turquoise."

"Hey, what's wrong with turquoise?" Andi pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

"Andi, you know how bad that looked with the rest of it." Shori wrapped his arm around his fiancées waist.

"Whatever, it's a bright color."

"The theme was monochromatic." Ki chuckled, her cheek resting against the wooden table. "I thought you guys were going with black suits and the accent was gold?"

"Yeah, that was the plan."

"Wait, are we doing black or white?" Andi looked remotely confused.

"Well, what do you want?" Shori looked down at him softly.

"Don't you think black would look better? It's winter."

"Yeah."

"Then why were we planning white?"

"I..." Shori looked to Ki for a second, and then to Andi with a look of utter confusion. "I don't know. Why _were_ we doing that?"

"Oh boy." Ki laughed, tracing the grain of the wood pattern along the edge of the table.

"No seriously, are we going crazy?" Andi looked over to Shori with his eyebrows furrowed.

"Let's just pretend we knew it was black this whole time." Shori nodded taking a sip out of his cup.

"Alright." The shorter of the two shrugged his shoulders and leaned back over onto Shori for settlement.

"So what color am I wearing now?" Ki huffed.

"We'll figure it out."

————————

"I don't like it." Ki pulled at the sides of the long black dress she had on.

As she stood in the mirror, she watched the way the fabric fell down over her waist, and how everything gathered in the center showing off her slim physique. It was strapless and uncomfortable, the tightness around her chest making it hard to breathe.

"You look great Ki. Are you sure? I really like that one." Andi sat back in one of the small leather couches.

Shori sat besides him with his arm outstretched over Andi's shoulder, pulling him closer than where Andi cared to be while in public.

The two had already picked out their suits, down to the details of the fabric—which although was decidedly black, apparently came in many color variations and textures.

Now it was all down to Ki. She had already tried on three dresses, all of which for some reason or another, Ki hated. She was starting to think she should just show up in her pajamas... at least then she'd have a conclusive outfit.

"No, I can't... it looks so bad." Ki threw her hands down as she turned around to face the boys.

"What are you talking about? You look great in everything Ki!" Andi motioned to her.

"Yeah kiddo, you really do look good. Black is your color, you'll pull off anything." Shori smiled.

"Not this. It's too much." She smoothed out the dress down her legs.

"Alright, let's go get another one then." Shori sighed, picking himself up off the couch as slowly as he possibly could.

Or maybe it just seemed slow to Ki because she eager to get out of the dress. She couldn't stand it. The more time she spent in it, the more time she wanted to hide in a corner where no one else could see her.

For a color that brought herself so much comfort, she couldn't have felt farther from it as she shuffled along the wood floor picking up the sides of the dress so it didn't get caught on the floor.

Shori quickly caught up to her as she walked towards the rack of dress styles for her to sort through.

She frowned as she looked for a dress that, maybe, at least, had straps. There weren't very many... the only one she saw was too short for the occasion.

"Hey..." Shori wrapped his arm around her shoulder. "What's up, kiddo?"

"I don't know..." Ki sighed, quickly flipping between a few hangers. "They just... don't look good on me."

"Bullshit."

"No, I'm serious, Shori. It's like I look in the mirror and... it's just not me. They don't look me. But how the fuck am I supposed to look nice at your wedding, if I can't pick out one damn dress?"

"So the problem is... you don't like seeing yourself in a dress?" Shori slowly asked, trying to understand through his curious tone.

"Maybe... yeah."

"Okay." He nodded, pulling his arm down from around her neck, and instead placing his hand on her shoulder with a gentle squeeze. "How do you think we can fix this?"

Ki stopped looking through dresses on the rack and stared at the wall in front of her. It was lined with portraits from happy heterosexual weddings, per usual, with flowing white dresses and beautiful up-do's alongside a handsomely styled man in a crisp black suit. She envied that sheer embodiment of the fairytale wedding. That everything was so cut and dry, and no one had to deal with knowing what to wear or fucked up gender roles... it was all set in stone.

"I'm not really sure."

"Would you... like to try something else?" Shori suggested, settling his eyes on the same picture that Ki was staring at.

"Like what?" She turned her head around to look at him.

"I think you'd dapper as fuck in a nice fitted suit." He smiled.

"Seriously?" Ki grinned, reading her brother's expression with a sense of relief.

"Yeah... let's go find you something."

————————

"Shori is making me cover my eyes, but I still want to see, so get your ass out here Katashi!" Ki could hear Andi calling from outside the dressing room.

Ki smiled at herself once in the mirror before turning to face the door with a laugh.

"Fineeeee..."

As she opened the door, she could feel her heart racing in anticipation of the couple's response.

In a sense, something about wearing a suit made Ki feel guilty. _What if she drew too much attention at the wedding? What if she got criticized? What if even Andi didn't like it?_ If Andi didn't like it, she didn't know what to do. She felt so damn good with this look, she didn't want to have to resort back to one of those stifling dresses.

"I was right." Shori smiled as he first saw Ki, pulling his hand back from where it laid on top of Andi's face. "I can see it in your face."

Ki grinned as she lingered in the doorway, taking a moment to really study Andi's face as he took in the look.

" _Damn_." He smiled in awe, his hand barely covering his mouth as it hung open. "You look sharp."

"Yeah?" Ki's face lit up as she adjusted the collar of her shirt.

"Yes." Andi confidently affirmed.

"See I told you this was gonna be it." Shori nudged his fiancée's arm from their reclaimed spot on the couch.

"She's gonna look better than me at my own damn wedding!" Andi laughed leaning back into the couch cushion.

"I will _not_." Ki rolled her eyes, crossing her arms over her chest, feeling the fabric pull at her elbows.

"So you like that one, Ki?" Shori nodded towards where she was standing.

"Yeah, I do."

"Well then... we better go get it fitted."


	43. Chapter 43

It had been a long day at school.

Not being able to hang out with Lyra afterwards made it even worse.

She even tried to see if Acacia wanted to hang out in the library, but even she had too much homework to do to be distracted.

Ultimately, she settled for Andi.

That also meant being stuck helping him grade work from his classes.

"If it has five responses, put a five at the top, I'm not that much of a dick to actually check if it's right." He pushed a slim stack of papers towards her on top of the crumpled up bed sheets.

She picked them up from off the bed and set them in her lap, clicking down on a blue pen she got from beside Andi's laptop.

"Doesn't that kinda defeat the purpose though?" Ki mumbled, reading the name on top of the first paper.

"What do you mean? As long as they do it, they get the practice in." He glanced at her from over top of his computer screen.

"Yeah, but how do they know if it's right?"

"Ki..." Andi sighed, shaking his head. "When you're in college, you don't really care. If you pass, you pass."

"College is whack... I don't get it." Ki rolled her eyes, looking over at the tv for a moment to catch the end of a grocery store commercial.

"Well... do you want to go to college?"

Ki almost laughed. _Her?_ Going to college? _Yeah right._

"Can't get in, can't afford it." She sighed, placing the first paper in the beginnings of a stack beside her leg.

"You could totally get in, Ki! What are you talking about? Your grades are awesome." Andi was practically beaming, looking like he was ready to cancel grading and start her college search, right then and there.

"Okay Andi, but I can't afford it. And I can't keep relying on Shori for everything, he's done too much for me already."

Ki looked down guiltily at the paper in her lap, drawing a five at the top and then sliding it over into the separate pile. Andi didn't come back with a witty happy response like she half expected him to. He sat there silently, staring at the screen in front of him, contemplating his answer choices.

"Well... I mean, you're right." He mumbled, pushing his glasses up his nose. "I know we can't afford it, but there's scholarships and aid. And I know that if you wanted to go, Shori would work his ass off to help you, and so would I."

"See, that's the thing." Ki closed her eyes. "Shori never catches a break. He's done everything imaginable for me, I _can't_ let him do anything more. I just can't, Andi."

"Ki... just consider it. Okay? Don't worry about Shori... he would want to see you doing something you love. Nothing would make him happier than seeing you succeed."

Ki glanced over to the tv again to avoid looking back at Andi. She knew he would be looking at her with those happy eyes and his eager smile. Shori calls him a pessimist, but to Ki, he's definitely an optimist. Or maybe Ki's just so much of a pessimist it makes Andi's pessimism look good.

"I'll think about it." She settled, knowing that she was never going to win an argument with a _professor_ about whether or not she should go to college.

"Good." He smiled, leaning back into the stack of pillows behind him. "You know, if you wanted to stay local, you'd probably get reduced tuition at Kosmo since I teach there."

"Ew, then I'd have to see you." Ki smirked, hiding a smile behind her eminent sarcasm.

"Not necessarily, only if you ended up in an English or history field... which I don't really see you doing..."

"What would I even go for?"

"Well what do you want to do?" He shrugged, glancing at the tv.

"I don't know. I mean I like astronomy, and physics is cool. I don't really like creative stuff though, so I probably wouldn't do well at Kosmo."

"Uh, yes you would! We have literally so many science majors, sounds like that's where you would end up, so I'd give it a shot."

"Andi, you sound like a tour guide." Ki rolled her eyes with a smile. "Forget it, I'm not going to Kosmo."

"You know, I think you'll reconsider..."

Suddenly, on the bed beside her, her phone started buzzing with an incoming call: _Lyra_ 💫. The screen illuminated a picture of Ki leaning her shoulder against Lyra as she took a picture with a smile. Her bright white smile shone behind her tan cheeks as Ki's face blushed a deep red as she buried her face into Lyra's favorite green jacket.

"I gotta go." Ki mumbled quickly picking up her phone from the bed, untangling herself from the various paper stacks.

"What? Not gonna help me anymore?!" Andi stared at her in disbelief.

"Sorry, Andi. You're on your own." She shuffled off the side of the bed, sliding the answer button on her screen.

"You ass." He flicked his pen at her.

She stuck her tongue out at him as she landed her feet down onto their mediocrely worn down white area rug.

Once she had both feet on the floor, Ki practically sprinted out of the room as she slid the phone up next to her ear with a smile.

"Hey."

"Hey, Ki." Lyra's voice was soft and somber, the first few words alone telling Ki that something was different.

"You stuck on the chem homework? I can tell. You sound like you're on that problem at the end with the super complex equation with like 15 fucking hydrogens." Ki taunted as she walked into her bedroom without turning on the light.

"Uh no, actually. _Surprisingly_ , no." She added with a forced laugh. "I'm actually done with the homework."

"Yeah me too. Been helping Andi with his now."

"Andi has homework?" Lyra whispered, her voice seeming almost as a taunt, or maybe a flirting disbelief. Ki could practically see the delicate smile forming on her face.

"Well you know... his students do, and so therefore he does, and therefore I do." Ki laughed plopping down on her bed with a sigh.

"Sounds like fun." Lyra mumbled, sniffling.

"Not really, but you know, it is what it is."

"Yeah."

As neither one of them said anything, Ki studied the shadows of the tree branches illuminated from the street light that shone in through her window and onto her ceiling in shaky patterns. The darkness that shrouded the rest of her room left Ki in a relaxing, yet somewhat eerie setting, reminding her faintly of Halloween.

"Hey, Ki?" Lyra broke the silence with a whisper.

"Yeah?" Ki reached out towards her ceiling, tracing the line one of the branches made with her finger.

"I don't know what to do." She whispered again.

"What do you mean?" Ki dropped her hand back down to her chest, furrowing her eyebrows as she turned her face towards the wall.

"My coach introduced me to a scouter today at our workout..."

"You guys still have workouts? Thought the season was over?"

"Um yeah, it's optional. It's just like keeping us in shape and team building or whatever." Lyra sighed.

"Oh, that makes sense." Ki squinted her eyes as the tree branches rustled in the wind outside. "So, you said there was a scouter?"

"Yeah, he was from Barlison down south."

"Seriously?!" Ki sat up so fast she almost dropped her phone. "Lyra that's amazing, it's Barlison. You'd have a chance to go pros, they're D1!"

"I know." Lyra whispered hesitantly.

"You don't seem excited?" Ki muttered slowly, lying back down into her pillow with a huff.

"It's a great opportunity..." She started. "I mean my mom was practically screaming when Gabby told her..."

"You didn't tell her yourself?"

"No... I... because I just... didn't want to go." Lyra sighed, clearly in a state of internal confusion by the tone of her voice. "I hate that she's so excited, because now I don't know how to tell her... I don't want to go pro... I don't even want to play soccer in college at all."

"But you're so good at it, why wouldn't you?" Ki noticed her tone of disappointment. It's like Lyra really did want to play soccer, but something was stopping her, something was holding her back.

She sighed.

"I feel like I'm betraying him." She mumbled barely above a whisper. "It's not fair."

"Oh." Ki's everlasting smile quickly faded into a more subdued glare at the wall.

"This was _our_ dream... we were supposed to do it together. We were going to go to VLTU and both be star athletes... and Cygnus wanted to go pro. He wanted to make it to the World Cup. He's never going to do it, Ki. _Never._ It was his dream, and he's never going to do it... I can't do it without him... I won't. It's not fair."

Her voice tapered off. Ki knew she was going to cry. She didn't know what to say. _How do you go forward with that?_ She can't. Lyra... can't.

"I... that's... I'm sorry. I don't know, Lyra. Don't you think your brother would want you to be happy though? Is quitting in college going to be okay with you?" Ki really was at a loss for words; she didn't have any clue how to help her think through it.

"It has to be, Ki." Lyra sniffled again. "I really can't imagine him not being there with me. I've never even thought about it before today, and now I can't stop thinking."

Ki took a deep breath and turned her head over on her pillow so she was staring directly at the ceiling now. She tended to lay in this position when she needed to be the most in thought. It had never let her down... until now. Now, when she needed something to say the most, she had nothing.

Lyra sighed. "My dad's going to be so disappointed... again. I wish I could just do something to really make him happy, you know? He'd never let me know, but I know I let him down all the time. This is just going to be one more of his big dreams for me that's gonna get crushed. I'm selfish, right? I should just get my shit together and deal with it."

"Lyra it's not selfish. It ultimately is your choice. You have to do whatever you feel is the right thing for you... this could be the rest of your life. And I doubt your dad is mad at you... I'm sure he's proud of whatever you choose. I've never met him, but I bet he's just as great as your mom."

"You don't know them like I do." Lyra scoffed. "She probably wished it was me instead of Cy. You can see it in her face. She knows it shouldn't have been him... and he... he can't even look at me anymore. I'll go for weeks without seeing him and you know who he goes to first when he comes home? Gabby. It's always fucking Gabby, because Gabby never fucked up anything. Gabby gets good grades, and is on varsity as a fucking freshman, and brings home cute guys, and has everything going for her, and me? Who am _I_? The kid they had to settle with, because the other one couldn't fucking take it anymore. That's who I am. I'm struggling in chemistry, turning down colleges, dating a girl, and barely keeping it together. If they could trade me for Cygnus, they would in a heartbeat, I garaun-fucking-tee it."

_Wow_. Ki had to take a second to process everything that Lyra just let out. It was a lot. Once again, Ki had no idea in hell how to respond.

_Is that how Lyra really felt?_

_Did she feel that all the time?_

Or maybe she was just tired and stressed from thinking about it all night.

There was no way for Ki to really know. But now it was all out there, and Ki didn't know what to say.

"Lyra..." Ki whispered with her phone leaned up against her cheek. "That... can't be true. You don't seriously think your parents would trade you, do you? No parent would ever think like that."

"I really think they do sometimes." She sighed. "I don't know... I just know there's so much that Cy used to do that made them happy and now... it's all gone. It's like, I can't live up to that."

"Well I mean they lost a child... it's completely acceptable to feel like something is missing. That doesn't mean they expect you to fill his shoes..."

"I know." Lyra paused. "I'm just being irrational. Like fucking always."

"Lyra you are _not_ irrational. You're probably just really stressed about it, it makes sense."

"Yeah, maybe."

"Don't beat yourself up over it. You've got a little while to figure everything out. Maybe having your family together over thanksgiving will help you get a consensus on what to do." Ki shrugged into her pillow.

"Or it'll do the opposite, and drive me crazy again." Lyra tried to laugh, her attempt leaving her sniffling, telling Ki she was obviously recovering from crying.

"I guess we'll find out then." Ki smiled into the phone.

"Yeah, guess so. I'm ready for it to be a huge disaster though."

"Really? Why?"

"Well it's the first time my family has been all together for like... at least four months. My sister has been at college and with dad down with his parents... it's just... everyone will be there. It's kinda weird. I'm ready for a fight."

"Oh."

"Yeah..." Lyra took a deep breath. "It's gonna be interesting for sure."

"My uh..." She started speaking again. "My dad doesn't know either."

"Know what?" Ki whispered.

"About you."

"Oh... shit."

"Yeaaaah. I haven't talked to him in a _really_ long time. His phone hasn't been working so it's really hard to find a good time to call, and I just... I don't know. I'm kinda scared? Is that weird?" Lyra started shifting on the other end of the line.

"No." Ki looked to her door as a light from the hallway lit up through the crack. "Not really. I mean, I would've been scared too. Shori was really easy for me because he's already gay as fuck."

"Right?" Lyra laughed a little. "See, but my dad is a little traditional because of his just... background I guess? So I mean, I don't know how he's going to react."

"It could be _fine_?" Ki suggested, almost a little too fakely.

"Hah yeah, theoretically, but I know my dad. Especially if he brings abuela up... oh dear lord, _then_ I'm gonna get it."

"Well I guess we'll just hope that he doesn't then."

"More like pray to every god from every religion I can think of." Lyra sighed.

"That may work." Ki shrugged, smiling as she tried not to laugh.

"I sure hope it does."

"Me too."

"Hey Ki? Come help me out for a sec." Shori's voice rang through the house, Ki guessed that light was Shori coming through the hallway.

Ki put her hand over the speaker of her phone.

"Yeah, one sec." She called back to him.

"Hey Lyra, I gotta go, but text me okay?"

"Of course. Thank you for being amazing, like always."

Ki felt a light blush on her cheeks as she smiled into her phone. "You're welcome beautiful."

"Stop it." Lyra giggled. "Goodnight, love."

"Night."


	44. Chapter 44

"Remember over break you won't have any homework as long as you all get this lab report done by Friday." Mr. Cerone called from the front of the class.

Ki pushed her ugly, green, obnoxiously large goggles up the bridge of her nose with the back of her hand. Lyra looked up from where she was weighing out grams of salt in a little white dish with a smile.

"I think we'll have it done by Thursday." She whispered, shaking out a few grams of salt with such a precision, Ki swore she could almost see the determination in her eyes.

"Yeah, me too. I mean we're almost done right? This is the last test?"

"I think so, the rest is just the questions or whatever... but we can work on those later." Lyra mumbled, holding up the white dish with a note of satisfaction.

"Are you implying that you're coming over later?" Ki raised her eyebrow with a grin.

"I mean I wasn't, _but_ I can be now."

"You should..." Ki grinned. "So we can work on... _chemistry_."

Lyra giggled. "You are literally the worst."

"I know. I'm proud of it."

Ki sighed as she grabbed the salt from Lyra and set it down on the black table in front of the solution bottle. Lyra took a step away from the table as she took a deep breath.

"I think I'm gonna go get a drink real quick. You good?" Lyra's hand settled on her shoulder.

"It's not that hard, Lyra. I'm just babysitting your salt." Ki rolled her eyes with a smirk.

"You better keep a damn good eye on my salt or I'll kick your ass." She laughed, slowly sliding her hand off of Ki's arm.

"Go get a drink, Lyra. Nothing's going to happen to your salt." Ki laughed back, shaking her head as her girlfriend started to walk away.

She leaned against the table as she watched Lyra leave, her eyes following her all the way to the front of the class, and then out the door. When she was no longer in sight, Ki sighed, staring back down at the salt in boredom, wishing it could miraculously tell her what to do next.

While she was too busy staring at the dish in front of her, someone bumped into the table, shaking her thoughts up to the culprit.

Her eyes immediately darted up to Taron, who was not only wearing a playful smirk, but also not returning back to his table. She gave him a minute to admit he was sorry and turn back around to his lab table, but her time span came and went without him saying a word.

"Yeah?" She asked, her lips pressed in a thin line.

"Sorry I don't know how to say your name, but you're friends with Lyra right?"

"Um it's just Ki, pretty easy actually." She sighed, slightly relaxing as he nodded in apology. "But, why do you want to know?"

"Do you know if she's got a boyfriend? I know that's a really dumb ass question, but I just... wanted to know I guess." He shrugged, his whole seven inches of height on her making her feel intimidated... or maybe it was just the nature of his question.

"She doesn't." Ki darted her eyes down to the table, making sure she kept her rising redness under control. Ki had no idea what Lyra wanted people to know at this point. Being out to their friends was one thing... the whole school? Completely different. That was just asking for a hate crime or a threesome proposal.

"Oh woah, wait really?"

"Yeah, but you can go tell Aloric to fuck off, I know that's why you're asking..." She sighed as she watched Lyra walk back into the room with a smile as she passed the first lab table.

There was a certain aura about her that brought a certain happiness back into the room. Ki couldn't help but smile as she glanced back and forth between the table and Lyra's beaming expression.

"Actually I wasn't asking for him..." He interrupted her gaze.

"I kinda need to get back to work." Ki pointed down to the salt dish.

"Do you think she'd go out with me?"

She looked up to him, almost in pity as she flat out said, "no."

"Hey Taron." Lyra smiled as she turned the corner to their lab table. "Need some salt?" She offered, picking up their bag.

"Uh no, we've got enough actually." He shrugged with a smirk. "I was actually coming to talk to you."

"What's up?" Lyra scooted in next to Ki to look at her salt sample, her elbow rubbing against Ki's arm as she picked up the dish from the tabletop.

"Are you going anywhere over break? I was thinking about going to see the midnight premiere of a new horror movie with some friends... maybe you'd want to join?"

"No, I'm actually staying here, my dad's coming in for the holiday, so just another boring week around this small ass town..." Lyra started mumbling as she delicately sat a drop of solution into the dish.

Ki elbowed her nervously, hoping she would catch on to the nature of his question.

"Oh!" Lyra darted her eyes up to Ki, and then back to Taron with an awkward smile. "Um... you meant like a date?"

"Well... um..." He started getting flustered from her straightforward question.

"I'm sorry. I'm a total idiot... I'm not really looking for anyone right now."

"Oh, okay. Cool, yeah that's cool. Um... I'll just let you guys get back to work then." Taron awkwardly snapped his fingers as he started backing away.

"Sorry... Taron." She whispered, watching him turn back to his table with a cringe worthy grimace on her face.

He shifted a few things around on his table before directing his attention back towards Aloric with a defeated sigh.

"I was really bitchy wasn't I?" Lyra whispered, glancing over to Ki.

"What? No way. I could've never handled that so effortlessly."

"What was he even talking to you about?"

"He wanted to know if you had a boyfriend. I said no, and nothing else." Ki nervously leaned in a little closer to Lyra's side. "I didn't know if saying 'she has a girlfriend' was the right thing to do, so I didn't."

"Good, no that was fine. And I..." Lyra slid her hand around to the lower part of Ki's back, wavering her hand against her spine as she leaned her head in closer to talk. "I don't mean this in an offensive way, or anything... but can we not tell people... yet? I know you didn't, and I don't know how you feel, but I mean... I really would love to stay out of the spotlight for right now."

"No yeah, we're on the same page one hundred percent." Ki mumbled back, nodding as she tried to keep her focus off of the fluttering sensation Lyra's hand on her back was giving. If they stayed that close for another minute more, Ki didn't know if she would be able to breathe without kissing Lyra.

"Good, good. It's not that I'm ashamed of us or anything, I just need to put that out there. I love us... I just don't want the attention." She spoke so closely to Ki's ear that she could feel her breath on her face with each word.

Ki's heart was racing from the proximity. It was getting harder and harder not to turn her face and steal Lyra's smile right from off of her lips. She wanted to so badly it hurt. The overwhelming feeling of needing her right in that moment was growing the more they stood in this unusually close position. It was leaving Ki speechless. It was dangerous.

"Yeah..." Ki let out a faint whisper.

"You okay?" Lyra turned her head to look at Ki, so close that if Ki were to turn her head in the slightest, their noses would be touching.

"I... yeah. We should get back to work." She cleared her throat, pushing her goggles up the bridge of her nose once again.

"Okay." Lyra nodded, sliding away, taking her hand and the delicate touch it left on Ki's back, away.

Ki took a deep breath in and looked down at the table instead of looking over to Lyra. She closed her eyes as she set her hands out on the table. She was so obviously flustered that if only one person in this whole room was watching them, they'd have it all figured out. It drove her crazy, but there was nothing else she could do. Lyra had that effect on her, and nothing she could do could change it. She prayed no one could see how transparent she was. All it would take was one. One person and they would be done for.

————————

"Kizokira, I swear to whatever fucking higher power exists, I'm gonna kick your ass if you park in the driveway crooked again!" Shori came in shouting from the garage.

Ki's head bolted up from the book she was staring into and then to Lyra who was sitting on the living room couch next to her. Lyra glanced at her and started cracking up laughing as she leaned back into the cushion.

"I swear, Andi has the tiniest ass car I have ever been in and I still had to park at an angle to stay out of the fucking yard because you don't know how to pull your car into the damn driveway straight..."

"Sorry Shori, she's not very good at doing anything straight." Lyra giggled from the couch as she held a devious smile on her face.

"Oh my god..." Ki gawked at her, closing her book in her hands and hitting it against Lyra's shoulder. "Lyra!"

The sound of Shori running through the kitchen was lost behind the sound of Lyra's contagious laughter that was now combined with Ki's.

"Shit Lyra, I didn't know you were here, sorry about that..." Shori rubbed his hand behind his neck as he made his way into the kitchen.

Lyra waved her hand at him with a cheeky smile, as if playing innocent like she had said nothing wrong. Ki sighed as she pushed her book onto the coffee table in front of them and turned to glance at her brother.

"What were you even out for anyways?" She kicked her feet onto the table.

"I had to work, thank you very much." Shori mocked her with a sarcastic grimace on his face.

"Thought you didn't work today..."

"Well, I got offered overtime, so the more the better." He shrugged.

Ki complied with a 'mmm' and draped her arm around the back of the couch so that her hand barely rested on Lyra's shoulder.

"How was work then?" Lyra popped in, looking past Ki to her brother.

"It was pretty shit, but at least I got paid more."

"What was so awful?" Ki mumbled.

"I mean... this one girl brought in her car and it was in terrible condition and I honestly think Ryan's gonna be there all night working on the transmission... but I was stuck with it first and I got grease all over my damn face and some got in my eye and now I'm struggling." He sighed.

"Go take a shower before Andi gets home or you know he'll tell you how much you smell like a tire." Ki threw a crumpled up piece of her notebook paper at her brother's face.

"I don't smell like a tire." Shori self consciously lifted his shirt up to sniff as he disregarded the paper as it hit his hand.

Lyra laughed as she kicked her feet out on top of Ki's lap. "If you aren't going to take a shower, you should help us with this lab write up then." She grinned, glaring over at Shori.

He quickly picked up his bag and pulled out his phone acting distracted as he started shuffling towards the stairs.

"Should I listen to Conan Gray or EDEN in the shower?" He smirked back at her as he motioned his phone up.

"Do us all a favor and choose neither." Ki rolled her head back onto the couch cushion in an attempt to glare at her brother behind her.

"How about that new Ariana Grande album?" Lyra raised her eyebrows at him with a mischievous grin.

"Lyra, no." Ki's face deadpanned as her girlfriend started laughing.

"Lyra, yes!" Shori pointed at her as he started trying away on his phone.

"Please Shori, noooooo..." Ki groaned closing her eyes.

"You can blame your girlfriend for this one."

"Go away." She whispered in defeat, rocking her head back forward to stare at her lap, now holding Lyra's legs.

"Thanks Lyra." Shori purposefully sang as his feet started their short trek up the stairs.

"You're welcome... as always Shori." Lyra whispered begining to raise a hand slowly to the side of Ki's face.

As the sound of Shori's footsteps faded down the hall, Lyra's delicate touch traced a piece of hair hanging out of her loose ponytail from the front of Ki's hairline to behind her ear in a single stroke. Ki closed her eyes as Lyra's fingers lingered behind her ear, gently tracing their way down her jawline until they stopped at the bottom of her chin. Ki opened her eyes as she felt them pull her attention in Lyra's direction.

"What was it that he called you?" She mumbled as she guided Ki's face towards her with those two fingers underneath her chin.

"What do you mean?" Ki looked down at Lyra's wrist—covered in tan lines from hair ties and bracelets.

"When Shori came in, he said something different..."

"Kizokira." Ki closed her eyes in a hushed tone to hide her name.

" _That's_ it."

"It's my name. Like... my real name."

"Kizokira." Lyra whispered, sounding out every vowel and slightly rolling the r from her native tongue with such a delicacy, Ki knew she had never heard someone take such a precise, yet exquisite attention to her name. "Just as intriguing and beautiful as you."

Deep down, Ki was flustered by the way her name fit so perfectly on Lyra's tongue. The way it nearly sent shivers down her spine in an incomparable way to when anybody else would butcher it, or use it in an fiery exclamation. Lyra an emphasis on the flow of the word instead of harsh consonants it contained, nearly transforming it entirely into something else than Ki was used to. But it was just a name. Ki wouldn't let herself blush over such an minute thing.

"I'm neither of those things, but kudos to you for trying." She retorted with a smirk as she looked up at Lyra with a taunting glance, fighting back the urge to ask her to say it again.

_Please, do._

"I think you are so very mistaken Kizokira." Lyra smiled, leaning her face over onto the couch cushion.

Ki swallowed as her smirk faded, turning into that blush she was trying so very hard to keep away.

"Do you think there's any meaning behind it?" Lyra traced a star pattern into her thigh as she she looked down at her leg lying on top of Ki's.

Ki cleared her throat awkwardly and watched Lyra's hand with such a precision she could predict in what way her finger would cut over to complete the pattern.

"No." She mumbled. "I've looked it up... nada. Either my mom was just completely out of it and named me after gibberish, or the name means something to her that I will never know."

"Hmm. Kinda makes you wonder doesn't it? Like what mystical force rains down on our parents and is like 'this is the name for your child'..." Lyra waved her fingers about in a magical motion as if gesturing she was some sort of child naming wizard.

Ki laughed. "No Lyra. I have never once wondered that."

"Okay well it happens I swear. Nobody can just pull a name out of their ass and be like 'yeah alright sounds fine,' like... it has to mean something, right?! Everything has to mean something..."

"That is way too philosophical for my dull understanding of the universe to even begin to question."

"Maybe I should be a philosopher then." Lyra's face lit up.

"Lyra..." Ki rolled her head over on her shoulder.

"I mean I could, but I'd rather not... I think if I was left with too much time thinking about the universe and my life, and what makes what happen, and why things happen, and why I'm here... I would probably die."

"Yeah, me too."

"There's just so much out there, you know? Like... it's a lot to think about."

"I'd prefer not to think about how small I am in the scope of all of the world and history." Ki sighed, her head starting to spin at all the different ways her impact on the world meant practically nothing.

Not only was it a lot to think about, it was hard to think about.

"There is just one question I really want to know though..." Lyra said in a hushed tone as she stared off somewhere into the rest of the living room.

"What?"

"How do we fall in love?" She whispered with a determined curiosity.

Ki glanced to the coffee table where her feet were sitting on the edge as they supported Lyra's. The idea was so foreign to her she just had to stare out at the table as she began to think about the process.

"I... I mean... I don't know." Ki mumbled.

"Like what tells us who we are going to be attracted to? Or who is going to be the _one_? Or what makes us actually fall in love with someone? Like what in our brains constitutes that extra level between liking and loving?"

"I'm pretty sure there's some like chemical explanation or something with scents that make us attracted to people."

"No, no, not that... I mean like what creates genuine feelings, like past the state of basic attraction? Hell what even _are_ feelings?" Lyra's face was focused on the bookshelf in the corner of the room when Ki stared at her with a astonished confusion.

"Lyra that is such a deep question... now you really have me thinking about this and I hate it." She mumbled in a serious voice as she analyzed her girlfriend's still features.

"Sorry." Lyra whispered shaking her head back into focus. "God, sometimes I get like over analytical when I'm tired. It's like drunk rambling, I'm sorry."

Ki stifled a laugh. "Seriously? Stop apologizing I was messing with you."

"Yeah." Lyra rushed a smile.

"What's wrong? Long day?" Ki let her arm hang over the back of the couch.

"I mean... sorta... not really." She slowly pulled her legs off from on top of Ki's. "I don't know."

She shifted around on the couch so she wasn't angled away from Ki anymore, but instead curling into the open side her arm left open.

"I think it's just the fact that Thanksgiving is so close... and my family... without Cy..." Her voice tapered off as she wriggled her arm between Ki's back and the couch, pulling herself closer.

"Oh yeah, your dad is coming in right?"

"Yeah, and Cassie with her new boyfriend apparently. I didn't know that was a thing, but I guess now family dinner includes boyfriends."

"I'm sure it won't be that bad. You guys will just have a normal dinner, even with Cassie's... boyfriend... around."

"Fuck Cassie." Lyra whispered. "It was supposed to be a family thing, but whatever I guess... invite a stranger that no one in our family has ever even heard of before."

"Shouldn't you give him a chance first? At least don't outright hate him yet."

"Yeah, I guess so. It just sucks that she gets to bring someone along with no questions asked, but if I were to bring you I'd get a 'really Lyra, is now the time?' or a 'this is family only' or maybe even a 'why do you have to be such an attention seeker?' you know what I'm saying?"

"I get it." Ki nodded slowly. "Maybe you should just ignore them anyways." She added a shrug.

"What you mean, like, bring you to dinner?"

"That wasn't really what I meant, but if you wanted to, I would go. But I mean if not, just do your best to put up with them without making a scene about the boyfriend." Ki wrapped her arm around Lyra's shoulder instead of hanging it behind the couch.

"No, I think I like that idea actually..." Lyra started to smile. "Fuck it. You should come to dinner."

"You sure? I'm not sure that's going to end up well..."

"Yeah, it'll be great. That way if they say something shitty, I'll have you there to run away with... and by run away I mean go to my bedroom and cry in your arms."

"That is so... depressing." Ki laughed, leaning her head into Lyra's.

"It's true though."

"Well lets just hope it doesn't get to that."

Lyra smiled as she turned her head to look over to Ki. "Here's to hoping a family reunion won't turn out like shit." She said raising an invisible glass to the air.

"To family reunions." Ki nodded with a laugh, bring her own invisible glass up to meet Lyra's.

Between laughs, their eyes met, captivating each other with a glare of adoration. Ki couldn't help but let her eyes wander to the light line of freckles that barely appeared on the bridge of her nose, tracing their way underneath her eyes with a shadow like stroke. Ki had remembered the first day she noticed them; sitting on this same couch, watching a movie she didn't pay attention to, letting Lyra fall asleep on her lap, and realizing all she wanted was someone to love. How clueless she was to the fact that that girl was right in front of her. She had wasted so much time trying to be her friend, when any conscious person would've noticed it was obviously more than that between them from day one.

Lyra leaned into her face, resting their foreheads together with a light sigh, as if releasing a sense of stress that she held in her head. Ki closed her eyes as their noses brushed together, her hand that she once held at her side, now pulling at the curve of her girlfriend's neck, bringing their mouths closer, but not together.

She stayed there—their lips mere millimeters apart, but still agonizingly not close enough. Her heart was beating out of her chest, a high feeling rising in her stomach as if dropping down the peak of the highest roller coaster she could manage herself to get on to. Her breathing was unbelievably slow, the feel of her own heat escaping her mouth coming back to her.

Ki lingered in this position, fighting down the extreme urge to just close the gap. Lyra didn't move at all in her hand, she just stayed where Ki reluctantly left her, accepting the space between them as she waited.

Lyra's hand began to slowly trace up the arm that Ki held her face in, her fingers curling around her arm as she reached her wrist.

"Ki..." Left Lyra's lips in a breathless whisper, putting a word in the space between them.

"Can you feel it?" Ki whispered back, her thumb brushing over Lyra's bottom lip in a desperate attempt to hold it off a little while longer.

"Feel what?"

"Let me show you." She backed away, opening her eyes cautiously as Lyra's face stayed frozen in the moment.

Ki pulled her hand back from Lyra's neck and instead used it to push her shoulder back gently into the couch. Lyra looked up at her in a mild sense of amusement, as a smile almost dared to reach her lips.

She leaned down to Lyra's face and just when Lyra was raising her face up to meet with Ki's, Ki pulled back, lowering her head to the left side of Lyra's face instead. Lyra let her head fall back into the cushion, her face wearing confusion along the crinkle of her forehead.

"Hold on a second." Ki whispered into her ear so delicately so that if anyone else would've been in the room, they wouldn't have known she'd said a word.

She placed a gentle kiss in the outline right behind her jaw, tracing her fingers up the back of her neck, watching the way Lyra leaned her head back into the pillow, opening the base of her neck as Ki moved down along her jaw.

"See I don't know about you..." Ki left another kiss on the empty skin left underneath her chin.

"But whenever your lips are about to meet mine..." She slowly moved down to her collar bone, leaving Lyra in an agonizing high as her eyes were closed against the back of the cushion.

"It's like I'm on the top of a roller coaster..." She kissed her neck again, taking in the satisfaction that she got from seeing Lyra so helplessly in the same boat. "And I'm just waiting for the drop."

"You know what I'm saying...?" She brought her hand up from her shoulder and traced her index finger along Lyra's slightly parted lips, pausing as she moved her mouth to be on the other side of the finger.

Lyra's eyes opened slowly to meet Ki's, the desperation reading in the unbelievable glare she was giving.

Ki slowly removed the finger from between their two mouths, but still left the space open between them, waiting for a response.

"So... can you feel it?"

Lyra scanned her eyes for an answer, coming up close to nothing as she held her lips parted there with Ki's, both of them waiting for the answer to set them free. She looked down to her lips and Ki felt her eyes burning into her, as she reached her own hand up to hold the base of Ki's neck.

"Yes." She whispered breathlessly in the small space between them, rushing their faces together in a dire need to close the space.

As their lips met, Ki leaned into the feeling that gave way—the feeling of going down the roller coaster, knowing the anticipation of reaching the top is out of the way, but still feeling on the edge of her seat as Lyra searched for more.

Every kiss with like Lyra was like being on a different ride. Each one different. Each thrill special in its own way. Each twist and turn taking her deeper into a field of her own mind she didn't know existed.

She had remembered Shori telling her how special things felt when it was your first love, how quickly and suddenly everything takes over. It was like that... but it was also so _powerful_. Lyra may only have been the first, but she felt like forever. She was the strong feelings that Ki couldn't shake. The security that being around her entailed. The first thing on her mind in the morning, and the last when she went to sleep. The one she had grown to love. The one thing she had grown to rely on keeping her afloat.

She was Lyra Meclane.

She was the first person Ki had ever loved like this before.


	45. Chapter 45

**content warning:** borderline physical abuse

————————

"Do you think I should go blue this time?" Acacia turned around from her bathroom sink and pointed to Ki with the black hairbrush she was holding in her hand.

"...your color is purple though?" Ki looked up from the conditioner bottle she was reading from her seat on the edge of the tub.

"Yeah but I'm going to this concert with Giovanna tonight, and I have this killer navy jacket I could wear if I did my hair like a cobalt blue..." She looked back at herself in the mirror, crinkling up her nose as she stared at her fading purple hair from her jet black roots.

"You can't just change your hairstyle because your outfit demands it." Ki scoffed, stretching out her leg onto the dirty barely-still-white tile floor. "Who the fuck is Giovanna?"

"A girl from Central... but I mean I've done it before."

"Fuck you! This is your fault! We would've fucking won!" Loud yelling came from down the hall... presumably from one of the teenage boys living there.

"Jack! Shut the hell up!" Acacia yelled back down the hallway through the open doorway.

"What did I say about running your mouth A?" He called back.

"You're not my fucking dad, Jack!"

"Yeah, because he ran away when he saw how ugly you were!"

"At least I know who my dad is!" She rolled her eyes as she crossed her arms over her chest.

From the distance, Ki could hear a loud commotion before a door from down the hall came squeaking open, nearly falling off the hinges as it was thrown towards the wall.

Acacia scurried to sit on top of the counter with her hair brush defensively in her hand as she hurriedly muttered a "shit."

"What did I tell you about talking about my dad, Acacia?!" Jack came stomping down the hallway.

Ki tensed up as she saw him enter the doorway, swinging around his Xbox controller in his left hand and pushing Acacia back against the mirror with his right.

"You hurt me, mom will kill you." Acacia stuck her chin up with a smirk, Ki could tell it was a fake facade.

She was putting up a front so Jack couldn't see how scared she clearly was to be backed into a literal corner, one shove away from breaking a fragile, 40 year old, dollar store mirror.

"Mom won't do _shit_." He scoffed, pulling her up close to his face with the hand he had curled around her hand-me-down Adidas sweatshirt from Shori.

Ki sat idly with her eyes trained on Jack, analyzing his every move, making sure none of them would result in her having to snap his neck.

Not that she would.

She probably be too coward to even punch him in the shoulder.

_What's the good in knowing years worth of self defense if you're too scared to use it?_

"We both know she probably won't even come home tonight." He whispered angrily in front of her face, the disdain in his expression wearing deep in the curl of his eyebrows.

Acacia tried to take a deep breath in, looking out into the hallway to avoid looking at him.

" _Jack._ Go back to being useless." Another male's voice got closer to the bathroom.

Acacia visibly sighed with relief as Jack uncurled his fist from her sweatshirt, looking at her with a final grimace as the oldest brother stood in the doorway with an annoyed neutral face.

"How many times do I have to tell you?" Adrian stared at his brother with the slight raise of his eyebrow indicating he needed a response.

"Adrian I..." Jack started to mouth off.

"You _never... ever,_ put your hands on a woman like that you piece of shit. Especially your little sister."

"She fucking asked for it." Jack pointed his controller over to her as she curled back into the dip of the sink.

"You're asking for me to give you a black eye if you don't get the fuck back into your room right now." Adrian calmly stood outside of the bathroom door, his stature hanging a mere inch above that of his brother.

"What's up with you two thinking you're self entitled to make decisions for me, huh?"

"Because I'm the oldest, and she's the smartest. You might try thanking us for keeping your ass afloat every once in a while."

This got a smirk out of Acacia as she turned her head to Ki as to say 'did you hear that? I'm the smartest. Hah, as if!'

Ki returned with a cautious glare, keeping her eye on Jack still as he started to sluggishly push his way out of the bathroom, shoving a hand into Adrian as he passed.

"You both fucking suck." He called right before he slammed the door to his bedroom closed again.

Acacia started smiling, near laughter as Jack faded away back into his cave. Adrian still stood in the doorway unamused and unfazed by the loud door slam from feet away from him.

"Wonder where he learned to be such a dick." She rolled her eyes as she crossed one leg over the other on top of the counter.

"Same place you learned to be such a whiny bitch..." Adrian smiled, sarcastically. "Hell."

"Ouch, you cold hearted ass."

"Was that supposed to be an insult?" He raised his eyebrows, unamused.

"Of course not." Acacia sighed, staring at the wall. "It never is with you."

"Stop asking for trouble, Acacia. Pretty soon Jack's gonna come up with more inventive ways to kick your ass."

"I know." She solemnly shrugged off.

"I'm going back to bed now. If you're hungry, go bug Ki. I'm not your mom."

Ki looked up at the mention of her name, giving a quick little head nod and half smile.

"I'm not either." Ki shrugged, countering him.

"Close enough." He sighed, turning to head back to his room, directly across the hall. "Just make sure she's not on LSD when she gets back, 'kay?"

"Can't guarantee that."

"Cool."


	46. Chapter 46

**content warning:** brief mentions of a homophobic past

————————

Weekends with nothing to do we're always sort of relaxing to Ki. Not entirely boring, just peaceful.

Lately she had been all over the place most of the time, with Acacia dragging her to the library and a concert or two, and Lyra being... well her girlfriend.

It's not that being with Lyra most of the time didn't make her days a little brighter and her heart a little more full, but sometimes she just wanted a break from people. There was too much going on when you throw everybody that matters to you in a bowl and choose who gets your attention that day.

Today both of the boys were home too. Andi didn't have class on the weekends, and Shori didn't get his usual Sunday morning shift, so now all of them were left with an awkward 'well... now what?' attitude.

Usually Andi was off grading papers while Ki went to the library with Acacia—or out to the mall with Lyra—but now they all were under one roof, with nothing to do.

Ki sighed as she sat upside down on the couch, letting her hair dangle onto the floor as she watched Andi's newest episode of The Flash from a mirrored perspective.

"I'm bored." She mumbled, slapping her hands down on the couch cushions.

"We're not even half way through the episode, maybe if you were watching it the right way you'd be a little more interested." He glared over to her with his glasses halfway down his nose.

She gave a single effortless laugh. "You look like a librarian."

Andi sighed, pushing his glasses up the bridge of the nose and raising his eyebrows at her as if saying 'you done?'

"I'm serious though. Can we like go out to eat, or see a movie, or like... soooomething...?"

"What are you complaining about?" Shori interrupted as he came up from downstairs with a laundry basket cradled on his nonexistent hip.

"Shori! Let's do something fun today, like family style you know." Ki rapidly started getting up onto the couch in a normal fashion, instantly regretting _how_ fast with the arrival of her darkened vision and spinning head.

"I mean, we don't have very much left in the budget for this month Ki... so nothing extravagant... but maybe. _Huge_ maybe."

"See, it's not a good idea..." Andi sighed pausing the tv.

"You just wanted to be a lazy ass all day Andi, shut up." Ki stared at him, while Shori was looking away.

"Hey, watch it." Shori pointed a finger at her warningly as he started his walk up stairs.

"Come on Shoriiiiii..." Ki looked over the couch at him with a big cheesy grin that stretched the sides of her cheeks.

"Go get ready." He sighed, defeatedly. "We'll get lunch."

"Yessssss." She hopped up immediately from the couch, sticking her tongue out at Andi as she walked by the loveseat he was sprawled out on.

"Okay, but now I get to choose..." He called after her as she started walking away from him.

"You're gonna choose like McDonalds or something, you shit."

"These are the rules Ki. If you're dragging my ass out on my day off, you get what I want to eat."

"I second that." Shori called from their bedroom down the hallway.

"Ugh, fine."

————————

"I can't decide if I'm just really weak or if this sauce is really hot..." Andi said bringing the wooden bowl up to his nose to sniff.

Shori looked over to him with an amusing smile as Andi took a deep breath, and then immediately started coughing from the intake.

"It's the sauce." He whispered.

"I don't know, I was sold on the first option." Ki popped a short fry into her mouth as she stared across the table to Shori, who was still watching his fiancée with the cutest 'that's my idiot' glare.

"No seriously, these wings are super hot, do you want to finish them?" Andi offered out his bowl to her with one hand and reached for his drink with the other.

"Nah, give em to Shori."

"Take them home. If I don't get to them, Acacia will." Shori placed his hand over Andi's wrist to lower the bowl back onto the table.

Ki shrugged her shoulders while her face gave off a 'you're not wrong' expression, as all of them knew, when you wanted something gone... you fed it to Acacia.

As the waitress approached the table next to them, Andi flustered his hands away from Shori, placing them both on his water glass instead as he obnoxiously stared out the window.

Shori looked to Ki to start conversation, but as she was about to ask if they could go to the store on the way home, their waitress shifted over to their table with a smile.

"How was everything?" She started picking up Ki's nearly empty plate.

"Great, can we uh get a box please?" Shori placed his fork on top of his empty salad plate.

"Of course. How many checks is this going to be?"

"Um, just one." He handed his plate up to her.

"Thank you. And I'll be back in a minute with your check then." She smiled, turning away.

"Do you think people will ever stop asking?" Andi mumbled as soon as she was out of earshot.

"Asking...?" Shori turned to look at him.

"Never mind." He looked down at the table, holding his hands down in his lap.

"He means the check thing." Ki guessed as she watched him in the corner.

"Oh..."

Andi shifted his glare out to the window, watching the people passing in front on the sidewalk.

"No... probably not." Shori finished his statement.

Ki followed his gaze out to the sidewalk where he was watching a family with some kind of small husky. There were two kids hovered around bundled up in hats and gloves, even though it wasn't _that_ cold out yet. Their parents were pointing at them to back away from the dog, probably worried the poor thing might get overwhelmed and snap at them.

Andi watched them with a solemn glare, keeping his eyes trained on the kids and the dog, but not smiling or frowning, or showing any emotional response to the situation... just watching.

"Here you are guys, you pay up front. Have a great rest of your day!" The waitress came back, sliding the black tray with the tiny slip of paper over in Shori's direction.

"Thanks, you too." He briefly smiled up at her.

Andi didn't even turn to look at them while she was at the table. It only took Shori saying "ready to go?" with a gentle hand on his shoulder for him to turn his attention back to them.

"Yeah." He nodded, quickly starting to get up before the rest of them.

"Home?" Shori looked between Andi and Ki in short glares.

Ki swallowed her urge to go to the store. It's not like she _needed_ to get another pint of cookie dough ice cream to down with Lyra five minutes into watching Iron Man 3 on Tuesday.

"Yeah." She nodded, sensing Andi's obvious, yet sudden, anxiety buildup.

She didn't know what was wrong with him, but she knew dragging him to another store wasn't going to do any good for any of them.

Back home it is.

————————

After another late night shower, Ki was ready to go downstairs to sink into a bowl of cereal, and call it a night.

She held her hair against her left shoulder as she squeezed it dry between the brown towel she stole from Shori's room.

She forgot she left all of her laundry in the washer when they left earlier in the day, and so only when she was about to take a shower, did she realize she had no towels dry.

It was a decent trade-off though... Shori's towels were nicer. She just hated the sandy brown.

As she came to the end of the hallway, ready to start walking down the stairs, she paused as she heard Shori talking in a deep, hushed tone—one Ki had only ever heard when he was talking about something serious.

Instead of starting her walk down the stairs, she gently lowered herself to the banister and sat leaned against the railing as she listened to her brother continue talking.

"I just, I don't get it, Andi. How is this _still_ a problem for you?"

"It doesn't just _go away,_ Shori. I'm sorry okay, it just..."

"Is it my fault?" Shori's voice turned into a sincere whisper.

"No. Okay listen... it's not your fault, but I just can't do shit in public." Andi almost sounded annoyed in response.

Ki found that surprising. Andi was almost never _actually_ annoyed with Shori. He may act like it every now and then, but he was never sincere. This time, Ki thought he may have meant it.

"Nobody is going to judge you here. I promise... I've..."

"I don't care, because you know what? I'm still terrified." Andi raised his voice towards the end, making his words clear to even Ki listening from a few rooms over.

They both paused. If Ki could see them inside the kitchen she would've known the exact expression on her brother's face as he processed what to say.

"Sorry... I'm sorry." Andi whispered. "It's just... god Shori... you _know_ where I come from. If I _dared_ to hold another boy's hand in public I would've been fucking disowned by _everyone_ in that goddamned town. It's engrained in me. I can't help it. I _still_ think someone is going to scream at me if I even look at you like I love you."

"You don't have to think like that anymore, you're..."

"I can't _not_ think like that!"

"Andi..." Shori started, and then quickly ran out of words to say.

Ki waited for her brother to speak, wondering what the next words would be to leave his mouth, wondering how he was going to fix something that couldn't be fixed.

"Shori, I know you're trying so hard to prove to me that I'm okay here, but the _years_ of shit that I went through at home doesn't just go away."

"I never implied that it did."

"Coming up here was the best decision of my life, it gave me so much freedom, and so much room to breathe... but there are some things it'll take me awhile to move past, and I just need you to respect that."

"I know. I'm sorry."

"God, Shori..." Andi paused. "What was I even thinking?"

"What?"

"I invited my whole fucking family up here. I'm going to ruin our wedding. I'm going to ruin everything. I'm so fucking stupid, why did I do that?!"

"It'll be fine. Everything will work out."

"And if it doesn't, and this whole thing is a train wreck?"

"Then it'll be educational."

Ki could practically see the smirk on her brother's face as he tried to change the mood. There was a charismatic energy about Shori that did that sometimes.

"You ass." Andi dared to laugh. "I'm serious. What are we going to do?"

"I don't know." He got serious again.

"There's too much that could go wrong..."

"And we'll deal with it, because it's our damn wedding Andi Williams."

"Okay." Andi whispered, still unsure.

"I love you... stop worrying."

Ki roped her towel over the banister and then quietly got up, shaking out her wet hair. She carefully walked down the stairs, making sure not to interrupt whatever was going on in the kitchen with her creaking down the steps.

"You know I worry too much."

As she started walking towards the kitchen, she saw their shadows across the floor and smiled as she saw them wrapped up in a hug. They just stood there, delicate, and unmoving, their hold around each other becoming visible as Ki walked in through the doorway.

"Hey, kiddo." Shori whispered as he looked at her fondly over Andi's shoulder, his arms wrapped around his back in such a light, but reassuring manner.

She recalled for a second how Lyra had once held her the same way, understanding for once in her life, what it meant to have that one person whose touch alone, could solve your problems.

Ki didn't say a word as she came towards them; her head hung a little lower than usual as she walked to her brother's side.

Shori watched her as she neared into his side, smiling as she wrapped one of her arms around his back and then the other to Andi's.

As she held them both in her arms, she felt a feeling of security and happiness; something she hadn't felt in a long time. At least not since her parents had died.

But in a way... she got a new set of parents. Granted, neither of them were actually old enough to be her father anyways, but the dynamic they had built was enough for her to consider them her own little family.

Shori shifted one of his arms around Andi, so that it pulled over Ki's shoulder instead, bribing her closer into the middle. Andi followed in suit, wrapping his arm underneath Shori's in a spot along her back.

"You guys are going to have the most badass wedding ever." She whispered with a grin as she pulled them closer together.

Andi couldn't help but laugh as he lifted his head from off of Shori's shoulder.

"You think so?" He mumbled, his voice a little groggy.

"Hell yes."

"See, like I said." Shori smiled leaning his forehead forward into Andi's, bumping into the frame of his glasses.

They all fell into a moment of silence, where all of their smiles faded, and none of them said a word. Regardless of the silence, none of them let go. They all just stood there and took it in, as if moments ago they weren't all sharing a normal teasing conversation. It had fallen back into something more serious; back where it started.

Ki opened her mouth to speak, but then closed it again as she organized the words on her tongue.

"I love you guys." She settled for in a whisper. "You two are the best family I could've ever asked for."

Shori moved his head back, almost as if in surprise, and looked at Ki with this confused smile.

"You're serious?"

"Hundred percent." She gently nodded, watching the smile on his face become more concrete and sincere.

"I've never heard you say that."

"I know."

"We love you too, kid." Andi joined in, bumping the side of his head against Ki's. "Even when you take my parking spot."

"That was only like twice." She laughed, breaking the mood.

"Nope we're at like five at this point."

"You're counting?!" Shori laughed too.

"Of course I'm counting... who do you think I am?" He smirked.

"Okay, time for me to crawl back into my cave now." Ki announced, unraveling herself from the mess of arms around her back.

"What?! No, come on Andi, you scared her off!"

Ki smugly swiped the box of Apple Jacks from the counter as the two boys started their normal bickering back up again.

_Guess it's dry cereal tonight._ She thought as she slid underneath the doorway with a sarcastic little wave.

"You just came down here for food, didn't you?" Shori called to her as she started walking over the living room carpet.

"Maybe." She yelled back, opening the flaps to the cereal box.

"Don't forget to bring that back down here. You're _not_ getting ants upstairs."

"Yeah, yeah." Ki rolled her eyes walking up the stairs while crackling the bag inside open with her hand and picking up her towel from the rail using the power of her inner arm.

"Bed by 11." Andi called in support.

"No school tomorrow."

"Bullshit."

"No it's not."


	47. Chapter 47

**content warning:** talks of previous suicidal ideation

———————

lyra 💫  
hiiiiiiiiiiii

delivered:  
hey :)

lyra 💫  
so about dinner tomorrow ?

delivered:  
yeah?

lyra 💫  
just thought I'd let you know my mom said you could come over around 6

lyra 💫  
she really liked the thought of you coming to dinner

lyra 💫  
i think she secretly likes you (she'd never admit it tho lmao)

delivered:  
does your dad know?

lyra 💫  
um.

lyra 💫  
we're crossing that bridge when we come to it

delivered:  
LYRA

lyra 💫  
he's scary okay it'll be better when you're here

delivered:  
he knows you're bi right?

lyra 💫  
yeah remember I told him two thanksgivings ago

delivered:  
oh... yeah

delivered:  
I guess you're making thanksgiving a habit then

lyra 💫  
oops

lyra 💫  
anyways...

delivered:  
what should I wear I'm kinda freaking out

lyra 💫  
don't freak out! you'll be fine

lyra 💫  
jeans are cool don't go overboard but also don't wear pajamas

delivered:  
damn that crosses my batman set off the list

lyra 💫  
sorry but it wouldn't be fair if you wore that and I didn't have the matching superman set

delivered:  
you've got a valid point

delivered:  
I'll have to get you some

lyra 💫  
please do lmao

lyra 💫  
we'll wear them on exam day

delivered:  
alright, alright, shall we squad this shit?

lyra 💫  
omg yes

lyra 💫  
get some for kat and hana and acacia

lyra 💫  
our teachers would totally understand

delivered:  
everyone would understand lyra. we're the baddest ass bitches they've ever met

lyra 💫  
damn straight

lyra 💫  
...

lyra 💫  
damn... gay?

delivered:  
damn gay indeed

————————

"Holy shit." Ki slammed her phone down on the table, with a frustrated sigh.

"Hey careful! That phone has to last you until graduation." Shori turned around from where he was brewing a cup of coffee.

"Sorry."

"What's up?"

"I'm going to Lyra's tomorrow." Ki stared blankly at the kitchen floor, hoping she could whip together a few key phrases to master by the time she stepped though their front door and had to make conversation with Lyra's _whole_ family.

"Never heard 'holy shit' as a response to that." Her brother looked at her a bit confused and curious at the same time.

"I'm meeting... all of her family." She mumbled, blinking at the tile.

"Oh... shit." Shori crossed his arms over his chest as he leaned against the counter. "Is her family... I don't know how to put this... _cool_ , I guess?"

"You mean are they _not_ homophobes?"

"Sure, yeah."

"Um... well I know her mom isn't. The youngest is too oblivious to know anything, and Gabby is super chill and actually sorta teasing about it." Ki smiled a little bit thinking of how the family dynamic she was so used to over there was going to change tomorrow. "I've never met her father or older sister. And the sister is bringing her boyfriend."

"Dear lord." Shori gawked. "Four girls? Sorry I know this is off topic, but what a dynamic... I couldn't even _imagine_ raising four of you."

"There was one boy, actually."

"I'm guessing he's the oldest then. Is he coming?"

"Um, no. He was Lyra's twin. He's um... he passed." Ki shuffled her feet under the table, hoping what Lyra shared with her was okay to share with her brother as well.

"Oh." Shori closed his eyes. "Wow, that really sucks. I never would've known she was a twin."

"Yeah. That's the point. They moved here after he died."

"It was recently?"

Ki swallowed. "Last year."

"Fuck... that's awful." He shook his head. "That poor girl... Wow. I can't even imagine."

"She's dealing with it better than I would have. It still really bugs her though."

"God, I just want to give that child a hug." He sounded so soft, almost like he was holding back the urge to crying.

"Yeah. I know how you feel." Ki sighed, shifting her gaze to look solemnly at the table now.

"Did they know he was sick?"

Ki looked up to him and stared at his face, full of questions and remorse, and all she could do was shake her head. She took a deep breath and looked back down to the table, picking at the hair tie on her wrist on the hand that lie right next to her phone.

"He um... it was a suicide, Shori." She snapped the band back against her skin.

There was a gentle silence that filled the air as Ki forced herself to sit still in her chair. Shori not saying anything back was so uncharacteristically him, that for a moment Ki thought maybe he hadn't heard her.

She glanced up at her brother and he was standing there with his mouth slightly agape, staring out into the living room with an expression Ki had never seen before.

His eyes scanned the room in front of him, his mouth slowly closing and instead pulling itself into something tighter. He curled his lips in, and bit down on them, keeping them in place as he closed his eyes and forced himself to turn slowly back towards the counter.

He put his hands out on the countertop in front of him and took a deep breath, such a suspicious behavior for Shori, that Ki was certain she had never seen him so... almost, anxious. He was acting as if he needed to calm himself down, as if he couldn't allow Ki to see him in a state of not knowing what to say.

It wasn't until she heard him taking a stifling deep breath, that she knew he was trying not to cry.

She had only _seen_ him cry twice. The first time was at their parents funeral, and again when they had first moved and he broke down when he thought Ki was asleep upstairs.

He was turned away from her because he was supposed to be her rock. That's how it always had been. Shori never came crying to Ki. It was _always_ the other way around.

However intriguing it was to see him in a rare state, Ki's heart immediately ached with the pain of knowing something she had said set him off.

"Shori..." She began to get up from her chair, delicately making sure it didn't make noise against the tile.

She watched him take a deep breath, trying to regain himself so that he could turn around and face her. But he didn't.

As she walked across the floor, her bare feet feeling the cold tile course through her toes, she could see Shori bringing his shirt up his chest, using the seam to wipe off any tears on his face.

"Are you okay?" She reached a hand out towards him, her fingers landing on the bare skin of his bicep that his short sleeve shirt didn't cover.

"Sorry..." He whispered. "Sorry."

He took a deep breath in and slowly turned to face Ki, his eyes betraying the fake smile he was trying to keep up.

"Sorry. Didn't mean to scare you. That one just..." He was trying so hard to keep his voice up, but near the end it dropped again as he tried to take another deep breath.

"It's okay."

"No... it's not." Ki watched as another tear fell down his face, followed by him trying to shake his head to get it to go away.

"It's not okay, Ki..." His voice cracked.

He closed his eyes and Ki reached out to him with her other hand, trying to pull him into a hug, which he almost tried refusing.

She leaned her head into his chest as he pulled her in, using his left hand to gently pull all of her hair back behind her shoulders so that he didn't crush it as he held onto her.

"I'm sorry." He whispered.

"It's alright." She replied as she tightened her grip around his back.

"But it's not alright for him. It's not alright for all those other kids out there that felt helpless too..." He took a deep breath, Ki feeling the rise of his chest as she closed her eyes, listening to the staggered breathing turn into something more calm. "It almost wasn't alright for me, and maybe that's why it hurts so goddamn much to know that this kid didn't make it out."

_What did that mean?_ Panic fled through Ki's mind, her eyes forcing back open in a desperate attempt for those words to be a figment of her imagination.

"What?" Ki could barely force out in the form of a whisper.

"Five years ago... I... tried."

"You tried what, Shori?" Ki panicked, her fear leaving her words, as she had to remind herself to breathe.

He stayed silent, carefully breathing in at a rate much slower than Ki at this point. She stared at the coffee machine coming to a dull, slow drip that she thought would calm her down, but it didn't. It just reminded her that he still hadn't answered her question.

"Shori?!" She clenched a fistful of his shirt in her hand as she anxiously awaited for him to respond.

"Shhhh... calm down. I would _never_ do it. I wouldn't ever try again, you hear me?" He whispered in a tone so low, it scared Ki shitless. He was completely and utterly serious.

"What did you do?!" She clung on to him, taking in the feel of his arms around her as if it were the last time.

She knew it wouldn't be. But she didn't know that back then.

"I..."

He brushed his hand over her hair again, slowly trying to bring her comfort.

"I was going to down a bottle of Advil and NyQuil and lock myself into the bathroom. Well... more like, lock you out."

Ki wanted to scream. She wanted to cry. _How had she never known what her brother was going through?_

"Wh... I..." Ki couldn't find the words to say.

She wanted to know when.

She wanted to know why.

She wanted to know what pushed him.

Or what gave him the idea.

Or what stopped him...

She wanted to know what stopped him.

"What happened?" She whispered.

He took a deep breath and Ki felt his chest rise against her cheek, coming back down again as he gathered the courage to speak.

"I thought I had nothing. I felt so alone and empty. Here I was thinking I was capable of raising this child that had just lost her parents, when I had just lost mine too. I figured, if I died, then you'd go to some happy family in this town that could take care of you better than I could, and when I put that through my head... there was nothing left. There was nobody left for me. There was no purpose."

"What stopped you?" Ki clung on to him, listening to him breathe in and out as he stood there in front of her alive and well.

_One_ alteration and it could've been a totally different situation.

"You did, actually." He pulled his arm tighter around her shoulders. "I was in the bathroom thinking about what I was going to write to you, or leave you, when I heard you crying—well more like screaming—from your bedroom."

"There was no other choice, I had to go to you, I had to make sure you were okay. And when I got in there, you were hyperventilating in the middle of your bed, pulling at your sweatshirt frantically and repeating 'make it stop, make it stop.' That was the first time you woke up to a panic attack."

"I didn't know how to deal with it so I just wrapped you in a hug and carried you to my bedroom, and you slept right there beside me in my bed all night long, quietly and peacefully. That's when I knew... you didn't need a perfect family. You needed the family you had left."

He brushed a hand over Ki's hair again, and brushed it behind her free ear as he let the hand fall back down to her shoulder. She took a deep breath as she closed her eyes to the sunlight shining in from the window above the sink.

"After that night, I just kept reminding myself that you needed me. After a while I stopped thinking about it all together... it took me about a year, but eventually I just realized that I could build my life back up and restart. For me, and for you. And I swear to God, Kizokira, I have never ever considered actually going through with it again. I would never leave you."

Ki unraveled the part of his shirt that she had clenched in her fist and started to ease herself away from complete choke-hug-Shori-to-keep-him-alive defense.

"Never." She whispered.

" _Never._ " He dropped his arm from her shoulder.

Ki let go of her brother reluctantly, watching his face as soon as she was far enough to see him. He gave her a reassuring nod as she started backing away from him, carefully one step at a time.

"Did Andi know?" She said backing herself into the counter, which she caught herself by sticking her hands behind her as it struck her back.

"He did..." He nodded, staring at the floor. "When I met him, I was still struggling a little bit, and he was so, so good at talking it out with me. He was so patient and kind, and exactly what I needed to fully get myself together."

Ki couldn't help but let a gentle smile creep onto her face. It was amazing that Andi was able to help him out in the ways that Ki never knew she needed to. It made her even more grateful for the time he chose to show up in their lives.

"And now look where you are..." She smiled, squinting at the window with the sun shining directly into her eyes.

"Everyday with you two makes me glad I never got far enough." He whispered back, returning the smile that reached all the way to his eyes.

Ki could tell when he was faking it or when he was being sincere, because when he was genuinely smiling, there were little crinkles besides his eyes that appeared and made that smile all the more convincing.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you Shori."

"I wasn't your responsibility Ki." Shori looked to her with his eyebrows crinkled towards the center of his face. "You were just a kid."

"I was _14_." Ki emphasized her age, even though she was _definitely_ still considered a minor.

"14 with no parents and a mental health issue I couldn't afford to fix."

Ki didn't realize how fucked her teen years were until he shone a light on it. It hit her like a wave of realization that this whole time, she had been a basket case that Shori had been dealing with on his own. No help. Ever. He tried to be a parent he shouldn't have ever had to be. He tried to find solutions for the problems he couldn't fix. All the while, trying to find motivation to fix himself. Once again, on his own. With no help.

"Sorry." She whispered, looking away from the sun.

"I didn't say it was your fault. Just... don't feel bad you didn't know, okay? There was nothing you could've done to help me."

"Okay."

"Kiddo, seriously. I'm fine. We're all fine. Nothing is your fault, and everything is good now." Shori tapped her on the arm with the back of his hand as he leaned over towards the counter to grab his coffee from behind where Ki was standing.

"Yeah... fine." She nodded as she smelt the whiff of Irish creme that came from his cup as he pulled it past her.

_What she wouldn't do for a cup of coffee this morning,_ she salivated over the smell.

"Okay, now what was the original conversation we were having?" Shori bounced back after taking a short sip of his coffee, now cooled down from the time he had left it sitting.

"What?" Ki squinted at the window again, getting conversational whiplash. "Oh... I'm going to Lyra's family dinner tomorrow."

"Yes." He snapped. "That's it. Let's go over some fake conversation starters, yeah?"

"No." Ki smiled, holding down a chuckle at her brother's enthusiasm.

"Trust me, from experience I know you want to be prepared for _any_ question."

" _Any_ question?"

"Andi's mother asked me my annual salary the first time we all had dinner..."

"Okay, well she's weird as fuck and disapproving of any males being with her son... so it would make sense that you'd have to be super rich to win her over."

"Yeah... maybe that's why she hates me..." He tapped on the side of his cup with his index finger.

"Other than the fact that you're a dude?" Ki laughed, raising her eyes to Shori.

"You know... that could've been it too." He pondered, staring out into the living room with his lips scrunched up to his nose.

"Okay, so how should I approach this? Like, realistically."

"What's your name? Where are you from? What do you want to go to school for? Where are you going? What do your parents do?" Shori said in a mockingly obnoxious deep voice. "Actually try to swerve on the parents one, excuse yourself or something, that's not something you want to be talking about over dinner. But still be prepared for family questions..."

"Got it."


	48. Chapter 48

**content warning:** (fourth one in a row eek sorry guys) verbal fight that discusses suicide details, vague biphobia

———————

"Hola, Ki! So good to see you! Come in, come in!" Lyra's mother was a joyful ball of energy as she held the door open to Ki, a jangle of beads on her wrist as she held out her hand in the air with excitement.

"Hello Mrs. Meclane. Happy Thanksgiving." Ki smiled warmly as she looked around in the living room behind her for Lyra.

"My husband is coming back from the airport with Cassie and John, they should be here any minute. But Lyra is up in her room, feel free to go upstairs." She waved a spoon in her hand as she scurried across the living room to reach the kitchen, her hair bouncing off the back of her shoulders in an unorganized fashion.

"I'll go find her then." Ki started slipping off her shoes, not bothering to untie her converse as she slid them off the back of her heels.

The fluffy carpet of the Meclane's living room met Ki's feet as she started her trek across the room to the staircase lined with decorative picture frames. With every step she took, she looked around carefully, truly taking in her surroundings for the first time.

Every other time she had been in the house, Lyra had been pulling her behind her, running from room to room, never stopping to take a minute to look around.

The neutral colors of the room reminded her a lot of the house she had lived in with her father and Shori's mom. The walls were a very light beige and the couch was a dark suede brown, accented with tan throw pillows and a white quilted blanket covered in what looked like faded childhood drawings. She made out one of the stick figure drawings on the quilt to be a self portrait, signed by Gabby in block letters at the bottom. Ki smiled as she passed it, bringing out her fingers to touch the rail in front of her that curled upwards towards the stairs. She smelt the aroma of possibly a cinnamon candle as she started walking upstairs, noticing the fake fireplace in front of the couch was on and crackling with a patterned flame.

Along the walls on the staircase, Ki looked at all the pictures of the Meclane's as she passed them.

One was from the parents wedding. What looked to be a small beach gathering, probably along the coast of some Cuban getaway point.

Another was what looked to be a younger Gabrielle, smiling with a gap in her teeth as she held a new born in her arms. Ki assumed from the pink blanket and hovering older sister in the background, it had to be Liana.

There was a picture of Lyra, Gabby, and Cassie dressed up in cheer uniforms, smiling through ridiculous amounts of glittery makeup that Gabby looked way too young to be wearing. They were all standing in front of a senior poster of Cassie from the school they'd attended in Florida. It must've been their last year all doing cheer together.

And as Ki reached the top of the staircase, her eyes landed on the last picture on the wall, a still of Lyra mid-pass on a soccer ball, sticking her hand out beside her to stop the boy coming up on her left. They both looked sweaty and exhausted, but there was a sense of excitement and playfulness in Lyra's smile as she looked to her side to watch him. He returned the same smile, staring at the ball underneath her feet with the same determination. The way his face lit up like hers, the way his eyes traced the space out in front of him, the way his smile traced up to his cheeks with his light freckles hidden under his eyes... he was just like his sister. Or maybe she was just like him.

Ki had to rip her eyes away from the photo, knowing that if she stayed there, she could've analyzed every single thing they shared.

She rose above the last step and as she did, she saw the open door of Lyra's room, fading daylight shining out in the form of the shadows of her belongings. The shadow of Lyra was moving, almost bouncing in a lighthearted way as it mirrored out onto the hallway floor in fluttered movements.

She walked across the hallway floor, taking the few steps necessary to reach Lyra's doorway and once she was there, she couldn't help but smile at what she saw.

Lyra had her back turned away from the door, her curled hair bouncing—just like her mother's—under a set of baby blue headphones that were set over her ears. She was making motions with her hands as she was lightly jumping around, moving with her eyes closed to whatever song was filling her mind.

Ki walked slowly into the room, watching Lyra with an ever growing smile as she started pumping her fists into the air, shaking her head as her hair fell down in front of her face.

Lyra's shadow on the floor became interrupted as Ki's joined in, blurring the difference between the two.

Ki was about to laugh at how oblivious Lyra was to the fact that she was less than two feet behind her, when Lyra spun around, her arms swinging to her sides as she turned to unknowingly smack Ki in the face.

Lyra yelped as her eyes bolted open, shock wearing widely on her expression as her eyes searched out in front of her for answers.

"Ow." Ki laughed as Lyra spring to the realization of who was in front of her, pulling down the headphones to her neck so quickly it could've torn out her hair.

"Oh my god! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to!" Lyra reached out to touch Ki's face, holding her cheeks between her hands with a curiosity as she searched her face for injury.

"Lyra I'm fine." She laughed again through squished cheeks, rolling her eyes as her girlfriend continued to panic.

"I don't want you to..."

"Lyra..."

"Ki, I never..."

"Lyraaaaa..."

Lyra held her head still for a moment, looking into Ki's eyes with a thin line of confusion worn across her lips.

"It's fine." Ki nodded in Lyra's hands, watching the expression on her face resolve to a calmer state.

"Okay." She whispered, letting her lips fall into a frown instead, which fell short of affecting the rest of her features.

"You look nice." Ki looked down at Lyra's outfit in attempt to change the conversation.

Lyra dropped her hands from Ki's face and used them to pull down the sleeves of her warm yellow sweater. It looked a size too big for her, but paired with her favorite black leggings, Ki doubted that Lyra actually minded at all—if anything she probably crafted the look to appear that way.

"So do you." Lyra beamed looking over Ki head to toe.

"Well that's because Andi picked it out." Ki responded with a monotone shrug.

"Kiiiiii..." Lyra rolled her eyes laughing as she bounced across the rug with her matching yellow koala socks. "Come on, I think I just heard the car door." She held out her hand to Ki as she crossed past her.

"Oh no."

Ki grabbed on to her hand, letting her pull them both back into the hallway, linking their fingers together with a pause before they reached the stairs.

"You'll be fineeee."

————————

It had only been forty minutes since they started dinner, and things were _not_ going fine.

Lyra's father sat awkwardly at the head of table, never really knowing what to say, or how to make conversation with the group in front of him.

From their first encounter, Ki could tell he spoke perfect English, he just apparently didn't know how to talk to a family he hadn't seen since they moved.

Ki figured it would've been the opposite. If it were her she would be asking questions left and right trying to catch up with what had happened with Shori and Andi, but maybe he felt out of place now.

Lyra's mother held most of the conversation with Cassie and John, and in the moment they were laughing over a story of how John had tripped and spilled a coffee on Cassie during their first date.

Lyra sat smiling, intensively listening, but not interacting with the conversation as she leaned her head over onto her hand in front of her empty dinner plate.

Ki just followed her example, letting her hands fall into her lap and laughing at opportune moments even if she knew she didn't actually find it interesting. Gabby seemed to pick up that Ki was completely faking it as she often stared at her from across the table, making stupid faces every time she reacted to something.

Gabrielle was secretly the family shitster. It seemed as if everyone in the family—but Cassie—was oblivious to the things she pulled behind the scenes. She smirked when she picked up on a dirty joke, she teased Lyra on her flaws and mishaps, she tried to make Ki laugh in inopportune moments, and she never had anything to say that wasn't sarcastic. Mrs. Meclane dismissed it as teenage behavior, but it really was a facet of her personality that Ki didn't think was going away anytime soon.

Cassie was the one that Ki was having trouble reading into. She was sophisticated and intelligent, but able to adjust well to normal conversation. She held herself like an established adult, when really she was only 3 years older than Lyra, which made Ki painfully aware that she was probably their prize winning child. But what really confused Ki about her, was her uncharacteristic personality. She was so different from the Meclane's lighthearted and free flowing energy, that as an outsider she wouldn't have known they were related. She was closed minded and abrasive sometimes, probably a fault of her heightened intellect, but overall Ki felt as though she was able to adapt to her family's dynamic and fit in well enough to pass.

"So what are you studying John?" The head of the table spoke up to interject the conversation Ki was zoned out of until now.

"I'm an accounting major." The fair skinned male from beside Cassie looked down to the other end of the table.

"Accounting, that's nice. Isn't that what you're doing Cassandra?" Her father nodded his head towards the eldest daughter now, shifting everyone's gaze to the other head of the table.

"No, papá. I'm in economics and mathematics." She shyly glanced up to her father across the table.

"They are similar, no?"

"Yes, they are a little." John nodded. "Almost the same department, but different areas of specialization."

"Ah, I see, I see." Mr. Meclane leaned forward in his seat, resting his hands on the table. "And what are you going to school for Ki?"

"Marco, I doubt she's even thought about that yet." Lyra's mother gently tapped him on the arm with the back of her hand.

"I'm not sure. My... brother in law... tells me I would be good in an astronomy or physics field though, so I might consider it." Ki stared at the wall behind Lyra's father the whole time, becoming too anxious to make eye contact, but also wanting to at least look interested.

"You good at math?" He raised his eyebrows. "My Cassie is good at math."

"No sir, well I'm decent, but not _good_ per se. I'm more interested in science."

"They go hand in hand, no?"

"A little bit I suppose." Ki shrugged.

She could feel a gentle heat rising to her cheeks even though she had done nothing embarrassing. The attention alone was getting to her.

"You should take some lessons from Cassie. She will teach you math, she is very, very good at it." He leaned forward, using his hand to motion to his daughter.

"Marco?" Lyra's mom interjected, her accent wearing heavy on the pronunciation of his name.

"Si, mi amor?"

"Can you help me gather the dishes, por favor? Let's let the kids be." She began stacking her fork and knife on top of her white porcelain plate.

"Of course." He replied softly, pushing his seat back and messily grabbing his dishes off of the table, followed by him snatching up Gabrielle's and then Cassie's.

"I'll get ours mamá." Lyra mumbled as she started reaching for Ki's plate, which Ki was already stacking with her silverware.

"Nonsense. Sit down." Her mother smiled, holding out her hand for Lyra to hand her the plates.

"Gracias, mamá." She whispered.

"Yeah, thanks mom." Cassie said handing over John's plate as well.

As Cassie spoke, Ki noticed her accent was almost obsolete. The rest of them held on to signal words, or pronunciations that rolled off their tongues differently than they did for Ki... but Cassie? She sounded like she was born English, which Ki knew from the stories of Cuba—she wasn't. She wondered if maybe her parents thought about it as well, maybe if it made them sad—or perhaps happy that she was able to assimilate so well.

"So..." Gabby awkwardly clicked her tongue as she leaned back in her chair.

Ki looked to her to say something sarcastic to lead the conversation, perhaps to start them all laughing, but they were just locked in a stare of 'I don't know, you talk first.'

Lyra took a deep breath and looked beside her to Ki, and then across to Gabby, finally deciding to glare back to the older two.

"So John, where are you from?" She sighed.

"Um, Pennsylvania. Pittsburgh, actually." He fumbled with his jacket.

"That explains why you're so white." Gabrielle mumbled under her breath with a slight chuckle.

"Gabby!" Cassie glared at her. "Seriously?"

"Come on! It's not fair that I make fun of Ki all the time, but don't get to make fun of John!" She motioned her hand over to Ki, which made Ki smile a little as Lyra bit her lips together beside her, holding back deserving laughter.

"John is an adult. He's older than you, you don't say things like that."

"So is Ki, but I don't give her special treatment." Gabby smirked, challenging her sister.

"Ki is in _high school_." Cassie deadpanned.

"Are you saying we aren't relevant because we're still in high school?" Lyra leaned forward, helping Gabby's case with the most serious face she could muster.

"No, you..."

"Cassie..." John interrupted with a laugh, reaching his hand out to place on top of hers. "Chill. They're messing with you."

Cassie sank back from the table, staring at them all with a blank face, holding onto John's hand loosely as the girls all smiled between each other.

"So Ki... where are you from? I haven't heard very much about you, tell me about yourself..." John started the conversation this time, trying to save it from Cassie's intervention.

"Well I live on the other side of town, but I moved here from Texas a few years back."

"Texas! That's cool. I went there once, it was really hot."

"Yeah." Ki laughed. "It's hot for sure. Don't think I ever wore a winter coat in my life before I moved."

"What could've ever persuaded you to come up here?"

"My dad wanted to get away. He liked the job he was offered better up here anyways."

"What does he do?"

Ki swallowed thickly, wishing now that she hadn't given her water glass to Mrs. Meclane for dishes.

"He was a firefighter. Got a be a battalion chief, actually."

"That's ironic... my mom was a dispatcher, I wonder if their paths ever crossed..." He smiled, motioning his free hand out to Ki.

"Maybe." Ki whispered, glancing down at her golden weaved placemat on the table.

"Do you have any siblings?"

"My brother." Ki looked back up to him. "Step-brother actually, he's older than me, but I uh, I live with him and his fiancée. They're uh... really cool." She nodded.

"Oh, that's fun."

"You live with your step-brother?" Cassie mumbled in question, curiously glancing over her way.

"Yeah." Ki looked down into her lap, noticing now that the shade of black on her pants didn't match the shade of black in her jacket.

"That's kinda weird. Why don't you live with your dad?"

"Cass, shut up." Gabby leaned forward to the table, raising her eyes as if to really say 'Cass shut _the fuck_ up.'

" _What_?" Cassie retorted to Gabby, motioning her hand in a 'I've done nothing wrong manner.'

"It's okay Gabby." Ki sighed, straightening back up in her seat. "I... well, my brother pretty much adopted me."

"Is that even legal?"

"For fucks sake, Cassie, stop talking." Lyra nearly shouted at her sister, her eyebrows weaves together in an angry glare that Ki had only seen once before at a soccer game.

"Don't talk to me like that." Cassie craned her head back as if offended.

"Take a _fucking_ hint then." Lyra leaned forward getting closer to John who was in the seat that separated the two.

There was an obvious tension between the girls. Ki had noticed it as soon as Cassie walked in and Lyra fled straight to the kitchen. She had ignored her all night long, and seemed desperate for an escape with her mother when she knew they would all be left at the table together.

_What could possibly make two sisters hate each other as much as these two obviously did?_

"Seriously? Grow up Lyra!"

"Here we go again." Gabrielle pushed her seat back and crossed one leg over the other in a dramatic fashion.

Ki glanced to her for an answer, but all she did was roll her eyes and wait for the other shoe to drop.

"Maybe we should just change the topic." John suggested innocently from between the two.

"Doesn't matter if we change the topic, because what ever we talk about, she'll be an oblivious prick." Lyra leaned her head over to stare at her sister.

"This is why I don't come around anymore. You act like you can't stand me all the time."

"Maybe just try having like, I don't know... human emotion sometimes?!"

"I do!" Cassie threw her hand up and then slammed it back down on the table.

"No... you don't. Or you wouldn't say insensitive shit that you know deep down in your high horse intellect, is going to hurt people."

"Oh, so now you want to blame it on the fact that I'm smarter than you?"

"I don't care what your damn ACT score is Cassie! Nobody cares! Just have a little compassion, dear God."

"You know what, someday you'll wish you paid attention in school instead of fucking off with your classmates instead."

"Wow, Cassie dropped an F-bomb." Gabby whispered under her breath, unamused.

"Classmates? You mean friends, Cassie? Are you unfamiliar with the concept?" Lyra smirked.

_Low blow Lyra._ Ki thought in the back of her mind, although she would never say it out loud. She had never seen Lyra so heated... so angry before. It was a side of her she didn't know existed. Before then, she was convinced Lyra didn't have a mean bone in her body. Now she knew _exactly_ why Lyra was hesitant about family dinner.

"I have friends, actually. At least I don't date the only one I can keep around because I'm so desperate for attention." Cassie fake frowned, glaring at Ki with such a precision that made her both scared and anxious to be the center of attention.

"Cass...?!" John looked to his girlfriend surprised at the remark, obviously just as uncomfortable as Ki.

Lyra took a deep breath and looked away from her sister for a moment. Ki could tell that one really hit her. Being alone was one of Lyra's biggest insecurities—she could barely stand to go a day without seeing one, if not all of her friends.

She knew Cassie was blowing off steam, but this one really started making Ki uncomfortable. _What if she was right? What was their relationship if it was only out of desperation?_ Ki had to take a deep breath as she scratched her knee, absent mindedly trying to take away her energy.

"Fuck you Cassandra." Lyra grumbled angrily as she stared at the table. "She's not like that."

"Isn't she though? She's really not your type... I mean you don't even date girls! There's really no other reason you would even..."

This one hit Ki harder than he thought it would. _What did she mean, 'not your type'? Was Ki a pity case? Was it really all desperation?_ She tried taking another deep breath, but at this point her heart was racing and she couldn't help but pick at the seam of her jeans on her thigh.

"Shut up!" Gabby chimed in, uncrossing her legs with a disgusted look on her face.

"I don't have to justify my relationship _or_ sexuality to you. You're never here, you wouldn't know a damn thing about me!" Lyra turned to Cassie with a serious tone.

"Oh, so I'm right?"

"Would you leave them alone?" Gabrielle tried to intervene again.

Ki could sense the tension that Gabby held, hopelessly hanging on to her last bit of sanity before everything broke. She held the same tension in her as well, clinging on to it with everything she had so she wouldn't crumble in front of Lyra's family. Confrontation was one of Ki's worst fears, now was not the time to get caught up in it.

"You're not right about everything all the time! Jesus, can I live my life without you questioning all my choices?!"

"Guys seriously, stop." Gabby leaned over to rest her hands on the table, anxiously sensing they were going to start brawling any minute.

"Pipe down Gabby, you wouldn't understand."

"She's not five Cass! Stop treating us like children. And stop making assumptions about me, or my sister for that matter, when you haven't even been around for the past two years!"

"Yeah, no offense Cassie... actually, I don't give a shit if you take offense to it—but we've been through some shit these past few years and it sucks that you think you can run away and forget it all and come back and all of us be the same. We're not. None of us are. You actually seem to be the only one who hasn't given a shit about anything..." Gabby looked at her with a serious face as she leaned into the rail of her chair.

"Is this about what happened to Cygnus?" Cassie sighed as she sank down into the back of her chair.

"You mean your fucking _brother_? The one you left at home alone for a fucking club meeting?" Lyra gripped her hands around the rails of her seat, clearly brewing with frustration.

"It was important!"

That was it. Ki saw it so very clearly now. That was what pushed the two so far apart. It was Cygnus. Or rather, the night of his death. A part of Lyra's soul that could've been saved had her sister not been so careless.

"And I begged you not to leave him, you remember that?!" Lyra practically rose to the edge of her seat, one step away from being in a full yell. "Do you remember how I texted you how worried I was about him... begging you to stay home with him until I got home from my game? Because I do. And you left anyways."

"Lyra, how could you have expected me to know?!" Cassie looked at her with a mimicking anger.

"But I knew!" Lyra pointed to her own chest. "I knew he was in pain, and all I wanted you to do was fucking stay until I got home. But did you? No! No you didn't, you left him."

"I'm going to go use the restroom." John quietly excused himself—Ki almost envied him for such a smooth exit, which everyone knew was just him avoiding the conversation he clearly didn't feel inept in.

Cassie watched him get up, almost begging for him to stay and defend her, but he didn't. He just kept walking right down the hall, away from the chaos, into a peaceful sector of the house that remained unaffected. Ki wished she had slipped away earlier, but perhaps here is where she was needed most. If not for Lyra, for Gabby to still feel important.

"You can't blame me for what happen to him, that's not fair Lyra." Cassie whispered shaking her head.

"You don't even feel bad! You don't even care! If you would've cared at least a little bit about him, you would've seen if he was okay. I had no choice. There was no way I could've been there. I was at a game an hour away with no ride home. But you..." Lyra's voice cracked as she looked down into her lap, her fingers still gripping tightly onto the chair in frustration. "God... you were there, and you still left him..." She whispered, her voice almost shifting into something darker, and deeper, more sincere instead of angry. A scary type of sad.

"It wasn't my fault." Cassie whispered back.

"How was it not?" Lyra looked up, a single tear falling down the half of her face that Ki could see clearly. "Because to me, you're the one who left him there to die."

"Lyra..." Gabrielle's eyes softened and became somewhat empathetic, a trait Ki had never seen in her before. Her voice was caring and serious—gentle as if talking to a preschool child. "Don't."

"Neither of you found him!" She raised her voice, sniffling through the tears that were streaming down her cheeks at a much higher rate now. "I did!"

The tentative expression that Ki was previously holding dropped as soon as the words left her mouth. It was devastating. To be that close to someone, and then be the one to see their lifeless body for the first time... it had to be traumatic. Ki wondered how the poor girl was even still alive. She never would have been able to take that image in her mind every day, hell she couldn't even handle the image she _didn't_ have in her head every day.

"Lyra..."

"I did." She spoke again. "When you left, he was alive. When I got home, he wasn't. That fucking hurts like hell Cassie! Can you even imagine for a second how that felt to find him?"

"No."

"It was the worst pain I have ever felt, and probably will ever feel, in my entire life. It was soul crushing and so freaking terrifying. What are you supposed to do when you come home and find a dead body in your bathroom? Because I sure as hell didn't know. And I sure as hell couldn't even register the fact that he was dead until the damn paramedics got there."

She sniffled again, raising her sweater up to her face to wipe away some of the tears reaching her jaw.

"Lyra, I think you should calm down. I don't want to see you getting worked up over this." Gabby whispered with the expression of a hurt puppy. This obviously wasn't the first time she had dealt with Lyra been ragingly sad, and it just sucked that she had to be the one to tell her sister to stop talking about their dead brother.

Lyra gave a short fake laugh. "It's too late for that."

"Seriously." Her sister frowned. "I don't want you to get hurt again."

Lyra looked across the table to her sister, dropping her sleeves back down to her sides instead of wiping her face. Her mood shifted a little bit back to her normal self—calm and level headed. She gave one small nod to Gabby and then mumbled "Lo siento. You're right."

Cassie tilted her head down to stare into her lap, obviously feeling now wasn't the time to snap back at either one of her sisters. She stayed quiet and motionless as the rest of them exchanged glances of sympathy.

"Hey..." Ki reached out to Lyra's arm as she began standing up, taking ahold of the seam of her sweater by her wrist.

"Sorry." Lyra whispered again, giving Ki a reassuring grimace that couldn't fool either one of them.

"How about we get some air?" Ki suggested softly guiding Lyra away from the table as they both stood to walk away.

"Can we leave?" She whispered, almost inaudibly as she nearly leaned into Ki from the start of their walk.

"And go where?"

The tears kept falling down Lyra's face no matter how hard she may have tried to make them stop. She tried taking deep breaths to calm down her irrational breathing, but everything just made her look like more of unstable mess. She eventually caved to the fact that everything wasn't okay, and mumbled a quiet:

"I don't care... anywhere."


	49. Chapter 49

voice mail from unknown:

"Hey Ki, I know it's like really freaking early in the morning for you, but please just let me know when you get this. I just want to know how Lyra is... I'm heading to the gym so if you need anything my phone will be on me, just please tell me if she's back to normal when she wakes up, or we're going to have a problem again, and I'm _really_ trying to avoid that. Anyways, just text me. Bye."

Ki pulled the phone down from her ear and looked at the time next to the message.

5:57 am.

_Damn Gabby._

She then looked at the tiny time stamp on top of her screen.

9:42 am.

_Well shit._

Lyra was still asleep on her lap, her hand draped over the side of the couch lazily with her phone loosely balanced between her fingers and the floor.

Ki took a minute before deciding to respond, craning her neck around the couch to see if either of the boys were awake in the kitchen, or still tucked away upstairs.

When they came home last night, they were forcefully throwing expired marshmallows at each other in the kitchen, which although Ki couldn't help but laugh at, was not the right thing to walk in on with Lyra.

She smiled and waved as if everything were okay and then promptly curled up in Ki's arms and stayed silent for the rest of the night; only nodding her head once when asked if she wanted to watch a movie.

It was concerning how mute she was, but Ki guessed it was a fluke incident that would soon be forgotten from a solid 8 hours of sleep and sunshine outside their window.

She decided that worrying Gabby was unnecessary, so she opened her phone and typed out:

delivered:  
hey gab it's ki. I think she's okay. she's sleeping right now.

she got an immediate reply.

lyra jr 🏐  
okay. it'll probably be best if she spends the day with you if that's cool, if not I can swing by and get her but Cassie and John spent the night here last night and I think damage control says they should stay separated

delivered:  
yeah that's totally fine. not like I'm going to mind

lyra jr 🏐  
figured. just uh, you know have fun

lyra jr 🏐  
but not too much fun ;)

delivered:  
there's the dirty remark I was waiting for

lyra jr 🏐  
if my sister comes home pregnant I'll kill you

delivered:  
once again gabby...

delivered:  
IT DOESNT WORK LIKE THAT

lyra jr 🏐  
just covering all the grounds here

lyra jr 🏐  
I'm not stupid I know ki lmao

delivered:  
trust me... she's fine

lyra jr 🏐  
I know she is

lyra jr 🏐  
contrary to my usual "I hate you because you're dating my sister" attitude, I actually trust you

delivered:  
I should feel honored

lyra jr 🏐  
it truly is an honor

lyra jr 🏐  
if I wanted to end you I would've

delivered:  
damn okay

Ki set down her phone on the arm of the couch with a smile as she glanced back down to Lyra sleeping.

Her mouth was hanging slightly open, her hair almost falling in as it draped over her cheek. Ki wanted to laugh at the tangles that were forming from her falling out curls, but instead she just admired her messy morning self in its rarest form.

Then as if a mystical alarm clock was set off across the universe, the phone dangled on the edges of Lyra's fingertips started buzzing.

She quickly jerked her head up off of Ki's lap, her hair becoming evidently worse as she leaned up worriedly, bringing her phone up to her face.

Ki saw the screen as she held it up.

_Mamá._

"Ugh." Lyra plopped back down in Ki's lap, pressing the red deny button as she held the phone out in front of her face.

"Not gonna pick that up?" Ki mumbled as Lyra settled back into the couch, awake but barely holding on to consciousness.

"No." She grumbled into Ki's leg, flopping the phone down on the couch beside her.

"Does she know where you are?"

"I'm sure Gabby told her." She waved it off as she let her arm fall back over the side of the couch. "What time is it?"

"Like almost 10."

"Damn that's early." She yawned into the side of Ki's knee.

"Early? You know Shori woke up at 5 to go to work... now that's early." Ki giggled as she grabbed a section of Lyra's hair and pulled it back towards her neck.

"Ew, why is he even working today?"

"Overtime. He's been all over it for the wedding." She tucked it all loosely behind her ear.

"Oh... right."

"Andi is still upstairs though, so no throwing parties." Ki smiled down at her girlfriend.

"Oh yeah, like I want to throw a party." Lyra rolled her eyes and attempted to hold back her smile.

"What do you want to do today though? I've got absolutely nothing planned, and Andi is most likely going to be grading papers and catching up on Supergirl all day."

"Can I surprise you?" Lyra turned her head over so that she was looking up at Ki, albeit upside down.

"How are you going to surprise me? We're at my house and driving my car."

"Yeah, okay well... I don't know... can I drive?"

"Drive the Jeep?"

"Yeah." Lyra whispered hesitantly.

"No." Ki almost felt bad with her immediate response.

It's not that she didn't trust Lyra, it's just that car meant more to her than most things she owned. The whole damn family worked their asses off so they could buy her that car for her birthday. Ki had picked it out and Shori bought it, no questions asked. He didn't even have his own car, yet Ki had one that was newer than Andi's.

"Okay." Lyra shrugged it off. "How about I tell you where to turn?"

"I mean that could work, but you know I'll figure it out right?"

"It's all I've got, Ki."

Ki pondered it for a second. She knew her way around every back road in this tiny little town, and definitely knew where all the staple places to visit worth a damn, so the element of surprise would be completely lost on her, but if it made Lyra happy, it was worth a shot.

"Alright." She sighed. "You want something new to wear first?"

"Uh, I didn't bring anything."

"I know, you dork." Ki smiled down at Lyra, who although upside down still looked as cute as ever with the light pout on her face.

"Oh..." Her face dawned with realization. "Um... actually for what I'm thinking I think I'll just keep this on."

"Okay so given that you know where we're going... what do I wear?"

"Can I pick it out?" Lyra bit her lip with a playful smile.

Ki tried looking at her with a 'really?' pout, but it ended up just turning into a small grin that spread across her lips like uncontrollable wildfire.

"I suppose."

————————

"My GPS says turn left but that looks like a forest." Lyra frowned as she tilted her phone over in her hands.

"Lyra we're literally just on State Street, a few minutes and we'll be out of town, there's nowhere _to_ turn left. There's only one road on the right even." Ki sighed, drumming her thumbs on the steering wheel to the sound of RIP 2 My Youth playing in the background.

"But I swear that's the direction we need to be going... I think..." Lyra squinted at the map. "Shit! No wait it _is_ that right turn!"

Ki tried not to laugh as she started slowing down, putting on her turn signal as Lyra was intensely trying to stare at the directions while hiding her phone from Ki.

"You know there's only two places we could be going on this road and one of them is a Starbucks..."

"Shhhhhh, you don't know that..." Lyra mumbled staring out the window as they turned on to Jackson Road. "Maybe we're going out of town."

"Oh yeah? And what would you know out of town?"

"The uh... one mall."

"The mall forty minutes away?!" Ki glared over to her, praying that wasn't her intentions.

"Maybe I want to go shopping..."

"Jesus Lyra... if I would've known that..."

"Turn left." Lyra quickly interrupted.

Ki barely had a second to think before she had to quickly slow down to turn. She knew the exact entrance they were turning into by heart, it was a little odd however coming here on a Friday. They were typically closed.

"You know they're closed on Friday mornings right?" She said pulling into the mostly empty parking lot of The Snow Box Ice Arena.

"Actually..." Lyra smiled slyly, waving her phone in her hand. "I called while you were in the bathroom earlier. Taron works here, he said they're doing a special Black Friday thing at 2, but he'd let us in before since no one else had rented the ice and his boss is out of town, so his older brother is the manager and totally hung over right now... which is kinda unfortunate, but also funny."

"Oh my god, what?" Ki couldn't help but break into a smile. "We're getting the whole ice?"

"Only for an hour before he has to clean it, but yeah." Lyra shrugged. "Figured you could... like teach me or watch me fall or something..."

"That's... so awesome... Lyra! The last time I was on the ice alone was... wow, when I was in Texas..." Ki shook her head in disbelief as she put the car in park.

"So you like it?" Lyra broke into a smile as she reached for her door handle.

"God I love it. Let's go!" Ki practically broke her door off as she ran to the back of her car to get her skates.

There were three things she always kept in the back of the Jeep. Her skating bag, an extremely large tied blanket from Shori's mom, and an extra pair of sweatpants.

She only needed one of those things today, but she was so damn thankful to herself that she never got around to taking them out of the back.

————————

Only half the lights in the room were on, causing the rink to be disproportionately darker in some areas than others. Those were honestly Ki's favorite spots—where she could skate without feeling exposed to the whole world watching.

Well of course no one was watching anyways. The rink was completely empty besides Taron and his brother, and they were both in the office upstairs.

Ki couldn't help but take a deep breath of the cold air in as she skated back in towards the middle from her lap away from Lyra.

"I might just stand here and walk around in circles to make myself feel like a professional." Lyra nodded as she stared down at her feet, pathetically stepping around like a toddler who couldn't turn.

"What? You don't think you already are a professional?" Ki grinned as she skated in close to Lyra, holding out her hand for her to grab as she started slowing down.

"Hmm yeah, I've been here a total of two times now?" Lyra grabbed onto Ki's hand whole heartedly. "That's not even beginners level."

"Is there something you want to try?"

"What and fall flat on my face? Yeah, no thanks."

Ki stopped just short of Lyra's skates and stood there holding on to her hand as if to pull her along, but they didn't move. Lyra looked down at her with a gentle smirk, holding their eyes together with her captivating glare. Ki was just short of leaning in to kiss her, when a wide smile suddenly spread across her face.

"What?"

"Can you show me how you used to skate?" Lyra whispered with excitement.

"Like teach you a routine?" Ki said in utter disbelief. There was no way Lyra could make it five steps in without getting hurt. That was not a risk Ki wanted to take.

"No, no... I just want to watch."

"Watch me skate?" Ki raised her eyebrows. "No... No way. I'm so rusty, it'd be embarrassingly terrible."

"Oh come on... it's going to look better than anything I could do either way..."

"I don't have music anyways, so no."

"You don't need music. I'll sing." Lyra broke into a grin.

"Lyra..."

"Please I just want to seeeee..."

Ki rolled her head back to stare at the central light that was illuminating the center of the ice. She took a deep breath and then exhaled with a "fine."

"What should I sing?" Lyra nearly bounced up as she started clapping her hands together.

"You don't have to sing." Ki shook her head trying not to laugh. "Just stay here in the middle okay?"

"Okay!"

"God this is going to be so bad." She sighed, releasing Lyra's hand as she began to skate past her.

"I think you're going to do great!" Lyra tried to turn around so that she could see Ki.

Ki was internally panicking as she came to a stop on the edge of the goal line, resting the pick of her skate into the ice where a divot already sat from the goal net from last night's hockey game. She really didn't know any routines without music, and she hadn't been in enough practice to just pull one out of her ass either. She thought long and hard about which routine she had previously done in her prime would make her look the least like a fool now, and eventually decided on a orchestral rendition to Christina Perry's A Thousand Years—the last routine she had done in competition.

She closed her eyes and started the song in the back of her mind, hearing the chords ringing out as she took the first stride out. It was a slower melody than her typical pieces so it should've been an easy adjustment given her lack of experience on the ice lately.

When she opened her eyes she was coming around the outside of the circle in which Lyra was standing in the middle. She didn't say a word, or make any faces, let alone smile. She just passed her and started with her arms out to her sides.

The lyrics began in the back of her mind—something she was previously used to filling in for herself at practices as the rendition had no lyrics to begin with. It was something that helped her stay on track and focused.

She closed her eyes again as she rounded the first part of her entrance, she followed it with a slow crossover, using her left foot to turn herself in the direction she needed to be heading.

The darkness of the rink left Ki in a melancholy memory of the exact day she performed this routine for the last time. She had spent so many days and practices perfecting it, just to come in fourth after the rest of the region had gone.

She rose one arm in front of her and one behind, using the extra balance as she shifted her weight to the front of her toe pick and spun back to begin the entry to her first attempt at a jump.

Typically at this point, she would've been preparing for a double axel but in no way would she have been able to land that correctly. It took her a year to get that far, and then when she tried to go further and attempt a triple she ended up landing sideways and nearly broke her ankle.

_No way we're doing that today._

A single would be enough.

She took a deep breath and took the jump, the sudden twist in the air passing faster than the blink of an eye. She landed back down on the right foot and nearly smiled that she was able to complete a jump successfully after three years of no real practice.

_Nice._

She switched back over to skating forwards as she came around the center now on the opposite side of where she started, glancing over to Lyra quickly, who was following her every move with a loose smile.

Ki's face lit up with a light blush as she allowed herself a moment to smile before she came up to her spin.

She went into it quickly, almost too fast as when she was wrapping her arms back in to her chest, she felt the unbalance nearly knock her over. She left both of her feet on the ice in the spin, leaving it a basic spiral, but at that point she surely would've fallen over with anything else.

_There's time to improve that._ Ki thought to herself as she came out of it with a backwards glide, bringing one foot slightly off the ice as she crossed over back to her forwards stroke.

Building up to the chorus, Ki increased her speed, coming around the next turn of the ice with several wide crossovers that led her back to a straightaway where she decided to go several turns from forwards to backwards instead of the normal move she would've pulled there.

She didn't have enough space to bring her leg up without possibly hitting Lyra so cutting that spin out seemed like a viable option.

The light was beaming down on her now that she was in the center, making her realize she was most likely going to get sweaty if she kept going like this. She could feel the heat behind her neck and already on her face from where she was previously blushing anyways.

She didn't have time to stop, nor was she in the position to break from the routine so instead she just integrated it in. Slowly as she began to crossover to her backwards flow again, she worked off the sleeves of her dark red leather jacket, feeling the brisk air meet her skin as she was left with nothing but her thin black t shirt brushing against the outline of her body from the breeze. She threw the jacket towards the center of the ice, landing a foot away from Lyra's feet, as she prepared to go into another spin.

This time she would get far enough from Lyra to actually being able to get that second foot up... if she didn't throw herself off balance again.

She went in a little slower this time, leaving herself using the movement of her arms to start the spin. As she counted the second rotation, she lifted her foot out and let her leg freely spin aside from her spinning foot in a lazy fashion that probably didn't look professional, or pretty for that matter, but also felt like a nice step up in Ki's book.

She never was very good at spins. For some reason, jumps were always her finer area, even though for most of the girls in her rink it was the other way around. Maybe she felt more intrigued with the competition to be able to move up in jumps before any of the other girls did. The imbalance between mastering both of them was what left her routines sloppy—or at least that's what she first heard when she came to free skate at Snow Box for the first time. Granted, the girl she talked to first was a bitch who just wanted to critique her instead of let her skate, but Ki still took it seriously. She was probably right, anyways.

As the momentum for the spin ended, she led herself out of it, remembering now that flighting dizzy feeling that can come from a little too many rotations.

_That's why I hated spins._ She reminded herself as she moved forwards again with a simple stroke, not confusing herself as she regained her center of gravity.

Another jump was coming up, she just couldn't remember which one. It was either the double salchow or the triple loop, both of which Ki had mastered flawlessly years ago—both to her and her trainer's surprise.

"Fuck it." She whispered under her breath, mounting up her energy to jump.

_Just pick one._

She didn't know what she was doing when she lifted her foot off the ice, but in a matter of a second she already had her feet twisted tightly together for a salchow.

Making a split second decision was rash and screwed up Ki's count in her head. She lost the song, she lost her rotations, she didn't know what foot she was landing on.

So she didn't.

She was halfway though a rotation when the rear of her right blade hit back down on the ice. It wasn't the elegant landing she was hoping for, so it came at a surprise. Her balance failed her as she tried to untangle the other foot, resulting in her inelegant fall sideways, crashing down onto the ice faster than she could put her arm out to catch herself.

The hit seared through her shoulder as she slid across the ice, her skin feeling the cold bite of the ice as she curled into her shoulder. She was glad if anything she was able to keep her head from hitting the ice as hard as it could've. It was going to cost her with her arm though.

She knew better. One of the first things she learned was how to fall—she was rather great at it in the first few years—yet here she was in this curled up little ball, clutching her arm as if it were going to help anything.

She slowly released herself, rolling her head back so it hit the ice, opening her eyes to stare up at the ceiling in disbelief.

_You were stupid to try._ She cursed herself as her vision focused in on the shining ceiling light in the center.

"Ki?" Lyra's voice came from across the ice. "Are you okay?"

God her head hurt. She didn't even hit it that hard and yet it was still pounding in her skull. She'd be lucky if she didn't get a concussion.

_Dumbass._

She knew for a fact Shori was going to tell her how stupid she was, and how she could've broken something, or that she should've taken her jump down a notch.

He was right, of course, but hell would freeze over before Ki would tell him that.

"Did you break something?" Lyra started worriedly stepping across the ice in incomplete wobbly strokes.

_Right... Lyra just saw that._

"No. I should be fine. Not the first time I've fallen like this." Ki said flexing her fingers on the arm still pressed down against the ice.

She turned over onto her back, and as she did she felt the pain that moving her shoulder left behind.

"Shitttt..." She hissed as she clenched her teeth together.

"Are you sure?" Lyra slowed down on her skates as she became within arms reach from Ki, dropping down onto her knees as she didn't know how to stop.

"I can still move it, it's fine. Just numb for a minute." Ki sighed bending her elbow so that she could lay the arm across her chest.

With a deep breath, she felt the air rise in her lungs and then fall back down into the ice that was pressing cold and hard up against her back.

Lyra lifted a worried hand to the base of her arm, and carefully lifted it up off the ice for inspection.

"God that's gotta hurt." She lightly outlined the pulsing red skin on the back of her shoulder.

As she lifted the arm up higher from the ice, her face became more uncomfortable and cautious.

"Ki actually you're bleeding a little."

"What?" Ki found herself in surprise. "It wasn't even that bad. Well help me up, I can't make a mess on the ice." She began to lift her head up from the surface, loathing the thumping pain that returned to her forehead.

"Does it usually bleed?" Lyra asked with an worried expression sketched into her forehead.

"Well I mean, no... but it was my bare skin hitting the ice. I usually have on a training jacket or something, so that's probably why." Ki sighed as she started leaning her weight over to her other arm to push herself into a crouch.

"Do I need to call an ambulance?" Lyra followed her with her hand, lying it gentle and steady on top of her shoulder.

"Lyra, no! No, don't do that!" She laughed, closing her eyes as she began standing up. "I will be perfectly fine, I promise."

"Are you sure?"

"Lyraaaa..."

"Okay." Her girlfriend frowned as she rose up next to her. "Okay, I'm sorry."

Ki still had her eyes closed when she heard the door to the room swish open, bringing with it, a single "hey."

His voice echoed through the empty room, calling her attention to the front that he entered from. She immediately swiveled her head to look at him, leaning against the side of the entrance to the ice, watching with curiosity as she and Lyra stood towards the center of the ice.

"Hey Taron." Lyra replied, bringing her hand off of Ki's shoulder with a small wave in his direction. "What's up?"

Ki let her hands fall loosely at her sides as she began to slowly skate forward into the center ring to grab the jacket she had previously thrown off.

"Not much, honestly." He shrugged. "You guys need more lights on? It's kinda dark in here, my bad."

"No it's good. We're actually just about to get off I think." Lyra attempted to fall in line behind Ki.

As Ki leaned forward to try to pick up her jacket in a simple stroke, her shoulder ached with pain as she moved on where she assumed the injury was. She couldn't precisely feel it at this point, it was just a guesstimate to which area was more numb than the rest.

"You okay?" Taron leaned his head into the rink, watching as Ki hung the jacket off the few fragile fingers that picked it up.

"Um, yeah I'm good. Just fell a few minutes ago." She mumbled looking up to him across the ice.

"I know this is gonna sound ironic, but do you want some ice?"

Ki gave a short forced laugh. "Uh, sure. That might actually be a good idea."

"I'll go grab some and meet you out here." He motioned with his fingers, pointing through the doors to the main sitting room.

"Thanks." She called after him.

"Shall I escort you off the ice?" Lyra came up beside her—completely unbalanced—holding out a hand.

"Lyra you'd fall over... are you sure it isn't the other way around?" Ki smirked up to the girl standing next to her.

"Shhhh, I would not!" Lyra pulled back her hand, pretending to be offended.

"Come on princess." Ki rolled her eyes leaving her hand out behind her to pull Lyra along as she took a stride forward.

Lyra quickly took her hand, which made Ki smile with satisfaction. Behind her she heard the sigh of her defeated girlfriend, mumbling to herself in efforts to regain her defense.

"I'm totally not a princess."


	50. Chapter 50

**content warning:** mentions of physical abuse

———————

After dropping Lyra off at her house after another 4 hours of driving around the town, Ki came home exhausted and still in pain from her embarrassing fall.

All she wanted was to take a shower and go to bed, but it was only 5 and Shori most definitely would've dragged her ass out of bed to eat dinner anyways, so staying awake was the best option for now.

Instead of plopping down on her own bed and scrolling through her phone until the boys got hungry, she beelined straight to their bedroom—not necessarily knowing why, but also just wanting the company.

She threw her keys and jacket on the floor next to their bedroom door as she rolled through their open doorway. She sighed as she heard the tv playing an episode of house hunters, knowing that once they all started watching they'd be sitting on the bed for hours and ordering take out so no one had to leave the marathon. It was like a family-guilty-pleasure, they all secretly loved the show, but heaven forbid any of them admit it.

"Hey kid." Andi mumbled sitting cross legged in his spot with a stack of papers in front of him.

"Whatcha grading?" Ki walked across their soft white rug, placing her hands out onto the bed to climb on to the end.

"Students choice on the history of a political movement." He clicked his pen, writing something in the margins of the paper in front of him.

Ki pulled herself onto the bed, immediately collapsing face first into the end where a blanket laid crumpled up a top the array of wrinkled bedsheets from their unmade bed.

"So did you guys have fun?" Shori unintentionally yawned from where he was laying down beside him on the bed, his eyes closed as he leaned into the side of Andi's leg.

"I mean, it beats sticking in here with you losers all day..." Ki mumbled, settling her weight into the memory foam mattress.

"Hey now..." He laughed, starting to wake himself up from what Ki assumed was a nap from before she got home.

Ki watched as he yawned again, opening his eyes with a hesitant squint, looking as if he wanted to fall back asleep. Ki wouldn't have blamed him at all. Suddenly he pulled his face away from Andi's knee and looked at Ki with his eyebrows furrowing into the center of his face.

"What did you do?" Shori investigated at her with an accusatory tone.

"What do you mean?" Ki got thoroughly confused for a moment, hoping she hadn't done something to piss them off before she left.

"Half your shoulder is purple, how the hell did you do _that_?" He started sitting up completely, rubbing his hand over his forehead as he struggled to keep his eyes open. "Tell me you didn't get into a fight, Ki I swear..."

"Oh, no... not a fight." She settled her confused look into a pathetic smile. "I went skating today."

"Okay, and?" He waved his hand out for explanation.

"And I was doing a routine..."

"Ki..." She could hear the 'come on, kid' in his voice already.

"And I started a jump... and fell."

"Oooh in front of Lyra. That's gotta hurt." Andi hissed, almost sounding like holding back laughter at her idiocy.

"Yeah thanks Andi, it hurts regardless." She rolled her eyes, moving her other arm up to rest her face on.

"Did you ice it? It looks like you got hit with a bat Ki... how did that even happen? You know better."

"I know, I know. And yeah I iced it or whatever, but I just totally blanked... it happens."

"Not to you."

"It happens to everyone dipshit." Andi mumbled under his breath.

"Thank you." Ki motioned her fingers over to Andi who nodded in recognition and then turned his head back down to his work.

"Okay well stop doing stupid shit, I can't afford to send you to the hospital right now." Shori mumbled rubbing his thumb across his forehead in attempt to rid his new forming wrinkles.

"I know, I know. I'm trying my best."

"Speaking of you fucking up, what happened to Lyra?"

"What do you mean?" Ki crinkled her eyebrows.

"What's wrong with her?" He waved his hand around dismissively in front of him.

"Oh you mean last night. Yeah, sorry I should've texted you, I forgot, it all just kinda unfolded."

"Figured as much."

"Lyra got into a fight I guess with her sister Cassie, so Gabby just told me to take her and leave... so we ended up here."

"Mmm gotta love family drama. I do _not_ miss it at all." Andi clicked his pen giving a sarcastic smile.

"Two more months and it all comes back Andi." Ki replied smugly, throwing him a grin back.

"No need to remind me how much of a mistake it was to invite them here."

"It won't be _that_ bad." Shori sighed stretching his arms over his shoulders.

"Somehow I'm not convinced." Ki squinted her eyes at the grimace on her brother face.

"Yeah me neither." He shrugged back. "But we'll be fine... It's one weekend. And our _wedding_ weekend at that."

"I hope you're right." Andi shook his head glancing questionably at something on the paper in front of him. "Also can we order a pizza?"

"I don't want pizza." Ki grumbled into the blanket she was laying on.

"Well I don't want to miss seeing what house they choose." He motioned his pen up towards the tv, where a couple was cheerfully talking about how much they loved the granite countertops in house number two.

_Called it._ Ki smirked to herself.

"How about Chinese?" Shori suggested looking down at Ki. "Me and Ki can go pick it up."

"You'll miss what house they pick!" Andi looked at him in shock.

"You can catch me up." Shori leaned over and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before shuffling himself off the bed. "Come on kiddo."

"Fine." Ki sighed, sliding off the bed dramatically to symbolize how much of an inconvenience it was for her to have to get up.

"You're driving." He nudged her shoulder as he passed by.

"What? Shori!"

"Too late. We're taking the Jeep."

————————

"So what's Acacia doing over break?" Shori sighed as they turned out of the neighborhood.

"Not sure, she's been busy I think." Ki reached down to turn the heat on.

"You think? Haven't you talked to her?"

"I've had too much going on." She sighed squinting at the different buttons on her dashboard to find the temperature.

"You mean _Lyra_ has had too much going on."

Ki looked over to Shori and deadpanned. He raised an eyebrows with an 'I'm right though, aren't I?' look and a mocking smile.

"What, am I not supposed to care about her problems?"

"I didn't say that, but also remember Acacia, she's your best friend Ki... and it's surprising not to have seen her all week."

As he finished his sentence with an accusatory stare, Ki just flipped her gaze out to the road in front of her with her lips sealed tightly together. She carefully reached her right hand down along the back of her seat and fished her phone out of the pocket that held it loosely in her jeans.

"Here." She huffed as she held her phone out to Shori, still avoiding his glare.

"Dinner?" He snatched the phone out of her hands with a smile.

"If she has nothing better to do." Ki shrugged putting her hand back onto the wheel, lightly strumming her fingers along to an anxious beat.

"I'm gonna FaceTime her."

"Don't you dare."

"Too late." Shori was holding the phone out in front of them as the annoying ringing was playing out the speaker.

"She never picks up FaceTime when anyone else is home, she's not going to..."

"What loser?" The camera shifted to a blurry motion picture of Acacia with a sweatshirt hood over her head and a straw sticking out of her mouth.

"Hey!" Shori beamed as he waved in front of the phone.

"Oh, hey Shori, what's up?" She quickly fumbled the phone over on her end, making crackling noises through the car.

"Hey Acaciaaaaa..." Ki leaned over a little the console, getting the edge of her nose into the frame and nothing else as she struggled to get Shori to move the phone.

"And Ki, who should've been the one calling me since this is _her_ phone... so what are you doing Shori? Do I even want to know?"

"Better question for you: what are you doing?" He pointed to the screen.

"Right this moment waiting for my jeans to get out of the dryer."

"You want free food? We're getting takeout and watching House Hunters."

"Sure. When you coming?"

"Like ten minutes..." Ki called out from the drivers seat. "Give or take with the construction on your road."

"Alright well I don't have pants so I guess I'm wearing shorts." She sighed on the other end, flopping her head down onto a pillow from her couch.

"You think anyone over here cares anyways?" Ki laughed, taking the road that led out of town to Acacia's apartment.

"I'll see you guys soon I have to go make myself presentable I guess."

"Bye."

"Byeeeeee."

"See ya losers."

————————

"Oh! I get take out and an extra kid! What a surprise." Andi looked up from the bed as they walked into the bedroom with white 'have a nice day' bags with boxes of take out.

"Hey Andi." Acacia nodded, her hair falling out from behind her ear as she dropped a bag down on to the bed.

"They picked the first house." Andi frowned as Shori leaned over to give him a short kiss with a smile.

"That's too bad, I liked the kitchen in the third one." He mumbled as he started digging through the bag Acacia sat down.

"Me too."

"Do you want the rice or the chow mein?" Shori held up two boxes to Ki, weighing them both as he looked from her to Acacia.

"Uh... chow mein." She whispered taking the first box out of his hands and then digging chopsticks out of the bag.

"Can I have some of that?" Acacia started climbing on top of the bed, motioning for Ki to come sit next to her.

"Yeah, sure."

"Acacia?!" Andi leaned forward rather quickly, moving his laptop to the side table and pushing his papers away.

"Am I in trouble?" She winced as he reached out and turned her face to the side with a grip on her chin.

"What the hell is that?" He pointed to the mark along the side of her temple that was previously covered up by her hair.

"Oh." She sighed. "Long story."

Ki made her way on to the bed next to Acacia and started opening their box of food in front of her.

"Was it Jack?" Andi let go of her, furrowing his brow as he continued to look at the side of her face. "Did he do this to you again?"

Ki swallowed thickly as she looked over to Shori and then back to Acacia sitting beside her. They had already heard the story on the way here due to Shori's over exaggeration of how bad it looked. It's not that it looked fine, but Acacia was able to cover it up easily if she let her hair down—which was what she did for the majority of the ride home to make Shori shut up.

"Seriously?!" Andi sat back, knocking his shoulder into Shori's. "Again?!"

"It wasn't as bad this time, I kinda deserved it anyways..." Acacia mumbled as she reached for a packet of soy sauce laying out on the bed. "Adrian was gone and..."

"I don't care. He's your fucking brother, he shouldn't do this shit anymore. He's plenty old enough to know full well that you don't hit girls. I'm gonna beat his ass."

"Look... Andi, it's fine." She shrugged it off. "He's leaving in March to go live with his friends. There's no use in picking a fight about it... not like my mom would care anyways."

Andi took a deep breath and leaned his head into Shori's arm. "That's bullshit." He mumbled shaking his head.

"You know you can come here anytime you want, right?" Shori reached out in a hushed tone.

"Yeah, I just... I don't want to leave Adrian high and dry taking care of mom and Jack."

"They're not your responsibility!" Andi sat up again.

"They're my family, okay?"

"So are we." Ki whispered looking down at the box of chow mein in front of her.

Acacia looked over to Ki for a moment, and then settled into a quiet daze as she focused in on Andi's stack of papers.

"I know." She whispered, playing with her chopsticks between her fingers. "Look I came over here to relax, so can we just shut up and watch stupid house shows?"

"Yeah." Shori nodded quietly.

Andi stared off at something on the tv as he curled himself up next to Shori with his box of rice and a fork.

"Ready to eat?" Ki held the box out to Acacia with a small smile.

She smirked back, taking the box and grabbing a pile of noodles from the center with her chopsticks.

"Hell yeah."


	51. Chapter 51

kat ganderway  
i am soooo bored mathias has been on the xbox all morning long im going to shoot myself

bitch #1 👿  
same

delivered:  
stfu you've literally been watching top chef reruns

hana garret  
im proud

bitch #1 👿  
thank you hana

lyra 💫  
can we plz do something my dad wants to talk to me and im really trying to avoid that rn

hana garret  
love you guys but im in hawaii

kat ganderway  
we know bitch you left us here

hana garret  
okay I love everyone but kat

bitch #1 👿  
anyone down for laser tag?

delivered:  
I can't even remember the last time I've played laser tag

lyra 💫  
that honestly sounds like a blast

kat ganderway  
there's one close to the mall we should totally do it

delivered:  
I'm down

delivered:  
I'll pick everyone up in an hour?

lyra 💫  
k :)

kat ganderway  
CANT WAIT TO ANNIHILATE YOU BITCHES

bitch #1 👿  
idk kat you've got some pretty good competition ;)

lyra 💫  
okay so we're separating those two

delivered:  
alright I see how it is... wanting an excuse to get away from me

lyra 💫  
NO

lyra 💫  
I SWEAR

kat ganderway  
mwhahaha

kat ganderway  
this is going to be interesting

bitch #1 👿  
I'm ready

————————

"No, no, no Lyra please!" Ki held out her arms as her gun dropped to the side.

With a smirk, her girlfriend shot the red x on her chest and whispered a sly "sorry Ki."

"I hate you!" Ki called after her as she ducked behind a pillar while Lyra sprinted around the corner back to Kat.

"Kat is not as good as she thinks she is." Acacia mumbled as she rounded the pillar as well, her vest still lit up with her x and her gun propped in her hands.

"Okay, well I'm also a lot worse than I thought I was."

"That's only because it was Lyra." She rolled her eyes bringing her gun up to her shoulder.

"I suck at this Acacia, we're going to lose." Ki looked down at her vest that was blinking back to life.

"Not a chance." Her best friend grinned patting her on the shoulder. "Go get 'em tiger."

"Ew, don't say that again." She mumbled, turning around the edge of the pillar to go find another place to hide before Kat or Lyra found her again and pathetically took her out.

Ki looked around and started running along the edge of the wall, waiting for someone's red lights to stand out in the darkness of the room. There was a glowing blue line symbolizing the corner where the walls meet and Ki was full on ready to crouch down there and wait for Acacia's rescue before she smacked right into another person and knocked her gun to the floor.

She recognized Lyra's laugh as the other girl held on to her arms, stabilizing her upright with a white smile that shone blue underneath the lights.

"Easy Ki."

"Don't shoot me." Ki groaned as she pushed herself away from Lyra and bent down to pick up her gun for the fourth time since she had dropped it earlier.

"I won't shoot you... this time." Lyra mimicked as she watched Ki fumble with her vest.

"Where's Kat?"

"I don't know, where's Acacia?"

"Team up and take them out together?" Ki shrugged holding her gun ready to run.

"Of course." Lyra deviantly grinned as they set out around the corner, ducking behind a barrier and looking around for the two other girls.

"How many points are you guys up by?" Ki whispered leaning in close to Lyra's shoulder as they slid out of sight.

"I think three." Lyra looked over the edge for Acacia. "Kat is at your twelve, Acacia's on my nine." She bent back down.

"We should go from both sides and push them to the middle." Ki nodded.

"Alright, you first."

Ki began to stand up, but then hesitated, kneeling back down besides Lyra.

"Are you..."

"I'm right behind you, I promise." Lyra pushed her forward.

Ki snaked around their barrier and headed straight to where Kat was hiding with her back turned, scanning for Acacia.

Ki sped up and ran towards her, lazily firing her gun at her but missing almost every shot she made. Kat turned in surprise and took off towards the center of the room, weaving in and out behind pillars.

"Damnit, why am I so bad at this?" Ki whispered to herself under her breath as she continued to chase Kat down the center.

From the center of the room she heard Acacia screaming something along the lines of "now I know why you're afraid of her!"

She knew Acacia was getting close by the sound of her voice, she just couldn't tell which direction she was coming from and so when Kat ran full force into her and knocked them both to the ground it came to a full surprise to both Ki—who couldn't contain her laughter— and Lyra—who looked in shock as she cringed for Acacia on the floor.

"Aghhh..." Acacia moaned from the floor as she threw her gun out to the side to keep Kat from laying on it.

Ki and Lyra closed in on them and watched as the fumbled mess on the floor attempted to sort themselves out.

"Well now I know where you went." Kat sighed as she pushed her arms out over Acacia's shoulders.

"Yeah, thanks for that." Acacia rolled her eyes, trying to keep a straight face as she stared up at Kat above hovering above her.

For a minute it gave Ki serious nostalgia to a time where she was in the same position. It brought a deep blush to her face as she looked up to Lyra standing on the other side of them, wondering if maybe the same thought was going through her head.

Their eyes met and almost as quickly as they did, Lyra raised her eyebrows with a smirk as she looked back down to the two on the floor.

"I... uh..."

"Kat, get off of me." Acacia sighed, using her hands to push the other girls shoulders up.

"Right." Kat fell sideways on to the floor as Acacia reached out for the gun she tossed to the side.

Ki and Lyra shared a wide smile as they both held back their laughter, waiting for the two girls to get up and get back to the game.

"You good there Acacia?" Ki glanced down at her offering out her hand.

"I think she gave me a damn concussion." She rubbed her forehead with one hand and grabbed Ki's with the other.

"I did not." Kat grumbled picking up her gun and promptly shooting the x on her vest with a single shot.

"Seriously?!" Acacia scoffed fumbling for her gun on her side and quickly aiming it at Lyra.

The light on Lyra's vest faded as she gave a pout followed by a "heyyyy."

"Now that we're back to this, we really gotta go." Ki rushed out, pulling Acacia's hand along behind her as she quickly turned to get away from the open center of the room.

"Agreed." Acacia began running off towards a barrier, letting go of Ki's hand and sliding behind the corner.

"30 seconds left." A voice sounded over the loud speaker, causing Ki to turn towards Acacia with a smirk.

"Get ready." She whispered, steadying herself on Acacia's shoulder before preparing to run.

"Wait... what are you doing?"

"Just watch my back, okay?"

"Ki..." Acacia reached out to grab her arm, but it was too late.

Ki was in a sprint towards another pillar to hide behind when she caught sight of Lyra a few barriers up from hers.

Lyra was completely distracted watching Acacia, and Ki knew she was supposed to be protecting Acacia from exactly that, but looking at the furrow in her brow and the concentration on her face as she scanned for another place to hide was leaving Ki utterly hopeless as a teammate.

_They shouldn't have been on opposite teams._

"Y'all got like 10 seconds to shoot my ass!" Kat screamed as she ran right past Ki's barrier shooting at everything that moved.

Ki couldn't help but laugh and roll into the side of her pillar as she shook her head and readied her gun to go chase her.

"5..." The speaker started.

Ki set out from behind her safety zone.

"4..."

She began the sprint after Kat.

"3..."

She brought the gun up to her shoulder and slowed her pace as she came closer to the smaller girl.

"2..."

Kat stopped to look around, but not before Ki pulled back the trigger and...

"1."

"Kat's out!" Ki called.

"Game over."

"Does that mean we won?!" Acacia came screaming from the other direction as the lights came back on.

"No way, you didn't fucking win, that was a last minute shot I practically opened it up for you!" Kat rose her hands up to her sides.

"Yeah, okay. We'll see about that kitty." Acacia smirked as she passed by all three girls in a confident strut.

"Don't call me that." Kat softly mumbled to herself as she regained her gun and started unstrapping her vest.

"So what are we betting on this time?" Lyra came up behind Ki and snaked her arm around the back of her neck.

"I'd say winners choose where we eat for dinner." Kat mumbled catching up to them.

"Alright." Ki sighed, leaning into Lyra.

"You guys better hope we don't win then because I'm really feeling tacos."

"Fuck, come on Lyra, again?" Kat threw her head back in a disgruntled plea.

"Hey man, I'm always craving tacos." Lyra pointed to her with a smirk.

"Yeah no shit, I bet your mom made you queso smoothies instead of milk as a baby." She rolled her eyes.

"You might be on to something there Kat."

"You disgust me." Kat shoved her arm into Lyra's shoulder, which Ki felt push against her as they all crammed through the exit door a few yards behind Acacia.

"We won." Acacia propped her hands up on her hips as she smirked at Kat coming out of the doorway.

"Bullshit!"

"Nuh-uh says it on the score board, we were up by one shot." Acacia then curtsied to her best friend. "Thank you, Ki."

"Not a problem m'lady." Ki tipped her imaginary hat over in her direction.

"Let's just get a pizza on the way to Ki's place." Kat sighed in defeat.

"Hey now, we get to choose dinner remember?" Acacia waved her finger in front of her face.

"Okay, and?"

"And I think we should get a pizza and head to Ki's place." Acacia nodded to Ki.

"Bitch, that's what I just said."

"Hm? What? Sorry can't hear you?"

"Go take off your fucking gear Acacia." Ki laughed as she wrangled out of Lyra's arm and her velcro vest.

"What kind of pizza though?" She turned back to Ki as if in deep contemplation. "I'm thinking... pineapples, mushrooms, artichokes, onions, what else?"

"Absolutely not. No way, not happening." Kat gagged.

"How about pepperoni, yeah?" Lyra suggested instead, placing her gun on the rack in front of them.

"There we go."

————————

"Fuck, marry, kill... Chris Evans, Chris Hemsworth and Chris Pratt." Kat said through an overfilled bite of pizza crusts from off of Acacia's plate.

"Sorry but I'm definitely killing Pratt." Acacia took a sip of her coke can, leaning back into the couch cushion.

"Marry Evans, he's a big sweetheart." Lyra traced a heart into the carpet in front of where Ki sat idly listening to the past two fuck, marry, kills.

"I mean I'd fuck Hemsworth, but he wouldn't fuck me." Acacia sighed throwing her head to the side of the couch.

"Mood." Lyra mumbled back.

"Oh shut the fuck up Lyra, you're a goddess." Kat threw her hands up, a pizza crust still clutched between her fingers.

"Time for boys at our school edition." Acacia popped up, setting her can down on the table beside her. "Fuck, marry, kill... Taron, Aloric, and Landon."

"Kill Aloric." Everyone—including Ki—said in unison.

"Okay at least were all on the same page on that one, that boy is a grade-A disaster." Kat took another large bite from her pizza crust before adding, " I'd have to marry Landon. I couldn't even imagine fucking him."

"But if you're married then you'd have to fuck him all the time not just once." Lyra shrugged. "I'd marry Taron."

"I see your point." Acacia squinted, nodding in Lyra's direction.

"Doesn't mean I have to fuck him if we're married." Kat deadpanned glared at her.

"Touché." Ki smiled.

"Okay now I get one because you all aren't being fair..." Lyra straightened her back up as she spoke. "Fuck, marry, kill... Halsey, Ariana Grande, and Demi Lovato."

"I'm gonna be completely honest here... fuck Ariana, marry Halsey and kill Demi." Acacia answered first, taking the words right out of Ki's mouth.

Ki had to look over to her with a smirk, adding "same."

"I might marry Demi, but I'm definitely fucking Ariana." Lyra leaned back against the coffee table wearing a shit eating grin.

"Of course you would." Kat rolled her eyes.

"What are _you_ doing Kat?" Acacia nudged her.

"Mmm I don't even know... maybe fuck Halsey, marry Demi, and kill Ariana."

"I'm sorry what?!" Lyra threw her hands up to stop her. "No, no, no. Ariana Grande is a damn queen."

"She's overrated, Lyra." Kat shrugged.

"I mean yeah, but for good reason..." Ki mumbled.

"I refuse to agree with anything mainstream." She said proudly, sitting up with her shoulders pushed back.

"You make so much more sense now." Acacia glanced at her shaking her head.

"Whatever. I miss Hana, she wouldn't attack me like this."

"I can 100% confirm she _would_ attack you like this." Lyra gave a single nod.

All four girls fell into an agreeing laughter, making the living room a center for noise as Kat threw her empty soda can at Lyra's head, bouncing off and falling into Ki's lap. Ki was about to stand up and start collecting trash from their dinner extravaganza before she saw her brother approaching the top of the stairs.

He looked tired with his hair flattened against his head and dark circles lining his eyes. He motioned a peace sign to Ki as they exchanged glances, and the girls turned to look back at him as she gave him a wave back.

"Hey." Lyra smiled. "Want some pizza? There's one left." She held up the half opened box.

"Nah I'm good... going to bed. Just wanted to see if anybody was staying over." He yawned.

"I'm not. Gotta go to my cousins house in the morning." Kat picked at the seam of the couch.

"Yeah, me neither. Gotta make sure Jack won't burn the fucking house down while Adrian's gone." Acacia grumbled, her eyes avoiding Shori's at all cost.

"Lyra?"

"I mean yeah, if that's okay... I know I've been popping up at random... sorry about that... I just..."

"Hey." Shori interrupted. "It's cool. _Anybody_ is welcome here. Doesn't matter what day, or what time of night it is... any of you can stay here whenever you want. This house has an open door policy 24/7."

"Thanks _dad_." Acacia teased with a laugh.

He held his hands up, shying back into the hallway. "Just saying..."

"You're the best Shori." Ki called to him as he started backing up towards his bedroom.

"Don't you forget it." He pointed out towards them before he turned away and back into the shadows.

"Alright I guess I'll take you hoes home." Ki turned her attention back to the group. "Before it gets too late."

"Yeah, yeah." Acacia sighed getting up from the couch like a pained old woman.

"I call shotgun." Kat sprinted from her spot on the couch to her shoes lying next to the table.

"Absolutely not." Acacia stuck her hand out as if offended by the suggestion itself.

"Yeah Acacia's right." Ki snatched her keys from the table as she leaned against it to push herself up. "Lyra gets it."

"What?! Wait?!"

"Sucks to suck." Lyra stuck her tongue out at Kat and Acacia before swiftly getting up and tossing the pizza box on the table.

"This is favoritism. I won't stand for it." Kat pouted.

Acacia scoffed. "Trust me Kat you don't stand for much. What are you 4'11?"

"I'm 5 foot, so fuck off."

"Awe, look at the little baby." Ki smirked, making her way out of the living room to the kitchen.

"Shut up Ki, you're only like 5'3 on a good day!"

"I mean... she's not wrong though..." Acacia muttered, falling in line behind Ki.

"You're all shorter than me losers." Lyra came up from behind, practically hovering behind Kat as they all gathered around the garage door.

"Can we go now or are you guys gonna bicker the whole way home?" Ki jangled the keys from her finger.

"Can we go now..." Kat mocked her in the most skewed voice she could muster. "Or are you..."

Acacia elbowed her hard, sending Kat into the fridge, knocking off a note stuck on the side with a phone number jotted in incomprehensible Shori scrabble.

"Ow bitch." Kat pushed her back.

"Jesus, fine." Ki threw her hands up. "I guess me and Lyra are just going for a joy ride."

"I'm coming." Acacia bounced up rather quickly, adverting herself from Kat.

"I guess I'll behave for ten minutes." Kat mustered up from the fridge.

"Good, now get your ass in the car."

————————

"Do you ever think about what would've happened if neither one of us ended up here?" Lyra contemplated quietly while pulling on the string of Ki's hoodie as they lied together in the silence of her bedroom.

"What do you mean 'ended up here?'" Ki whispered looking at their shadows on the wall next to the bed.

"Like... what if Cygnus never died and I never moved here... or met you, or Kat or Hana or Acacia... what if I actually still agreed with Cassie... and talked to my father more than once a month..."

Lyra settled her hand on Ki's shoulder and furrowed her brow against the sleeve of the warm gray sweatshirt as she nestled into her side.

"I don't know... sometimes I prefer not to think about the 'what if's.'" Ki shrugged, leaning her head back against the wall.

"Why not?"

"It's too much to think about. Too many different paths that could or couldn't have happened... and if I had to choose between one path or another, I don't know that I could."

"Like if you were in control of how your life went?" Lyra questioned.

"Like... if I had to choose between actually knowing my mom and having her in my life, or having a life with my dad and Karol... I don't know which one I'd pick." Ki swallowed thickly. "I'd love to know my mom, who she is, what she looks like, her favorite food, or whether or not she likes space. I mean my dad never did, so I had to get it from someone, right? But at the same time... to know her from the bat would mean giving up everything that I have now... she may never have left my dad, meaning I'd never meet Karol, or Shori, or hell, even Andi! I'd never move to this town, never live in this neighborhood, never meet Acacia or Hana or Kat... and most importantly _you_."

Lyra stayed quiet as Ki took a deep breath and grabbed ahold of Lyra's hand on her shoulder with her own.

"It's so hard to say what my life would be like if I had to choose. I'd never want the responsibility of having to surrender what I have now for the possibility of some miracle world where none of this exists..."

"Not even for your mom?" Lyra mumbled.

"I don't think so." Ki shook her head softly, coming to the conclusion that what she had was all that she needed.

Lyra stayed quiet and stared at the wall at their shadows lying awake in the moonlight that filled the room. Ki felt her breathing slow and felt her heartbeat through the touch of the fingers she had draped over her wrist.

"Am I a terrible person for wishing I could go back?" Lyra's voice strained just above a whisper into Ki's sweatshirt.

"Of course not."

"I just... if I had to reconsider the paths that I'd been given and one was ending up here, and the other was staying in Florida with my brother _alive_ and living our dream... god Ki... I don't know... I really think I'd have done it over."

"I don't blame you." Ki shook her head. "Not one bit."

"But then I'd have to leave you."

"I know... and that's okay. It's hypothetical Lyra... but if you ever got the chance, I'd pray you'd take it. If it made you happy, it'd be worth it."

Lyra sniffled, burying her head further into Ki's arm to hide her face.

"When did we become such saps?" She softly laughed, taking the serious tone from the conversation.

Ki smiled. "I think we're getting old. I swear I heard Shori and Andi talking sentimental this morning."

"Of course you did."

Ki could just see the expression of Lyra's eyes rolling as the smile on her face became more natural and less stressed.

"Honestly!"

"Okay, but hypothetically if we were Shori and Andi... who would be who?"

"Seriously?!" Ki laughed. "There's no doubt in my mind that I'm Andi."

"You think I'm Shori?!" Lyra looked up. "I mean I even look like Andi, what gives?"

"Shori is athletic and outgoing, caring and kind. He's seen the worst tragedies and still keeps a positive attitude for everyone else. Andi is shy and reserved, a smartass and sarcastic. He keeps to himself except when in the presence of people he trusts, when he lets his true self out knowing that he won't be judged. There's no doubt in my mind that you are Shori, and I am Andi. It's the basics of their personalities."

"Wow, it's kinda scary how you just put that in perspective for me."

"What you think, is the opposite."

"I get where you're coming from." She nodded.

"One day maybe we'll be like them... you know... in the future."

"You think I'm your future?" Lyra mumbled sleepily.

"I think you're a lot of things right _now_..." Ki whispered softly into her hair. "And I _hope_ that you're my future too."

"Can you even imagine being like Shori and Andi... all grown up, real jobs, real responsibilities... a 17 year old child..." Lyra added the last part with a lazy laugh.

"Okay maybe without the 17 year old child..." Ki rolled her eyes with a big smile.

"You never know, we could adopt Liana." She shrugged.

"She wouldn't be 17, but I mean, same difference."

"Mmm that's okay." Lyra mumbled quietly into the night.

"You tired?" Ki whispered, removing her hand off of Lyra's for a moment to push the hair out of her face instead.

"A little bit." She yawned.

"Goodnight then, my beautiful star."

Lyra gave a little smile as she closed her eyes. Her head fell down against Ki's shoulder in no attempt to rise up again. She took a slow deep breath that made Ki envy the sheer calm energy she exuded as she fell into a peaceful slumber.

Ki watched the gentle rise of her chest every time she took a breath, and the gentle shut eyelashes that dared to touch the freckles that kissed her face in the most delicate patterns. Ki remembered the first night Lyra fell asleep on her and she felt determined to count every single one just to have an excuse for herself to study her face. She wanted to know every fine detail of the girl she fell in love with just in case there was a day where she couldn't look at her anymore. In case she couldn't reach out and hold her hand, or watch the creases in her eyes with the arrival of a genuine smile. Things that Ki couldn't imagine being without now. Things she never in her wildest dreams would've imagined herself to be so close to. It's a miracle things turned out the way they did.

Ki was glad their path turned out like this.

There was a mess of ways it could've ended and yet... it ended up exactly how Ki never imagined it.

So in the dark of the night— as Lyra fell asleep on her shoulder and the sound of Shori's tv came filtering in through the bottom of the door—Ki whispered a word for whoever was listening.

Not directed towards anyone or anything in particular. Just out loud, with a soft smile, in the security of the darkness and her warm bed:

"Of all the stars in the sky... I'm glad I chose you."


	52. epilogue

_2 months later_

————————

"Ki seriously we're going to be late!" Ki heard Lyra yelling from the bottom of the stairs.

She hadn't seen her since the garage door opened 15 minutes ago to the sound of clicking heels and laughter between her plus one and her best friend. Ki knew they were both down there anxiously waiting as there was only an hour left before they had to be at the wedding and it was 20 minutes away.

 _'Be there an hour early incase Shori has a mental breakdown, please... I've already got to deal with making sure my family doesn't kill somebody while they're here.'_ Andi had told her in a frenzy last night before they went to bed.

_Heh, sorry Andi._

Ki took another glance in the mirror as she pulled her blazer down crisply against her chest and shared a smile with herself as she nodded and grabbed her phone from her desk.

"Alright, alright, I'm coming." She called as she started walking faster down the hallway and towards the stairs that held the rest of her carload.

"Andi said Veronica is already there waiting for you." Acacia was looking down at her phone texting him back as Ki raced down the stairs, her straightened hair falling behind her shoulders in a gust of air.

"We'll be there as soon as we can, okay?" She turned to briefly roll her eyes at Acacia in her long sleeve knee length purple dress, as she slipped past her and grabbed her lanyard from off the side table.

"Whatever." Acacia mumbled under her breath, starting to open the door when Ki heard a whisper from behind her.

"Ki...?"

She whipped her head back, and Lyra was standing there with a soft smile, her hair pieced back into a prom-like braided bun that was most likely Gabby's doing, and a long flowey cobalt blue dress that cut down past her collarbone and contrasted beautifully with the color of her eyes under a thin layer of blue eyeshadow.

"That looks great on you. Shori was right." She reached a hand to Ki, showing off a fresh coat of sparkly silver nail polish that she had to have done this morning, as it wasn't on when she was over for dinner last night.

Ki took her hand graciously and gave it a gentle squeeze as she stood there without the words to say. Her face most likely looked blank and out of focus, but she had just never seen Lyra so dressed up before, and for the first time she knew exactly how it felt to be the guy crying over how beautiful their girlfriend was.

"You okay?" Lyra stepped in closer to her, her sparkly silver heels showing out from underneath the dress as she took a step forward.

"You're just... wow..." Ki shook her head, trying to get her her thoughts. "So beautiful. You look amazing."

The moment didn't last long before Acacia was clearing her throat and stepping outside into the cold breeze.

"Well guess what? You'll see it again because it's also my prom dress." Lyra laughed as she started moving towards the door with Ki fumbling behind.

"We can talk about how cute you are later Lyra, let's go." Acacia practically sprinted out the door to the car, eager to get to the venue in enough time to spot out where the food was going to be so she could beeline when the ceremony was done.

"Alright, alright. You can't be late miss-best-man."

————————

The three girls were rushing down the hallway as fast as they could to get to the back room where the wedding party sat patiently waiting for their time to go down the aisle ahead of the grooms.

The door was ajar as a crack of light shone down onto the black marble floors and let Ki see into the very corner of the room where Andi sat nervously bouncing his leg and texting on his phone.

As they reached the door, Ki let go of Lyra's hand and leaned over to give her a quick kiss on the cheek. Lyra closed her eyes and leaned into it with a smile before setting a comforting hand behind her arm and whispering "you'll do great."

Ki gave a less-than-reassuring smile as she pushed the handle to the door open and waved off Acacia and Lyra to go find early seating. As soon as she entered the room, she quickly felt the overwhelming urge to back out and go sit with the girls until it was her time, but Andi instructed she come back to this room to meet everybody else before hand so this is where she ended up.

"Hey." She mumbled, pushing the door closed behind her.

"Ki! Oh my god, you had me worried..." Andi stood up from his chair, taking the few short steps to greet her in the middle of the room. "Your brother hasn't been able to get ahold of you."

"Yeah, sorry I was driving. I got caught up getting ready and we left a little late." She pulled on the sleeves of her jacket as she glanced around at all the unfamiliar faces.

"Okay well we'll do a quick introduction through everybody— since most of you were on a plane here when we did the rehearsal dinner..." Andi waved around to the room of guests before pointing back to Ki. "Everyone, this is Ki. She's Shori's groomswoman... and sister slash kid."

"Hello." Ki gave a short hesitant wave.

"Ki, this is uh... my family."

"Ah."

"That's my mom and dad..." He gestured over to a leather couch where an elder couple—who looked like they had spent their whole lives in the sun— sat in navy colored formal attire.

"And that's my sister Veronica, who will be walking down the aisle with you." He continued pointing to a girl sitting a long creme colored dress that touched the floor, as she sat on a footstool next to where Andi was sitting earlier.

She looked to Ki and beamed with a crooked smile and deep brown eyes that matched the color of her short wavy hair. She looked younger than Ki knew her to be. Andi had told her she was well into 16, but she looked as if she was barely 14, not even old enough to drive a car.

"And that's my friend Dillon from high school, he'll be walking with Sarah, Shori's friend from work." He pointed over to a man in the corner with a short black beard and a warm hearty smile, who gave Ki a comforting nod when they glanced at each other.

"And Mathias will be walking with Abby, she and I graduated and now teach at Kosmo together, she's out making sure everything's ready, but you'll see her in the ceremony... she'll be back in a few minutes."

Ki faked a smile as she looked around the room again at all the unfamiliar faces. Now she was really wishing she didn't spend most of rehearsal dinner in the bathroom calling Acacia a dumbass for spilling coke down her shirt.

"So, we ready to line up?" Andi enthusiastically clapped his hands together with a cheesy grin.

"Ready when you are." Veronica answered him back with a near identical grin.

"Alright guys, let's get this show on the road."

———————

To say that Andi cried during the wedding was an understatement. Ki almost looked back on it and laughed about how much he struggled to get through his vows without looking Shori in the face.

Watching them now, sitting at the table across from her giggling over the mashed potatoes on Shori's face was all Ki needed to understand why.

It was overwhelming happiness. Sometimes crying is the only thing you can do.

"Dude this is so good. Shori must've picked it out. The flavor is perfect." Acacia motioned an ok with her fingers as she mumbled through bites of her dinner.

"I think it was one of the few things he picked all by himself actually." Ki drifted away from her brother's table and back to her own, glancing at Acacia stuffing her mouth with an eye roll.

She glanced up at all the people sitting at her candle lit table. Acacia and Lyra on both sides of her and then Andi's family across from them. It's like the boys decided to put everyone important in their lives all at one table and call it a day.

Thinking about it made Ki a bit sad. Andi had his clearly disapproving family here and center stage, when Ki was the only thing Shori had left of his. She wished their parents could be here to see him now. Whether or not they would have approved, they loved him with everything they had, and Shori probably felt that love lost more than ever tonight.

"Are you going to do your toast?" Lyra leaned over and whispered softly in her ear.

The pure thought sent Ki's heart immediately racing into a fit of anxiety and pressure. She had practiced what to say at least ten times just today, but she still hadn't nailed down what she wanted to say, and she had no idea what she was going to do now.

"Um..." She swallowed thickly looking down at the champagne glass in front of her.

"Just do it like you practiced." Lyra smiled back, rubbing over the back of her hand with her thumb.

"I... I never got it down... but I'll wing it I guess?"

"There you go, talk from the heart. You'll do great."

"Okay." Ki nervously exhaled, grabbing her glass with a shaky hand and taking the clean knife that sat between her and Acacia's plate.

"I've got this." She stood up, slowly bringing herself to start tapping against the glass with a quick succession of ringing.

Before she knew it the small room was becoming quiet—much sooner than she anticipated—and the nerves were getting to her.

_You can do it. Don't have a mental breakdown. You can do it._

She put a weak smile on her face as more and more people were turning in the direction she was standing, including the faces of Shori and Andi—one who looked surprised and genuinely warm, the other with a smiling grin and a quick thumbs up gesture.

"Um, hi everyone." She started clearing her throat. "My name is Ki. For those of you who don't know me... I'm Shori's sister."

Shori looked at her with a sense of accomplishment, as if it meant a lot to him that she was standing on her own talking out in front of a crowd.

"I've had the great pleasure of knowing Shori for... well... most of my life, and if there is one thing I know for certain... it's his caring and compassionate soul knows no end."

Ki ducked her head down for a second to look at her plate and then back up to the crowd of attentive faces waiting for her next words.

"This is a guy who took me in when I had nothing left, and gave me so much more than he ever had to. He gave me a sense of security, a feeling of importance, the comfort of undying brotherly support... and most importantly, what it's like to watch someone fall so deeply and truly in love."

"When Shori met Andi, I was 14 and didn't really know what the concept of love was. Love was something so foreign and far away to me at that point... I didn't really know what true happiness looked liked in such a dark time for myself, and Shori as well... Andi showed us."

"Actually Andi showed us a lot of things." Ki laughed for a moment. "Andi showed _me_ how to hide my phone in my pillow case so that Shori wouldn't find it when he put me to bed."

A few bursts of laughter sounded out from the crowd of adults who knew exactly what it was like to raise a child like her.

"Andi also showed me all the different versions of The Flash that existed in the comic book universe, and uh, spoiler alert, there's a lot of them."

This got another giggle from the audience which Ki took as a win that her speech was going well.

"But most importantly, Andi showed me what it was like to see my brother purely happy and completely worry free from the world around him... and that was arguably the best gift Andi has ever given me."

Ki turned to face the boys with a heartfelt smile, only to be met with Andi clutching his chest with one hand and his other holding onto Shori's. Shori was staring at her with some rare form of emotion that left him in a blanket stare with a soft smile.

"So thank you, Andi. And thank you, Shori. For being the best role models I could've ever asked for. For being the best family I could've ever asked for. For showing me what it's like to have the courage to love freely, openly, and with such depth that nothing can destroy the bond that you two have made. Your love truly is none like any other... and I've been so thankful to watch it come to this. I love you both, and I wish you everything you deserve and more."

Ki raised her glass to her brother and Andi, watching the crowd as she pronounced the last few words:

"To the newlyweds."

The crowd sounded off in 'to the newlyweds' as Ki sat her glass back down on the table and turned to look at her brother with a smile.

'Did you see that?' She wanted to say to him, boasting her newfound confidence from the speech, showing off the anxiety-less aftermath that was left behind.

But instead he was quietly getting up from his chair and walking with his head down, away from the crowd, and away from Andi.

He walked towards her, throwing glances to the rest of the room as he obviously drew the attention of nearly all the people in attendance.

When he was within arms reach, Ki said a hushed "are you okay?" as she reached out to grab ahold of his jacket.

He pulled her into a hug, bending her arms behind his back and turning them so that she was looking out onto the crowd instead of him.

"I'm so proud of you." He whispered in a muffled voice.

Ki smiled as she rubbed her brother's back.

"Thanks."

He continued to hold onto her as the moment passed to let go. Her smile faded as she heard his laborious breathing above her.

"Are you crying?" She whispered.

"Yes." He weakly laughed, pulling himself back from their hug.

"Awe, Shori."

"I'm sorry." He smiled, wiping away the few tears pooled below his eyes with the edge of his suit jacket.

"Why are you crying?"

"That was a really great speech Ki. I'm just... overwhelmed? Happy? Someone's husband? I don't know it's just... wow."

"You're in shock." Ki laughed, placing her hand on the outside of his arm, holding him in place, or perhaps just holding him together. "It happens to us all."

"I guess it does." Shori cleared his cheeks with the palms of his hands.

Ki kept a smile on her face, this time not a fake one. She actually saw her brother's emotions for the first time in a long time through a positive lens. She couldn't think of another time when everything in their lives was so content.

"I'm glad you talked." He nodded after briefly collecting himself.

"I was freaking out."

"I know you were kiddo." Shori patted her on the shoulder. "You we're doing that thing where you stare at the ground while you talk."

Ki looked up at him quickly with a fake gasp. "Come on! I wasn't that bad this time!"

"No you weren't. You're getting your confidence back... now if you'll excuse me I must get back to my husband." He added with a sly smile.

"Yeah, yeah, go on lover boy." She hit his shoulder and pushed him back towards his dining table.

With a small smile Shori crept back behind the row of seats that separated their tables to find Andi.

Ki slunk back into her chair with a replicating grin and leaned her head back towards the ceiling to calm her racing heart.

—————————

Near the end of the night, music was the only thing you could hear from every corner of the rather large building.

Andi had nearly perfected a playlist—and by that, he had made sure Shori didn't sneak in various Taylor Swift songs, or a rap battle waiting to happen.

Ki, Acacia, and Lyra were nearly glued together the entire night, and they were finally making their way inside from watching the sunset on the lake from the balcony of the second floor.

"Do we want to go dance?" Acacia grinned as her heels clacked against the marble floors at the bottom of the stairs.

"Why don't we take off those shoes first, yeah?" Lyra suggested pointing between the ones on her feet and the ones on Acacia's.

"Ugh, yes please, I've honestly been dying all night. It's taken every bone in my body not to complain to Ki to get her to switch me shoes." She started, already kicking them off so her bare feet were on the cold floor.

"I didn't know you guys were the same size." Lyra mumbled reaching down to pull hers off as well.

"In just about everything but jeans." Ki stated.

"Not that I'd wear your jeans anyways, you have no fashion sense. Different shades of black doesn't mean they don't all look the same in every outfit."

"Okay, you don't need to come for my neck Acacia."

"You guys argue like sisters." Lyra laughed to herself under her breath as she brought up her shoes neatly between her fingers.

"You would know." Acacia pointed to her as she took the first stride towards the banquet hall.

Ki offered out her hand to take Lyra's shoes as the three started walking and with a sweet smile, Lyra handed them over to her and began catching up to Acacia's pace.

As Ki watched the two girls practically running on their bare feet in front of her, she heard another pair of heels behind her—walking rather quickly for a grown adult.

"Hey, Ki! Wait up!" An unfamiliar voice followed them.

Ki stopped in her tracks and turned around before she even knew if Lyra and Acacia had stopped as well.

As she turned, Andi's sister was catching up to them, almost seeming like she had struggled to find them.

"Hi, sorry! We haven't actually spent any time together yet, I wanted to actually introduce myself apart from my family, they're a little bit... um... judgmental, and I'm not really like any of them I just didn't want you to get the wrong impression of me. I'm Veronica... who am I kidding you know who I am, sorry that was weird. Anyways, are you and your friends going to the banquet hall?" She seemed chipper and awkward, Ki could tell it was the perfect elixir for nervousness. Lyra got the same way.

"Um yeah." Ki laughed, holding out Lyra's shoes in the direction of the door. "We are."

"Awesome! Mind if I join in?"

"Not at all." She turned to look back to her girls. "This is Acacia, shes my best friend and Andi and Shori's second foster child."

That got a laugh out of Veronica. "Nice."

"And that one over there..." She motioned a few feet beside her. "...is my girlfriend Lyra."

"So Andi and Shori's foster child in law?" Veronica pointed in a joking manner.

"Yes, exactly." Lyra smiled.

"Alright I've got it down." She nodded back.

"Ready to go back in, Veronica?" Ki tilted her head back towards the reception.

"Absolutely."

————————

The room was dark besides the blue lights on the floor and the moonlight shining in from the large glass windows surrounding the room on both sides.

Ki caught gentle glances of everyone in the room without being able to tell exactly who they were, and knowing that no one could make out Ki as well gave her an extra sense of security to do whatever the hell she wanted.

Thirty minutes ago, Acacia snatched Shori's just-refilled champagne from off the table and now the three of them—minus Veronica—were collectively a little buzzed.

It was a bit freeing though.

Ki felt free to dance for the first time in public since... well... ever.

Any dancing she had ever done, all though a rarity, was done in her bedroom or in the shower when listening to her newest favorite song on repeat until her ears bled.

She never went to dances. She never thought it was worth it; all that money, all that hype, for what? A couple pictures for social media and a drama fest to talk about for the next week?

_No thanks._

But now she saw the appeal.

Given, it wasn't under the circumstances of being shoved in a gym with a hundred or two of her peers sweating their asses off and trying to get laid.

This was actually fun. Just her and a couple others that she knew, making fools out of themselves for people they'd most likely never see again. _That_ was something enjoyable to say the least.

Acacia seemed to think so too as she held her hands up in the air and waved her body in a completely unorganized fashion. Ki would've laughed, but she was eighty percent certain she looked just as ridiculous swaying in the middle of the dance floor as Lyra was dancing around her, nearly in circles with her rythymetic hips and elegant footing. Ki looked like an absolute buffoon next to both of the them having the times of their lives.

But Ki _was_ having fun...

She just looked like an awkward penguin huddling in between two exotic species.

Just as Ki was scanning the dance floor for her brother, the song changed into something much more familiar.

My My My! by Troye Sivan started playing as the lights faded from blue to pink and red.

Acacia gasped and grabbed Ki's arm dramatically. Or maybe it just seemed dramatic as she leaned all her weight onto Ki before she took a moment to destabilize herself with a lazy smile.

"This is Troye Sivan." She mumbled, picking herself back up.

"Yes it is."

"I fucking love Troye Sivan."

"Me too." Lyra interjected, leaning over towards Ki's shoulder.

"I've never heard of him." Veronica mumbled from in front of them, and Acacia gasped again but this time grabbing ahold of Veronica's hands in her own and pulling her along to dance with her.

"You have to listen to him when you get home!" She yelled over the lyrics as she bounced along, swaying Veronica's arms with her own.

Lyra grabbed ahold of Ki's hands and pulled her in front of her as well. The two pairs paralleled to each other as both Acacia and Lyra joined in singing the song.

"Let stop running from love, running from love..." Acacia started yelling as she bounced along with Veronica laughing.

"Let's stop, my baby." Lyra pulled Ki's hands in closer to her, causing Ki to grin laughing before they pushed back apart.

Acacia bumped into Ki on purpose, leaning into her shoulder as she started singing in the most off-tune yelling she could manage.

"Let's stop running from us, running from us..."

"Let's stop, my baby..." They all leaned into each other as they waited for the next lines to hit. Between them all they giggled before three of them were screaming at the top of their lungs,

"Oh my my my!" They all broke apart in dance.

"I die every night with you." Ki pulled Lyra in this time, smiling as they both sang the words to each other.

"Oh my my my!"

Veronica laughed along weakly as Acacia was bouncing into Ki.

"Living for your every move." Lyra pulled herself into Ki, draping her arms around her neck instead of holding her hands. They swayed in a jumble of laughter instead of Acacia's vibrant bouncing that bumped into them periodically.

"Spark up, buzz cut. I've got my tongue between your teeth." Lyra said quietly more than sang as her face aligned closer and closer with Ki's.

They were sharing air as she sang, literally taking all the air Ki could breathe right out of her mouth.

"Go slow. No, no go fast. You like it just as much as me." Lyra pushed their foreheads together, closing Ki's eyes simultaneously and filling her stomach with an overwhelming feeling of nerves that she hated to love.

"Let's stop running from love, running from love..." Acacia screamed besides them as Veronica tried to hold her shit together through her beaming red face.

"Lets stop, my baby." Lyra whispered through a laugh.

"Let's stop running from us, running from us..." They all continued, all saying words at different times that sounded discombobulated when they all came out.

"Hey Lyra..." Ki whispered, opening her eyes to the glimpse of Lyra pulling her face away.

"Yeah?" She whispered back.

"Run around the halls with me?" Ki looked at her with a flirty grin.

"Of course."

Ki pulled her hands towards the edge of the crowd and Acacia stumbled to follow them as they pulled away from her.

"Where are you going?" She reached out to grab Lyra's arm.

"We'll be back." She mumbled back, smiling as they left the crowd behind.

————————

"This is exactly why we don't go off on our own." Lyra stumbled over her dress laughing as Ki's was pulling her hand along to god-knows-where.

"I know exactly where we're going, hush your face." Ki slowed down as she reached the large set of double doors, black and modernistic in look, but only to hide the oldest room in the building inside. "I've been here soooo many times when I was helping Andi plan shit."

"I don't remember you telling me that."

"Maybe I was keeping a surprise."

"A surprise?" Lyra smirked as they stopped in front of the doors, Ki hesitating before reaching out for the handle.

"You have to close your eyes." Ki nodded as she untangled their hands and wrapped her other arm around Lyra's shoulders to guide her.

"Whatever, my eyes are closed." She giggled back.

"Mmhmm okay." Ki rolled her eyes with a smile as she pushed the door forward with her free hand.

She took in the room before she let Lyra look.

The ceiling was a dark dome, only lit by the small band of light that circled where the walls stopped and the ceiling started. Inside it were the constellations of the summer sky engraved in gold and dusted with fluorescent flecks.

The walls were covered in glass pane windows with etchings of famous astronomers that the moonlight seeped in trough. Directly in front was the balcony that faced the woods and a telescope that sat mounted to the floor, collecting dust from months of idle use.

Ki took it all in as if it were the first night she had seen it rambling on with Andi about how beautiful the ceiling was in the daytime, wondering how amazing it would look when only illuminated by finite light.

This was the first time she'd seen it at night and the room was almost more beautiful and mysterious than it was the first time.

"Okay you can look." Ki whispered forward into Lyra's ear, releasing her shoulders and backing away from her to watch her reaction.

Lyra's playful smile dropped into awe as she looked around the room, every once in awhile looking back to Ki as her head tilted back towards the ceiling.

"Look, oh my god, Ki that ceiling! It's beautiful."

"I know." Ki smiled tilting her head back again.

"Hey look it's me!" She pointed up to the Summer Triangle, outlining her faint stars in the sky.

"It is indeed."

"Is that a balcony?" Lyra's attention quickly shifted to the closed glass doors.

"Yeah, it's got a great view out there."

"Let's go!" She pulled Ki along by her wrist, dragging her behind with a smile as she ran across the marble.

When they reached the doors, Lyra gently pressed down on the antique handle and pulled it open for her and Ki to step through careful, watching for the ledge that stepped down onto the white-painted hardwood planks.

"The stars are out tonight." Ki whispered as her feet stepped down onto the creaking floor board, met with an undesirable chill as the winter air briskly arose through the cracks.

"Yeah, it's really clear. They picked _the_ most perfect night. Well... I mean for a freezing cold day in January of course."

"That was Andi's idea. He thought the pictures would look cool." Ki shrugged, looking down into the pine tree forest where they previously had a photo op.

"I mean they are going to look cool, no lie."

"He's such a perfectionist. Make sense why he wanted to teach. He was probably the teacher's pet his whole life."

"Actually, I was talking to Veronica earlier... did you know their mom taught at their high school?" Lyra supported her theory.

"Really?"

"Yeah they've both had her for history, apparently she teaches like all the high school courses, there was no way to avoid having her."

"That would explain Andi's career path." Ki shrugged her shoulders.

"I mean, or maybe he just liked it without his mom shoving it down his throat?" Lyra rolled her eyes.

"Well do _you_ want to be a nurse?"

"Hell no. My mom's got a certain type of hospitality that doesn't run in the gene pool."

"I mean yeah, not like I want to work in IT or mechanics." Ki leaned her weight into the balcony rail, keeping her eyes trained on the shadows dancing on the snow from pine tree branches overhead.

"What do you want to do?" Lyra said softly, following her example and resting her elbow down on the rail as well.

"I don't know. I'm thinking a lot about it these days and I just don't know. There was a time where I didn't think I would be anything but Martin's library help, but now I have to think about the real world and I still don't know." Ki sighed. "Andi and I came to the conclusion that I would thrive as a physics or astronomy major, but I'm not sure where to go from there."

"Maybe you could teach it, like me." Lyra shrugged nonchalantly.

"I'm sorry, what?" Ki blinked in shock.

_Lyra? A teacher? How did she not know this?_

"I want to be a science teacher. Middle school probably so I don't have to go to school for as long."

"I didn't know you wanted to teach."

"I didn't either for a long time. Then I started realizing, the world is fucked and kids need more of a positive influence while they're growing up, than people telling them what's all wrong when they're adults." Lyra took a deep breath in explanation. "Maybe if I can impact kids in a positive way, they'll think about science in a brighter light and seek to explore it rather than dread it. There's too much shit going on, more people to need to explain how to fix it."

"Hell Lyra, sounds like you'd do better in politics to me."

"Nah." She shook her head. "Too much arguing. Not really my area."

"That's fair." Ki nodded, watching Lyra fall silent as she stared out into the night sky.

Her eyes went from happy to lost in the few moments that she scanned the stars for direction, a solemn look cast upon her face as she returned her gaze back to Ki.

"What if we end up on two different sides of the country?" She whispered.

"I don't know." Ki an overwhelming fear of dread for the day they'd have to sort it out. "We'll save it for another time. I don't even want to begin to think about that until I have to. _If_ I have to."

"Yeah right. Like we'll both end up in the same school." Lyra scoffed, leaning her chin down onto her palm.

"You never know." Ki whispered into the crisp night air.

"There's not much we ever do know for certain."

"Yeah..."

Lyra took a deep breath and then reached out to Ki's hand on the railing.

"Except I know, for certain that in this moment, I am hopelessly in love with you and I hope that never changes."

"I love you too, but that doesn't solidify the world's plan for us." Ki sadly leaned her head over onto Lyra's shoulder.

Lyra took a small breath that came out in a cloud of warm air breaking through the icy chill of the midnight breeze. Ki felt her heartbeat slow and steady through the pulse of her wrist atop her own and for a second the world slowed. It was as if everything outside stood still besides their own two hearts beating out on the balcony, watching the shadows get swallowed by the lack of light and the stars twinkling in the night sky above. Lyra rubbed her thumb over Ki's knuckles in a circular pattern that left infinities traces into her skin, and her lungs sighed a deep exhale of regret as the words left her mouth in uncertainty.

"I know it doesn't, but it was worth a shot."


End file.
